The "FLAME DOLLS" (Menopause Support Group)

Debinapril

Hi Julia and all you Flame Dolls!

I'm proud to be a Flame Doll too. I am 53 in a month's time. I am still having regular periods but I am starting to miss the odd one. I am experiencing night sweats, not too often but when it happens I am drenched. I wonder sometimes whether I would be more comfortable in a separate bed, one minute I'm too hot and throwing off the duvet and the next I'm shivering. Being next to me during this time isn't a particularly restful experience! I haven't had any hot flushes during the day yet but I am experiencing mood swings. Sometimes I feel so mournful I just want to sit and weep for no particular reason! I'm glad to read the collective experience of all you ladies because sadly I lost my Mother a few years ago and never got to talk to her about all this stuff. I wonder now how it was for her.
My weight gain I can trace back to having my children and I've carried it around for far too long. About 3/4 years ago when I was going through a particularly difficult time I shook myself up and decided to get fit. I hired a personal trainer for a time and then about 3 years ago I bought a rowing machine. Since then I have trained on the rower, competed at events and done some weight training too. I got fit, really fit! It has taken a while though for the weight loss to follow. Over this time I lost 35lbs with about the same to go. I am making a real effort to lose it this year. By all accounts it's not going to get easier!
If any of you ladies want to add me then please do.

All the best

tangoterry

First of all, hats off to Julia for originally starting the thread on peri/postmenopause! I feel fortunate to be able to find "friends" to reap support from and lend support to and am looking forward to reading everyone's personal stories, triumps and stumbles along the way to being the best we can all be. Just think when our mothers went through menopause they didn't have the technology like we do at our fingertips to connect with others, the world wasn't as open to talking about things as now, a healthy diet wasn't a priority like now or it wasn't in my household, we had cozy comfort food 7 days a week. We've Come a Long Way Baby!

So, here I sit one year postmenopause at the highest weight I've ever been. I weigh more now than I did with any of my 5 full-term pregnancies. I could sit here and despair and do like I have in the past and say, "Okay, I'll just eat this and then I'll start tomorrow." I've made that promise to myself so many times I can't even count. The 40 pounds didn't happen slowly, it has crept on over an 8 year span where I was a divorced single parent with 5 active kids in sports, a lot of late night games, late night dinners coupled with a father's long term illness and I think that is when I really starting doing the comfort eating. I have always loved food, but I read labels like no other and really watched my diet and then I just stopped. I have no excuse because there are none.

They say sometimes you have to hit rock bottom before you make a change. I've hit mine. I'm tired of feeling sluggish, hating to clothes shop, cringing at the thought of putting on a swimsuit. You get the picture and many of you have probably felt/thought the same things. I may have hit rock bottom but if I tilt my face up I can see the light, the light of a healthy new me. I had gestational diabetes with my last pregnancy at 36. I was told I would have a 10 year window after the pregnancy with a pretty high incidence of developing diabetes. Thank God I haven't had any problems with my blood sugar, but I have family members who are diabetic, I am now over 50 and I am now 40 pounds overnight. Even more the reason to make the changes I need to.

I have been remarried now 4 years to the greatest guy in the world. We may not make it to a Golden Wedding Anniversary but it won't be because I had some health catastrophe. I"m in this for the long haul and long haul doesn't mean lose it and put it back on. The long haul is for the remaining days that I walk this Earth!

We can all do this together!

My goal for the week:
Set myself mini-loss goal rewards.
When the last 2-liter diet soda bottle goes in the trash, DO NOT BUY ANOTHER ONE. Learn to LIKE water.

May Monday be the kickoff to a wonderful week to each and everyone of you!

