To spank, or not to spank!?!

McKnightAM

I have a 1 1/2 year old, and I guess you could say I'm kind of a pushover (which I am trying to get out of), and i know this is a kind of heated subject for some but i really need some advice!! Me and my husband were both raised in Texas, oklahoma, where we were both brought up the old fashioned (spare the rod spoil the child) kind of way, my lil one is now at the stage where he is absolutley taking control! When he doesnt get his way he screams, and bites himself, or pulls his hair, or hits himself, and if he's feeling really brave he will bite/hit us,, we dont know what to do, spanking doesnt seem to be working anymore, and when i turn to my family for advice, they just keep telling me to spank him and make him do what I want and eventually he will get it! Than when we are in public, i get so many stares when he throws his tantrums, like i am a bad mother, or not doing something right and it breaks my heart, it doesnt help that i am so young so "that just has to be the problem", its very frustrating, and exhausting! making him sit for timeout has become a joke, its more stress for me trying to make him sit than it is even phasing him!! i have no idea what to do, i am all out of ideas, and his anger is not getting any better! :frown: :frown: :frown:

someone please help!

AND PLEASE,, NO RUDE COMMENTS, OR HEATED STATEMENTS, I'M JUST POKING AROUND FOR NEW IDEAS, NOT START UP ANYTHING, PLEASE, IF YOU DONT HAVE ANYTHING NICE TO SAY, DONT POST IT:flowerforyou:

McKnightAM

I have a 1 1/2 year old, and I guess you could say I'm kind of a pushover (which I am trying to get out of), and i know this is a kind of heated subject for some but i really need some advice!! Me and my husband were both raised in Texas, oklahoma, where we were both brought up the old fashioned (spare the rod spoil the child) kind of way, my lil one is now at the stage where he is absolutley taking control! When he doesnt get his way he screams, and bites himself, or pulls his hair, or hits himself, and if he's feeling really brave he will bite/hit us,, we dont know what to do, spanking doesnt seem to be working anymore, and when i turn to my family for advice, they just keep telling me to spank him and make him do what I want and eventually he will get it! Than when we are in public, i get so many stares when he throws his tantrums, like i am a bad mother, or not doing something right and it breaks my heart, it doesnt help that i am so young so "that just has to be the problem", its very frustrating, and exhausting! making him sit for timeout has become a joke, its more stress for me trying to make him sit than it is even phasing him!! i have no idea what to do, i am all out of ideas, and his anger is not getting any better! :frown: :frown: :frown:

someone please help!

AND PLEASE,, NO RUDE COMMENTS, OR HEATED STATEMENTS, I'M JUST POKING AROUND FOR NEW IDEAS, NOT START UP ANYTHING, PLEASE, IF YOU DONT HAVE ANYTHING NICE TO SAY, DONT POST IT:flowerforyou:

PrincessLaundry

SPANK!!!

Hokay, now what's the question? LOL

McKnightAM

SPANK!!!

Hokay, now what's the question? LOL

LMBO!! right... i just get so uncomfortable when I am in public, because of the controversy over it, and everyon is so quitck to judge, i live at an army post, and because most of the wives here are so "perfect" they dont have to spank their child cuz theirs would "never act like that", i couldnt count the times someone has said something to me, or just loud enough for me to hear, about me spanking him, all the while i'm thinking,"unless you have a child, YOU HAVE NO IDEA!!"

cassangelidy

I have a 1 1/2 year old, and I guess you could say I'm kind of a pushover (which I am trying to get out of), and i know this is a kind of heated subject for some but i really need some advice!! Me and my husband were both raised in Texas, oklahoma, where we were both brought up the old fashioned (spare the rod spoil the child) kind of way, my lil one is now at the stage where he is absolutley taking control! When he doesnt get his way he screams, and bites himself, or pulls his hair, or hits himself, and if he's feeling really brave he will bite/hit us,, we dont know what to do, spanking doesnt seem to be working anymore, and when i turn to my family for advice, they just keep telling me to spank him and make him do what I want and eventually he will get it! Than when we are in public, i get so many stares when he throws his tantrums, like i am a bad mother, or not doing something right and it breaks my heart, it doesnt help that i am so young so "that just has to be the problem", its very frustrating, and exhausting! making him sit for timeout has become a joke, its more stress for me trying to make him sit than it is even phasing him!! i have no idea what to do, i am all out of ideas, and his anger is not getting any better! :frown: :frown: :frown:

someone please help!

This is going to sound really bizzare, but I asked my doctor and its doesn't hurt them.

NAUGHTY WATER!!!

Its vinegar with water in it; but mostly vinegar. I have a little syringe that I put just a little in...half a teaspoon or so and make my daughter open her mouth. It only takes a few times of getting naughty water for her to really straighten up.

My daughter is very strong willed, (as it sounds like your son is) and I strongly believe that strong willed children NEED TO KNOW WHO IS BOSS. Its going to be tough at first...but you can take back control. When my daughter does something she knows is wrong I get right down at her level. Have her look at me and I sort of stick out my neck a little and have a very serious, not mad, but serious look on my face and tell her. Reagan it is not okay for you to do _____. Mommy does not like when you do ___. This is your warning. If you do ____ again you will get naughty water. Then I give her a hug and pop up like nothing is wrong. She has had her warning and now its her choice. I use the word choice a lot because even as toddlers they know what is expected (if you set up expectations for them) and they know when something they do is wrong.

Then if she does that thing I warned her about. I grab her hand and walk her over to where the naughty water is. I fill up the syringe and tell her why she is getting naughty water. I make her open her mouth and take it. I don't force her with my hands, but I tell her to do it and I wait for her. Believe me it is going to take time.

This is just want has worked for us. And its just a thought.

I wish you much luck because those strong little wills are tough...but properly molded...strong willed children grow up to be the leaders of our society.

Anna_Banana

I've taken my kids to the bathroom when they were little and we were in a public place and they had a fit. I've only had to take each of them once. After that I had no problems. When my kids were 6, 4 and 2, I would have people come up to me almost every time we ate out and tell me how well behaved my kids were. I have also had grocery store check out people comment on how well my behaved, because if they ask for something in the check out line and I say no, that is the end of the discussion. I hate when people let their kids just run every where, and I especially hate when I'm somewhere eating and someone elses kid shows up at my table. Just because the parents think its cute doesn't mean everybody else thinks they are.

I don't endorce spanking daily or beating. But if the kid isn't responding with any thing else a pop on the but don't hurt.

The other day I was somewhere and this ladies little girl was being such a brat and wanting a sucker and the lady had told her no several times and the kid just kept whining and finally the lady gave her a sucker. I just sat there and thought. Yep the kid won. You will never win that battle again.

Your just trying to start arguement aren't you.

heartshapdworld

I don't have children, so I am not expert.

I know all a lot of people that will say spanking is child abuse and about as many that will say every child needs to be spanked once in a while. But I do believe children need consistent boundries, lots of love and for their parents to be their parents (as opposed to their friend). I do believe that every family is different, and how one chooses to raise one's family is a personal choice.

Be careful about inviting other people into this kind of discussion as they may come to belive it will be alright for them to tell you and your husband how to raise your family and/or undermine you to your child. Whatever you deceide to do, it should be a choice that you and your husband agree on and will be consistent with.

Good Luck-that is just my $0.02:flowerforyou:

jackeh

ummmm my opinion would be...
I wouldnt spank... i think you need to make sure you are consistant... with my 3 kiddies Time out was the answer and i made SURE that i was consistant with the time outs... if they did something wrong they went in the corner EVERY time!!! it came to the point that if they did something that they knew was wrong like hitting they would sit themselves in the time out without me even saying anything lol.
When it comes to him hitting and biting himself i think he is definately trying to get your attention ... when you go over and say noooo dont hit yourself he is getting what he wants ... when my kids chose to hit and bite themselves i would pretend i didnt even notice and walk in a different ... lemme tell you they stopped pretty quick because they didnt get a response from me and it hurt when they did it ....
I have often gotten the looks like i am a bad mother in the malls but again this is when the child thinks they can get your attention right .... like what as if you will stick me in the corner\spank me here.... sooooo i would find a corner IN the mall and sit them down in it ... that behavior stopped quick too lol
and really who cares what others think about your parenting skills in the mall, they arent in your shoes, It doesnt matter what they think!!!! I have even had people in the mall come up to me and say bad things to me like make your kid stop crying (my youngest is special needs and thats all he ever did in the mall is cry) and then i have had people come up to me in the mall and say "good for you sticking him in the corner" ...

songbyrdsweet

I really think it depends on the kid.

I am 11 years older than my sister and 17 years older than my brother, and have been babysitting since my sister was born. With my sister I feel like much more than just a sister...like a mom too, like I need to be there to take care of her, and like a disciplinarian. I'm not as close to my brother because I haven't lived with him as long and moved shortly after he was born.

However, I can tell you that they needed to be dealt with VERY differently. My sister rarely got spanked because I only reserved it for when she was REALLY bad, but when she did get a swat on the butt, she shaped up. Mostly I used the corner with her because she wanted to be around me, so being alone was really bad for her. Both were useful.

My little brother can be SO crazy, and he'll throw some incredible tantrums and definitely hits others. However, when he gets spanked, he doesn't react. He'll either hit back or laugh about it...he doesn't understand what it signifies, and I have REALLY swatted him on the butt before, and it didn't do anything. For him, the only thing that has meaning is the corner. I don't send him to his room with all his toys, I put him in the boring corner of the dining room and ignore him.

My mom used to spank me a ton, and that type of discipline became a problem when I was older and she became more physical, so that influences my opinion. I think a spanking only works when used sparingly so it maintains its meaning and stays effective. Otherwise, ignoring their tantrum teaches them that they will get NO attention from you, negative or positive. I feel that's a longer-lasting and more desirable effect.

McKnightAM

I have a 1 1/2 year old, and I guess you could say I'm kind of a pushover (which I am trying to get out of), and i know this is a kind of heated subject for some but i really need some advice!! Me and my husband were both raised in Texas, oklahoma, where we were both brought up the old fashioned (spare the rod spoil the child) kind of way, my lil one is now at the stage where he is absolutley taking control! When he doesnt get his way he screams, and bites himself, or pulls his hair, or hits himself, and if he's feeling really brave he will bite/hit us,, we dont know what to do, spanking doesnt seem to be working anymore, and when i turn to my family for advice, they just keep telling me to spank him and make him do what I want and eventually he will get it! Than when we are in public, i get so many stares when he throws his tantrums, like i am a bad mother, or not doing something right and it breaks my heart, it doesnt help that i am so young so "that just has to be the problem", its very frustrating, and exhausting! making him sit for timeout has become a joke, its more stress for me trying to make him sit than it is even phasing him!! i have no idea what to do, i am all out of ideas, and his anger is not getting any better! :frown: :frown: :frown:

someone please help!

This is going to sound really bizzare, but I asked my doctor and its doesn't hurt them.

NAUGHTY WATER!!!

Its vinegar with water in it; but mostly vinegar. I have a little syringe that I put just a little in...half a teaspoon or so and make my daughter open her mouth. It only takes a few times of getting naughty water for her to really straighten up.

My daughter is very strong willed, (as it sounds like your son is) and I strongly believe that strong willed children NEED TO KNOW WHO IS BOSS. Its going to be tough at first...but you can take back control. When my daughter does something she knows is wrong I get right down at her level. Have her look at me and I sort of stick out my neck a little and have a very serious, not mad, but serious look on my face and tell her. Reagan it is not okay for you to do _____. Mommy does not like when you do ___. This is your warning. If you do ____ again you will get naughty water. Then I give her a hug and pop up like nothing is wrong. She has had her warning and now its her choice. I use the word choice a lot because even as toddlers they know what is expected (if you set up expectations for them) and they know when something they do is wrong.

Then if she does that thing I warned her about. I grab her hand and walk her over to where the naughty water is. I fill up the syringe and tell her why she is getting naughty water. I make her open her mouth and take it. I don't force her with my hands, but I tell her to do it and I wait for her. Believe me it is going to take time.

This is just want has worked for us. And its just a thought.

I wish you much luck because those strong little wills are tough...but properly molded...strong willed children grow up to be the leaders of our society.

never in my life have i heard of that!! very creative, very unique!! lol

mrsyac2

Spank!!!

Also just to give you some parenting advice you need to be consistant. If you say you are going to do something you need to do it not just give empty threats cause then your child will know that your just saying it and not goin to do it. Also you need to understand that your child cant fully express himself to you which causes frustration which in the end causes fits.

As far as timeouts- If he gets out you need to put him back in there its all about consitancy (spell check) You want to gain respect now cause it just gets harder as they get older terrible 2's horrible 3's sassy 4's well you get the point.

Parenting is very exhausting.. I too am I young mom Im 25 with a 2nd grader and Pre-K'r- Keep your head up stay patient and ignore what the people in the stores think cause your damned if you do and damned if you dont- cause either they look at you like you dont know how to handle your kids and need to spank them - or if you do spank them they have something to say about that as well-

cassangelidy

I have a 1 1/2 year old, and I guess you could say I'm kind of a pushover (which I am trying to get out of), and i know this is a kind of heated subject for some but i really need some advice!! Me and my husband were both raised in Texas, oklahoma, where we were both brought up the old fashioned (spare the rod spoil the child) kind of way, my lil one is now at the stage where he is absolutley taking control! When he doesnt get his way he screams, and bites himself, or pulls his hair, or hits himself, and if he's feeling really brave he will bite/hit us,, we dont know what to do, spanking doesnt seem to be working anymore, and when i turn to my family for advice, they just keep telling me to spank him and make him do what I want and eventually he will get it! Than when we are in public, i get so many stares when he throws his tantrums, like i am a bad mother, or not doing something right and it breaks my heart, it doesnt help that i am so young so "that just has to be the problem", its very frustrating, and exhausting! making him sit for timeout has become a joke, its more stress for me trying to make him sit than it is even phasing him!! i have no idea what to do, i am all out of ideas, and his anger is not getting any better! :frown: :frown: :frown:

someone please help!

This is going to sound really bizzare, but I asked my doctor and its doesn't hurt them.

NAUGHTY WATER!!!

Its vinegar with water in it; but mostly vinegar. I have a little syringe that I put just a little in...half a teaspoon or so and make my daughter open her mouth. It only takes a few times of getting naughty water for her to really straighten up.

My daughter is very strong willed, (as it sounds like your son is) and I strongly believe that strong willed children NEED TO KNOW WHO IS BOSS. Its going to be tough at first...but you can take back control. When my daughter does something she knows is wrong I get right down at her level. Have her look at me and I sort of stick out my neck a little and have a very serious, not mad, but serious look on my face and tell her. Reagan it is not okay for you to do _____. Mommy does not like when you do ___. This is your warning. If you do ____ again you will get naughty water. Then I give her a hug and pop up like nothing is wrong. She has had her warning and now its her choice. I use the word choice a lot because even as toddlers they know what is expected (if you set up expectations for them) and they know when something they do is wrong.

Then if she does that thing I warned her about. I grab her hand and walk her over to where the naughty water is. I fill up the syringe and tell her why she is getting naughty water. I make her open her mouth and take it. I don't force her with my hands, but I tell her to do it and I wait for her. Believe me it is going to take time.

This is just want has worked for us. And its just a thought.

