To spank, or not to spank!?!
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I don't mind being spanked either... but then that is a whole different blog!!!! (LOL) I probably offended some one with that - Oh well, WTF I thought it was funny!! :ohwell:
CAN'T SATISFY EVERYONE!!!
lmao! i'm with ya there!
just wanted to add too...i think the nasty water (or whatever it was called) is a really neat idea!0 -
I know what you mean I have a three year old who is now starting to test me daily!
When he trys to throw a temper tantrum in public -- I grab the wrist and sqeeze till he looks at me and very firmly stay - knock it off--- if that does not get his attention it is off to the bathroom for some down time or a good whippin if hes not getting the point -- the hardest thing at that age is getting their attention and making them realise that you mean business! btw I have five kids and of those he is by far the worst for temper problems -- I think it is because he is the baby but who knows -- he may just be a pain forever! 0 -
A few thoughts...
BE CONSISTANT!!!
You and your hubby HAVE to sit down and make some rules on what is acceptable and what isn't. You can NOT just go changing rules on each other or over ruling each other in front of your child. You HAVE to make some rules, give them a try for a while, and then change things TOGETHER as needed. This is a MUST!
What do you and your hubby want your child to do differently?
Just like everything I do, I shoot for small goals, and anything above is success! So pick two "goals" which you would like to set for your child. And make a plan to on how you are going to change the behavior. For your son, the biting has GOT to stop. So write that one down. Then figure out what you are going to do when he bites. If spanking isn't working (didn't for my son either) then find another punishment and stick to it! Make sure the punishment is something YOU can stand. Taking away the kid's favorite toy which gives you 10 minutes without him hanging on you would not only stink for him, but your life will suck...so find things that you can handle as punishment.
Never let him see you sweat...Just like the commercial. LOL Once your child can see you out of control, you are done for.
I used the "naughty rug" method. I never give chances because if my kids even at that age were told they could have a cookie in six days, they'd remind me in six days about the cookie. So a simple rule is no chances. It takes out the guesswork and wear and tear on you.
Okay -- so this pretty much wraps up my deal with parenting as well. Now, my kids know who is boss and who isn't but they aren't scared of me.. and I think when you spank a child you teach them fear not discipline. Does this make sense? You can also easily get out of control and that's when spanking becomes -- abuse. Not saying if they are touching an electrical outlet to let them.. no get them away and if that means a pop on the butt yes.. but only to get their attention.
Also -- consistency -- yes, yes and yes. if you say no more soda then guess what no more soda. If you say one more time and we aren't going to the movies -- and they do it ONE MORE TIME, you aren't going to the movies. Once they learn that you will follow through and quickly they will stop behaving poorly. They just want direction from you.
I use a naughty chair but it's the same thing for my youngest. My two older girls get sent to their room where things start getting taken out if they don't behave. But honestly, that rarely happens now and they are 11 and 8.
Sometimes - and this is the hardest for them - I make them decide their consequence -- like okay, you hit your sister now you have to decide how you should make up for it. They are more creative than I am and a little more strict to be honest.
Lastly, a united front between you and hubby is paramount to all the above. If you guys aren't together on this -- it won't work. So, start there and then you can go the direction you need.
Whew a mouthful!!0 -
I don't mind being spanked either... but then that is a whole different blog!!!! (LOL) I probably offended some one with that - Oh well, WTF I thought it was funny!! :ohwell:
CAN'T SATISFY EVERYONE!!!
lmao! i'm with ya there!
just wanted to add too...i think the nasty water (or whatever it was called) is a really neat idea!
Can someone tell me the benefit of the "nasty water"? Other than teaching your child you will punish them by making them taste something disgusting and fearing that - what do you gain??
I don't like this idea to be honest, it sounds more like a way to torture your child.. I know does that awful from me... sorry if it does but everyone seems to think it's a great idea and I have to disagree. I like my children to learn restraint and right decision making based on good thinking skills not -- oh if I do that I get my mouth washed out (bar of soap anyone?!?!). And yes even a 2 yr old can start learning right from wrong, it's inherent for them to want to please.0 -
Speaking of meanie Mom's...
If my kids fight with each other I make them run laps around the outside of our house.