Terry

kent4j

Julia thanks for starting this and LOVE the name! My name is Jeannine and I'm 48 years old. I had a hysterectomy a few years ago because of horrble periods and fibroids. I felt instantly better afterwards and lost about 20 pounds. After that time I was diagnosed with a rare spinal chord condition where I'm in chronic pain and no cure.(it could actually get drastically worse like Paralysis). so I dwelled on that for a while and ate my way to the heaviest I've been. If I lost some weight I knew I'd feel better and exercise will not hurt my condition. So I finally decided to get off my pitty pot and start something. I thing the problem I've had in the past is I do some sort of program and when I reach my goal I figure it's over and go back to no exercise and eating poorly. So this time I'm trying to make it a lifestyle change and not really worrying about how long it takes me. The night sweats are what's worse for me and also my metabolism. Love the support here on MFP and with the women I've already become friends with. We can do this!!

toalwaysbeme

Hello All, Im Deena, 44 years old now.
- Had 2 ectopic pregnancies and the last one resulted in losing an ovary.
- Ever since then (about 7 years ago) Ive gotten my period every 2 weeks (oh joy) and believe me they werent typical.
- On top of that I found out I had Hypothyroidism. The medication made everything taste like copper pennies.
- Then about 2 years ago I ended up with Bells Palsy, but thankfully most of the side effects went away.
- Last year I finally ended up having a hysterectomy and BAM!! started putting on weight (different size jeans almost every 2 weeks, UNBELIEVABLE).
- In a blink of an eye I gained 30 lbs, hair falling out (sucks to clean the shower drain every shower).
- Back started hurting because my boobs were getting bigger than they already are.
- Son moved to Georgia and now I live by myself (dont tell my cats I said that).

I was so good at helping everyone else with their problems and being the "shoulder" or the "ear" that I never paid attention to myself. I finally had to come to grips with making changes in my life. I had to give credit to my mood swings and weight gain and ignore the useless "comments".

Finding MFP and everyone here (especially women going through my same issues) has given me validation and a goal. I hope to be an inspiration to myself and others as well.

Thank you so much for listening (er um reading)

Deena

mmtiernan

Julia - thank you, thank you, thank you for starting this post! I wish I'd had a group like this to talk to when I first started into peri-menopause three years ago!!

My name is Michelle and I'm 48. The hot flashes and night sweats started for me three years ago. The night sweats were the worst - I got no sleep and felt like the walking dead half of the time! I also had bouts of mood swings - some days if you just looked at me funny, I'd have been likely to burst into tears and believe me, I'm not the crying type so I found that particularly disturbing! My cycles are now irregular - some months I'll have one, some months I won't. I've also always been very light during my cycles, but in the beginning, there some days that were outright gushers - so bad that I had to call in to work because I couldn't make it through the day without requiring several clothing changes.

I did put on some weight, though not enough that I went up any clothing sizes (mainly because I would never let it go that far - I'm too cheap to buy new clothes just because my waistline expanded!) and as I mentioned in Julia's original thread, once I picked back up with strength training and re-built some of my muscle, along with moving onto a clean diet, my weight returned to normal. I have noticed however, that if I drop off the strength training that my metabolism will also drop fairly quickly, so now I lift weights three times per week religiously! If I have to travel, I take along some resistance bands so I can strength train away from home. How well has this worked? Well, I rocked a bikini at the water park last summer and just bought a new one for this summer! My grandmother used to go to aerobics classes with me when I was in college - and she kept up her fitness classes well into her late 80's, just a few years ago, until her heart problems slowed her down - and I intend to stay just as fit and active for as long as possible!

I had to laugh when I read that another poster started into peri-menopause around the same time her daughter hit puberty - that was the same for me and my daughter!! Two hormonal, mood-swinging females under one roof at the same time - you never knew what to expect at my house!!

juliapurpletoes

Hi Dolls!

I've spent some time since I woke up this morning reading and re-reading everyone's posts. And, it makes me very happy that we all found this place - MFP, and that we can open up and share!

I am moved beyond words reading about the health struggles many of us have gone through: surgeries, out of control periods, heart attacks, sudden weight gain, back issues, crazy emotions, sleepless drenched nights, and a huge feeling of helplessness.

I feel grateful that we've met and I wish we could all talk in person - what a great time we would have!! :happy:

I am really inspired with everyone's determination and strength, I am feeding on that right now and i'm so proud to know you. I come back regularly and look for more wisdoms because I think you are all very smart ladies.

:flowerforyou: So, let me give some credit where credit is due!! TangoTerry gave me a huge push to start this group with "Flame Dolls" as a perfect title- tehe!!! Everyone I tell that too laughs and says its great! Thanks Terry

My goals this week are to keep exercising. I have been rehabbing the bad knee and can now dance again and it is thrilling because I didn't think I'd ever be able to plie again. And, I'd like to see another pound fly off my body, but I will learn patience if it kills me!!

