Can Men and Women REALLY ever just bo friends?

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  • mainey65
    mainey65 Posts: 342 Member
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    I disagree with your husband. I think there is no harmn in you and your neighbour going walking together. If he is that worried he could always join you on your walks if he is able. I know my husband would not have a problem with this because he trusts me and knows that I want him and only him. Both my husband and I have friends of the opposite sex and we're both ok with that.
  • Jovialation
    Jovialation Posts: 7,632 Member
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    I think it is COMPLETELY INSANE to think that in every case a man and woman cannot be just friends.
    Now, Im a playful flirt with everyone...and my male and female friends alike are as well.
    This has never caused a problem.

    The only time there is a problem is when someone allows themselves to feel something more...and then it either needs to be discussed, gotten over, or they need to stop being friends.

    I just don't understand why there is always such an issue with this.

    I, on the other hand, do have a slight issue with my bf being bffs with his ex. That he once left me for. Ok, twice left me for.
    I think I get a mulligan on that one, though, and I'm STILL letting it happen and working past my issues with it on my own.
  • extreme1der
    extreme1der Posts: 14 Member
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    My best friend is a guy from work. He knows basically everything about me--we kind of helped each other through getting rid of our ex'es! Each day one upping the other on the next ridiculously stupid thing our significant others would do! We can say just about anything without any expectations! He's like the big brother I never had : )
  • ajwall3
    ajwall3 Posts: 187
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    My husband and I both are absolutely 100% against it. While it can be completely platonic - usually it's not 100%. We are friends with other couples - but I am never alone w/ the other husband and my husband is never alone w/the other wife. All of our conversations are with each other present. There are also high walls we put up when around the opposite sex. I do not hug guys I know and my husband is also very physically guarded around other women. I'm actually really blessed b/c my husband will not even watch movies that have ANY provocative scenes in them. He honors me and our marriage that much and he knows that seeing those things will make his mind go places it shouldn't. Most women can't say that of their husbands and I really am blessed to know my husband loves the Lord and loves me enough to have self-control. Anyway... off subject a little bit.

    Some people may think that's overboard, but too many marriages are victims of poor choices. Emotional connections that can lead to a physical attraction that can lead to an affair has claimed many a marriage. We absolutely refuse for that to be a possibility for our marriage.

    Everyone is different and I;'m not one to judge and u almost had me until the movie thing
    I don't get that..that does seem to be taking it a tad too far
    But if it works for you and hubby and you and hubby are happy..that is all that matters!


    My husband is my absolute best friend and I'm his - so I don't have a 'need' for another male's company or friendship. Same goes for my husband not needing another female companion. It's just dangerous territory. Workplace affairs don't start out as affairs, they start out with random lunch dates, then more conversations, then the relationship grows and then it is dangerous.

    To us, outside friendships are not as important as our marriage (in which we are 100% fulfilled). That's my take on it.

    Edit: Oh and I totally agree with the poster who said your husband's opinion should matter most. If he is uncomfortable with you hanging out with another man - then you should honor your husband and not do it. Same if it were the other way around.

    I had 2 great guy friends while I was engaged to my husband and looking back I KNOW for sure they would have taken things farther if I had allowed it. Despite there being NO feelings toward them besides platonic feelings - I still at times felt the sexual tension and it was awkward. Totally just not worth the hassle. One of the guys who was my bff actually told me he was interested in me. We had been friends since 9th grade. This guy (after we parted ways) ended up dating a girl, dumped her started dating and eventually MARRIED her mother (causing the destruction of her 20+ yr. marriage) He was 1/2 her age. GROSS and wrong beyond belief. So glad I let that one go - it's obvious according to his lack of standards what would have happened if I'd allowed more than friendship.

    Not to mention my husband's 'bff' in high-school who was obsessed with him and in love with him but he was too nice to stop being her friend... she hated me and was super possessive of him. He cut her loose whenever she finally emailed him bad-mouthing me. guy/girl friendships when it involves seriously committed or married people is just too much drama waiting to happen. So not worth it.