We do not have a fence and we live on just under an acre of land. Needless to say they were great this summer and kept their manners in check. Thundery and rainy days go a lot smoother now too. LOL
My son was telling a friend that he is in such good shape since he runs "a lot." :huh: LOL0 -
:drinker:im actually a little surprised at how many people said spank.... apparently im the only non-spanker:huh:
Depends on the kid IMHO...My son would look at me like WTF? My daughter a light tap to her bum and she would move it now! My husband...errrr...Hokay, be good...be good! LOL
I don't mind being spanked either... but then that is a whole different blog!!!! (LOL) I probably offended some one with that - Oh well, WTF I thought it was funny!! :ohwell:
CAN'T SATISFY EVERYONE!!!0 -
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: Too Funny...just plain too Funny! I've heard this method before..but something about the way you share you stories makes it like the first time I ever heard them! You do have a way!:laugh: :bigsmile:Speaking of meanie Mom's...
If my kids fight with each other I make them run laps around the outside of our house. We do not have a fence and we live on just under an acre of land. Needless to say they were great this summer and kept their manners in check. Thundery and rainy days go a lot smoother now too. LOL
My son was telling a friend that he is in such good shape since he runs "a lot." :huh: LOL0 -
Speaking of meanie Mom's...
If my kids fight with each other I make them run laps around the outside of our house. We do not have a fence and we live on just under an acre of land. Needless to say they were great this summer and kept their manners in check. Thundery and rainy days go a lot smoother now too. LOL
My son was telling a friend that he is in such good shape since he runs "a lot." :huh: LOL
I like that.0 -
Speaking of meanie Mom's...
If my kids fight with each other I make them run laps around the outside of our house. We do not have a fence and we live on just under an acre of land. Needless to say they were great this summer and kept their manners in check. Thundery and rainy days go a lot smoother now too. LOL
My son was telling a friend that he is in such good shape since he runs "a lot." :huh: LOL
I like that.
I like that one too, but one question......would you make them do it in the snow too? I live in Northern Michigan and winter is anywhere from 4-6 months long. I just wonder if that would be too much. I'll bet they would behave after a couple of times though. Hmmmmmm.................0 -
. Well anyway, he threw himself down on the floor and proceeded to throw a major fit, so..................I did the same thing. I laid right next to him in the middle of the crowded grocery store and did EXACTLY what he did, just to show him what he looked like. Do you know he NEVER threw another fit in the store!!!!
Memaw
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAA i would have sooooo liked to be there to see that one:laugh:
OMG I DID that TOO!! He was a little under 3 yrs old and I had my baby in the cart. I couldnt pick him up so I laid next to him and screamed....kicked my feet.....and we both started laughing. Same here-no more fits outside of the house0 -
First off, I am not a parent yet but I do have a 13 year old nephew that I was around alot when he was little. There are so many good ideas on here, and I too have watched the Nanny shows and they do so good. You have to go down to the child's level, if you stand at your level they feel intimitated.
I was only spanked one time in my entire life, and I mostly got yelled at, what can you except, my mother is Italian?
I do believe in spanking, although it didn't seem to work on my nephew, he usually didn't stop what he was doing or hit back. That is partly because of his parenting tho. Can't do anything now, he's worse than ever. I don't believe that spanking in moderation is "abuse". If you just let your child run around and get their way all the time (just like my nephew) they will be out of control and will not respect any authority (once again, my nephew). Also, I think smacking their hand especially if they are trying to touch something they aren't supposed to, isn't abuse.
My mom and dad use to get spanked all the time when they were little and there was no problem, mom would get the wooden spoon and dad would get the belt or a "switch" which is a twig to all who don't know lol Nothing was ever brought up about that being bad in the 50's
I like the naughty water idea tho! This may sound crazy! but I was such a good child that I never got put in "time out", I would go and bring a chair in the kitchen and put myself in timeout, wierd, huh? haha
Every child is different tho, you have to find the best method that works for your child, whether it's spanking, time out, naughty rug or naughty water or even a bar of soap in the mouth....
Good luck to you ! :flowerforyou:0 -
You seem to be a bright, loving mother. You must trust your OWN instincts on this.
Raising my kids (21,23,25 now) I was of a mind to not spank (I hate Dr Spock now"thats not ok!") I was also a pre-school teacher for 1-3 yr olds.
An 18 month old is checking his bounderies. Cause and effect...if I do this what will mommy do?
Also they are really moving around now. BUT I do not believe they truly understand all of the words that are coming out of our mouths. Could you learn spanish in 18 months?
