Marriage vs. Singledom

TNTPete

Well - my vote is for marriage --
My hubby is my most cherished person in the world and I don't want to be without him. I think when you find that person who makes you a better person and supports you -- why not? But marriage for marriage sake -- nope; think I'd rather be single than deal with someone who half-heartedly loves me.

monica5237

it is great to hear the men on this subject too

mommared53

For me single is best. Married to the right person could be best but that didn't happen for me.

Ditto. I was married once and just from that experience, I'd rather be single any day. I guess he just wasn't the right one. Now I've been single for so long I think I've become much too selfish to be married to anyone. :ohwell:

jackeh

hmmmmmm im single with 3 kids and i wouldnt like it any other way!!! I date... but at the end of the day i dont have anyone to answer to... I am happy and content!!!!

fitmom2six

Got a hot date tonight with my girlfriend & my wife. It's been the same one and only great gal for 25 years. I wouldn't want it any other way for myself. For me, marriage is definitely worth any of the headaches or heartaches that come passing thru.

One vote for marriage.

I LOVE this...
:flowerforyou:

BEAUTIFULLY said!!

I have the very same view.... only right now in my life, I look at things much more differently. Hubby and I have been married for 16 1/2 years now. He is my "soul mate." I would cease to exist without him. Okay, that was a little dramatic, but it's how I feel... because I miss him SOOOOO much!! He is deployed right now. It's been 147 days since I last saw him, and almost 7 months since he left. I miss him so much it hurts! There you go! Spillin' my guts to a bunch of strangers!! :laugh:

Sunibc22

I would really like to be married again one day. My marriage wasn't great but there were some great things about it that I miss.
For now being single is easiest for me. And after reading other threads about the lack of support during weight loss people are getting it reminds me how nice it is to not have someone eating a bag of potato chips in front of me!!!

But once I'm really on track with this weight loss thing I want someone in my life again.

calatibo

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/5197440.stm

soup78

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/5197440.stm

Interesting.....:yawn:

Now I know why I'm always tired.....:huh:

Emdicio

Lot's of interesting opinions and outcomes in this post. In the end, I think that being married for most people is great so long as your partner is an equal in the relationship. Too often, though, that doesn't seem to be the case and I don't understand how so many people let their situation devolve into one of subservience, almost 2nd class citizen status. My favorite quote about marriage says that men get married believing nothing with the wife will change, while women get married thinking they can make their husband change - both are usually wrong.

As for me, I'm happily re-married and want to stay that way almost all of the time. Like any couple, we have minor issues but in 8 years we have still not had a "big fight". The times I don't want to be married have nothing to do with my wonderful wife; I have a serious nomad streak and regularly battle a strong desire to set my life aside and disappear on my bike for 6 months at a time (or more). Haven't done so in 20+ years, but it paws at me constantly.

In the end, I think marriage is a gamble because so much happens in a lifetime that twist and turn relationships; people change, expectations change, goals differ, life throws you some hard challenges, and reconciling them is sometimes just not possible without sacrificing one partners dreams, goals or values. It's hard, and I don't think most people look past the passion and wedding day to see the cold, harsh reality that awaits most of them. Few make it through successfully, fewer do so without lots of compromise and lost dreams. In the end, it's all just part of the journey of being in meatspace and figuring out who we are. Personally, I'm happy I threw the dice again and am enjoying the journey.

sindyb9

Why can't we be together but not have to be married?

I enjoy calling him my SO- and I really enjoy shocking the *kitten* outta old fogies when they refer to my "boyfriend" of 3 years as my husband! :laugh:

We're still single, in the term world, but committed on so many different levels.

I have been living with my boyfriend for 21 years, together 22 years. :laugh: :laugh: People call him my husband all the time, I stopped correcting them years ago. Can I say almost married :laugh: :laugh:

mommared53

I'm a happy single crazy old cat lady. :laugh: :laugh:

MFS27

I'm a happy single crazy old cat lady. :laugh: :laugh:

Mommared - you're my idol! I can't wait to be a cat lady. :laugh: I have visions of a clean house (which means no kids, no DH, no dogs), no screaming/pushing/fighting (a.k.a kids), and I'll be sipping my french roast coffee with a cat (or two) in my lap, as I watch the sun rise over my blossoming herb garden. (sigh)

mommared53

I'm a happy single crazy old cat lady. :laugh: :laugh:

Mommared - you're my idol! I can't wait to be a cat lady. :laugh: I have visions of a clean house (which means no kids, no DH, no dogs), no screaming/pushing/fighting (a.k.a kids), and I'll be sipping my french roast coffee with a cat (or two) in my lap, as I watch the sun rise over my blossoming herb garden. (sigh)

:laugh: :laugh: You're so cute! Unfortunately my peace and tranquility is going to vanish for awhile because my son will be moving back home the end of the month. He lost his job and hasn't been able to find another one yet. :grumble: Oh well, it was nice while it lasted. Hopefully he won't have to live with me for too long and I can get my life back again. :ohwell:

PrincessLaundry

My husband was diagnosed with cancer the day my daughter was born. I almost lost him 6 years ago. What a wake up call.

i have to pick up after him sometimes,

[/quote]

Ya...to think I have a life long friend. I remember when my husband was diagnosed I thought, OMG what I would give to pick up his laundry or shoes or scrub a mess, or get him a drink of water for forever.