    Everyone is different and I;'m not one to judge and u almost had me until the movie thing
    I don't get that..that does seem to be taking it a tad too far
    But if it works for you and hubby and you and hubby are happy..that is all that matters!

    As followers of Christ, we believe that anything sexual should be strictly between a husband and a wife. Viewing movies w/suggestive, sexual or unwholesome situations are not things we wish to see and can leave a lot of room for thinking about sexual things in ways God never intended (fantasizing about sex apart from the marriage relationship). We believe that purity is the best road to take and we are very happy and fulfilled :smile:
  • 123456654321
    123456654321 Posts: 1,311 Member
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    I, on the other hand, do have a slight issue with my bf being bffs with his ex. That he once left me for. Ok, twice left me for.

    major boyfriend failure.

    ... damn. Sorry bb.
  • Jovialation
    Jovialation Posts: 7,632 Member
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    thanks. it drives me absolutely nuts, but I am REALLY trying to deal with it.
    I already threatened to leave him for being bffs with ANOTHER ex...and shortly after we dealt with that he started talking to the other one.
    *sigh*
    he better be glad im the best gf ever.
  • Slimithy
    Slimithy Posts: 348 Member
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    Depends on the level of friendship. A workout buddy or casual chat friend. Sure. But the type of friend you bare your soul to? NO!

    I had lot's of "friends who were girls" in High School. I was attracted to every one of them, and eventually hooked up with a few of them. It didn't matter if they were dating someone else at the moment; eventually the relationship would have issues and I'd be there to save the day. It wasn't like I was taking advantage of them. I cared for them, I was their friend. But I was attracted to each of them, and due to the friendship I had intimate knowledge of who they really were, and they knew the same stuff about me. In fact, my wife was and is my best friend. She tried to stay friends with an old friend from high school, he eventually started coming on to her and they had to end their friendship. I had a similar thing happen with a friend of mine from high school. Hadn't seen her in years, she called me on the phone after my mother gave her my number. About 5 mins into the conversation she started flirting and coming on to me.

    I am of the opinion that men and women can only be friends if they are completely unattracted to each other. Ladies, I'm not saying if you are not attracted to him, but that you both are not attracted to each other... All of those friends in high school said I wasn't their type... until they knew me better and then I was their type... Unfortunately you can best believe that if you have a pulse and he's talking to you, he'd do you... that's just how we are. And as such, you shouldn't have really deep, emotional friendships with members of the opposite sex, unless you're open to going to bed with them at some point.
  • BrettPGH
    BrettPGH Posts: 4,720 Member
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    Sure they can.



    Once they're completely tired of having sex with each other.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    I had a conversation with my husband this morning. I go walking with my neighbor who is a guy, nice, make small talk and chit chat etc, never does or says anything weird or potentially sexual ever come up, our conversations today centered around Tilapia!
    My husband believes that it is impossible for men and women to have a friendship with out it ever getting complicated by emotions or sexuality. I think you can be friends with men or women. His words having to be edited, were basically men think with their "you know" and that this is just how things are. I was wondering what other peoples opinions on male/female friendships are.

    I have several male friends with whom sex never came up. They have been wonderful friends to me and it never felt weird. We liked each other but were not attracted to each other. And they were definitely straight and had girlfriends or wives (or both -- some I've known a long time, so I've seen them go through a few relationships!).

    I've even been alone with them in their homes or mine and it was as comfortable and platonic as being with female friends.
  • Slimithy
    Slimithy Posts: 348 Member
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    I had a conversation with my husband this morning. I go walking with my neighbor who is a guy, nice, make small talk and chit chat etc, never does or says anything weird or potentially sexual ever come up, our conversations today centered around Tilapia!
    My husband believes that it is impossible for men and women to have a friendship with out it ever getting complicated by emotions or sexuality. I think you can be friends with men or women. His words having to be edited, were basically men think with their "you know" and that this is just how things are. I was wondering what other peoples opinions on male/female friendships are.