I wish you much luck because those strong little wills are tough...but properly molded...strong willed children grow up to be the leaders of our society.

never in my life have i heard of that!! very creative, very unique!! lol

My best friend told me about it. She too has a very stubborn boy and she started using it when he was about 18 months old. I started using it when my daughter stopped responding to spanking. Its worked for her, its worked for us.

::shrugs:: it is kinda funny, but Reagan knows what naughty water is and she doesn't want any part of it. So she listens to mommy.

Anna_Banana

You may want to check out "Love and Logic". It's a great way to look at parenting.

I ran a day care for 9 years and of coarse you can't spank there. We used that there. It's pretty creative.

zoepane

spank, and beleive me, you wont have to do it often, sometime you need to shock them back into reality, and letting him know your in charge....take care of it now, before you have an out of control 13 year old,......hope this helps, (nanny for 15 years) Zoe

monica5237

I think not giving them the attention they are wanting is the key.
I can remember when we would go out in public and my kids would throw a fit I would walk away (keeping them in site, but they could not see me) they thought I had left them so they would stop and then if they did it again i would walk away again. soon enough they got it.
(I was a spanker when needed but only if it was really bad)

Don't let them know you are watching the fit.

it is just attention they are wanting and if they see it don't work they will stop.

As far as the talking back I have teenagers and I have NOOOOO advice there, I could probably use some :laugh:

cspatzer

I can completely relate to what you are saying!! My husband and I were both brought up by spanking (with my hubby he got a paddle!!) and now a days the looks we get from people. When my youngest who is now 6 was younger she was the SAME way especially in public. People honestly cannot tell me their child is 100% good 100% of the time. I agree with the spanking. Like you, I never did it in public because of other people's looks and/or comments...UNTIL... my then 11 year old son was stealing from our house and to prevent it from going elsewhere we called the sheriff's dept to come and talk to him and he told my son and two other girls that we, as parents, have every right to discipline our children. And they also pointed out that if my son was their kid not only would they have gotten a spanking but their mouth would have been washed out with soap too. So from that point on I disciplined my children no matter where I was and no matter the comments or looks. There is a HUGE difference between one or two spanks to "whaling" on your child! Beleive me once or twice of that and your child will know you mean business. I have even left stores in the midist of shopping because of my daughter. To this day she is no angel but far from where she used to be!! Sorry this was so lengthy, I could just relate and wanted you to know it is ok to discipline your child as to how to see fit (again line between discipline and abuse, but you get where I'm going!!)
Chris!!

mrsyac2

SPANK!!!

Hokay, now what's the question? LOL

LMBO!! right... i just get so uncomfortable when I am in public, because of the controversy over it, and everyon is so quitck to judge, i live at an army post, and because most of the wives here are so "perfect" they dont have to spank their child cuz theirs would "never act like that", i couldnt count the times someone has said something to me, or just loud enough for me to hear, about me spanking him, all the while i'm thinking,"unless you have a child, YOU HAVE NO IDEA!!"

Dont think army wives are so perfect- and which post are you at cause Im at one too. As far has dealing with it in public you can take your child in the bathroom- Now Im not saying that every little thing needs a spanking cause thats not the case-- also when kids dont get attention they will do what ever it is to get some form attention even if its getting yelled at- Also not entertaining the fits works as well alot of times kids do it to get a reaction.

jackeh

im actually a little surprised at how many people said spank.... apparently im the only non-spanker:huh:

Healthier_Me

I'be tried everything from spanking, taking priviledges away, silent treatment, time out... The thing that is working for me is telling them if they want to act out, do it in their room. nowhere near me.

It's working!

~Joanna:flowerforyou:

memaw66

I agree with a pat on the butt or if he is touching something he shouldn't a pat on the hands, not hard, just enough to get his attention or a loud clap of the hands,just loud enough to startle him.