I had a friend whose husband was diagnosed around the same time with cancer as mine. She lost her husband, I have mine. I think her daughter was just a month or so old when her baby was born, and mine was just born.

When I see my husbands socks on the floor still...I think, wow, I am so lucky to have a man's socks to pick up. Small little reminders of how lucky I am. Socks... I know my friend would give anything to have socks to pick up.

annekejohnson

This is a good discussion. I guess the problem for me is that I've never had the "good" partner. I don't particularly like being single but I don't like being married to an alcoholic/drug addict either. It's been two years now and I live in an area where I have no real friends or family. It's just me and 3 kids and this is the longest I have ever been single. I enjoy my freedom but I miss the companionship (among other things). I'm really starting to feel as if I may be single forever - or at least until all my kids are gone. I'm a west coast girl living in the southeast and it's like culture shock. I can't find a suitable man within a 100 mile radius!

Fab140

Married people live longer.

You have someone to blame when the kitchen is a mess.

I would be a basket-case, crazy cat lady without my husband. He is the world to me.

Ya, someone has to bring me breakfast in bed and make my coffee!!

Exactly.

I never thought I would get married. And here I am, married 5 months and loving every minute of it. THere are times where I feel like I need more breathing room, but the instant I get it, I want to be snuggled. :laugh:

Dang men and their mind tricks!!!

Fab140

I am just going to say I HATE :mad: being single and having to do everything on my own and not having someone to help with lifes little mishaps I was married to my first husband for 13 years and we divorced cause of his alcholism and i went and married another alcholic and i divorced him. and now i have been single for 4 years and I HATE :explode: I repeat HATE:explode: being single too many games and the dating world stinks I want one man and one only!!!!!

Aw, I hope you find Mr.Right SOON!!
Someone that compliments your personality and shares your interests =o)
It can be hard to find that Mr.Right...
I kissed a LOT of frogs first LOL
:grumble:

Yes. Many frogs....ugh

Fab140

My husband was diagnosed with cancer the day my daughter was born. I almost lost him 6 years ago. What a wake up call.

i have to pick up after him sometimes,

Ya...to think I have a life long friend. I remember when my husband was diagnosed I thought, OMG what I would give to pick up his laundry or shoes or scrub a mess, or get him a drink of water for forever.

I had a friend whose husband was diagnosed around the same time with cancer as mine. She lost her husband, I have mine. I think her daughter was just a month or so old when her baby was born, and mine was just born.

When I see my husbands socks on the floor still...I think, wow, I am so lucky to have a man's socks to pick up. Small little reminders of how lucky I am. Socks... I know my friend would give anything to have socks to pick up.
[/quote]



Wow.....nothing like a wake up call to remember how lucky we are to have that love.

Anytime DH talks about how he may be shipping out again, it takes me weeks to stop worrying. I honeslty don't know what I would do without him. We met a littl eover two years ago and have NEVER been apart more than a week, even after a "break up" period.

:flowerforyou:

Fab140

single anyday. maybe i'm a selfish *****, but i never understood the draw of havng to share your life with someone. sex, sure, snuggles ok, cleaning up after them, cooking for them, putting up with thei annoying friends and basically being their servant, no thanks. companionship is nice, but not so nice that i would give up my independence.

I was there. You meet that guy that you can't give up, that you can't stay away from , and you'll do anything to keep him.

The single world has a very cut and dry idea of what marriage is. It isn't a fantasy and "happily ever after"; but it isn't the wife in scrubs and cleaning all the live long day either. It's a friendshsip, a romance, a business contract. If you're a normal person, it doesn't dramatically change the day you get married. But over time you get so wrapped up and binded with the person that imagining life without them is nearly impossible.

Marriage isn't for everyone. But it isn't what my generation makes it out to be, either.

jill927

Ya, I wouldn't have married that man either!!! EEEK!!!!

Not all men are obnoxious! My husband is great at the snuggles, he isn't a pig, he cooks great (worked in a meat department when we were in school), we have the same friends, and serve??? We serve each other evenly...Hokay, he spoils me! He listens to my crazy talk, he is a great Dad, a fantabulous military guy. He's a goof sometimes, but perfect for me!

My husband was diagnosed with cancer the day my daughter was born. I almost lost him 6 years ago. What a wake up call. We have had tough years, but we have worked through the sick days and here we are! He makes coffee for me in the AM and even rubs my feet to wake me up! Anyway...

Not all men are a mess.

:noway:

ummmm, can I clone your husband?!?!? I want one! :laugh: