He is married :(
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Your young and a bit naive, and it sounds as if you might have some low self esteem issues.
I think this person is taking advantage of you and unfortunately you will be the last one to realize that.
Your a beautiful 20 yo young woman, there are tons of guys your age with a lot more to offer than this cheater.
Walk away, and if he pursues teach him a lesson and tell his wife.
Also, I am a firm believer in karma.
What goes around comes around.
Can I just say I am not naive one bit I have had to grow up fast my dad left me when I was 14 tears old, was homeless for 6 months and WAS addicted to drugs for a while didn't go to school... now all clean and starting university this september. Not naive one bit and indeed such a strong person. I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me. Just asking opinions
no offense but its def not you people are feeling sorry for..0 -
Can I join your club? :flowerforyou:i dont get why people feel sorry for this girl lol. she wants to break up a marriage and ruin innocent peoples lives! Maybe she doesnt want to..but shes thinking about it0 -
I really think you know the answer, especially if you know right from wrong. Bottom line is he committed to someone else. Maybe things are not good for them NOW, no marriage is perfect all the time. Be a decent person stop thinking of yourself and stay away, let them figure it out.0
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Honestly, even if you have sex with him...I guarantee you'll be so dissapointed. He sounds like a self centered idiot, so I doubt he will care how it is for you, you'll be stuck counting ceiling tiles. Seriously, you'll have more fun sitting watching paint dry then doing anything with this skeezebag. I know you're young, but you are getting played, BAD.
Hahhahahaha I agree with this one . Sometimes we tend to fantasize about thing,s to the point where we just glorify it. You may think wow... "we have known each other for so many years I know that having sex with him will be just amazing. I mean he knows me sooo well." hmmmmm WRONG he is married , he is in bed every night with his WIFE. There are soooo many gorgeous, sexy men out there. Why would you want to be someone's side dish, excuse me but I'm the MAIN dish, the ENTREE!!!I
I get you are confused, but picture this... he looked his wife in the eyes and swore that he would be there for her. Let me ask you some thing... sorry to be soooo incredible frank but this is crazy. Good luck0 -
Look,
Temptation is bound to happen in everyone's lives. Being tempted is not a wrong doing. It's how you handle the temptation that makes it right or wrong. If you are tempted to do something you know is wrong but you give into that temptation, that is not handling the situation in a well manner. If you resist temptation of something you know is wrong, then you handled it appropriately.0 -
It's time to grow the hell up already. You're still fixated on the guy you had a crush on when you were 14 YEARS OLD!! If he's only recently married, then you were of legal age when he dated and married his wife. He didn't date and marry you. He's playing you so he can get an ego boost from this stupid child's long term crush on him.
Grow up already and move on!0 -
Don't mean it in a derogatory way, but at 20 we're all a bit naive.
I look back at the some of the things I thought and the decisions I made when I was 20 and can only shake my head.
You have overcome so much already, and your clearly headed in the right direction.
Your planning on going to school and are taking interest in your health by being on this forum.
I think everyone on this forum wants to see you make the correct choice.
WALK AWAY, and DON'T LOOK BACK!0 -
*Fae covers her eyes with her wings, feels the doomed thread lock down about to commence*0
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Im sorry i dont mean to be rude but you would not be a good person if you went along with this.I'm a firm believer in karma. I;ve been cheated on and it is the worst feeling in the world. I wouldnt wih it upon my worst enemy. Something tells me you've never been cheated on because if you have been...you wouldnt even have to ask this question...
One action in your life does not define you as being good or bad, sorry to break it to you.
cheating is just a very touchy subject for me. its just wrong and i have friends that have cheated on there boyfriends and i say the same things to them. I understand that it doesnt make her a bad person. but its awful and ****ty and i dont take back my opionions
UMMM this ONE action could definitely define someone as a bad person in my book, jus' sayin'. EsPeciAllY when posting to recieve feedback... all the while knowing its completely wrong. I would think with that being said its pretty safe to say they know right from wrong and if choosing the 'wrong' way, they are implying their morals are a wee bit off.0 -
cut all ties, it's WAY easier to just walk away then to bring a whole bunch of drama in your life0
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Thank you for all of your advice people of MFP.... I know what I gotta do.
may i ask you one question?? WHY THE HELL DID YOU EVEN CONCIDER IT???? did you really not know any better???? isn't it common sense?? didn't you learn when you were a kid that cheating is wrong and there are always conciquences, wheather its feeling bad or even worse?? c'mon girl, PLEASE tell me you have a brain!!
Many people consider questionable things. Our thoughts betray us all the time. What her actions say will speak more about her then considering on acting on the urges.
This thread could not of appeared and she could be shacked up in a hotel room being utterly disappointed in this married man lasting 30 seconds in bed with the guilt hitting her right about now. Instead there's a thread where people away from the situation is reinforcing her better judgment and helping her make the right decision.0 -
*Fae covers her eyes with her wings, feels the doomed thread lock down about to commence*
yup me too lol0 -
*Fae covers her eyes with her wings, feels the doomed thread lock down about to commence*
WTF? ha haha0 -
You deserve way better. Once you move on and look back on this I guarantee you'll see it was the best decision you ever made. I know it hurts now but you won't regret it. :flowerforyou:0
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I'd probably get my players card taken away for replying (lol) DONT DO IT!!! In my younger days I have used that same line "things arent going well at home" I'm Just there for the kids blah blah blah bottom line we want our cake and eat it too. Im sure he has some feelings for you but the problem is the feelings are more lust than love we always want what we can have as men and will tell you anything to get it. problem is we do worry about the consequences until after our appetites are satisfied. Kinda like food (lol)
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Sure from what you've all read this screams gross on many levels, but I think the real one(s) getting played is (are).....all of you people responding, getting upset, throwing your personal lives, insecurities, etc into what more likely that not isn't even a real situation...because yeah, how can you be that far off to think that publicly posting a potential affair can be looked at as a good thing? Just saying.......0
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Dont do because in the end your feelings will be hurt more than his. He is just using you because he knows that you will let him in to that special place in your heart. When you go see him I'm sure you guys will have sex because he's not getting it from home so you are the next best thing. Then he will go back home to his wife and you'll be where? ALONE! Stop waisting your time and his, if he really wanted something serious with you he would've done it along time ago and before he got married. Not trying to crush your heart but its better to be Real about the situation, than to pat you on the back and say yes go. I'm not telling you to not go, I'm just telling you what may happen to your feelings if you do go. Good Luck, hope the situation doesn't blow up in your face.0
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I wanted to get in here before the death bolts rain down on this thread.