Let me tell you what worked with my son, when he was about 2 or 3 we were in the store and he started throwing a fit because he wanted something (my mom always bought him anything he wanted and I was trying to stop it). Well anyway, he threw himself down on the floor and proceeded to throw a major fit, so..................I did the same thing. I laid right next to him in the middle of the crowded grocery store and did EXACTLY what he did, just to show him what he looked like. Do you know he NEVER threw another fit in the store!!!!

When my kids got a little older, I would use a water gun for inappropriate behavior. This was especially effective for bad table manners. Whenever they would chew with thier mouths open, or talk with food in thier mouth, I would squirt them with the water gun right in the mouth area. My kids have the best table manners now that they are grown. I, too, used to get compliments when we were out in public about how well behaved my kids were.

Memaw

jackeh

. Well anyway, he threw himself down on the floor and proceeded to throw a major fit, so..................I did the same thing. I laid right next to him in the middle of the crowded grocery store and did EXACTLY what he did, just to show him what he looked like. Do you know he NEVER threw another fit in the store!!!!


Memaw

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAA i would have sooooo liked to be there to see that one:laugh:

PrincessLaundry

Hokay now that I have read what you wrote...

First of all relax... I am a fun, nutty, take it, but stop it, consistent type of Mom. I have an 11 year old son, and 6 year old daughter. My son I threatened already to sell him to gypsies, and my daughter I told her if she grabbed my hair (even thought she was playing), one more time today she would be doing her homework with a stub. Now is this "bad" parenting? No, they both know I mean business, and I have not yet sold or maimed a child thus far. LOL So relax. My kids are normal and I have worked my darnedest to warp them. LOL

A few thoughts...

BE CONSISTANT!!!
You and your hubby HAVE to sit down and make some rules on what is acceptable and what isn't. You can NOT just go changing rules on each other or over ruling each other in front of your child. You HAVE to make some rules, give them a try for a while, and then change things TOGETHER as needed. This is a MUST!

What do you and your hubby want your child to do differently?
Just like everything I do, I shoot for small goals, and anything above is success! So pick two "goals" which you would like to set for your child. And make a plan to on how you are going to change the behavior. For your son, the biting has GOT to stop. So write that one down. Then figure out what you are going to do when he bites. If spanking isn't working (didn't for my son either) then find another punishment and stick to it! Make sure the punishment is something YOU can stand. Taking away the kid's favorite toy which gives you 10 minutes without him hanging on you would not only stink for him, but your life will suck...so find things that you can handle as punishment.

Never let him see you sweat...Just like the commercial. LOL Once your child can see you out of control, you are done for.

I used the "naughty rug" method. I never give chances because if my kids even at that age were told they could have a cookie in six days, they'd remind me in six days about the cookie. So a simple rule is no chances. It takes out the guesswork and wear and tear on you.

For the naughty rug (from the Nanny on TV) you will need to find a quite rug or spot in your house for your child to sit where he can't touch, yank, breathe, eat, snort, see, rub, grab, feel, or do anything to any object other than a rug or a wall. This spot is where you will place your child when he bites for a few minutes. However many minutes you choose. At the end of this time you go and tell your child his infraction, and help him up and out of the naughty spot. This will give you time to think and relax, and same with your kid. STICK TO IT! If he gets out, reset the timer. My son did this at 3 once for 45 minutes...I as so upset but I stuck to it. Now that he's 11 I laugh and threaten him with the naughty rug and he KNOWS I'm serious though if he pushes me.

Anyway...I have really good kids and they have amazingly good behavior. I guess my goal is to raise them to be smart enough to get a good scholarship, so they can get a good enough job to pay for their therapy for all the things I screwed them up about. LOL

Besides...once you find a way to perfect your child's behavior he will think of something new and your old ways will go to pot. Kids should come with warnings..."Subject will change behavior without warning!" LOL

Good luck with that girlie! You can do it!

TheGoblinRoad

I am opposed to doing anything to a kid that you wouldn't want your own mother to do to you today as an adult, in public, if you did something you shouldn't.

If you, for example, flipped off somebody in a restaurant, and your mother would spank you in the restaurant, AND you're ok with that action--then go ahead.

There are tons of families that discipline without any spanking, and effectively.

My family stopped, probably about 100 years ago, and we have a great relationship in every generation with our parents.

PrincessLaundry

im actually a little surprised at how many people said spank.... apparently im the only non-spanker:huh:

Depends on the kid IMHO...My son would look at me like WTF? My daughter a light tap to her bum and she would move it now! My husband...errrr...Hokay, be good...be good! LOL

neeterskeeter

I don't have kids so I'm probably not qualified to answer, but I don't think that spanking is right. Or at least, not often and not as the normal form of punishment. Mind you this comes from my own personal experience, so, for what it's worth...

I was spanked until I was 12 years old! (Probably because I had younger siblings, so they spanked us all until then... my brother was 7 when I was 12.) My parents spanked us for anything- from a minor infraction to a big deal. In fact, when it was what they deemed to be a big deal, they used a wooden spoon. They also spanked us in public sometimes, and in front of each other, and I can still remember the embarrassment.

I resent my parents' spanking me so much that I know for sure I could never lay a hand on my future children. I do not feel that their spanking was well considered, deserved, or done in self control. Instead, it was just a REACTION when they were angry. Like you said, it was the ole' Bible belt "spare the rod and spoil the child." That did NOT feel like love to me. It felt like control and temper and desperation. I definitely do not agree with ever spanking a child as an off-hand reaction. I think if it is very necessary (for other people... again, I myself could never do this) then the boundaries need to be established up front, and the parent needs to remain calm and in control.

Another thing is that for me, spankings didn't work. Probably because they were so routine and I came to learn that it would sting for a minute and then I'd be fine. I just don't understand the point of that. If that is your regular punishment, it wears off quickly, and it started a cycle for my parents... we would misbehave, they would spank us, we would misbehave, they would spank us... you get the idea. I was a child who loved to read and write on my own, so being sent to my room didn't do any good for me, either. I think the Nanny 911's idea of the time-out chair is a much better option. I really like her views on discipline and punishment. For my brother, taking away his video games or TV worked much better than spankings. I think the punishment to some degree depends on the child and what they will miss the most, if they know that's the consequence for misbehaving. But I honestly can't understand how spanking a child could ever be the best option.

I hate to compare children to dogs, but I know that if my dog misbehaves and I hit her, she doesn't understand, she cowers and runs away, and then she will do the same bad behavior all over again. Instead, I reinforce positive behaviors by praising her, petting her, or giving her a treat that she loves. When she misbehaved, I told her "no" sternly and I wouldn't let her do whatever we were doing... going out the door for a walk I would make her sit down first and let me pass or she wouldn't get to go, etc. I would put her in her crate. Etc. And believe me, it worked, she is very well trained and well-behaved, but it took time and effort. I think that parents who spank their kids too often and people who hit their dogs are NOT putting in the necessary time and effort; they are taking the easy way out and believe me, there are a lot of badly behaved dogs out there who get hit and a lot of badly behaved children out there who get spanked. I can't tell you the number of times I've seen a child misbehave (or sometimes, sadly, not even really misbehave) in Wal-Mart and its mom spanks it and it bawls loudly and then it goes back to misbehaving... I just don't see how spakings help. Maybe they do for some kids but I still think there is a better alternative.

So that is my manifesto on it, obviously I feel very strongly about this, but really what matters most is what you think as the parent. I think it's good that you're considering this issue and I wish my parents would have considered the effect that their spankings had on us. But I think you have to dig deep and figure out WHY you feel like spanking your child and/or why you don't. I would beg you to please not do it if you don't sincerely think it's necessary for THEIR well-being, not your own. I believe that children are essentially innocent and that the best way to teach them is with love and patience. Best wishes to you.

TheGoblinRoad

"You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let our bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable."
-Excerpt from Kahlin Gibran text

neeterskeeter

I should add that they spanked us with a wooden spoon on our bare bottoms. In my opinion that borders on child abuse and is never ever justifiable. For those who said a little tap on the bottom... okay, I guess if that works, then I have no philosophical problem with it, I know it wouldn't have worked on me because even the spoon didn't!, but okay, I don't feel that's excessive force. But I always thought the point of a spanking was to HURT the child for punishment for what they did and to try to get them to remember the pain so they don't do it again. I don't understand that method, for me I could never inflict physical pain on anyone, let alone such a small child, let alone my own! I guess I just don't understand it.

peej76

Whichever form of discipline you choose to use WILL work, as long as you're consistant!! If you spank once today then tomorrow let it slip, spanking is no longer going to work for you!! This was my biggest problem. I was never consistant and wondered why I was contemplating calling Supernanny lol!! It takes alot of hard work and you'll have to dig deep for an extra helping of patience, but sooner than later you'll see less and less bad behaviour.

And for the record, I do believe in spanking, I was spanked, and yes, I turned out fine, and have a very high level of respect for my parents. Not once did I feel like they overstepped the boundaries. bI also do not hesitate to spank my children when needed.

I've got it down to a science for my younger kids......Any advice out there for my teenager lol!!

dothompson

I tried to only use spanking in instances where my children might be hurt, and I honestly couldn't afford the time to teach through another means. A good example is a 3 year old reaching for a pot on the stove would get a smack on the hand. Running in the street at 5 might be a spanking offense.

What I found worked well for tantrums was laughing at them. The first couple of times do this at home. They will get really mad, but when they see that didn't get a rise out of me, they stopped doing it. They would start to go off and I'd laugh and tell them they were being rediculous, then I would tell them that last time they stomped harder on the floor, that they should practice that, then I'd stomp a couple of times to show them how. But basically I'd make fun of them & show them how rediculous they were acting. If a tantrum happens in public we went home immediately.

McKnightAM

SPANK!!!

Hokay, now what's the question? LOL

LMBO!! right... i just get so uncomfortable when I am in public, because of the controversy over it, and everyon is so quitck to judge, i live at an army post, and because most of the wives here are so "perfect" they dont have to spank their child cuz theirs would "never act like that", i couldnt count the times someone has said something to me, or just loud enough for me to hear, about me spanking him, all the while i'm thinking,"unless you have a child, YOU HAVE NO IDEA!!"

Dont think army wives are so perfect- and which post are you at cause Im at one too. As far has dealing with it in public you can take your child in the bathroom- Now Im not saying that every little thing needs a spanking cause thats not the case-- also when kids dont get attention they will do what ever it is to get some form attention even if its getting yelled at- Also not entertaining the fits works as well alot of times kids do it to get a reaction.

oooo, most are farr from perfect, but the ones here, urg,, i even had one say that their family is perfect,,, :grumble: , we are stationed at camp humphreys, in south korea.

McKnightAM

I agree with a pat on the butt or if he is touching something he shouldn't a pat on the hands, not hard, just enough to get his attention or a loud clap of the hands,just loud enough to startle him.

Let me tell you what worked with my son, when he was about 2 or 3 we were in the store and he started throwing a fit because he wanted something (my mom always bought him anything he wanted and I was trying to stop it). Well anyway, he threw himself down on the floor and proceeded to throw a major fit, so..................I did the same thing. I laid right next to him in the middle of the crowded grocery store and did EXACTLY what he did, just to show him what he looked like. Do you know he NEVER threw another fit in the store!!!!

When my kids got a little older, I would use a water gun for inappropriate behavior. This was especially effective for bad table manners. Whenever they would chew with thier mouths open, or talk with food in thier mouth, I would squirt them with the water gun right in the mouth area. My kids have the best table manners now that they are grown. I, too, used to get compliments when we were out in public about how well behaved my kids were.

Memaw

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: THAT IS THE FUNNIEST THING I'VE HEARD IN A WHILE!! :drinker: to you and getting your point across!! haha