Happy Monday!! and Good Health to you all!!

Julia

jolande1

So glad to find this posting. I too am menopausal. Periods about every 4 months, and are different every time. And this from a started @ the same Time of they day, clockwork periods. Mood swings, night sweats, insomnia, insatiable appetite @ times, all of it. Plan to keep in touch, for this long journey with friends. Thank you for this forum.
:ohwell:

RMinVA

Love the name!!

I have to say the whole experience has been relatively easy for me. Over time my periods just got futher and futher apart: from 4 weeks like clockwork..to 5 or 6.....then to 7 or 8 with an occasional skipped one. I have never used so many pregnancy tests in my life!!

I went about 3 or 4 months without one then got one or 2 random last ones. That was about a year ago now. The only issues that I continue to have are some hot flashes, but they haven't been too terribly bad. I refuse to even consider HRT. While I get that it has helped many people, I considered my symptoms relatively mild. Instead I did a little homeowrk on my own. My doctor had already recommended that I take Calcium and D supplements. When I realized I was having hot flashes, I did a little homework and started on supplemental E, which my doctor concurred with.

Quite frankly my biggest complaint is sleep habits....and those issues started long before any of this. But that's another thread entirely ;-) We have black out curtains, took the TV out of the bedroom, stick to a regular schedule, etc. But it's a good night if I sleep more than 4 hours without waking up. At least I don't have any trouble going back to sleep anymore: I did for awhile. But is it too much to ask for 7-8 hours of solid sleep?

My name is Regina, and I am post menopausal. I think!

juliapurpletoes

I have to say the whole experience has been relatively easy for me. Over time my periods just got futher and futher apart: from 4 weeks like clockwork..to 5 or 6.....then to 7 or 8 with an occasional skipped one. I have never used so many pregnancy tests in my life!!

My name is Regina, and I am post menopausal. I think!

Regina ~~~ I laughed out loud when I read your post!!!!! Ya, you're still hot!

legacysh

Hi all,

I'm Steph, and I'm 45. Just getting to that point where I'm like, OK Is it coming this month or not???? Seem to have them whenever, every couple of months or not...Total hot flashes and night sweats, mood swings the whole bit.

My funny story....I was dating my husband to be and kind of in the throws of my own sexual awakening or mid life crisis (whatever!), so when I started having hot flashes I had no idea what they were (like a huge energy rush through my whole body, not really hot at first), but they always seemed to coincide with the times I was seriously thinking about him. I thought man, I can't believe how he makes me feel!!!! I was talking to a girlfriend and she laughed at me and told me what was going on, then I felt oh soo stupid! But I still married him! He knows I'm partially crazy and puts up with my changing clothes every 5 minutes, and turning the fan on and off at night, so I think I found a keeper!
I started the pill cause my DR said it would help, but it just made me put on weight and I didn't need help there. So I started an herbal remedy and it seems to be kicking in finally and I am getting back to normal except my vision is crappy, and my memory appears to be shot! Glad there are others out there with similar aches and pains!

ronda_gettinghealthy

Still regular as clock work, but get all the lovely menopause symptoms, doesn't seem fair to have to put up with both. The worst is the creeping weight gain in my middle. UGH. Never had a belly, don't like it. Hormones, ya I'm on 'em. Not much help. Wouldn't mind as much except that my whole face turns red and people want to know why i am embarrassed. And my poor cold natured husband--don't even think about cuddling--get your 98.6 degrees away from me in the summer, winter his hands are like ice and they feel good.

alacarte

Hi I'm Stephanie, and am 50 years old. Things started to go a bit wonky in my late forties, by the time I hit 46 or so the hot flashes came on full force. Now it is just the occasion night sweat; glad to be through the worst of it. The weight started to creep up at about the same time as the hot flashes. I also felt very sleep deprived, and maybe got a good nights sleep every third night. The slower metabolism, and probably a need to find an escape from the symptoms contributed to my 25 pound weight gain. No HRT for me, and no periods for about three years.