Ok this being said. You do have to be consistant, but he will keep 'trying' you no matter what.
My middle son was just like this and he doesnt lie on the floor now kicking his feet, so at some point he stopped!!
My 3 kids were all raised by same mom and dad, in same house, with same schools......and you would think they were all from different planets!
Lots of hugs....and uh :whispers: a tiny pop on the diaper will sometimes shock them out of their fit if you dont use it all the time. I also found a loud hand clap to have the same effect.
Good luck darlin! 0 -
In a SERIOUS situation I don't think a smack on the butt or the hand hurts them, and certainly can SHOCK them in to realizing that something is dangerous/bad for them.
I did the hand tap with the VERY HOT wood stove and it got their attention and they KNEW that the stove was an off limits thing.
I don't *spank* my kid and I have gotten MANY compliments on how well behaved they are....
I am a LOVER of time out and it has to be consistent (maybe get a timer? and a *naughty step/spot*?)
Before when I was kind of slack about time-outs they KNEW I was slack about it and they got away with more and were a little worse (behavior wise) but I soon realized I needed to keep at it and make sure that they got that *I* meant business.
Now they don't go in time out NEARLY as much...my little girl is six and she very rarely goes in (maybe every few weeks) and my 3 yr old usually has to go a bit more since he's THREE and pushing ALL the limits!!
Good luck!!!0 -
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: Too Funny...just plain too Funny! I've heard this method before..but something about the way you share you stories makes it like the first time I ever heard them! You do have a way!:laugh: :bigsmile:Speaking of meanie Mom's...
If my kids fight with each other I make them run laps around the outside of our house. We do not have a fence and we live on just under an acre of land. Needless to say they were great this summer and kept their manners in check. Thundery and rainy days go a lot smoother now too. LOL
My son was telling a friend that he is in such good shape since he runs "a lot." :huh: LOL
Thanks friend! If you can't laugh at yourself, your successes and your failures...life wouldn't be fun! I love my kids too much to be boring!0 -
. Well anyway, he threw himself down on the floor and proceeded to throw a major fit, so..................I did the same thing. I laid right next to him in the middle of the crowded grocery store and did EXACTLY what he did, just to show him what he looked like. Do you know he NEVER threw another fit in the store!!!!
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAA i would have sooooo liked to be there to see that one:laugh:
OMG I DID that TOO!! He was a little under 3 yrs old and I had my baby in the cart. I couldn't pick him up so I laid next to him and screamed....kicked my feet.....and we both started laughing. Same here-no more fits outside of the house
That's so funny! I "curred" my son of this in less than a week of his attempts. He threw a fit, I'd walk off. ((Keeping a hidden eye on him of course!)) He would look up to me and I would be halfway down an isle. He'd end up with that "HU????" look and give up. Love it! My daughter tried tantrums once. ONCE!!! I lucked out. I looked at her and told her I've broken tougher kids than her with fits and walked off. That was it...
Now let's hope this works when they are teens! I'm sure I will be begging for advice at that point! LOL0 -
Speaking of meanie Mom's...
If my kids fight with each other I make them run laps around the outside of our house. We do not have a fence and we live on just under an acre of land. Needless to say they were great this summer and kept their manners in check. Thundery and rainy days go a lot smoother now too. LOL
My son was telling a friend that he is in such good shape since he runs "a lot." :huh: LOL
I like that.
I like that one too, but one question......would you make them do it in the snow too? I live in Northern Michigan and winter is anywhere from 4-6 months long. I just wonder if that would be too much. I'll bet they would behave after a couple of times though. Hmmmmmm.................
ABSOLUTELY!!! If the mail man can get out there and do his job in rain, shine, sleet or snow...Then my kids can behave on ugly weather days. Right? lol My kids have run in windy storms. I actually felt sort of bad...But I promised them that day that if they kept it up, they'd run. They only did that once. LOL But had I of said, "Hey you get a freebie since there is rain..." What would have happened??? They'd of eaten me alive! LOL
Now I just have to promise them laps...and they behave. Not perfectly, but I know it helps. Usually when they run they end up coming back in the house and have totally forgotten what the issue was, and so have I...AND...I'm tired of chasing a timer down and putting kids in time out. My son is 11, time out is just obnoxious at that age.
I figured, what's the worst that can happen? They get in better shape??? :laugh: 0 -
Speaking of meanie Mom's...