    I have several male friends with whom sex never came up. They have been wonderful friends to me and it never felt weird. We liked each other but were not attracted to each other. And they were definitely straight and had girlfriends or wives (or both -- some I've known a long time, so I've seen them go through a few relationships!).

    I've even been alone with them in their homes or mine and it was as comfortable and platonic as being with female friends.

    Just because you are not attracted to them doesn't mean they are not attracted to you... Sex may have never come up, but it doesn't mean it wasn't thought about... We think about it A LOT...
  • sleepytexan
    sleepytexan Posts: 3,138 Member
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    When Harry Met Sally is my favorite movie.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    I had a conversation with my husband this morning. I go walking with my neighbor who is a guy, nice, make small talk and chit chat etc, never does or says anything weird or potentially sexual ever come up, our conversations today centered around Tilapia!
    My husband believes that it is impossible for men and women to have a friendship with out it ever getting complicated by emotions or sexuality. I think you can be friends with men or women. His words having to be edited, were basically men think with their "you know" and that this is just how things are. I was wondering what other peoples opinions on male/female friendships are.

    I have several male friends with whom sex never came up. They have been wonderful friends to me and it never felt weird. We liked each other but were not attracted to each other. And they were definitely straight and had girlfriends or wives (or both -- some I've known a long time, so I've seen them go through a few relationships!).

    I've even been alone with them in their homes or mine and it was as comfortable and platonic as being with female friends.

    Just because you are not attracted to them doesn't mean they are not attracted to you... Sex may have never come up, but it doesn't mean it wasn't thought about... We think about it A LOT...

    Maybe. Maybe not. All I know is, I've known some of these guys for 20 years and even when there was opportunity for them to make a move, they never did.

    I'm not saying none of my male friends ever did. A couple got downright obnoxious about it. But the others never even tried to hold my hand. And I've been in their bedrooms with them, alone.
  • Slimithy
    Slimithy Posts: 348 Member
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    When Harry Met Sally is my favorite movie.

    Amen! one of the best exchanges

    Sally: "Well, what about the ugly ones?" (referring to the women Harry doesn't find attractive, surely he could be friends with them)
    Harry: "Nah... You pretty much wanna do them too..."

    I may be paraphrasing a little, been about a year since I saw it last.
  • juliecat1
    juliecat1 Posts: 3,455 Member
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    Its possible!! Most of my friends are guys. Im not much of a girls girl. I do "guy" stuff with them... football, beer, wing-woman. haha Anyways... If you notice things going in a direction you arent comfortable with - then its time to step in and re-establish boundaries.
  • BEERRUNNER
    BEERRUNNER Posts: 3,049 Member
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    Heres the real deal holyfield..............I have many a friends that are women...............WOuld I bang em....hELLL YEAH!!! if given the chance.
    and thats the truth for most men I reckon. :devil:

    Sure I can make the statement that yeah "were just friends I would never do anything with her" But chances are its a friend im NOT ATTRACTED TO..

    jUST sayin

    SHake and bake!!
  • BEERRUNNER
    BEERRUNNER Posts: 3,049 Member
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    Most women think ....they guy jsut is a "friend". CHANCES are that guy has alterior motives and hed hit it if given the chance...hes just hanging around...hahahahha
  • BEERRUNNER
    BEERRUNNER Posts: 3,049 Member
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    Most women think ....they guy jsut is a "friend". CHANCES are that guy has alterior motives and hed hit it if given the chance...hes just hanging around...hahahahha
  • voluptas63
    voluptas63 Posts: 602 Member
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    I cannot be friends with boys. I tend to bump uglies with them. Some times repeatedly.
  • BEERRUNNER
    BEERRUNNER Posts: 3,049 Member
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    I cannot be friends with boys. I tend to bump uglies with them. Some times repeatedly.


    We should be friends...........:devil:
  • 123456654321
    123456654321 Posts: 1,311 Member
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    Of course it's possible.

    ...Also, sounds like your husband is insecure.

    **Wow, I just realized this thread is really old and I've commented on it before. *shrug* oh well!

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