To spank, or not to spank!?!

TNTPete

I thought I had posted earlier ... oh well.

No you are not in the minority Soup -- I think we are the role models are children will emulate and therefore it is our responsiblity, as the guardians of their souls and beings, to teach them the proper way to treat people and themselves.

I believe in consequences to actions to reform behavior. Children are children and they only learn what they are taught... and being strict and disciplined is NOT being abusive. Spanking or hitting a child is.. I know a lot of people don't like to hear it because honestly, spanking is easier work. However, having a child isn't about what is easy -- it's about what is right. I have spanked my oldest, once and I felt like the biggest jerk ever and I regret it to THIS day. Do I think there are situations, emergency actions where it is appropriate -- yes if that is your recourse and you need to act NOW. Like yanking a child out of the street -- yes, but then you explain yourself and your actions.

Showing a child love, order, consistency and appropriate behavior is the way to parent. I do think physical exercise is a way to discipline at times, the time-out(naughty) chair (as long as you explain it is for the bad behavior not the bad child), and allowing them decisions in their own consequences.

I will post this and I am sure it will up set some but:

Discipline and spanking are NOT the same thing.

TNTPete

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Your thoughts are valid Soup -- don't feel like you need to edit them...

SoupNazi

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Your thoughts are valid Soup -- don't feel like you need to edit them...

With all that is going on....I do not want to be attacked or underestimated.

Thank you so very much for backing me.:flowerforyou:

I feel very strongly about this and want others to see my side without feeling that I am putting them down. It is "tread lightly" on here now. I don't want to give a bad impression.:ohwell:

You rock girl...btw.:flowerforyou:

stenogal

I have a son with Autism, so the whole spanking thing...just isn't the answer for him.:noway: And let me tell you:explode: there were LOTS of times I wanted to spank him.
We have Behavior Therapists who come into our home 5 days a week for 3hrs a day and work with him. What works the best for him is using reinforcers.

For example:
He LOVES LOVES LOVES his Disney movies. He usually has a favorite for the week that he will watch over and over again. Well, if there is a task that he needs to do or a behavior that is not appropriate and is asked to stop and he won't do it, then we would basically give him a warning along the lines of, "That's not okay, you don't jump on the couch. I need you to sit nice."
If he continues to do it then we give him another warning, "You need to sit nice or I will help you."
So then if he still doesn't then we simply say, "Okay, I'm going to help you." That's when I would actually go over there and sit him down.
If he still doesn't listen...(by this time you're thinking "I'm going to spank you." ):grumble: That's when I take his movie (or favorit toy at that moment) and say "Okay, I'm going to take your movie because you are not listening."
He would probably get upset with you at that time and that's when you tell him, "If you want your ____(favorit toy) back then you need to sit nice." That is usually the breakthrough moment.
We use that method while in public too. He usually carries some favorite baby(little farm animal) with him everywhere he goes and if he starts to throw a fit about something I start with the first warning..."You need to have a nice voice." Then the, "If you do not have a nice voice then I will take your baby away." Then if you have to...TAKE THE TOY and then there's the extreme sentence "I'M GOING TO THROW IT AWAY IF YOU DO NOT STOP, AND SIT NICE."
I also carry a pill box in my purse that's filled with M&M's in it that I use for rewards when he is doing a good job in public. Like if he did a good job walking to the car, getting in the car seat without a fuss then I'd give him one and say, "Good job getting in the car!...Good job going into the store!"...and so on. If you don't want to give him candy then just use whatever his favorite snack is.
I know you are not dealing with Autism, but I've learned that this method works well with other kids also at a young age. I mean let's face it...we are all looking for that special trick that helps us get through to our kids and keep us HARD WORKING MOMMIES from going crazy at times.

TNTPete

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Your thoughts are valid Soup -- don't feel like you need to edit them...

With all that is going on....I do not want to be attacked or underestimated.

Thank you so very much for backing me.:flowerforyou:

I feel very strongly about this and want others to see my side without feeling that I am putting them down. It is "tread lightly" on here now. I don't want to give a bad impression.:ohwell:

You rock girl...btw.:flowerforyou:

Back atcha:flowerforyou:

I understand treading lightly... think that is why I have been posting less of my opinion and more PCish... I am all for careful posting but not for less opinion-based posting. My opinions are mine and yours are yours... if I can sway you because I make sense then so be it, if not stick with your own -- ya know!! (You being the universal any person) <--- see -- uggh. oh well you know what I am saying!!