If my kids fight with each other I make them run laps around the outside of our house. We do not have a fence and we live on just under an acre of land. Needless to say they were great this summer and kept their manners in check. Thundery and rainy days go a lot smoother now too. LOL
My son was telling a friend that he is in such good shape since he runs "a lot." :huh: LOL
I like that.
I like that one too, but one question......would you make them do it in the snow too? I live in Northern Michigan and winter is anywhere from 4-6 months long. I just wonder if that would be too much. I'll bet they would behave after a couple of times though. Hmmmmmm.................
ABSOLUTELY!!! If the mail man can get out there and do his job in rain, shine, sleet or snow...Then my kids can behave on ugly weather days. Right? lol My kids have run in windy storms. I actually felt sort of bad...But I promised them that day that if they kept it up, they'd run. They only did that once. LOL But had I of said, "Hey you get a freebie since there is rain..." What would have happened??? They'd of eaten me alive! LOL
Now I just have to promise them laps...and they behave. Not perfectly, but I know it helps. Usually when they run they end up coming back in the house and have totally forgotten what the issue was, and so have I...AND...I'm tired of chasing a timer down and putting kids in time out. My son is 11, time out is just obnoxious at that age.
I figured, what's the worst that can happen? They get in better shape??? :laugh:
Yeah, not only that you are probably instilling a bit of self discipline for their adult lives; when the going gets tough and things don't work out -- get some exercise and relieve the stress/situation.
I think snow is fine -- kids play in it they can certainly run in it!!0 -
I like that one too, but one question......would you make them do it in the snow too? I live in Northern Michigan and winter is anywhere from 4-6 months long. I just wonder if that would be too much. I'll bet they would behave after a couple of times though. Hmmmmmm.................
ABSOLUTELY!!! If the mail man can get out there and do his job in rain, shine, sleet or snow...Then my kids can behave on ugly weather days. Right? lol My kids have run in windy storms. I actually felt sort of bad...But I promised them that day that if they kept it up, they'd run. They only did that once. LOL But had I of said, "Hey you get a freebie since there is rain..." What would have happened??? They'd of eaten me alive! LOL
Now I just have to promise them laps...and they behave. Not perfectly, but I know it helps. Usually when they run they end up coming back in the house and have totally forgotten what the issue was, and so have I...AND...I'm tired of chasing a timer down and putting kids in time out. My son is 11, time out is just obnoxious at that age.
I figured, what's the worst that can happen? They get in better shape??? :laugh:
Yeah, not only that you are probably instilling a bit of self discipline for their adult lives; when the going gets tough and things don't work out -- get some exercise and relieve the stress/situation.
I think snow is fine -- kids play in it they can certainly run in it!!
AH-HA! So this is the kind of environment those kids I went to college with grew up in! You know those kids -- the ones who would run outside naked in the snow at night around the apartment complex?:drinker: Little did I realize they had been training for their nekkid snow run all their lives! 0 -
AH-HA! So this is the kind of environment those kids I went to college with grew up in! You know those kids -- the ones who would run outside naked in the snow at night around the apartment complex?:drinker: Little did I realize they had been training for their nekkid snow run all their lives!
Oh no!!! LOL I'll make sure I keep my kids clothes...Wish me luck! LOL0 -
im actually a little surprised at how many people said spank.... apparently im the only non-spanker:huh:
I am also a staunch non-spanker.
No judgement here... however research does indicate that spanking is not an effective way of shaping behaviour (in fact we have some pretty solid research indicating that it has the oppposite effect).
We know that children learn through modelling. I try and model calm, self control, and firm yet fair treatment of my kids. We have consistent and logial consequences, and I always verbally indicate expectations in situation (e.g. As we enter a store, I explain what behaviour is expected, and what consequences will follow if the rules are not followed). We must also remember that when children model the positive (e.g. please and thank you), they also model the negative (e.g. using physical means to solve problems and exert control).
I personally do not raise a hand at my children, and try not to raise my voice, except of course when volume is specific to the task (e.g. calling out to them before the run into the street).
There are many parenting books on the market that outline great behavioural techniques (think "Supernanny" or, if you prefer, less commercial versions written by parenting experts and/or psychologists) so you could check your local Borders, Chapters, Indigo, etc.
I would be happy to share specific behavioural techniques with anyone who is interested.
Warmest regards to all my MFP friends!
:flowerforyou:0
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