Rude or not?

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135

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  • nolachick
    nolachick Posts: 3,278 Member
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    hey some people need some tough love. i didnt realize how big i had gotten till my BEST FRIEND who lives in another city saw pictures of me on my fb and asked me WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU? omg I was PISSED at first, but that got me moving in the right direction
  • muth3rluvx2
    muth3rluvx2 Posts: 1,156 Member
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    So - no time to read the whole thread so in part, bumping.

    On the whole "I can't" thing in regards to counting calories, I said the exact same thing. I thought it was going to be super complicated, hard, a pain in the *kitten*, blah blah blah. I don't think people who are afraid of that kind of committment to begin with can comprehend how easy it really is - here anyway. So that's really an awareness/comfort zone issue and one that can be gotten over with some additional information. I really and truly thought that it was something that only someone really anal could manage because it was sooo ... sooo... MICROmanaging, which I despise to the very core of my being and absolutely cannot pull off no matter how hard I try (ie: time management). It took actually joining MFP and using it to realize how friggin' easy it is to just type in what I eat and *poof* there it is! There's genuinely not alot I have to add and the information is right there on the friggin' box/bag/whatever AND you only have to do it once and I think that's the major kicker. I'll bet you a million dollars this is what she's thinking (the micromanaging part).

    On the rudeness rating - depends on the person you were speaking to. If she's a sensitive, insecure type, then hell ya'. They can't handle a lack of censorship & tact. Doesn't mean you can't state the truth, but they (initially anyway) require a little more caution. If she's a pretty strong person who can take the blunt truth regarding other matters, then no - blunt but not rude.

    See, things like that are really subjective and you don't really know who can take it and who can't until you screw up and lose a connection with someone you genuinely value. Or at least that's been my experience. :-)
  • That_Girl
    That_Girl Posts: 1,324 Member
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    She's pretty tough. haha..she's pretty awesome.
  • 123456654321
    123456654321 Posts: 1,311 Member
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    Honestly? The way you worded it on here sounded a bit rude to me. You were saying it about yourself, but it's obvious that it was actually directed towards her and I'm sure she realized that. I think it would probably hurt my feelings if someone said something to me like that. *shrug* I guess it was also depends on the relationship you guys have too.
  • JillyBean819
    JillyBean819 Posts: 313 Member
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    I don't think you were rude. I think you were being honest. Everything you said was true.
  • That_Girl
    That_Girl Posts: 1,324 Member
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    What made it rude? The word 'fat'? ha...we throw that around a lot here. We are what we are.
  • kelligonzales
    kelligonzales Posts: 391
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    not rude at all... she got that fat by sayign i can't sometimes you gotta get hit in the face with it for it to stick ha ha ha
  • heyitsmekatie
    heyitsmekatie Posts: 544 Member
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    she asked you first, so no i don't think your answer was rude. i've been exactly where she is now many times myself... not willing or ready to change, or in a place where i just don't give a crap! just keep up what you're doing and you just might give her the courage or desire to do it herself.
  • WildcatMom82
    WildcatMom82 Posts: 564 Member
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    Honestly? The way you worded it on here sounded a bit rude to me. You were saying it about yourself, but it's obvious that it was actually directed towards her and I'm sure she realized that. I think it would probably hurt my feelings if someone said something to me like that. *shrug* I guess it was also depends on the relationship you guys have too.
    This, if I were her I would have been mortified if I were her.
  • heyitsmekatie
    heyitsmekatie Posts: 544 Member
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    What made it rude? The word 'fat'? ha...we throw that around a lot here. We are what we are.

    yes we certainly are! no need beating around the bush.
  • That_Girl
    That_Girl Posts: 1,324 Member
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    Honestly? The way you worded it on here sounded a bit rude to me. You were saying it about yourself, but it's obvious that it was actually directed towards her and I'm sure she realized that. I think it would probably hurt my feelings if someone said something to me like that. *shrug* I guess it was also depends on the relationship you guys have too.
    This, if I were her I would have been mortified if I were her.

    Why? I mean, if you're fat, you're fat...that doesn't mean you're less of a person or I like you less. She knows me and how much I appreciate her as a colleague. She also knows I was fat. LOL She sees me everyday.
  • EricInArlington
    EricInArlington Posts: 557 Member
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    not too bad :P
  • momofcami
    momofcami Posts: 45
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    Absolutely not rude. It's the truth.
  • iamhealingmyself
    iamhealingmyself Posts: 579 Member
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    Everyone is looking for the quick fix - the mindless cure. Nobody wants to do the work - whether that's working out or facing your emotional stuff that causes you to eat. It's all hard but it's all worth it in the end. I don't think you were rude. You were talking about YOUrself and YOUr choices. Nobody holds her down and stuffs things into her mouth or ties her to the couch and doesn't let her get up and move. She is making those choices and you are making yours. Maybe another time you could talk to her about how hard it is (acknowledge her fears) but show her how you overcome similar ones (meal planning, shopping with a list, not denying yourself but using portions instead) little things that maybe one at a time she could start to incorporate. If you have the time, maybe you could get her to walk during a lunch break or something then you could talk about how you got started and get her moving at the same time. Even if the walk is around the perimeter of a playground or something while you're tending to the kids. Lead by example, not lectures (not that you were lecturing).

    If she can't handle the truth of what you said (or any of us for that matter - that it's OUR choice and within OUR control, no matter what!) then she needs more than just friendly advise. I hope she gets it before her denial and lack of self love takes her away from her children.
  • Flacachica
    Flacachica Posts: 328 Member
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    Not rude... it's the truth albeit hard to accept for some people. And maybe you really got her thinking...

    I know the people you are talking about. The ones that are all "I can't" at EVERYTHING you may suggest. You want to just say, "well then I hope you're happy fat, cause that's the way you're gonna stay!" Really...
  • anubis609
    anubis609 Posts: 3,966 Member
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    I wouldn't consider it rude. Just realistic. You're honestly expressing a researched fact that being overweight and/or obese contributes to a multitude of health issues which detrimentally affect one's lifespan. It is a matter of individual choice for someone to either promote those health-decaying contributions or stop them. Based on the set-up for the comment, it seems to me that she was either trying to throw in a compliment that seems to go along with a majority of female conversation, or fill a void. It's not JUST females that do that, but the majority of the female banter that I've observed throughout the years is that praise and positive affirmations are usually thrown out for compliment fishing, or because they need to fill in space between silence.

    On topic, she may have had an actual interest in how you lost weight and started looking so healthy, but possibly didn't want to hear actual effort put forth behind it. Most people like the "easy" route. I'm sure there's also the possibility that she would have been ecstatic to know you took some kind of pill or some short-term fad diet that you followed for days, or at the longest, weeks. But based on her reaction, you stated that she said she simply "can't" or "couldn't" do that...which usually hints at the uncomfortable sound of effort to make actual lifestyle changes.

    In the end, I feel you were justified in your statement, seeing as how you didn't directly and personally attack her body frame or her character flaws. It was her choice at that point to take offense to it or not. It was also her choice thereafter to dwell on it, or take it in stride, anytime after that conversation. Either way, it's done. If she starts acting all funny-style whenever you guys have conversations from here on out, then you can assess whether it may have been rude. But then again, I like giving it to people straight also. Up the *kitten*, if I'm ever granted the opportunity. I don't sugarcoat *kitten*... But I may stuff it with metaphors, bake it in innuendos, dress it in sarcasm, and garnish it with subtle hints.

    If those aren't producing the results I want, I give it to whoever wants it, raw and uncut.
  • Coco_Puff
    Coco_Puff Posts: 823 Member
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    You may have caused her to stop and look at herself just enough to turn things around. If she makes that change and becomes healthy, she will be looking for you to say thank you.
  • iamhealingmyself
    iamhealingmyself Posts: 579 Member
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    It could be concidered rude. Justified yeah but you can't live everyones life for them. If you did not say it in a manner that was snippy then it should be fine. Touch base with her tomorrow and tell her you hope you did not come off rude but you totally think she could do it if she tried.
    what's rude about it? she never called the other girl fat or overweight or said anything about her.... she only referred to herself and what her life decisions were. Now if the OP went up to the other girl and said "hey, how can you let yourself go so badly? Don't you care about your kids? How can you be so selfish?" well, that's downright rude but the other girl approached her. Anytime someone is paying a compliment or inquiring about how someone did something, they are setting themselves up to be compared or used as an example. The OP never did that. If she feels bad that her passion for her new life might have offended the other girl, she could help her (as others have said) but at the same time, not fall for a poor me, I can't, it's too hard attitude. We all know what it's like to get started. That's half the battle sometimes - taking that first step.
  • iamhealingmyself
    iamhealingmyself Posts: 579 Member
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    Since she's fat and your remarks, the way you explained them here and in the context that you think this lady is a bit of loser for saying she can't lose weight, yes, I think it was rude. But according to your profile, you're proud of your direct approach, so maybe she's used to you and wasn't hurt.
    did I miss something? I thought the whole "you can but you don't want to" thing was an internalization - not something that was said out loud to her face. If you said that out loud then yeah, it was rude, but if that was just something you thought to yourself after she said "Oh I can't do that" then how is that rude?
  • 123456654321
    123456654321 Posts: 1,311 Member
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    What made it rude? The word 'fat'? ha...we throw that around a lot here. We are what we are.

    No. I don't personally have a problem with the word "fat" itself. It's more the way everything was worded, very passive aggressive and that usually tends to annoy me more then someone being blatantly rude.

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