Stenogal -- spanking isn't really for the kids -- it's for the parents anyway.

pdxmomof2

To the original poster, have you considered you and your husband taking a parenting class? That doesnt mean you have failed as a parent or that you are a bad parent. It just means you want to be a better parent. They can offer alot of really good advice. I dont think that spanking would come into play. And it would be age appropriate.

I personally dont believe in spaking my children unless what they have done or are doing could seriously harm them or another such as running out into the street, etc. I have not yet had to spank either one of my kids. For me, I just have to show them that I am disappointed with their actions. My 5 yr old is extremely sensitive so this works well with him. But as many have said what works with one may not work with the other.

I also have a friend who grew up being spanked through her teenage years. She has a 20 mth old daughter who she has worked hard to never spank. There are ways around it if you feel like you dont want to take that route. For her time out works really well. Her biggest concern is that she does not want her daughter to fear her as she grows up. She is striving for respect. I know some have said that they were spanked and still respect their parents. I am not discounting their experience by any means.

Good luck with this. Being a parent and feeling like we are doing the right thing, in my opinion, is the hardest thing we have to do in our lives! I hope you are able to find some good advice from your fellow MFP'ers!

Stenogal- I too have a son who is Autistic. He is 13 now. Spanking would never work with him either. he copies alot of what he sees and experiences and I think it would lead him to hit others. Like you, I have to use the things he loves the best! He loves little ceramic houses. he collects them. When things get bad we take them away from him. It works wonders everytime!

Amy

SoupNazi

FYI....my son just got his mid term grades.....straight A''s and above average intelligence. That's my boy and that's my boy without harsh discipline.:happy:

I AM doing something right!!!!!

I vowed never to lay a hand on my son...swatting or hitting.

I am truly doing something right. You know what? Without any hitting.....my son has morals.

The story he told me today makes me proud.:bigsmile:

My college education or my masters degree did NOT prepare me for this.

Life itself did.......I did are I are doing ....something right.:bigsmile:

jlwhelan1

First, I have not read through all the posts, just a few so I am not aware of where this has gone. I am posing my opinion only, not judging others, just saying what works for us and why we feel as we do.

I know parents who spank, but most of the parents I know do not spank.

I don't spank. I was spanked often and usually with the lecture "this hurts me more than it hurt you."

Really? I don't see a wooden spoon or belt hitting your bare bottom. My mom quoted James Dobson Dare to Disciple often. I still get a bad feeling in my stomach when I hear that name, and I don't have the greatest relationship with my mother either...but it is much improved in the last few years. I was spanked for nearly every transgression. However, my parents have evolved greatly since my childhood and now understand time outs and alternative disciplinary techniques. They don't spank my children, and my children visit their grandparents for 8 weeks in the summer, long enough that they will need discipline.

I have two children. One has a genetic disorder that includes him being just plain wired differently. My other child is highly sensitive and would shut down completely to us if spanked. I don't claim to be the perfect parent. far from it. My children really get on my nerves sometimes (daily). But consistency and direct statements seem to work best with them. After all, what is the job of the parent? My answer to the question includes (but is not limited to) the following:

A parent's job is raise a child from infancy to adulthood in such a manner that the adult if fully functioning (or as much as possible in special cases) and able to act in a caring, responsible, self controlled way. That adult should be able to differentiate between right and wrong, and be willing to take a stand for what is right and just. That adult should be able to get and hold a job, balance a budget and a checkbook, enjoy varied activities and be warm hearted and open to people of all backgrounds. Of course there are important things that I've left out of this description...but you get the idea.

So my job (besides the obvious of loving them) is to teach and give my children the tools that they will need as adults. My job is not to "win" or be blindly obeyed. My job is to shape and guide, and help my children be able to eventually self guide. Yes, discipline is part of that. Yes, there are actions that lead to consequences. But ultimately my goal is to help them become the best possible child, teen, and adult that they can be.

Techniques that work for me:
Calm is listened to more than angry or urgent. Quiet is listened to more than loud. :laugh: . Several times I have had complete laryngitis. The children are always better behaved when they can't hear me and have to follow signals or read directions. Even a whisper can be effective. We also have no TV during the school week and limited on weekends. Even very selective TV (PBS) shows seem to precede behavior that we don't want - yelling, refusing to help, slamming doors. Cutting all TV has very much helped, and both children are avid readers. Diversion, change their focus to something positive. Chores, give them something to do - pick up dog piles, fold laundry. LOL my youngest thinks it is a treat to "fold" laundry. Spend time playing with them. My kids have just discovered monopoly - the old fashioned one, and love it.

