To spank, or not to spank!?!

PrincessLaundry

Hokay now that I have read what you wrote...

First of all relax... I am a fun, nutty, take it, but stop it, consistent type of Mom. I have an 11 year old son, and 6 year old daughter. My son I threatened already to sell him to gypsies, and my daughter I told her if she grabbed my hair (even thought she was playing), one more time today she would be doing her homework with a stub. Now is this "bad" parenting? No, they both know I mean business, and I have not yet sold or maimed a child thus far. LOL So relax. My kids are normal and I have worked my darnedest to warp them. LOL

A few thoughts...

BE CONSISTANT!!!
You and your hubby HAVE to sit down and make some rules on what is acceptable and what isn't. You can NOT just go changing rules on each other or over ruling each other in front of your child. You HAVE to make some rules, give them a try for a while, and then change things TOGETHER as needed. This is a MUST!

What do you and your hubby want your child to do differently?
Just like everything I do, I shoot for small goals, and anything above is success! So pick two "goals" which you would like to set for your child. And make a plan to on how you are going to change the behavior. For your son, the biting has GOT to stop. So write that one down. Then figure out what you are going to do when he bites. If spanking isn't working (didn't for my son either) then find another punishment and stick to it! Make sure the punishment is something YOU can stand. Taking away the kid's favorite toy which gives you 10 minutes without him hanging on you would not only stink for him, but your life will suck...so find things that you can handle as punishment.

Never let him see you sweat...Just like the commercial. LOL Once your child can see you out of control, you are done for.

I used the "naughty rug" method. I never give chances because if my kids even at that age were told they could have a cookie in six days, they'd remind me in six days about the cookie. So a simple rule is no chances. It takes out the guesswork and wear and tear on you.

For the naughty rug (from the Nanny on TV) you will need to find a quite rug or spot in your house for your child to sit where he can't touch, yank, breathe, eat, snort, see, rub, grab, feel, or do anything to any object other than a rug or a wall. This spot is where you will place your child when he bites for a few minutes. However many minutes you choose. At the end of this time you go and tell your child his infraction, and help him up and out of the naughty spot. This will give you time to think and relax, and same with your kid. STICK TO IT! If he gets out, reset the timer. My son did this at 3 once for 45 minutes...I as so upset but I stuck to it. Now that he's 11 I laugh and threaten him with the naughty rug and he KNOWS I'm serious though if he pushes me.

Anyway...I have really good kids and they have amazingly good behavior. I guess my goal is to raise them to be smart enough to get a good scholarship, so they can get a good enough job to pay for their therapy for all the things I screwed them up about. LOL

Besides...once you find a way to perfect your child's behavior he will think of something new and your old ways will go to pot. Kids should come with warnings..."Subject will change behavior without warning!" LOL

Good luck with that girlie! You can do it!

TheGoblinRoad

I am opposed to doing anything to a kid that you wouldn't want your own mother to do to you today as an adult, in public, if you did something you shouldn't.

If you, for example, flipped off somebody in a restaurant, and your mother would spank you in the restaurant, AND you're ok with that action--then go ahead.

There are tons of families that discipline without any spanking, and effectively.

My family stopped, probably about 100 years ago, and we have a great relationship in every generation with our parents.

PrincessLaundry

im actually a little surprised at how many people said spank.... apparently im the only non-spanker:huh:

Depends on the kid IMHO...My son would look at me like WTF? My daughter a light tap to her bum and she would move it now! My husband...errrr...Hokay, be good...be good! LOL

neeterskeeter

I don't have kids so I'm probably not qualified to answer, but I don't think that spanking is right. Or at least, not often and not as the normal form of punishment. Mind you this comes from my own personal experience, so, for what it's worth...

I was spanked until I was 12 years old! (Probably because I had younger siblings, so they spanked us all until then... my brother was 7 when I was 12.) My parents spanked us for anything- from a minor infraction to a big deal. In fact, when it was what they deemed to be a big deal, they used a wooden spoon. They also spanked us in public sometimes, and in front of each other, and I can still remember the embarrassment.

I resent my parents' spanking me so much that I know for sure I could never lay a hand on my future children. I do not feel that their spanking was well considered, deserved, or done in self control. Instead, it was just a REACTION when they were angry. Like you said, it was the ole' Bible belt "spare the rod and spoil the child." That did NOT feel like love to me. It felt like control and temper and desperation. I definitely do not agree with ever spanking a child as an off-hand reaction. I think if it is very necessary (for other people... again, I myself could never do this) then the boundaries need to be established up front, and the parent needs to remain calm and in control.

Another thing is that for me, spankings didn't work. Probably because they were so routine and I came to learn that it would sting for a minute and then I'd be fine. I just don't understand the point of that. If that is your regular punishment, it wears off quickly, and it started a cycle for my parents... we would misbehave, they would spank us, we would misbehave, they would spank us... you get the idea. I was a child who loved to read and write on my own, so being sent to my room didn't do any good for me, either. I think the Nanny 911's idea of the time-out chair is a much better option. I really like her views on discipline and punishment. For my brother, taking away his video games or TV worked much better than spankings. I think the punishment to some degree depends on the child and what they will miss the most, if they know that's the consequence for misbehaving. But I honestly can't understand how spanking a child could ever be the best option.

I hate to compare children to dogs, but I know that if my dog misbehaves and I hit her, she doesn't understand, she cowers and runs away, and then she will do the same bad behavior all over again. Instead, I reinforce positive behaviors by praising her, petting her, or giving her a treat that she loves. When she misbehaved, I told her "no" sternly and I wouldn't let her do whatever we were doing... going out the door for a walk I would make her sit down first and let me pass or she wouldn't get to go, etc. I would put her in her crate. Etc. And believe me, it worked, she is very well trained and well-behaved, but it took time and effort. I think that parents who spank their kids too often and people who hit their dogs are NOT putting in the necessary time and effort; they are taking the easy way out and believe me, there are a lot of badly behaved dogs out there who get hit and a lot of badly behaved children out there who get spanked. I can't tell you the number of times I've seen a child misbehave (or sometimes, sadly, not even really misbehave) in Wal-Mart and its mom spanks it and it bawls loudly and then it goes back to misbehaving... I just don't see how spakings help. Maybe they do for some kids but I still think there is a better alternative.

So that is my manifesto on it, obviously I feel very strongly about this, but really what matters most is what you think as the parent. I think it's good that you're considering this issue and I wish my parents would have considered the effect that their spankings had on us. But I think you have to dig deep and figure out WHY you feel like spanking your child and/or why you don't. I would beg you to please not do it if you don't sincerely think it's necessary for THEIR well-being, not your own. I believe that children are essentially innocent and that the best way to teach them is with love and patience. Best wishes to you.

TheGoblinRoad

"You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let our bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable."
-Excerpt from Kahlin Gibran text

neeterskeeter

I should add that they spanked us with a wooden spoon on our bare bottoms. In my opinion that borders on child abuse and is never ever justifiable. For those who said a little tap on the bottom... okay, I guess if that works, then I have no philosophical problem with it, I know it wouldn't have worked on me because even the spoon didn't!, but okay, I don't feel that's excessive force. But I always thought the point of a spanking was to HURT the child for punishment for what they did and to try to get them to remember the pain so they don't do it again. I don't understand that method, for me I could never inflict physical pain on anyone, let alone such a small child, let alone my own! I guess I just don't understand it.

peej76

Whichever form of discipline you choose to use WILL work, as long as you're consistant!! If you spank once today then tomorrow let it slip, spanking is no longer going to work for you!! This was my biggest problem. I was never consistant and wondered why I was contemplating calling Supernanny lol!! It takes alot of hard work and you'll have to dig deep for an extra helping of patience, but sooner than later you'll see less and less bad behaviour.