No tears for me, I feel great about my journey, and am embracing the older more settled me. I recently started learning to workout with kettlebells, and own by own cleaning business where I am on the move all day long. I am excited about my future, and no longer am quaking at the thought of menopause. I guess I have resigned myself to the fact that losing weight from here on out will be a battle. I'm putting on my armor, because I am not going down with a fight.

Good luck flame dolls, and stay positive!!

Debinapril

Hi Flame Dolls,

It's great to read your posts and your stories. One thing that has interested me as several have mentioned this are sleep problems. I don't think it is a separate issue. I am coming to the conclusion that it's part of the package. Lack of good sleep is also a major contribution to weight gain. I know it is with me. When I'm tired I can't help but reach for sugary foods to give me that instant lift to get me through the day. It's a vicious circle. If I am blessed with an 8hr night I feel incredible, so full of energy and vitality. The trouble is I can't remember the last time it happened.
My usual sleep pattern is to wake probably 2 - 3 times a night. Sometimes I lie awake for 30 mins - hour before I get back to sleep. I read somewhere that the worst thing you can do is to get up so instead of lying there getting bored I put headphones on (so I don't disturb my husband) and listen to the radio. It kind of works, I'm over the worry about strangling myself with the headphone cords LOL
How do you cope? Any tips?

All the best. :-)

tangoterry

Good morning Flame Dolls!

Okay, don't think I"ve lost more of my postmenopausal mind than I already have, but I was thinking this morning while walking, our lifestyle changes we are adapting is kinda like spring. Everything slowly evolving and coming to life. One day I walk I see buds on the trees, another day I might notice a daffodil or a robin. It is like a new awakening or at least it is for me. It's like I"ve eaten to hibernate and now it's time to wake up, come to life and shed those excess pounds. Every day I know there will be something new I learn, a new self awareness, I'm excited!

I noticed yesterday that I usually go just over the carb recommendations, so today I am going to focus on cutting making some lower carb choices. One thing I've been doing at times is just to quick add calories of something I'm having, but is not in the choices provided. Is there a way to enter not only the calories, but the carb, sodium, etc. content?

What is your focus today?

Terry

mmtiernan

My usual sleep pattern is to wake probably 2 - 3 times a night. Sometimes I lie awake for 30 mins - hour before I get back to sleep. I read somewhere that the worst thing you can do is to get up so instead of lying there getting bored I put headphones on (so I don't disturb my husband) and listen to the radio. It kind of works, I'm over the worry about strangling myself with the headphone cords LOL
How do you cope? Any tips?

All the best. :-)

Lack of sleep is just killer - I'm a 7 hour person. I need my 7 hours just in order to function at a base level! I never, ever get up if I wake up because I'm one of those practical people that think "Well, since I'm up, I may as well do [name your chore]" and then I'll get engrossed in something and never get back to sleep!

This is going to sound hokey, but bear with me: our family is Catholic, so when I was young and couldn't sleep, my Dad would always just hand me a rosary and tell me to just start reciting in my head (for those of you unfamiliar with the rosary, they are essentially prayer beads - once around is 5 sets of 13 repetitious prayers, plus a few more - over 65 prayers in all!). Sometimes it would take me several times around the rosary before I got back to sleep, however, I knew even then that the idea was to stop all other chatter in my head and bore me to sleep! In college I took this idea to heart and came up with my own 'trigger' for falling asleep any time that I needed to - I had to work while in college, so I was very sleep deprived much of the time. I picked out certain words that seemed soothing to me, closed my eyes and just repeated the words over and over in my head in a very slow, soothing way. Very quickly, this became a 'trigger', telling my body that it is time to go to sleep and I can use it any time that I need to go to sleep, return to sleep or catch a quick nap. It's exactly like a meditation and will take some nightly practice to make it work - other words or thoughts will enter your mind and you have to just dismiss them and focus on repeating your mantra words again. Eventually, with enough practice and success, you can make it an automatic trigger for your body that it's time to go to sleep.

Just as an aside - my Dad confided to me not too long ago that he employed the same method for getting to sleep, also when he was in college - and he still uses his mantra every night to fall asleep - and so do I!

Anyway - thought this might help you!

