11 year old daughter

Britte86

A few thoughts:
1)A lot of schools and programs still go by BMI which is COMPLETE CRAP!!!! IT WAS AN IDEA CREATED BETWEEN 1830 AND 1850 (Can you believe we are still using it? ugh) and it does not at all take into consideration muscle mass or body build. A good friend of mine is a body builder (not the gross steroid pumped kind, he is 100% natural with everything) and is in incredible shape but according to BMI he's obese. So if they are measuring based on BMI I would say take that information with a grain of salt because BMI is not accurate and I think it should be tossed out of the books completely.

2) she's 11 so she's still growing. Now that doesn't mean it's OK to let her eat whatever she wants and not live a healthy live style. You have a fantastic opportunity to teach your daughter how to live a healthy life style without feeling punished.

3)You need to make sure that when you go about putting her on any diet that you are make sure the goal isn't skinny. She's at that age when most girls are becoming incredibly self conscious about their body and their figure and now is a great time to teach her to love the body she has and that she's beautiful. Any diet should be geared towards healthy living, and NOT geared towards losing weight or not being fat.


I think you have a fantastic opportunity here, please use it wisely.

boomboom011

oh we are definitely all in this. My husband is rail thin and so is my son (of course!) but it doesnt mean they cant eat more nutritious foods. Thankfully my daughter LOVES fruits and veggies. Its just a matter of slowing down and implementing them in our meals. DH started a garden and she is dying to eat from it. She is one of a kind for sure.

I just know that I am responsible for her health and I want to be a great role model and never ever make her feel bad about the way she looks.

I just needed reassurance.

sarahsmom1

you are right she is 11 and growing I would just do what your doing feed her good food if she doesn't get the sweets at home thats less for her to eat if shes talking about her belly look on the web and there are hula hoop companies that make them for your height and waist size so they are custom and they are only about 15.00 plus shipping. You can get them and have mom daughter play time. If you haven't hula hooped in awhile she will love the opportunity to laugh and have fun with you she can be you teaching tool. Tel her you cant remember how to do it and you need her help. Good Luck

breezymom81

One other note: please don't cut out all junk, teach portion control!! I was never overweight as a child, but my mom didnt really allow junk and soda...let me tell you when I got out on my own and could have whatever I wanted! I went crazy, at 30 I am learning portion control, and my BMI is morbidly obese! I dont agree with that and am not trying to get to a BMI number, just comfy in own skin again!

TS65

Children's BMI's are rated differently. Talk to your doctor, but this is how I understand it. (My son has been off the scale his entire life. The doctor warned me that charts will show him as obese just because he's so big for his age... he is not).

Based on percentile, a child is considered:

Underweight - Less than the 5th percentile
Healthy weight - 5th percentile to less than the 85th percentile
Overweight - 85th to less than the 95th percentile
Obese - Equal to or greater than the 95th percentile

So, apparently, your daughter is taller and heavier than most 11 year olds (as such, she would be in the 95+% and is considered "obese"). Lame, but it's how it is. Again, talk to her doctor. DO NOT go off a stupid school report. :noway: :grumble:

SparkleShine

Wow, I definatly don't think she should be considered obese. That's awful! I'm sorry she's upset. I have a daughter who is 12 , she is very active between softball and soccer. She is on the chunky side still, she is 5'1" and weighs 123. Unfortunatly she loves junk food like her Mama.:embarassed: She eats healthy most of the time but if she has the chance she will down the junk food !

Hang in there, she sounds fine and I'm sure she'll be growing still.

ladyhawk00

the BMI on this site is for adults only, you can't use it for children.

As to what to do, I would just educate her as best you can, and encourage her when it's warranted. Never use negative reinforcement on weight control for adolescents (it never works, that's been proven).

It's a fact that children lean better through example and showing them, where as adults learn better through theory and understanding, so if you want to give your child the path to better health, show her by eating healthy yourself and including her in that, and give her the tools to learn about good health by explaining to her what the benefits are of eating healthy.

try to put it in terms she'll grasp and understand. For instance, young girls usually want to emulate some celebrity, well, find a few healthy celebrities that your daughter likes and would want to be like, see if you can find out their food and exercise programs (many of them these days publish this information either in fitness magazines, or on their own blogs), and show her this information, especially their diets and reasoning. Explain to her why diet is vital to good health and how exercise (all types) is important for having that well defined look.

That's what I'd do.

As usual, have to agree with Banks.

Also, just for reassurance, your daughter sounds a lot like me when I was that age. At 11 I got a bit chunky and was about 5'3". I then grew 3 inches in less than a year and the baby fat disappeared. I ended up at 5'9" with size 9 feet. As someone else mentioned, if her shoe size is already a 9, she has a lot of growing to do.

You definitely want to watch it, and encourage her to learn healthy habits - but I wouldn't get all up in arms yet. The more important thing would be in how you approach it. At the time that I got chunky, there were some seemingly insignificant comments made (mostly by my brother) that planted some seeds for eating disorders. I struggled with eating disorders for years afterwards, even though I had grown and gotten thin due to normal development. I'm not saying it was his fault, there were certainly other issues. But I remember the comments to this day. How you approach it and the language you use will make a big difference in her self-image. Make it about health and fitness, not appearance or weight.

ladyhawk00

Children's BMI's are rated differently. Talk to your doctor, but this is how I understand it. (My son has been off the scale his entire life. The doctor warned me that charts will show him as obese just because he's so big for his age... he is not).

Based on percentile, a child is considered:

Underweight - Less than the 5th percentile
Healthy weight - 5th percentile to less than the 85th percentile
Overweight - 85th to less than the 95th percentile
Obese - Equal to or greater than the 95th percentile

So, apparently, your daughter is taller and heavier than most 11 year olds (as such, she would be in the 95+% and is considered "obese"). Lame, but it's how it is. Again, talk to her doctor. DO NOT go off a stupid school report. :noway: :grumble:

This too. My son has been over 95th percentile since he was 2 months old. Right now, he's 7 and if you went by weight charts he'd be "obese".... But he's also average height for a 10 yr old. He is just extremely tall for his age and always has been, so obviously he's going to be higher in weight than other 7 yr olds. He's projected to be 6'2" to 6'8". He's actually somewhat thin at times because of growth spurts. So make sure you (and your doc) are looking at all aspects, not just weight.

Mamapengu

What about involving her in meal planning. Show her how many servings of protein/veggies/grain foods she needs and then see if she can help you plan what to eat for the next day. Don't concentrate on calories, but just on body needs for healthy living. I wish my mom had done this more with me, kids don't learn how to plan for meals or what a healthy meal looks like anymore. The one day a year they review it in elementary school really does not teach anything. I am a nurse but have had problem after problem with the school nurses, and finally had to send a letter to the school that I did not give permission to them doing any screening on my kids, I would be taking them to their physician for all screening. This was after they said my son's eyes were normal (he has a strong Rx, but memorized the eye chart in 1st grade), said my daughter had a hearing problem (nope, she's just interested in what others are doing and not proving to you that she can hear) and then not letting my son cleaning an abrasion on his knee and forcing my husband to come in and supervise my son cleaning his own knee and putting a band-aid on it. The kids were coming home with notes and 'worried' about what the nurse had said, at which point I would check them, get the expected results- which always coincided with the Dr's opinion when we took them in. I'm sorry to any school nurses out there, but I'm not impressed with the local crop in our area. Take it with a grain of salt. Check with her doctor, then just teach her healthy habits and why they are important.

suthernbelle

I think you've been given a lot of great advice here so far, but I'm still a bit confused because at 5'4" and 117-120lbs. that is not nearly obese, not even chunky. I would maybe look into re-measuring and weighing to see if those numbers are accurate.

boomboom011

I bought zumba and it came in before we went on vacation. We are dying to do it. She is in cheerleading but that is seasonal for now. I definitely like the alternative snack ideas. She would eat her weight in hot cheetos and ice cream if i let her.