And for the record, I do believe in spanking, I was spanked, and yes, I turned out fine, and have a very high level of respect for my parents. Not once did I feel like they overstepped the boundaries. bI also do not hesitate to spank my children when needed.

I've got it down to a science for my younger kids......Any advice out there for my teenager lol!!

dothompson

I tried to only use spanking in instances where my children might be hurt, and I honestly couldn't afford the time to teach through another means. A good example is a 3 year old reaching for a pot on the stove would get a smack on the hand. Running in the street at 5 might be a spanking offense.

What I found worked well for tantrums was laughing at them. The first couple of times do this at home. They will get really mad, but when they see that didn't get a rise out of me, they stopped doing it. They would start to go off and I'd laugh and tell them they were being rediculous, then I would tell them that last time they stomped harder on the floor, that they should practice that, then I'd stomp a couple of times to show them how. But basically I'd make fun of them & show them how rediculous they were acting. If a tantrum happens in public we went home immediately.

McKnightAM

SPANK!!!

Hokay, now what's the question? LOL

LMBO!! right... i just get so uncomfortable when I am in public, because of the controversy over it, and everyon is so quitck to judge, i live at an army post, and because most of the wives here are so "perfect" they dont have to spank their child cuz theirs would "never act like that", i couldnt count the times someone has said something to me, or just loud enough for me to hear, about me spanking him, all the while i'm thinking,"unless you have a child, YOU HAVE NO IDEA!!"

Dont think army wives are so perfect- and which post are you at cause Im at one too. As far has dealing with it in public you can take your child in the bathroom- Now Im not saying that every little thing needs a spanking cause thats not the case-- also when kids dont get attention they will do what ever it is to get some form attention even if its getting yelled at- Also not entertaining the fits works as well alot of times kids do it to get a reaction.

oooo, most are farr from perfect, but the ones here, urg,, i even had one say that their family is perfect,,, :grumble: , we are stationed at camp humphreys, in south korea.

McKnightAM

I agree with a pat on the butt or if he is touching something he shouldn't a pat on the hands, not hard, just enough to get his attention or a loud clap of the hands,just loud enough to startle him.

Let me tell you what worked with my son, when he was about 2 or 3 we were in the store and he started throwing a fit because he wanted something (my mom always bought him anything he wanted and I was trying to stop it). Well anyway, he threw himself down on the floor and proceeded to throw a major fit, so..................I did the same thing. I laid right next to him in the middle of the crowded grocery store and did EXACTLY what he did, just to show him what he looked like. Do you know he NEVER threw another fit in the store!!!!

When my kids got a little older, I would use a water gun for inappropriate behavior. This was especially effective for bad table manners. Whenever they would chew with thier mouths open, or talk with food in thier mouth, I would squirt them with the water gun right in the mouth area. My kids have the best table manners now that they are grown. I, too, used to get compliments when we were out in public about how well behaved my kids were.

Memaw

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: THAT IS THE FUNNIEST THING I'VE HEARD IN A WHILE!! :drinker: to you and getting your point across!! haha

Kdlo1026

Everyone has there own way. Just because you have a rotten kid at times, does not mean that you are a rotten parent. I am a believer in spankings but at the same time, there are some other really good alternative approaches. It appears you have realized that he is not the type of child who responds to this type of discipline and the more you use it the more he learns that the violent nature of the discipline is an okay behavior. That is not to say that you were wrong for the spanking, it just means that now, you need to change the way you approach this problem. You know it is not working so you have to find something that will.
:drinker: Kudos to you for making this change. There are so many who don't.

I have 4 children and all of them responded in different ways to discipline. They DID indeed get spankings, I used time outs, punishments, mental games, psyche outs, dirty looks and even threats. There is no one solution. With my youngest who is now 10 years old, I use God - A LOT! It scares him to know that he is "being Watched and Judged" :noway: (it is really funny how well it works with him)

First I would advise for you to get a tougher skin. Young or not, You are a GOOD mother. I was 16 when I had my first and 26 when I had my last- I understand the insecurity but you have to take charge. You are the parent! The question and desire to do better by your son indicates this and you should not care what anyone thinks. I used to get embarassed by my kids in the stores and out in public when they showed off but once I turned the tables, that all stopped. One day I was the crazy, mean, bad mother in the store because my kids wanted to embarass me and I was having none of it. I yelled, not caring who heard and grabbed them up by their shirts and said in no uncertain terms that WE WILL BRAWL! :mad: , right then and there in front of everyone; in the middle of the store if I did not get the behavior I wanted. WHO CARES what other people think, you have to take his bad behind home. They don't!!! That response to my kids behavior not only surprised and scared them, but it embarassed them all at the same time. I have only had to do this a few times but the result was worth the embarassment and none of the onlookers ever mouthed a word. I have also taken to walking away from them when they decided to fall out and act all foolish. I do not mean just leave them but put distance between yourself and your child. Trust me he will follow because the reward of the bad behavior is your response. If he is not getting a response, he will learn that the behavior is for NOT. So ignore him and teach him that certain behaviors will not be tolerated or even acknolwledged. He will change it. When he does reward him.

Don't expect miracles over night. It will take a lot of time and DSCIPLINE on your part but eventually you can get what you want from your child. Just play this game by YOUR rules. And don't give up.

YOU are a good Mommy! :flowerforyou: Claim it for yourself and don't wait for others to acknowledge you.

GOOD LUCK! Trust me it will only get worse. At least he is still littler than you. Wait til he is a teen! God help you (LOL) :laugh:

BTW- I could never tolerate biting. Biting, spiting and Lying- are my pet peaves. I would bite him back. Not hard enough to injure him but hard enough that he knows that he can't bite anymore. Actually, kids are a great appetizer! (Smile)

McKnightAM

Hokay now that I have read what you wrote...

First of all relax... I am a fun, nutty, take it, but stop it, consistent type of Mom. I have an 11 year old son, and 6 year old daughter. My son I threatened already to sell him to gypsies, and my daughter I told her if she grabbed my hair (even thought she was playing), one more time today she would be doing her homework with a stub. Now is this "bad" parenting? No, they both know I mean business, and I have not yet sold or maimed a child thus far. LOL So relax. My kids are normal and I have worked my darnedest to warp them. LOL

A few thoughts...

BE CONSISTANT!!!
You and your hubby HAVE to sit down and make some rules on what is acceptable and what isn't. You can NOT just go changing rules on each other or over ruling each other in front of your child. You HAVE to make some rules, give them a try for a while, and then change things TOGETHER as needed. This is a MUST!

What do you and your hubby want your child to do differently?
Just like everything I do, I shoot for small goals, and anything above is success! So pick two "goals" which you would like to set for your child. And make a plan to on how you are going to change the behavior. For your son, the biting has GOT to stop. So write that one down. Then figure out what you are going to do when he bites. If spanking isn't working (didn't for my son either) then find another punishment and stick to it! Make sure the punishment is something YOU can stand. Taking away the kid's favorite toy which gives you 10 minutes without him hanging on you would not only stink for him, but your life will suck...so find things that you can handle as punishment.

Never let him see you sweat...Just like the commercial. LOL Once your child can see you out of control, you are done for.

I used the "naughty rug" method. I never give chances because if my kids even at that age were told they could have a cookie in six days, they'd remind me in six days about the cookie. So a simple rule is no chances. It takes out the guesswork and wear and tear on you.

For the naughty rug (from the Nanny on TV) you will need to find a quite rug or spot in your house for your child to sit where he can't touch, yank, breathe, eat, snort, see, rub, grab, feel, or do anything to any object other than a rug or a wall. This spot is where you will place your child when he bites for a few minutes. However many minutes you choose. At the end of this time you go and tell your child his infraction, and help him up and out of the naughty spot. This will give you time to think and relax, and same with your kid. STICK TO IT! If he gets out, reset the timer. My son did this at 3 once for 45 minutes...I as so upset but I stuck to it. Now that he's 11 I laugh and threaten him with the naughty rug and he KNOWS I'm serious though if he pushes me.

Anyway...I have really good kids and they have amazingly good behavior. I guess my goal is to raise them to be smart enough to get a good scholarship, so they can get a good enough job to pay for their therapy for all the things I screwed them up about. LOL

Besides...once you find a way to perfect your child's behavior he will think of something new and your old ways will go to pot. Kids should come with warnings..."Subject will change behavior without warning!" LOL

Good luck with that girlie! You can do it!

OH GOSH YOU SOUND LIKE MY MOM!! haha... not you lecturing just your personality! thanks tho!! a big thing is that me and my husband dont agree on how to punish, i want to incorperate newer ideas and he wants to stick with spanking, which appearently isnt working because its gotten worse!! blah!! or to help things, tell younger teenagers ( i'm 18:laugh: ) that if you have a child young, you will get fat, lose hair, have an uncontrollable bladder, get tired, wrinkles, and go nutsss!!!! :bigsmile: :bigsmile: Its fun but boy is it tiring!! I will try the naughty rug (corner) (chair) something.... i just dont know how i am going to get him to stay there!! blah thats the next task!!

jackeh

Hokay now that I have read what you wrote...

First of all relax... I am a fun, nutty, take it, but stop it, consistent type of Mom. I have an 11 year old son, and 6 year old daughter. My son I threatened already to sell him to gypsies, and my daughter I told her if she grabbed my hair (even thought she was playing), one more time today she would be doing her homework with a stub. Now is this "bad" parenting? No, they both know I mean business, and I have not yet sold or maimed a child thus far. LOL So relax. My kids are normal and I have worked my darnedest to warp them. LOL

A few thoughts...

BE CONSISTANT!!!
You and your hubby HAVE to sit down and make some rules on what is acceptable and what isn't. You can NOT just go changing rules on each other or over ruling each other in front of your child. You HAVE to make some rules, give them a try for a while, and then change things TOGETHER as needed. This is a MUST!

What do you and your hubby want your child to do differently?
Just like everything I do, I shoot for small goals, and anything above is success! So pick two "goals" which you would like to set for your child. And make a plan to on how you are going to change the behavior. For your son, the biting has GOT to stop. So write that one down. Then figure out what you are going to do when he bites. If spanking isn't working (didn't for my son either) then find another punishment and stick to it! Make sure the punishment is something YOU can stand. Taking away the kid's favorite toy which gives you 10 minutes without him hanging on you would not only stink for him, but your life will suck...so find things that you can handle as punishment.

Never let him see you sweat...Just like the commercial. LOL Once your child can see you out of control, you are done for.

I used the "naughty rug" method. I never give chances because if my kids even at that age were told they could have a cookie in six days, they'd remind me in six days about the cookie. So a simple rule is no chances. It takes out the guesswork and wear and tear on you.

For the naughty rug (from the Nanny on TV) you will need to find a quite rug or spot in your house for your child to sit where he can't touch, yank, breathe, eat, snort, see, rub, grab, feel, or do anything to any object other than a rug or a wall. This spot is where you will place your child when he bites for a few minutes. However many minutes you choose. At the end of this time you go and tell your child his infraction, and help him up and out of the naughty spot. This will give you time to think and relax, and same with your kid. STICK TO IT! If he gets out, reset the timer. My son did this at 3 once for 45 minutes...I as so upset but I stuck to it. Now that he's 11 I laugh and threaten him with the naughty rug and he KNOWS I'm serious though if he pushes me.

