How to fail at weight loss

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Replies

  • mishelnkiki
    mishelnkiki Posts: 775 Member
    love this! taso... u never fail to deliver my friend! i think everyone go just about everything. accept for one...
    keep ur diary private, eat nothing but chocolate, chips, and soda and do very little exercise. as long as it says ur under on ur cals, ur friends will still compliment u and nobody will ever know the difference!
  • ladyhawk00
    ladyhawk00 Posts: 2,457 Member
    Eat only when hungry.

    Skip meals often, so you can binge later with all the stuff you really want.

    Never ask for help. But if you must, make sure to only listen to those who tell you what you want to hear. (this is a repeat, but worth repeating)

    When you injure yourself or are sick, just exercise harder and more.

    DO NOT, EVER, try to learn anything about good nutrition, eating a healthy amount of healthy food, doing a healthy amount of moderate exercise, or how to find habits that you can live with forever.
  • jlp100
    jlp100 Posts: 117 Member
    On ur jog take a detour via the fast food drive thru to get extra large meals to binge on n chuck em back up again :) nothin like a happy meal! :0)
  • runningneo122
    runningneo122 Posts: 6,962 Member
    I don't think anyone mentioned:
    Make sure to 'friend request' everybody and pile them up as fast as you can so you have loads of people telling you what you WANT to hear and not what you NEED to hear.

    The person with the most friends loses weight the fastest and keeps it off the longest.
  • InfamousQ
    InfamousQ Posts: 266 Member
    Never change your work out program keep the same weights and never deviate from it.
  • Oishii
    Oishii Posts: 2,675 Member
    Absolutly No SEX! It kills your drive to workout! LMAO
    Or, use sex as a workout! Your *only* workout~! :love:
    BINGO!

    The latter worked for me in college... But I'm monogamous now :wink:
  • millerll
    millerll Posts: 873 Member
    Blindly follow the latest celebrity "weight loss" diet in your favorite magazine. After all, they use professional trainers and they have personal chefs and everything, right? So they must know what they're doing. And Angelina Jolie looks soooo healthy..............
  • Crystal817
    Crystal817 Posts: 2,021 Member
    Eat toilet paper its light and helps fill your stomach......

    I spray with oil and pop it into the oven. I call it toilet chips.
  • drasr
    drasr Posts: 181
    Absolutly No SEX! It kills your drive to workout! LMAO
    Or, use sex as a workout! Your *only* workout~! :love:
    BINGO!

    The latter worked for me in college... But I'm monogamous now :wink:

    You can be monogamous and still have plenty of it.
  • ladyhawk00
    ladyhawk00 Posts: 2,457 Member
    Blindly follow the latest celebrity "weight loss" diet in your favorite magazine. After all, they use professional trainers and they have personal chefs and everything, right? So they must know what they're doing. And Angelina Jolie looks soooo healthy..............

    OMG I just saw a recent pic of her - she looked awful...scrawny, tired and too thin.
  • parvati
    parvati Posts: 432 Member
    Lol lol!!! Oh goodness, so so funny!!
    I really needed that!!! :)
  • McKayMachina
    McKayMachina Posts: 2,670 Member
    Eat toilet paper its light and helps fill your stomach......

    I spray with oil and pop it into the oven. I call it toilet chips.

    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

    barf.gif
  • lady95
    lady95 Posts: 46
    Buy a bunch of low fat frozen dinners that are labeled "healthy."

    Hey! Those have acctually helped me.
  • manny_bee
    manny_bee Posts: 62 Member
    oh dear... i do a lot of these. like the working out all the time and eating very little. and it's working...also i eat nothing but hormel compleats and smart ones frozen dinners.
  • maggie4097
    maggie4097 Posts: 156
    Don't trust any government - health non-profit health information. They are in conspiracy with Monsanto / agriculture / drug industry to keep us sick, so they can make money of us.

    Only trust websites, that have discovered the real, and only truth facts, about diet and health. Ignore the fact that the quacks make money selling this info, books, supplements, etc.
    :bigsmile:
  • maggie4097
    maggie4097 Posts: 156
    Only record the food you want your MFP friends to see on your diary... everything else is your little secret.
    This is my favorite on this post!!


    I love this too! hahaha Unfortunately, true!
  • LuckyLeprechaun
    LuckyLeprechaun Posts: 6,296 Member
    Eat toilet paper its light and helps fill your stomach......

    I spray with oil and pop it into the oven. I call it toilet chips.


    snorted when I read this. F'in hilarious
  • maggie4097
    maggie4097 Posts: 156
    Eat toilet paper its light and helps fill your stomach......

    I spray with oil and pop it into the oven. I call it toilet chips.

    How many carbs?
  • LuckyLeprechaun
    LuckyLeprechaun Posts: 6,296 Member
    Don't trust any government - health non-profit health information. They are in conspiracy with Monsanto / agriculture / drug industry to keep us sick, so they can make money of us.

    Only trust websites, that have discovered the real, and only truth facts, about diet and health. Ignore the fact that the quacks make money selling this info, books, supplements, etc.

    LOVE THIS!!!
  • xxx29
    xxx29 Posts: 60 Member
    Skip breakfast. Wait until after 6:00 p.m. to eat.


    Sleep no less than 3 hours a night.
  • julslea
    julslea Posts: 436 Member
    Eat toilet paper its light and helps fill your stomach......

    I spray with oil and pop it into the oven. I call it toilet chips.


    OMG...too funny!

    :laugh:
  • crisanderson27
    crisanderson27 Posts: 5,343 Member
    Absolutly No SEX! It kills your drive to workout! LMAO
    Or, use sex as a workout! Your *only* workout~! :love:
    BINGO!

    With the right exercise partner...this is viable peeps...

    =D
  • dawniewest
    dawniewest Posts: 37 Member
    Skip Breakfast. That way you have like, a third more calories to eat later in the day!:huh:
  • Adelphia
    Adelphia Posts: 176
    If you're like me and you have a job where you're constantly on your feets, then by all means indulge in whatever your coworkers have decided the daily binge will be. You'll burn off those three handfuls of chocolate covered whatsits and five donut holes in no time~.
  • pauldbarnhart
    pauldbarnhart Posts: 5,999 Member
    Sign up for every advertised weight loss plan there is...those results they advertise are "not typical", so you'll obviously lose more than those "not typical" people.
  • kimmerroze
    kimmerroze Posts: 1,330 Member
    Eat toilet paper its light and helps fill your stomach......

    I spray with oil and pop it into the oven. I call it toilet chips.


    OMG...too funny!

    :laugh:

    Bahahahaha this was tooo hilarious. lol By far my favorite.

    I will add

    starvation mode is fake, don't listen to it. as long as you eat something you arent "STARVING"
  • kapeluza
    kapeluza Posts: 3,434 Member
    Eating stuffed crust pizza and then 2 hours later closing the night with a large glass of milk and 15 oreo cookies
  • pauldbarnhart
    pauldbarnhart Posts: 5,999 Member
    *** crap! Gotta stop reading this before I go into a feeding frenzy ***
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