OP - DON'T DO IT!!
That is all.0 -
I asked this because I wanted your opinions... nothing more. You don't know me there is no need for any negative comments towards me.0
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I haven't read all the replies...so...
I understand how you feel. There was a guy that I knew and we just got along amazingly. We even talking about how awful his marriage is and he would say he wondered if he made a mistake choosing her over me. Crazy stuff. I couldn't not talk to him because I loved that he would say those things to me. He divorced his wife and is now engaged to someone else - not me.
I came to realize that it wasn't right - not by moral standards, but how I felt. I wasn't comfortable knowing that he was sleeping with his wife yet telling me how much he cared for me. I felt dirty. And if I had gotten to be with him, there was no way in this world I could have trusted him, knowing the things he said to me behind his wife's back. That relationship would have been tainted from the start.
It's also a matter of growing up. You're just shy of 21, you're going to have to learn you can't have everything you want. It hurts sometimes to lust after someone and have that unrequited love, but not everything is meant to be. Ultimately, he didn't wait for you to turn a legal age, he chose someone else. You have to accept that.
Work on yourself and being secure in who you are. You'll find you deserve someone who wants only you.0 -
Put yourself in his partners shoes. If roles were reversed and you two were married and having problems, and you found out he was with this other woman... wow... that would be the ultimate pain.
Sorry to say but the "wanting pain" you feel is nothing compared to the pain his wife would endure if her husband cheeted on her.
Don't do it. Nothing good can come of it.0 -
So now that you have all our opinions....whatcha gonna do?I asked this because I wanted your opinions... nothing more. You don't know me there is no need for any negative comments towards me.
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Wow well this hits home for me.
I wish a certain woman would have once considered MY feelings and that of my children before she bought the "my marriage is on the rocks line of bull****".
Let me tell you something I would bet ANYTHING his wife has no idea her marriage is on the rocks, and even if she does I bet she doesn't know he's about to push it over the cliff. If he is agreeing to an open marriage without her knowledge that should tell you something right there.
You have no idea what infidelity does to a person, think suicidal thoughts, hopelesness, paranoid invading thoughts that NEVER go away, dealing with the fact that the one person you should have been able to trust your life with betrayed you in the worst way possible. and how about the fact that he's willing to DESTROY the mother of his children? I coudln't even talk to my kids for weeks, it took all I had to get out of bed in the morning and go to work and do what I had to do to keep them alive. The mommy they once knew never came back because of the selfish decision of 1 man and 1 woman - I had no say in them destroying my life as I knew it.
I will never understand a woman doing this to another woman. He is responsible for his actions but so are you!
Do me a favor. Go read some posts on survivinginfidelity.com If this doesn't change your mind I dont know what else will.0 -
I think question that you should be asking yourself is why? Why do you want this married man. Sometimes what we cant have is exciting........Id find something else that is exciting. Think of it this way. If he will cheat on his wife to be with you, he will cheat on you too.0
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lmao... Prepare for the lockdown!!0
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I asked this because I wanted your opinions... nothing more. You don't know me there is no need for any negative comments towards me.
I wasn't negative. :flowerforyou:
I'm POSITIVE you should not do this. :happy:0 -
Have you guys even talked about the possibility of "hooking up" when you see him? I think you might just be reading into things with your crush and sexual desire for him.He has moved on no matter how bad he says his marriage is, he is married and he married her for a reason, not to make a blow on your ego, but that reason wasn't to make YOU realize how great he was.
If his marriage is so horrible, and you slept together, you would have to know, he used you for not only sex, but for a legitimate excuse to get out of his marriage. Once a cheater, always a cheater. Tell him to focus on what he has, and you find something 100 times better. Don't disrespect yourself.0 -
One more thing....
People, please try not to judge this man or this woman. We all handle temptation differently...some of us resist, some of us give in, some of us mix it up depending on what the particular temptation is!
I do not condone cheating, but I know folks who have cheated and understand they are not scum suckers and *kitten*. We all have our vices whether it be drinking too much or eating too much or smoking too much, or swearing too much or whatever...so until you are free of fault, condemn the action, not the person please. :flowerforyou:0 -
They don't leave their gf's or wives. I've seen so many women go down this road (myself included) and they won't leave and why would you want them too? Why put yourself in the position of the wife/gf? IF he ever left her to be with you he would cheat on you also. It's a vicious cycle. I'd cut all ties. It's a lot easier to cut all ties then to be continually USED (yes, that's what he's doing if he's getting attention from you). It sucks but you gotta just move forward...find someone not attached. I had to do a lot of soul searching as to why I was having trouble finding a SINGLE man. I've finally realized why and I'm concentrating on myself and helping myself now. Do yourself a favor...get out of it now.0
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I can't believe some of the comments here. I do not need to see a professional. My father and I are currently on great terms.
So crazy!0
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