He is married :(

DaniiDean

So not sure why I am writing this here. Just would like a little advice I think. I do know right from wrong but the feeling is so fricken strong.... haha that could be a song!

Here's the picture. I have liked this dude since I was 14 I am now nearly 21 and he is 30 we are really close friends too, but age doesn't matter to me. We have always had a 'thing' but didn't go further than kissing because of my age. We would always meet up and hang out, we had a great relationship (not official) but would get on so well and it was clear there was always something there. He recently got married and things aren't going well with his wife. I am seeing him next week for the first time in a couple weeks. I want him so bad but obvy he is married. What should I do because my body says go for it and instigate something but my mind knows it's wrong. She would never find out and I know he wants something to happen. Ah I sound so terrible and like a homewrecker.

please don't hate me these feelings are genuine

karenjoy

I would say don't see him, move on, he is married, and to someone else.

DaniiDean

I know that is the right thing but I can't help wanting him, this sucks

strapple

yeah hes married and thats a done deal. best to just leave it alone.


best case scenario he cheats on his wife with you and leaves her

then you're stuck in a relationship with a cheater
even if you love him do you think youd be able to trust someone that you knew cheated on someone else? ;{

hroush

You can't act on those feelings, no matter how much you want to. Let his marriage take it's own course.

FearAnLoathing

Dont do it,if he is willing to cheat on his wife he will cheat on anyone.
Even if things are not going well with his wife I wouldnt think of doing anything till they were divorced.

strapple

im sorry though. that sounds incredibly painful :{

stephierae25

Don't do anything. Move on. He is a married man and until he is no longer married he is off limits.

AnaNotBanana

The only person who is going to end up hurt here is you. He might be telling you he's not happy but you don't know for sure.

finean

if he cheats on her ... he will cheat on you

DaniiDean

yeah hes married and thats a done deal. best to just leave it alone.


best case scenario he cheats on his wife with you and leaves her

then you're stuck in a relationship with a cheater
even if you love him do you think youd be able to trust someone that you knew cheated on someone else? ;{

True I wouldn't want him to cheat on me if I was with him.

poustotah

He's married - that's a deal breaker.

kjensen15

Yes move on because if he is willing to it with you, he'll be willing to do it to you! Cheat that is!

lilRicki

if he cheats on her he'll cheat on you...even if it's emotionally...cancel the date, tell him to call you when he gets a divorce

hllamaster

I will tell you that part of his problem in is marriage might be the close relationship he has with you...I'm just speaking from life exsp.

DaniiDean

I just want him so badly this is awful!

kimmerroze

I don't hate you... no hard feelings here... but even tho your feelings are genuine they are wrong....

just think if the situation were reversed and you were his wife who was going through so much heart ache and pain because of how the marriage was turning out...

would you want some young thing coming along and trying to tear apart what little there is left, and what little chance there is of putting your marriage back together...


I think it is time for you to think of someone besides yourself here.

Leave the situation alone, and move on.

sweetsarahj

You're just torturing yourself. If he is not happy in his marriage he will end it on his own terms. You don't want to be the person that instigated it.

But that isn't what you want to hear, right?

wsheaf82

In best case scenario, you're going to get hurt. Worst case scenario, your going to get hurt, caught, and shot by the man's wife.

Ok maybe he leaves his wife for you. He probably should do that before dipping his oil stick in a hole it doesn't belong in. And if he did leave his wife for you, who to say it doesn't go well for you two in his eyes and he is then looking for the next new hole to explore and leave you for?

Anyway you look at it, he's not available. And if he is making himself available to women that he shouldn't be, he doesn't rate that high on "a catch" scale.

What if you were the wife? Does he seem that desirable anymore? Tell him to come back when he is single and you'll think about it.

starboardzor

I'm not going to judge you. I've been there, done that. Been on both sides. I'm 26 and already divorced. It is NOT worth it. It will only end in drama for everyone. And if he tries to lean on your shoulder and tell you about how awful his wife is and what a victim he is? Well he wouldn't be the first or the last to play those cards.

If you must go after it, go after it. Get burned. Just be sure to learn your lesson afterwards so you don't do it again.

kgillikin

Who cares if she would never find out. IT IS WRONG!!!!! He is married. If they divorce then you can pursue it. If you dont think you can trust yourself around him than DONT see him.

AngelaPowPowPOW

He's married, playing you, and you need to cut off communication with him. I wonder if his wife knows "things aren't going well". When my husband of 13 years cheated on me, that's what he had told his "mistress". I had no idea that things weren't going well. I was too busy making his dinner, doing his laundry,raising our children, planning our vacations, making dinner for his co-workers, and finding new and exciting things to do for our "date night" every Friday.
Now he lives in a basement someplace, is car less, jobless and hasn't seen his children in over two years. Cie la vie.

fanceegirl75

The only person who is going to end up hurt here is you. He might be telling you he's not happy but you don't know for sure.

Totally agree Ana...sweets you'll end up hurting in the end. Things may make a turn for the better with his marriage or it may not. But what ever the case you don't want to be caught in the midst of their drama nor add to their turmoil. If his marriage is having problems let him deal with it without using you as a way out. You don't want to be the other. Your mind is telling you it's wrong so go with that. Good luck!

Lisabackontrack

Being married is a life-long commitment, a covenant between two people that shoud never be taken lightly. Whether or not his marriage is a good one is beside the point.

Besides, if he cheats with you, he will cheat on you.

Newfiedan

as a married man my advice is to say off limits. You do not want to be the source of making the problem worse, if he goes for that then once a cheater always a cheater is what I say. It is a moral decision and a married man should know better, if more of us took our vows to heart then there would be a lot less divorces going on. For better or for worse means making it work.

RoadDog

Use your head for something besides a hat rack!!

I'll give you a very tiny bit of slack, because you are very young, but he needs a dent in his forehead. Do the math, if he was "really close friends" with a 14 yr old when he was 23, he is a predator in my book.

If you were my daughter his status would have already changed from predator to prey.

Wake up! You obviously know right from wrong. Doesn't matter how "genuine" your feelings are.

Heather75

He is recently married and things are going wrong already? Yikes.

Don't see him. The best way to avoid temptation is to AVOID TEMPTATION.

♥_Ellybean_♥

Would you really want to be the marriage breaker? What if you did do something than there is no options for his marriage to survive especially since it's trouble now.

I would suggest not continuing your relationship wth this guy, I know you guys are friends, but if you are truley friends than you can put it off until he figures out what is going on with his marriage.

Put yourself in his wife's shoes... How would you react if you found out? Especially if they are newly married.

Give the marriage the chance to survive the first 2 years of a marriage are essentially the hardest, because you get out of the honeymoon stage and into real life -

IF and when he decides that his marriage is over - and things are no longer part of a married couple (keep in mind to even file for divorce most states requires 6 months of seperation) than you can act on your feelings - until them you would just be a mistress setting yourself and that marriage up for disaster.

JanerZzz

He sounds like a Bullishter to me. He could be saying stuff that's messing with your head. If he has no respect for his marriage, what respect will have for you if you are just a hook up....Don't do it. Not worth it. Sounds like a player...don't let him pull the wool over your eyes.

DaniiDean

I don't hate you... no hard feelings here... but even tho your feelings are genuine they are wrong....

just think if the situation were reversed and you were his wife who was going through so much heart ache and pain because of how the marriage was turning out...

would you want some young thing coming along and trying to tear apart what little there is left, and what little chance there is of putting your marriage back together...


I think it is time for you to think of someone besides yourself here.

Leave the situation alone, and move on.

Yeah I know. I just want one night with him nothing serious. I know exactly what you are saying, I know wrong from right. Just gonna have to tell him straight

JenBrown0210

Look at it from the wifes point of view. I've been the wife with the cheating husband not fun. Marriages have their ups and downs. I would say no don't see him until he makes the choice to actually seperate from his wife.