I never ever tell her anything negative about her body. I personally think she has the cutest litte figure. You could bounce a quarter off that butt of hers. My over all goal is to just teach her healthy habits is all. No dieting.

She loves dancing and working out with me. So any chance we can do something together its awesome.

SLaw4215

I can totally relate! I have a 12 year old daughter who is 5'5 and wears a size 11 woman's sneaker. The difference is that my daughter weighs quite a bit more than your daughter and she is obese. I am on this site as much for myself as I am to try and give her some tools to learn how to [somewhat] self manage her weight loss education and goals. She is not on a diet either but rather we are on a long-term behavior modification plan LOL She has her own MFP log-in and while she isn't as dedicated about logging/tracking as I am, I am happy to say she has lost 20 pounds since January.

I have many suggestions - take them or leave them -- you will not offend me .
1.) get her involved and let her make decisions -- My daughter pushes her own grocery cart at the grocery store and selects what she will eat for the following week. I don't forcer her to eat exactly what I like and I do encourage an open dialogue but she will feed herself the foods that suit her tastes and because she is invested in the decision making she is far more willing and able to stay goal oriented.
2.) Know her environments when she is not at home. For example: My daughter has chosen to eat school lunch intead of packing a lunch (to not draw attention to herself) but the average school meal (according to the school menu) is 878 calories per meal. That's a lot of calories for 1 meal. Is it any wonder our kids are growing up with weight issues? That being said, my daughter has to figure those calories into her daily plan and work the rest of her day around that decision.
3.) Find things to do together -- my daughter has zero desire to walk on a treadmill. She has tried playing basketball, country line dancing/karate/ice skating lessons. She plays the drums at school. Last week we tried Zumba Fitness for the Wii for the first time and really loved it. Tonight we are attending a Zumba Fitness fundraising event at our town's community center so she will get a sense of what a real class might be like.
4.) cook/prepare meals together -- One of the big obstacles with my daughter is getting her to eat an adequate amount of fruits and vegetables. She won't pick up an apple or a tomato and eat it but she would drink a V-8 and eat a froze fruit bar. I had the thought that if my daughter cooked with me that she might see what is going into some recipes possibly become more relaxed about trying some new things. We also bought a juicer machine and we make our own vegetable soups/juices and frozen ice bars -- our family favorite is pineapple! I have gotten more fresh produce into this child in 5 months than I have since she was eating baby food from a jar. And the variety of vegetables I can get into her because she can't see the "chunks".... like spinach! bell peppers! onion! sweet potato... I can't tell you what a smart move that was on my part.

I wish you the best of luck. I do hope you will keep me posted and share your progress.

lulabellewoowoo

My daughter will be 11 in September and is starting middle school. She is 5'2" and weighs about 115 lb. My mother berated me about my weight til I developed eating disorders, so I wanted to be more proactive so we made a goal of her running/jogging/walking a 5K together in October. She started on the treadmill at the gym until they told her she was too young. But they offered a junior fitness certification class so that she could learn all the machines and about nutrition. More $ than I had, but now well worth it. At dinner time, if she asks for a second helping of pasta or something heavy and starchy, I'll ask her if she'd rather have a second helping or dessert. Sometimes she will bypass the ice cream for the pasta. Then she'll just have fruit later in the evening. I don't restrict her on anything, but ask her a lot of times if she is eating because she is bored or if she is really hungry. Now she is learning that she doesn't have to finish everything. If she wants something, but has already had a full meal, I'll put it in a special container for her and she'll put it away until the next meal or snack time, so she knows that no one will take it from her and so she won't have the attitude I have of "if I don't eat it now, it might be gone". At one point, when trying to slow down her eating, she asked if I was calling her fat or something. I simply explained absolutely not, I was helping her to make wise decisions now while her body had a high metabolism, so that when she is my age, she's not having a daily love/hate relationship with food. The great example you are giving her is the best thing too. For me, I love now having a new exercise partner. Her progress motivates me immensely. You are an awesome mom!

