How to fail at weight loss

stormieweather

Cheat at logging (because if it isn't logged, it didn't happen).

Guess at your portion sizes, rounding down (by 50% or more).

Surfing through the exercises to find the one similar to what you did that has the highest calorie burn and logging that (cause if you log it, you can eat it).

Have cheat meals every other day (because you earned it!).

Fesse

and DON"T ask for support from friends, what are they good for anyways........

And please for goodness sakes don't post any progress or before and after shots, who wants to see that really?

yyzdnl

Never do sit ups or crunches because they won't target your belly fat.

FearAnLoathing

:laugh:

outersoul

Don't incorporate weight lifting because it's just going to bulk you up.

callipygianchronicle

You forgot:

--Be sure to ask for help. But, if anyone suggests that you need to change what you're doing, be sure to yell at them and tell them they just don't "get" how your body works.

--Consume unlimited amounts of sodium.

--Accept avery change in the scale as absolute truth and give up the first time the scale goes up by 0.2 pounds.

UpToAnyCool

Believe that there is one magic secret or pill or eating plan, not lots of small changes you can make incrementally over time to make healthier choices.

Believe THIS IS JUST A TEMPORARY DIET for now.

Go on a very low calorie diet, one that has a HUGE differential between your future maintenance allotment and what you are allowed to eat now. Yup, you'll lose weight quickly and your pants will be loose, but it will be hard to bump up to your future maintenance amount, and um, oh - you might have lost muscle mass so your metabolism might be slower than it would have been had you lost the weight at a slower rate.


And....drumroll....Drink back all your exercise calories in alcohol <== :embarassed: :noway: guilty. working on it.

LorinaLynn

The second you have any kind of adversity, quit. If you go over your calories once, you're a failure.

SunLovin1

Never do sit ups or crunches because they won't target your belly fat.

Well, they don't "target" belly fat, but they do build the muscle! I can't wait to lose the fat over what I'm sure are some killer six pack abs.

Heather75

Drink as much soda as you can tolerate. It's the same as water, only gives you more energy.

xXxKayleighxXx

It doesn't matter how much fatty food you eat, as long as you eat healthy food after to balance it out. So for every chocolate bar, eat a yoghurt and an apple. It cancels it out.

SueInAz

- Believe the hype of every magazine cover lose-weight-quick diet plan.

- Listen to your overweight co-workers when they tell you that you're getting "too skinny" and you "eat funny"

UpToAnyCool

Drink as much soda as you can tolerate. It's the same as water, only gives you more energy.

....And tooth fur :laugh: :huh:

defygravity531

- Listen to your overweight co-workers when they tell you that you're getting "too skinny" and you "eat funny"

YES! The overweight people in your life have the proper perspective and can totally tell when you're starting to get "too skinny" and you "just don't look like "you" anymore". And when they tell you that your lunch smells funny (fish, asparagus, broccoli, etc) you must stop bringing those things and start eating junk again.

atomdraco

Eat a serving of Extra Creamy Whipped Cream (15 cal), it's fills calorie counts (cause i consume too much calories a day - 600ish), and it's the one of the very few low carb food I can find.

ObviousIndigo

- If you're not dizzy or light headed you are eating too much

- eat as little as possible and do hourse of cardio per day cause when your body starts to use your muscles and tissues for fuel it still counts as weightloss

- inject yourself with everything and anything that promises instant weight loss cause it's sure to last

- do not eat anything with carbs (especially whole grains) cause they are bad for you

- remember if you haven't dropped 20lbs a month it is time to give up cause you OBVIOUSLY don't get how to lose weight.

- 600 calories a day IS enough to survive off of

- the faster the weight comes off the longer it will stay off

jknops2

Don't trust any government - health non-profit health information. They are in conspiracy with Monsanto / agriculture / drug industry to keep us sick, so they can make money of us.

Only trust websites, that have discovered the real, and only truth facts, about diet and health. Ignore the fact that the quacks make money selling this info, books, supplements, etc.

dirtydiscolady

Absolutly No SEX! It kills your drive to workout! LMAO

Or, use sex as a workout! Your *only* workout~!

BINGO!

SMarie10

Only record the food you want your MFP friends to see on your diary... everything else is your little secret.

runningneo122

Only record the food you want your MFP friends to see on your diary... everything else is your little secret.

This is my favorite on this post!!

brewingaz

Eat a box full of laxatives after each meal.

TayJoMama

Once you get to your goal weight, start eating exactly as you did when you gained weight in the first place, no moderation. You know you miss it and besides, it's a "journey" lets just keep it going!

PirateJenny

Eat only low and non-fat pre-packaged versions of all the foods you used to eat. Mac and cheese, pizza, ice cream, cookies, chips...it's all good as long as the package says it is!

BTW- I nearly killed myself at the gym because a television "health guru" said the whole eight servings of water a day thing was bunk and that coffee, tea, soup, fruits and vegetables provide plenty of water for the body per day. Almost coming to a dead stop on the treadmill while running out of shock is not recommended...She had some other really crappy advice, too. Basically it seemed like letting people hear what they want to hear instead of what might be more difficult but healthier: eat crappy filler foods, slack on water and have those crappy foods as long as they are no to low fat.

mkcalvert

Set your daily activity level to very active when you stay at home or sit in a desk, that way you have a larger deficit....

mkcalvert

Eat a box full of laxatives after each meal.

Best ever as usual Js thanks for delivering :drinker:

merrycat

Only record the food you want your MFP friends to see on your diary... everything else is your little secret.

This is hillarious because it's true. There's been more than a few days I was tempted to leave things off. But I remind myself - my body will expose anything I try to cover up by lying. This has really helped me stay on track.

Here's mine:

Counting calories is not sustainable long term and will make you mental or anorexic. The only way to lose weight is to eat intuitively i,e, "eat whatever I feel like and tell myself my body is craving this food for a reason." I get this all the time from my sister.

Jonesie1984

Take HCG at eat only 500 calories/day and you'll lose weight in NO TIME! Only to rebound and gain more with a shot metabolism! Double bonus!

MissO﹠A

...Drink back all your exercise calories in alcohol.

This sounds like EXACTLY what I need to do.

Eat a box full of laxatives after each meal.

Alli to the rescue? And make sure to carry around a pack of adult diapers.

Jonesie1984

Keep going wayyy over your calorie goal everyday with no exercise and have your friends keep telling you "it's ok, tomorrow is a new day"..

That is of course how you became so successful in the first place right?

welly5

Don't lift weights or so strength training because the muscle will build ON TOP of the fat and the fat will solidify and you'll never be able to lose it


Drink all your meals. My blending stuff in a blender it magically becomes a healthy meal! If you can't put it in a blender and blend it up then you shouldn't eat it

Punish all of your mistakes with constant self-criticism and constantly compare yourself to those around you. Motivation!