RMinVA

After trying EVERYTHING on my own for awhile, I actually got a little sleep help from my doctor in the form of 10mg of Elavil a couple of years ago. I didn't want anything hardcore like Ambien or Lunesta...that stuff scares me. He called it the "little old ladies' sleeping pill" because that's what he prescribes for older...like older than us...women. I don't take it that often since I get what I call a sleep hangover the next day...all groggy, slow, etc. But every once in awhile after a particularly bad stretch of sleep, or for an overnight flight when I want to sleep, I'll take one.

I was having trouble going back to sleep for awhile. But I tend to be able to roll right over these days. Now if I could just STAY asleep!! I spoke with my doctor about it at my last check up and he did say that some of it is a function of life today. We are overworked, stressed, and stretched too thin. Our minds are going a mile a minute. I'm in the metro DC area and he said it's a common complaint among men and women in these parts. My husband has sleep issues as well.

Flame on ladies!!

juliapurpletoes

Morning!

Yeah, sleep issues big for me too. Just like mmtiernan, I use a mala (much like a rosary) and I have a mantra and I've trained my mind to use it as a sleep trigger. It's really peaceful, and I love it - some times it is easy and sometimes not so much.

Much of it is also ties in with what is going on with other family members - my daughter of course had to pick my menopause transitioning years to really frustrate me with what teen age daughters do to their moms. Really shook me up! I thought I was going crazy. :explode: I really would lay in bed I think I was gonna explode!!

I suppose loss of focus and not being able to think of the word I'm trying to say at the time I want to say it, is really frustrating too. I'm watching my mom's mind slip away a little (she's 80) and I fear that is my destiny too. At first she was angry and frustrated and we'd sort of tippey toe around her. Now she sorta teases herself about it and we just repeat things and laugh along with her....pretty good way to deal with it.

I just try to really work my mind with games that involve remembering - spider solitare is on my cell phone and one of my favorites - high score 2105! And, now that daughter is finally gotten past her mean-ager years and nightsweats have slowed way down, I do sleep peacefully and think more clearly. So for me they are both related - lack of sleep and focus issues.

I suppose what gets me through it all is finding, what I like to call, "God in drag". It does my heart good to see how life's events line up and work out, it gives me a spiritual boost. So, while I know this is always here - I'm on a misson to seek and find today!


:flowerforyou:

Enigmatica

Sleep issues... me too. It just started about a month ago and it took awhile for it to dawn on me that it wasn't just excitement about a trip, or being in a hotel, or being sick, or drinking too much green tea, or not getting enough exercise... I had insomnia. Duh.

I also had hot flashes (not sweats... yet) and noticed my heart rate and blood pressure would elevate during the hot flashes. I've taken my blood pressure so many times over the past month that I can now tell within a few points where it is just by glancing at the veins on my hand, LOL!

The hot flashes during the day don't bother me. I call them my "personal summers" and carry on. They don't "bother" me at night either except that I'm sure they're related to the insomnia. That's getting annoying.

I've been on melatonin for months but it hasn't helped at all. I just switched to a different brand and a higher dosage last night. I just started using the Estroven night stuff last night too. I did sleep better - only woke up twice - and got about twice as much sleep as the night before.

I'm going to keep experimenting with it and see what happens.

realme56

I am 6-7 hours being best but I too have issues getting asleep and staying asleep. Sometimes it makes me so frustrated that I do get up cause I get too crazy laying there yearning to sleep.

General sleep aids:
Bedroom is for sleep (and sex ) but not for TV, computer, etc.
No heavy foods 2 hours before sleep
good activity level during day, no napping
consistency of sleep schedule

I try to avoid working double cause that totally screws my cycle up but I think sleep issues are just a part of the menopausal crap!
At least we have each other, my mom told me nothing of this. Actually when I started having periods @ 10 I thought there was something seriously wrong with me. I believed sanitary pads were mouse mattresses as a younger child because that is what my mother told me :0. Thank goodness I have a better rapport with my daughter!

Debinapril

I believed sanitary pads were mouse mattresses as a younger child because that is what my mother told me :0. Thank goodness I have a better rapport with my daughter!

:laugh: I know it's not really a laughing matter but thank goodness your daughter is better informed!