Still_Sossy

Kids can be very mean to each other, causing them to often over eat or under eat. Is she involved in any sports or activities? Also I would make a healthy lifestyle part of your family. Have a cheat day but over all over haul what you ALL eat. You really have to be careful with that age as to not send them into the over eaters or under eaters groups with comments about their body. Positive body image is important and difficult for them. I also think you should discuss with her Ped. there are BMI standards for kids, my kids school does them. I think that is just wrong for a kids to come home with a report saying they are under or over or perfect weight. It all sends them a message in one way or the other. Good luck!

JMCade

I would ask them what scale they are using and I would discuss it with her doctor the next time you take her in. According to the BMI on this site, she is in the normal range.

agree- just plugged the numbers in here and it says healthy-unless something is calculated differently for kids??

SHBoss1673

I think you've been given a lot of great advice here so far, but I'm still a bit confused because at 5'4" and 117-120lbs. that is not nearly obese, not even chunky. I would maybe look into re-measuring and weighing to see if those numbers are accurate.

children have far different muscle and bone density than adults, they have their own scale that's different. I'm not sure whether that is right or not (I didn't look it up) but you can't go by the adult interpretation of obesity.

jrbb0309

Here is the child and teen BMI calculator on the CDC government site.

http://apps.nccd.cdc.gov/dnpabmi/

Here is the explanation of how children and teens BMI is calculated (which is different than adults):

http://www.cdc.gov/healthyweight/assessing/bmi/childrens_bmi/about_childrens_bmi.html

I don't know exactly when your daughter was born but my daughter is 11, 5'3 and 3/4" and weighs 106. By the above calculator, her BMI is 18.3 and places her at a healthy weight in the 58th percentile. Using my daughter's b-day since I don't know yours and the same height, your daughter (at 117 pounds) would be 20.2 which would place her at the 78th percentile but still at a healthy weight. Even at 120, she would still be 82nd percentile.

Do yourself and her a favour and measure and weigh her and show her this site. Explain that the way her school is measuring this is *wrong* and if you really need to, call your doctor, let them know ahead of time why you want to bring her in, and then have your doctor explain the same thing. Your child does not need to be getting a complex that she is obese at this age.

jrbb0309

Sorry. I just wanted to add that taking her shopping with you is a great idea. Learn to read nutrition labels together. Not only for the fat and sugar and sodium content but for foods made mostly out of chemicals and things you can't pronounce. Talk about making better choices. Not necessarily perfect but better. Have her help you cook and meal plan. Get out for walks together. You can both support each other in becoming healthier without putting any emphasis on weight.

CatchMom11

I would also take into consideration that she's going through puberty. I would definitely talk to your doctor (who is definitely going to be more educated than a PE teacher) and go from there.

I can empathize, I have a 13 year old who deals with the same things. She's not fat by any means but is just like I was at her age. I made the mistake of letting her think that it was baby fat and that she would have a nice slim down sooner or later (like I did) which in turn, made her think that it was going to magically happen and that being physically active wasn't a requirement. I talk to her all the time about the what I'm going through now, or what my mother is going through all because we stopped paying attention to what we were eating and how much exercise we were getting. My mother is 52 and just had half her foot amputated due to diabetes, had open heart surgery 2 years ago, a bypass on the artery in her groin late last year. I keep it real with my daughter.

I've made eating healthy a family affair so that way one, it's easier for me; two, my family and I are all learning healthy eating habits together; and three, no one feels singled out.

Good luck and know that you're not alone. It's a touchy subject but it can be done without hurting their feelings or giving them a complex.

Slimithy

I'm all for putting healthy food in the house andencouraging an active and healthy lifestyle for the whole family. I would be wary of any talk of dieting specifically though. I remember constantly being told I needed to lose weight as a child, yet at the same time both my parents were big and we never had healthy food in the house and we did zero physical activity as a family. Talk to the doctor, but to be honest, if you are only supplying healthy food and leading a healthy active lifestyle by example I think you're doing all you should do. At 11 the body is changing all the time, often gaining and losing pounds through developmental spurts.