Anyway...I have really good kids and they have amazingly good behavior. I guess my goal is to raise them to be smart enough to get a good scholarship, so they can get a good enough job to pay for their therapy for all the things I screwed them up about. LOL

Besides...once you find a way to perfect your child's behavior he will think of something new and your old ways will go to pot. Kids should come with warnings..."Subject will change behavior without warning!" LOL

Good luck with that girlie! You can do it!

OH GOSH YOU SOUND LIKE MY MOM!! haha... not you lecturing just your personality! thanks tho!! a big thing is that me and my husband dont agree on how to punish, i want to incorperate newer ideas and he wants to stick with spanking, which appearently isnt working because its gotten worse!! blah!! or to help things, tell younger teenagers ( i'm 18:laugh: ) that if you have a child young, you will get fat, lose hair, have an uncontrollable bladder, get tired, wrinkles, and go nutsss!!!! :bigsmile: :bigsmile: Its fun but boy is it tiring!! I will try the naughty rug (corner) (chair) something.... i just dont know how i am going to get him to stay there!! blah thats the next task!!

you dont MAKE him forcefully sit there but if he gets up you put him bac... and time out starts over ... eventually he will get that he has to sit and wont get up anymore...make sure you keep putting him back though dont give in because corners(rug, chair, whatever) wont work if you give in...even if you do it a hunderd times putting him back ... the first few times will be hard because you will be doing it over and over but it will eventually get easier if your consistent!!

Minerva

Jackeh you are not alone! I have 3 children ages 23, 20 and 10. DO NOT SPANK! :noway: It really doesn't do any good. As you said previously he is only 1 1/2 and it is already starting to lose its effectiveness. What are you going to do when he is 5 or 10 or 15? When he is bigger and stronger than you?
We had similar advice from my parents- "Spank and keep on spanking" like they did with us when we were little. Only my Mom kept it up even after I was menstrating. It didn't do any good, we just got better at hiding what we did. It did not internalize the behavior lesson she was trying to teach.
We paid a few thousand for family counseling 'cause my 1st son was a real handful. We couldn't ever go out with him. Honestly, by the time he was 2, I seriously considered giving him up for adoption. :sad: I felt that I must be a horrible mother and he would do so much better with someone else. :sad:
One of the 1st things the therapist had us do was "Compliance training". We used poker chips. We would spend 5 minutes a night and for the first week we would ask him to do something like "hand me the pencil on the counter please." And when he did we would give him a white chip. We would think of 5 commands, like a game. It had been so long since he had done something to make us happy he really ate it up. He loved holding his chips. We made a jar just to hold his chips. Do this for a week till he gets used to doing what you ask . Keep it short. After a week, put a few white chips in your pocket and when you are out in say, a grocery store, ask him to do something like hand you an apple. Give him a white chip when he does. Try and "Catch him being good" at least once a day.
If you don't see a behavior change fairly quickly- 2 weeks say, then I would take him to his pediatrician to rule out allergies, and clinical behavior problems.
When he is a little older, like 3, add "Family Special Playtime". This is using the same expanded to a 15 minute block of time (15 for EACH child if you have more than one) and letting them have you as a playmate. Two rules -"Nobody gets hurt", and "Nothing gets broken". They can paly a "normal game" like a board game or a crazy game like "Ballistic Barbies" ( my daughters personal fav when she was 6). I know you are tired at the end of the day and it really helps if there are both parents to do this but it is so worth it.!!!!! Later, when they are aware of the concept of purchasing and marketing, the chips can be "cashed in" by you for real money. We exchange at a rate of : white=dime, blue=quarter, red=dollar. Needless to say, red is stellar behavior! This worked like magic in our family. I hope it helps you.:flowerforyou:

marskids

.

sophialittle

[
This is going to sound really bizzare, but I asked my doctor and its doesn't hurt them.

NAUGHTY WATER!!!

Its vinegar with water in it; but mostly vinegar. I have a little syringe that I put just a little in...half a teaspoon or so and make my daughter open her mouth. It only takes a few times of getting naughty water for her to really straighten up.

My daughter is very strong willed, (as it sounds like your son is) and I strongly believe that strong willed children NEED TO KNOW WHO IS BOSS. Its going to be tough at first...but you can take back control. When my daughter does something she knows is wrong I get right down at her level. Have her look at me and I sort of stick out my neck a little and have a very serious, not mad, but serious look on my face and tell her. Reagan it is not okay for you to do _____. Mommy does not like when you do ___. This is your warning. If you do ____ again you will get naughty water. Then I give her a hug and pop up like nothing is wrong. She has had her warning and now its her choice. I use the word choice a lot because even as toddlers they know what is expected (if you set up expectations for them) and they know when something they do is wrong.

Then if she does that thing I warned her about. I grab her hand and walk her over to where the naughty water is. I fill up the syringe and tell her why she is getting naughty water. I make her open her mouth and take it. I don't force her with my hands, but I tell her to do it and I wait for her. Believe me it is going to take time.

This is just want has worked for us. And its just a thought.

I wish you much luck because those strong little wills are tough...but properly molded...strong willed children grow up to be the leaders of our society.

/quote]


i LOVE this response! so yeah, what she said lol no honestly, have you watched supernanny on abc? this sounds like a similiar discipline style and it really can be effective when done properly. also, you could use a naughty spot, stool, step, etc, if you don't feel comfortable doing the water thing. if you do the time out or naughty spot methods, the time he's there is a minute for each year of his age, so 4 years=4 mins

remember to:
-give a warning
-give a stern voice when correcting, not a yelling or nagging voice
-tell ahead of time the consequence
-and do not make empty threats. kids know when adults aren't going to follow thru on whatever they say and they will push boundaries as far as they are set.
-also, do not give in just to make the behavior stop. if your child does throw a fit in the grocery b/c he wants the scooby doo snack pack, don't give in b/c it's embarrassing b/c that teaches him that if he throws a big enough fit, he's gonna get what he wants.

a few other pointers:
-dont set unrealistic expectations: i.e. a 1 1/2 yr old is gonna be bored out of his mind in the shopping cart and start acting out so have him "help" you get the groceries, even if it takes a little longer. dont go out to dinner w/out an activity bag so that he's not chucking crayons across the restaurant b/c he's bored, etc
-reward positive behavior: sometimes it's just a classic case of i need some attention and i'm gonna get it however i can get it,so when he's behaving properly, let him know that, shower him with positive attention so that he doesn't feel the need to act out to get attention
-look into why he thinks his reactions are okay: has he not been corrected for that before or does he see other adults or children react in that way?
-clarify your expectations for him: explain before you go into the grocery how you want him to act and what's going to happen when he does or does not meet those expectations

i don't know why i have all grocery examples lol but anyways, those are just some quick tips i could think of off the top of my head, hope they help

and above all else. .. remember, he's a toddler, thats just their thing lol don't worry bout what other people say or react like "my child would never act like that" , he's your son so don't worry about their opinion. either that or tell them they have one hour to whip him into shape then and you'll be back in an hour to pick him up! lol good luck! i'm sure you're doing a great job and the fact that you're asking for suggestions shows that you really care and want to improve your care for your son, good luck!:flowerforyou:

marskids

I have just scanned this thread and must say that my blood is boiling.

In today's society I cannot for the life of me figure out why anyone thinks that physically abusing a child could in any way be acceptable. How many of you would allow your boyfriend or husband to hit you? If he did it once you'd be shocked. If he did it twice, you'd be furious. If he did it a few more times you'd call the police and get a restraining order.

Why does anyone think it's acceptable to hit a child? It makes me cry to even think about a little 1 1/2 year old just doing what they know to do....and then being hit for it. If I saw a parent, or anyone else for that matter, do that I am OBLIGED BY LAW to report the abuse......and it's for a reason....because it's wrong.

I don't understand why threads where ADULTS are having ADULT conversations with each other have been taking off here yet a post which promotes physical abuse of children is allowed to continue. That , in my humble opinion is quite %#@^'ed up!!!

Fit2btied

I have only spanked when my daughters did something that put their lives in danger...such as run into the street. My parents were spankers and I can remember the humiliation of it, and to be honest, I have some anger towards my mom for it. The difference between my mom and dad was this: my mom hit me in anger with anything she could find, my dad sat down and said it hurt him more than it hurt me but he was spanking me because... My dad earned respect by dealing with me that way. I didn't like the spankings, but I felt love from his discipline. Something to consider as you discuss this with your husband. Good luck!

McKnightAM

I have just scanned this thread and must say that my blood is boiling.

In today's society I cannot for the life of me figure out why anyone thinks that physically abusing a child could in any way be acceptable. How many of you would allow your boyfriend or husband to hit you? If he did it once you'd be shocked. If he did it twice, you'd be furious. If he did it a few more times you'd call the police and get a restraining order.

Why does anyone think it's acceptable to hit a child? It makes me cry to even think about a little 1 1/2 year old just doing what they know to do....and then being hit for it. If I saw a parent, or anyone else for that matter, do that I am OBLIGED BY LAW to report the abuse......and it's for a reason....because it's wrong.

I don't understand why threads where ADULTS are having ADULT conversations with each other have been taking off here yet a post which promotes physical abuse of children is allowed to continue. That , in my humble opinion is quite %#@^'ed up!!!

I asked at the beginning of this post, that if you didnt have anything nice to say, dont post it!! I respect your opinon, as you should others. No one in here is talking about ABUSING our children! we are simply discussing ways of dicipline, and ways they were diciplined! I am sorry if what anyone said in here offended you. I am just a mother seeking help from other mothers. No need to be rude. Again, I respect your opinion, as well as the others on here. As you said, we are adults, having adult conversations. no lashing out necessary.

And to make it clear, i am very aware that my son is only 1 1/2 years old, i know that he is not going to be perfect so there is not need for you to "cry at the thought of it" , because i dont HIT my child, i may swat his little hiney, or swat his hand if he is grabbing something that is going to hurt him twice as much as my little swat. Plus that why i started this thread, to find out new inventive ways that work.
go have a :drinker: and relax. the last thing people want to do on here is "promote child abuse"!!!

LuvinLife

There is so much good advice here, it's great!!

Well here's my $.02. I am a mother of four and have been running a child care for the last 6 years. Every child is different and what works for one doesn't always work for another. I am a parent who spanks my children, (NOT my daycare kids, not allowed). But I will say that we used spanking more with our first two (now 14 & 13) than we have with our younger two(now 9 & 7). And my younger two are pretty well behaved without that form of discipline. I think I can count on one hand how many times they have actually been spanked. BUT they know that it is an option and choose to avoid it. We tend to do the 3 strikes, your out method. Your out means time for a spank.

Your baby is only 18months old and he is definitely testing his boundaries. If you want to use time outs, maybe try a playpen. I had a little boy about the same age in my daycare that started biting and this worked very well because he did not want to stay in a timeout chair or corner. So I isolated him in a playpen and put a gate around it so the other kids couldn't go up to him. He was always where I could see him, but he hated that he couldn't play with the toys or other kids. And he could throw any kind of fit he wanted. I just don't pay any attention at all when they act like that. They will eventually stop when they see you aren't watching. He stopped biting after about a week or two.

It sounds like you are do a great job!!! And please don't discredit yourself just because you are young. Just be patient and praise him when he behaves correctly. These are the early years that you can change the behaviors with a lot of love and consistency.

So good luck, let us know what works for you in the end.