OT-PG13: I can't believe....

jamerz3294

You all should know that if Max posts something...........it WILL turn out to be risque!!! :laugh:

Speaking of butts....

Hello, Tam. :flowerforyou:

Yes...my butt is doing just fine today! Thanks! :ohwell:

Oh? No s#it? :laugh:

Shannon023

:laugh:

mholmes

:laugh:

GoGetterMom

You all should know that if Max posts something...........it WILL turn out to be risque!!! :laugh:

Yep - Max is good for risque or cheap humor...

Juliebean

You all should know that if Max posts something...........it WILL turn out to be risque!!! :laugh:

Yep - Max is good for risque or cheap humor...

It's a dirty job but somebody's gotta do it... :drinker:

SoupNazi

Do you like gladiator movies?

Shannon023

You all should know that if Max posts something...........it WILL turn out to be risque!!! :laugh:

Yep - Max is good for risque or cheap humor...

Yep, Max is known for being cheap. :grumble:

GoGetterMom

Speaking of gladiators & crap....

jamerz3294

You all should know that if Max posts something...........it WILL turn out to be risque!!! :laugh:

Yep - Max is good for risque or cheap humor...

Yep, Max is known for being cheap. :grumble:

Especially on a date... just ask BEFORE! :huh:

Shannon023

Let's keep the Friday thread rolling, baybees!! :drinker:

mholmes

In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth and populated the Earth with broccoli, cauliflower, spinach, green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives
Then using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry 's Ice Cream and
Krispy Creme Donuts. And Satan said, "You want chocolate with that?"
And Man said, "Yes!"
and Woman said, "and as long as you're at it, add some sprinkles."
And they gained 10 pounds.
And Satan smiled.

And God created the healthful yogurt
that Woman might keep the figure that Man found so fair.
And Satan brought forth white flour
from the wheat, and sugar from the cane and combined them.
And Woman went from size 6 to size 14.

So God said, "Try my fresh green salad." And Satan presented Thousand-Island Dressing, buttery croutons, and garlic toast on the side.
And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.

God then said, "I have sent you heart healthy vegetables,
and olive oil in which to cook them."
And Satan brought forth deep fried fish and chicken-fried steak so big
it needed its own platter.
And Man gained more weight and his cholesterol went through the roof.

God then created a light, fluffy white cake, named it "Angel Food Cake,"
and said, "It is good."
Satan then created chocolate cake and named it "Devil's Food."

God then brought forth running shoes
so that His children might lose those extra pounds.
And Satan gave cable TV with
a remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels.
And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering blue light
and gained pounds.

Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and
brimming with nutrition.
And Satan peeled off the healthful skin
and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fried them.
And Man gained pounds.

God then gave lean beef so that Man
might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite.
And Satan created McDonald 's
and its 99-cent double cheeseburger.
Then said, "You want fries with that?"
And Man replied, "Yes! And super size them!"
And Satan said, "It is good."
And Man went into cardiac arrest.

God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.

Then Satan created HMOs.

mholmes

1. Men are like ... Laxatives ..... They irritate the crap out of you.
2. Men are like..... Bananas ....... The older they get, the less firm they are.
3. Men are like ...... Weather ...... Nothing can be done to change them.
4. Men are like ..... Blenders ..... You need One, but you're not quite sure why.
5. Men are like ..... Chocolate Bars .... Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.
6. Men are like ..... Commercials ....... You can't believe a word they say.
7. Men are like ..... Department Stores ..... Their clothes are always 1/2 off.
8. Men are like ..... Government Bonds ..... They take soooooooo long to mature.
9. Men are like ..... Mascara ..... They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
10. Men are like ..... Popcorn .... They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
11. Men are like ..... Snowstorms .... You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.
12. Men are like ..... Lava Lamps .... Fun to look at, but not very bright.
13. Men are like ..... Parking Spots ..... All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.

JeremyInvincible

1. Men are like ... Laxatives ..... They irritate the crap out of you.
2. Men are like..... Bananas ....... The older they get, the less firm they are.
3. Men are like ...... Weather ...... Nothing can be done to change them.
4. Men are like ..... Blenders ..... You need One, but you're not quite sure why.
5. Men are like ..... Chocolate Bars .... Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.
6. Men are like ..... Commercials ....... You can't believe a word they say.
7. Men are like ..... Department Stores ..... Their clothes are always 1/2 off.
8. Men are like ..... Government Bonds ..... They take soooooooo long to mature.
9. Men are like ..... Mascara ..... They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
10. Men are like ..... Popcorn .... They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
11. Men are like ..... Snowstorms .... You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.
12. Men are like ..... Lava Lamps .... Fun to look at, but not very bright.
13. Men are like ..... Parking Spots ..... All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.

Hey! I resemble those remarks! :mad:

GoGetterMom

1. Men are like ... Laxatives ..... They irritate the crap out of you.
2. Men are like..... Bananas ....... The older they get, the less firm they are.
3. Men are like ...... Weather ...... Nothing can be done to change them.
4. Men are like ..... Blenders ..... You need One, but you're not quite sure why.
5. Men are like ..... Chocolate Bars .... Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.
6. Men are like ..... Commercials ....... You can't believe a word they say.
7. Men are like ..... Department Stores ..... Their clothes are always 1/2 off.
8. Men are like ..... Government Bonds ..... They take soooooooo long to mature.
9. Men are like ..... Mascara ..... They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
10. Men are like ..... Popcorn .... They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
11. Men are like ..... Snowstorms .... You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.
12. Men are like ..... Lava Lamps .... Fun to look at, but not very bright.
13. Men are like ..... Parking Spots ..... All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.