I have read a number of parenting books. Some are great, some scare me. I really like Raising your Spirited Child by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka - as both my children would fall into the spirited category.

Well, it's a bit rambling, but there is a summary of my parenting philosophy.
DH more or less agrees. He came from a home that was also big on spanking or even slapping across the face. He is VERY opposed to that type of discipline.

How is it working? I think it is working well.
My oldest is extremely creative and artistic, athletic and straight A to A++.
My youngest, with the help of years of speech, physical, and occupational therapy is thriving. Last year he went from below average to exceeds average in his 100% mainstreamed class. He just started therapeutic horse riding again today.

Raising children is tough. I salute all the parents here. We can only do our best.

TNTPete

First, I have not read through all the posts, just a few so I am not aware of where this has gone. I am posing my opinion only, not judging others, just saying what works for us and why we feel as we do.

I know parents who spank, but most of the parents I know do not spank.

I don't spank. I was spanked often and usually with the lecture "this hurts me more than it hurt you."

Really? I don't see a wooden spoon or belt hitting your bare bottom. My mom quoted James Dobson Dare to Disciple often. I still get a bad feeling in my stomach when I hear that name, and I don't have the greatest relationship with my mother either...but it is much improved in the last few years. I was spanked for nearly every transgression. However, my parents have evolved greatly since my childhood and now understand time outs and alternative disciplinary techniques. They don't spank my children, and my children visit their grandparents for 8 weeks in the summer, long enough that they will need discipline.

I have two children. One has a genetic disorder that includes him being just plain wired differently. My other child is highly sensitive and would shut down completely to us if spanked. I don't claim to be the perfect parent. far from it. My children really get on my nerves sometimes (daily). But consistency and direct statements seem to work best with them. After all, what is the job of the parent? My answer to the question includes (but is not limited to) the following:

A parent's job is raise a child from infancy to adulthood in such a manner that the adult if fully functioning (or as much as possible in special cases) and able to act in a caring, responsible, self controlled way. That adult should be able to differentiate between right and wrong, and be willing to take a stand for what is right and just. That adult should be able to get and hold a job, balance a budget and a checkbook, enjoy varied activities and be warm hearted and open to people of all backgrounds. Of course there are important things that I've left out of this description...but you get the idea.

So my job (besides the obvious of loving them) is to teach and give my children the tools that they will need as adults. My job is not to "win" or be blindly obeyed. My job is to shape and guide, and help my children be able to eventually self guide. Yes, discipline is part of that. Yes, there are actions that lead to consequences. But ultimately my goal is to help them become the best possible child, teen, and adult that they can be.

Techniques that work for me:
Calm is listened to more than angry or urgent. Quiet is listened to more than loud. :laugh: . Several times I have had complete laryngitis. The children are always better behaved when they can't hear me and have to follow signals or read directions. Even a whisper can be effective. We also have no TV during the school week and limited on weekends. Even very selective TV (PBS) shows seem to precede behavior that we don't want - yelling, refusing to help, slamming doors. Cutting all TV has very much helped, and both children are avid readers. Diversion, change their focus to something positive. Chores, give them something to do - pick up dog piles, fold laundry. LOL my youngest thinks it is a treat to "fold" laundry. Spend time playing with them. My kids have just discovered monopoly - the old fashioned one, and love it.

I have read a number of parenting books. Some are great, some scare me. I really like Raising your Spirited Child by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka - as both my children would fall into the spirited category.

Well, it's a bit rambling, but there is a summary of my parenting philosophy.
DH more or less agrees. He came from a home that was also big on spanking or even slapping across the face. He is VERY opposed to that type of discipline.

How is it working? I think it is working well.
My oldest is extremely creative and artistic, athletic and straight A to A++.
My youngest, with the help of years of speech, physical, and occupational therapy is thriving. Last year he went from below average to exceeds average in his 100% mainstreamed class. He just started therapeutic horse riding again today.

Raising children is tough. I salute all the parents here. We can only do our best.

Awesome -- and so true -- since we're sharing -- mom's gotta brag some times - both of my older school age children are reading and comprehending three years above their school level, math on par and in excelled programs. My youngest is being moved to a higher level day care room because she has out grown her classroom.