Hey! I resemble those remarks! :mad:

mholmes

Hey! I resemble those remarks! :mad:

:noway: My dad says that all the time!!! :laugh:

jamdblake4

In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth and populated the Earth with broccoli, cauliflower, spinach, green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives
Then using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry 's Ice Cream and
Krispy Creme Donuts. And Satan said, "You want chocolate with that?"
And Man said, "Yes!"
and Woman said, "and as long as you're at it, add some sprinkles."
And they gained 10 pounds.
And Satan smiled.

And God created the healthful yogurt
that Woman might keep the figure that Man found so fair.
And Satan brought forth white flour
from the wheat, and sugar from the cane and combined them.
And Woman went from size 6 to size 14.

So God said, "Try my fresh green salad." And Satan presented Thousand-Island Dressing, buttery croutons, and garlic toast on the side.
And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.

God then said, "I have sent you heart healthy vegetables,
and olive oil in which to cook them."
And Satan brought forth deep fried fish and chicken-fried steak so big
it needed its own platter.
And Man gained more weight and his cholesterol went through the roof.

God then created a light, fluffy white cake, named it "Angel Food Cake,"
and said, "It is good."
Satan then created chocolate cake and named it "Devil's Food."

God then brought forth running shoes
so that His children might lose those extra pounds.
And Satan gave cable TV with
a remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels.
And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering blue light
and gained pounds.

Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and
brimming with nutrition.
And Satan peeled off the healthful skin
and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fried them.
And Man gained pounds.

God then gave lean beef so that Man
might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite.
And Satan created McDonald 's
and its 99-cent double cheeseburger.
Then said, "You want fries with that?"
And Man replied, "Yes! And super size them!"
And Satan said, "It is good."
And Man went into cardiac arrest.

God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.

Then Satan created HMOs.

Can I get a triple thick shake?:bigsmile:

mholmes

Paddy staggered home very late and very drunk. He took off his shoes to avoid waking the wife. He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step.

As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his backside. A Guinness bottle in a back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful. Managing not to scream out loud, Paddy sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see what damage he'd done.

Bleeding from several cuts, he somehow managed to find a first aid kit and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood. He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and stumbled his way into bed.

In the morning, Paddy woke up with searing pain in both his head and bottom and his wife staring daggers at him from across the room.

She says, "So, you were staggering drunk last night Paddy, weren't you now?

Says Paddy, "Now why would you say such a thing?"

"Well," she says, "it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly....... it's all the Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror."

mholmes

In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth and populated the Earth with broccoli, cauliflower, spinach, green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives
Then using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry 's Ice Cream and
Krispy Creme Donuts. And Satan said, "You want chocolate with that?"
And Man said, "Yes!"
and Woman said, "and as long as you're at it, add some sprinkles."
And they gained 10 pounds.
And Satan smiled.

And God created the healthful yogurt
that Woman might keep the figure that Man found so fair.
And Satan brought forth white flour
from the wheat, and sugar from the cane and combined them.
And Woman went from size 6 to size 14.

So God said, "Try my fresh green salad." And Satan presented Thousand-Island Dressing, buttery croutons, and garlic toast on the side.
And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.

God then said, "I have sent you heart healthy vegetables,
and olive oil in which to cook them."
And Satan brought forth deep fried fish and chicken-fried steak so big
it needed its own platter.
And Man gained more weight and his cholesterol went through the roof.

God then created a light, fluffy white cake, named it "Angel Food Cake,"
and said, "It is good."
Satan then created chocolate cake and named it "Devil's Food."

God then brought forth running shoes
so that His children might lose those extra pounds.
And Satan gave cable TV with
a remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels.
And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering blue light
and gained pounds.

Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and
brimming with nutrition.
And Satan peeled off the healthful skin
and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fried them.
And Man gained pounds.

God then gave lean beef so that Man
might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite.
And Satan created McDonald 's
and its 99-cent double cheeseburger.
Then said, "You want fries with that?"
And Man replied, "Yes! And super size them!"
And Satan said, "It is good."
And Man went into cardiac arrest.

God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.

Then Satan created HMOs.

Can I get a triple thick shake?:bigsmile:

Are you callin me fat?? No I will not do the truffle shuffle for you!

SoupNazi

1. Men are like ... Laxatives ..... They irritate the crap out of you.
2. Men are like..... Bananas ....... The older they get, the less firm they are.
3. Men are like ...... Weather ...... Nothing can be done to change them.
4. Men are like ..... Blenders ..... You need One, but you're not quite sure why.
5. Men are like ..... Chocolate Bars .... Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.
6. Men are like ..... Commercials ....... You can't believe a word they say.
7. Men are like ..... Department Stores ..... Their clothes are always 1/2 off.
8. Men are like ..... Government Bonds ..... They take soooooooo long to mature.
9. Men are like ..... Mascara ..... They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
10. Men are like ..... Popcorn .... They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
11. Men are like ..... Snowstorms .... You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.
12. Men are like ..... Lava Lamps .... Fun to look at, but not very bright.
13. Men are like ..... Parking Spots ..... All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.

(((((((STANDING OVATION))))))))))