I think these stories are great to share because they give credibility to the success you can help your child obtain if they are treated a particular way.

nuttyrubs

hey i have the same problem.........i took advise from my sister who has two perfect children asking for permission to go to the toilet even, sleep on time, while as my kiddo is a little hell cat screaming and throwing tantrums...she believes in spanking her children once a blue moon. her logic: we used to get spanked when we were kiddos and we turned out to be alright. so probably we need to adopt both the methods

AJCM

hey i have the same problem.........i took advise from my sister who has two perfect children asking for permission to go to the toilet even, sleep on time, while as my kiddo is a little hell cat screaming and throwing tantrums...she believes in spanking her children once a blue moon. her logic: we used to get spanked when we were kiddos and we turned out to be alright. so probably we need to adopt both the methods

Keep in mind that the logic of "It happended to us / it happened in the past" is problematic. Slavery happened in the past, as did the oppression of women, etc and we now know better, and do better.
:flowerforyou:

kimber607

Hi

I'm a big time non-spanker..I cringe thinking about it...
I don't condone violence or hitting for any reason (i teach my children not to retaliate even if they are hit, but to tell me or their teacher )
I agree that we need to teach by example...and I don't see how hitting teaches or solves anything
Believe me I feel for all the parents on this board as being a parent though rewarding, is the most difficult job I have ever had
At times, it can be down right frustrating (when you are trying to do the right thing but exhausted)

What's worked great for me is 1-2-3 magic and being CONSISTENT

Good luck and ((HUGS)) to all the parents out there
I know we all want what is best for our children...

Kim

jlwhelan1

An addendum to my previous (very long) post.

We taught our children hitting others is wrong and, as noted, we don't spank. We taught them to stand up for others.

My then third grader had the fortitude to go and talk to the principal when her teacher, who she liked and admired very much, hit a child in her classroom. Corporal punishment is not against the law for schools in my state. However, this teacher was removed from teaching and, from what I understand, retired. I am very proud of my daughter for her ability to make this judgment call (on her own, she did not talk to us about it first). She was guilt ridden for months that she talked to the principal and the teacher was removed, however we have used this as a springboard for talking about consequences for actions. The teacher chose to strike a student and the consequence was removal from the classroom and the job.

lina1131

I do not like to spank (with that being said, i have done it a couple of times very lightly when she was in danger).

If Lilliana is throwing a tantrum and crying. I tell her "Lilliana, you can cry if you want to, but you need to cry in your room with the door closed. When you are done crying, you can come out. Do you want to go to your room and cry?" and she'll say "No" and i'll say "then you need to stop crying" and she'll cry a little more and i'll remind her that she can cry, but she needs to do it in her room. She eventually stops after 2 or 3 reminders and goes and does something else.

ShellyBee

OKAY I AM POSTING THIS IN ALL CAPS AS I WANT IT TO GET THE ATTENTION IT DESERVES AND I REALLY WANT YOU TO READ IT AND ATLEAST GIVE IT A TRY.

I AM A 31 YEAR OLD MOTHER OF 3 CHILDREN AGES 9,7 & 1.......AS WELL I RUN A DAY CARE AND HAVE 4 CHILDREN IN MY CARE DAILY AGES 7,3,15 MONTHS & 10 MONTHS.

SO I THINK I KINDA KNOW WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT JUST A LITTLE BIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FIRST OFF.....SPANKING TEACHES CHILDREN NOTHING MORE THAN TO HIT.

THE KEY TO MAKING A CHILD MIND IT TO BE CONSISTENT. YOU MUST MAKE SURE EVERYONE IN THE HOUSEHOLD IS ON THE EXACT SAME PAGE WHEN IT COMES TO PUNISHING A CHILD, AS WELL AS EXTENDED FAMILY.

IT IS TRIAL AND ERROR BUT EVENTUALLY YOU WILL FIND THE ONE THING THAT WORKS FOR YOUR CHILD....EXAMPLE, A FAVORITE TOY, TIME OUT, BEING CONFINED, ECT.

HERE IS WHAT I DO......

I FIRST SAY NO IN A VOICE WHERE THE CHILD IS GOING TO HEAR ME, I STOP THE BEHAVIOUR IMMEDIATELY AND REMOVE THE CHILD FROM THE SITUATION, IF THEY DO IT AGAIN YOU REMOVE THEM AGAIN. WHEN I SAY NO I ALWAYS SAY "NO THANK-YOU" BELIEVE IT OR NOT YOU CAN GET YOUR POINT ACROSS WHILE STILL TEACHING THEM TO BE POLITE.
I USE STAIRS AS TIME OUT, THEY SIT THERE FOR 1 MINUTE OF EVERY YEAR OF LIFE, I ALSO USE 1-2-3 SYSTEM AND BELIEVE ME OR NOT I HAVE NEVER EVER BEEN PAST 2.
IF IN PUBLIC AND YOUR CHILD THROWS A FIT.....IT DOESNT MATTER WHERE YOU ARE OR WHAT YOU ARE DOING YOU LEAVE........YOU MAKE THAT CHILD KNOW EVERY SINGLE TIME THAT THE BEHAVIOUR IS ABSOLUTELY NO OKAY......EVENTUALLY AS THAT CHILD GET'S OLDER AND GROWS TO LOVE OUTTINGS YOU WILL SEE THAT LEAVING IS TRULY TAKING THE PRIVILAGE AWAY.
ALSO REWARD REWARD REWARD GOOD BEHAVIOUR....ONCE A CHILD SEES THAT GOOD BEHAVIOUR REWARDS THEM THEY WILL WANT TO BE GOOD ALL OF THE TIME.

THE THING TO REMEMBER IS THIS......PLEASE........

SPANKING A CHILD IS ONLY TEACHING THEM THAT HITTING IS OKAY...AND IT IS NOT....WHY WOULD WE EVER WANT TO SPANK AND HURT OUR CHILDREN THAT WE DEEPLY LOVE SO VERY VERY MUCH.

IF YOUR FRUSTRATED YOUR CHILD WILL ALSO BE FRUSTRATED SO AS HARD AS IT IS STAY CALM TAKE A FEW MINUTES BEFORE YOU REACT AND YOU WILL SEE A BIG DIFFERENCE IN BEHAVIOUR.

STARTING NOW AND STARTING YOUNG WILL MAKE YOUR LIFE SO MUCH EASIER LATER.

BEING PROACTIVE AND DISIPLINING YOUR CHILD IS A LOT OF WORK AND VERY EXHAUSTING BUT IF YOU ARE DILIGENT AND FOLLOW THROUGH EVENTUALLY YOU WILL SEE THE BAD BEHAVIOUR REPLACED WITH GOOD.

I WISH YOU ALL THE BEST AND I THINK YOU ASKING FOR SUGGESTIONS IS SO WONDERFUL...YOU REALLY SHOULD BE APPLAUDED FOR RECOGNIZING THE PROBLEM AND WANTING TO FIND A BETTER SOLUTION TO RESOLVE THE ISSUES.

FINALLY I THINK THAT IF YOU TRULY BELIEVED THAT SPANKING WAS THE SOLUTION YOU NEVER WOULD HAVE ASKED FOR ALTERNATIVE SOLUTIONS....SO PLEASE DON'T SPANK JUST BE CONSISTENT AND REMOVE THE CHILD FROM THE SITUATION EACH AND EVERYTIME AND YOU WILL BE SO SURPRISED AT WHAT RESPONSE YOU GET FROM JUST SIMPLY TALKING TO YOUR CHILD AND GETTING DOWN ON THEIR LEVEL AND EXPLAINING WHAT THEY DID AND WHY YOU DON'T CARE FOR IT, AS WELL EXPLAIN TO THEM WHAT THEY CAN DO NEXT TIME TO MAKE YOU HAPPY....

REWARD THE GOOD BEHAVIOUR IT WON'T SPOIL YOUR CHILD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HUGS, HUGS AND LOTS OF KISSES!!!!!!!!!

jenn10

As I said before I spank my children- and there are many different things that go on in a childs life that they will need to be told not to do and the more serious that thing is the more serious your child needs to understand - I am not ssaying you should spank your child everytime they throw a fit but yelling back at a parent or screaming out in public -- throwing them selves down in public-- yes I would deffinitly spank my child -- one good surprise pop on the butt reminds them you are not going to put up with the crap they are doing!

My three year old is at that time when he is trying us to see what he can get away with - You can not reason with a three year old - I totally burns me when I see anouther parent telling thier child " now suzy you don't want to throw a fit, why don't you get up honey" the whole time in a very sweet voice and not at all sounding like they are serious.

I always say give me five minutes with that kid and there will be no more fits in walmart!

You can't be afraid of what other people are thinking or saying -- just do what you need to do to get your child to understand they can't pull that crap anymore.

AND I hate to say it but I have five kids and by no way am I an expert and I don't think having ANY kids yours or someone elses in your care makes you an expert - We all do what we feel is right for our children and what I do may not fit your beliefs but it has worked with all my kids

TheHottestMama

as parents we dont get a manuel on our kids!
its all trial and error so do whatever will work!
thoes ppl who judge or say things
arnt there day in and day out and have no right to judge


for my 8year old we spank and no TV or playing outside or no video games
hes a little too old for time out...it dosent phase him to sit still for a bit!

my 4year old is really calm hes prob only gotten time out maybe 3times and no spankings! hes like my angel child

my 2year almost 3 year old
she knows what she wants and will tell me mommy ive very upset with you because you wont let me paint today.... lmfao....
and she has thrown one fit and im sure she wont dare to again
she threw a fit...i snatched her up and spanked her and calmly told her why and how we are suupposed to act and then told her no miss spider or no wubzzy today.. and she wasnt allowed any special treat for the day. most days are pretty easy. others i think oh god kill me!

ladybug30701

My daughter is 11 yr old now; and grounding or taking away privillages works very well now; but she has been spanked in the past. When she was little I have spatted her bottom a few times or her hands. Once when she was 5; we were outside and I stepped inside to check on dinner and she was out the gate and i found her maybe 200 feet or less from the gate; but I spanked my child from where I found her to the front door; not hard; but spat and lecture, spat lectur; but it taughter not to ever go out without telling me or asking again. I was spanked with a belt, hickery or hand when i was little (I am 39 now) and it never did hurt me; oh it did not feel good while it happened; but I lived and I am not scarred...

MFS27

Sigh...this is a hard topic because each child is different, and each situation will also be different.

DD #1: She's a softie - always wants to make Mama happy. All I need to do is talk to her in a quiet, stern voice, and often she will cry and apologize immediately. I can't remember spanking her. Bless her heart!

DD#2: My dare devil - she's loud and very clever. Threw MAJOR fits when she was a toddler - we tried spanking, but it made things worse. She would start crying so hard and could not calm down - it was bizzare - so that did not work. We resorted to time-outs, and taking away privileges. It was rocky, because she would still work herself into a tizzy if she felt unjustified and it would take a long time to calm down. It's better now - I learned I need to tell her the boundaries beforehand - so for example, BEFORE we go into the toy store, I'll tell her - we are not buying you a toy, we are only getting so-and-so's birthday present - then she would be fine, pouty, yes, but not crying herself sick.

DS#3: Oh boy. Girls and boys are definitely different. My son is four years old, weighs MAYBE 40 lbs, and is a slip of a boy - but in his mind, he is an undomintable 300 lb. warrior machine, lol. If I spank him - he will just turn to me and say, "That didn't hurt, mother!" Woah. I was NOT expecting that. We could spank him until his bottom is red, and it would not make a difference. I tried time outs with him, but he kept getting out of his time-out spot - we did this for two hours one time, and I just gave up. So I wanted to end the power struggle - he needed to learn that he is NOT in control, however, we can't MAKE our children do anything (by force), so I needed to find a way to let him feel in control, yet still guide his behavior. What we do now is simply consequences. If he throws his fork on the ground, I will calmly tell him to please pick it up, we don't throw our forks on the ground. If he refuses, I tell him he is not making good choices, and if he does not pick up the fork by the time I count to three, he will not be allowed to do blah-blah. You HAVE to be consistent - otherwise it won't work. One time DS got mad at dinner, and he ran away from the table. I told him if he did not come back by 1-2-3, his food would get thrown away and no dessert, no food until tomorrow AM. He just blew a raspberry at me, so into the trash went his food. It was hard when he came up to me an hour later, "I'm hungry Mama!" But I reminded him of his choice, and said next time you can make better choices, but right now all you can have is a glass of milk. You better believe he has not pulled that one again.

So long story short? Spanking did not work with my three kids - I tried it, and it bombed. I'm not against spanking, per se, as long as the punishment is not done out of anger, but is a controlled attempt to reduce a bad behavior - but I have to admit - I rarely see spanking, in the long run, result in positive outcomes.

Healthier_Me

I do not like to spank (with that being said, i have done it a couple of times very lightly when she was in danger).

If Lilliana is throwing a tantrum and crying. I tell her "Lilliana, you can cry if you want to, but you need to cry in your room with the door closed. When you are done crying, you can come out. Do you want to go to your room and cry?" and she'll say "No" and i'll say "then you need to stop crying" and she'll cry a little more and i'll remind her that she can cry, but she needs to do it in her room. She eventually stops after 2 or 3 reminders and goes and does something else.

Yup... thats what I do with Sara and it sure does work thank goodness:bigsmile: