What do you say to those that arent encouraging?

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24

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  • jmuzzio7
    jmuzzio7 Posts: 28 Member
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    The best thing you can say (in my opinion) is nothing. SHOW him that he's wrong. Use that as motivation to stay strong and stick to it. In the end, you'll feel better about yourself b/c you've lost weight, stayed committed AND proven him wrong. We are all here to support and encourage you. Please feel free to add me as a friend if you'd like.
  • kelsully
    kelsully Posts: 1,008 Member
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    One thing I have learned through my process is that while encouragement is awesome...what I get here is perfect...therefore I don't make my journey and efforts real public information. I eat what I eat...I exercise like I exercise. I get snarky comments from some but I am learning ...and mind you I said learning...to let them go. I don't talk about calories and exercise except with people who like to talk about it too...I never shared with my hubby that I was going to work on controlling portion sizes. I never discussed with him MFP until I knew it would be successful for me..and I knew I could handle this in an emotionally healthy way (old eating disorder sneaks up at times) My hubby is very cool. He is very supportive of my endeavors in life...partly because I expect it of him...I do things to make myself better and he better be on board. As long as I am healthy and strong and not neglecting other important things in my life then he supports me. If fiance is not supportive here I hope he encourages and supports other things you do in your life..if he doesn't you should start expecting and demanding that support in your positive endeavors.
  • TourThePast
    TourThePast Posts: 1,753 Member
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    I just started this journey yesterday and my fiance looks at me and says "I give you a week and you will be done with it".
    Not a great reaction, considering this is the person you plan to spend the rest of your life with... Did you tell him that his comment offended you?

    Personally, a comment like that would really motivate me to prove him wrong. My internal reaction would be "F*** you pal, I'll show you how wrong you are!"

    Hard to tell from what you've said whether the guy's a total jerk, whether it was out of character (we all have off days when we'd be better keeping your mouths shut) or whether it was a realistic assessment. Only you can tell whether this was an unfair thing for him to say. If this is the tenth time you've announced that you're doing this and you've lasted only a couple of days each time, it may not have been supportive but it's not entirely unreasonable either.
  • NicolCook
    NicolCook Posts: 489 Member
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    My bf was the same way when I began mine. He gave me 2 weeks until it would be over.....here I am 9 months later. And in the time it takes to grow a baby, I lost 40lbs.

    I don't have to use words anymore.....he had to eat his!!

    I, at the time, told him that wasn't very nice and thanks for the encouragement (insert sarcasm here). He thought by saying what he did, that I would be motivated to prove him wrong. It wasn't him I was doing it for....so I ignored him.

    I wish you much luck on your journey and feel free to add me if you would like more support :flowerforyou:
  • lovebeinGIGI
    lovebeinGIGI Posts: 72 Member
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    Your fiance?? First of all, as for me, I'd lose the weight then lose HIM! I was with someone a while back who got with me after I had lost a ton of weight (several years ago) and when he saw a pic of me when I was heavy his comment was "Yeah, I'd never dated you at that size". My reaction to him was, "Then you don't deserve me at this size!" He was history and I'm the better for it!

    Someone who doesn't support you in your efforts, no matter how many times you have tried, isn't someone you want around you when trying to lose weight! I know...I've had both kinds around me. So the ones who aren't supportive, I avoid. You need encoragement!!

    Just don't give up!! You'll see the pounds starting to drop before you know it!!!

    Best of luck to you and God Bless!!!
  • lisafred24
    lisafred24 Posts: 313 Member
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    My first question is does your boyfriend tend to be jealous of other men? if so, there is your answer. He doesn't want to encourage you because he doesn't want you reaching your goals and having other men attracted to you. My second question is in other things is he a good boyfriend (does he work, is he kind, loving, supportive)..if yes then good for you and prove him wrong by sticking with it. If he is not then my answer is the same...he is afraid you will reach a goal, get attention else where and leave him. If he is any of these negative factors I have mentioned then I say move on without him. If he is a good guy and was just being insensitive then you need to sit him down and explain how important this is to you and that you need his help and encouragement.
  • LH2011
    LH2011 Posts: 176 Member
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    I read your profile and your reasons for losing weight are inspiring your mother is lucky to have you and your husband needs a good kicking I'm afraid and anyone else who is negitive. Ignor them and prove them wrong I have sent you a friend request and would be only to happy to help and support - good luck lisa
  • AngieM76
    AngieM76 Posts: 622 Member
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    Thank you all for the encouraging words. I definitely plan on proving him wrong. I know he has never had to go through anything like this. He is the type that can eat what he wants and never gains a pound. He is normally very supportive of the things I do so I am hoping once he starts seeing the changes in me, that he will be supportive and encourage me. I can tell already that the people here on MFP are wonderful people and I know I will always get the support I need.
  • AngieM76
    AngieM76 Posts: 622 Member
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    I read your profile and your reasons for losing weight are inspiring your mother is lucky to have you and your husband needs a good kicking I'm afraid and anyone else who is negitive. Ignor them and prove them wrong I have sent you a friend request and would be only to happy to help and support - good luck lisa


    Thank you Lisa!
  • meparker56
    meparker56 Posts: 36
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    First off, don't let him sabatage your efforts with his negativity! You can do this! I would actually do it just to prove him wrong, but hey, you are here for you. Let your fiance know that you are doing this for you, and if he can't be supportive then don't say anything at all!! There will be times when you get discouraged but that is why we are here! You will have all kinds of support on here. Add friends to your site, we will support you! Then when you lose your weight, rub it in his face!!!!! LOL good luck. and good job on the 1 lb. lost!!!
  • BeeElMarvin
    BeeElMarvin Posts: 2,086 Member
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    My favorite response is:
    Kiss my A*@!!!
    You can use it if you would like!:smile:
  • TWEETIE19
    TWEETIE19 Posts: 54
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    I would prove him wrong..haha I agree do this for yourself. I've done it to many times for the wrong reasons and finally realized I need to do this for me...Keep up the good work!!!! :flowerforyou:
  • KayakAngel
    KayakAngel Posts: 397 Member
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    Keep posting on MFP, add more friends so you can stay encouraged and share the same struggles that we all are going through, and then IN HIS FACE! I guess guys all have jerk moments, but reading that made me mad! If you log in everyday and keep up with your diet and exercise, you WILL be successful. MFP is a great tool! Several of my MFP friends and I have commented on how using the food and exercise logs makes it so easy, and the support on the site is so great. Good luck!!! Add me if you like. :flowerforyou:
  • AngieM76
    AngieM76 Posts: 622 Member
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    My first question is does your boyfriend tend to be jealous of other men? if so, there is your answer. He doesn't want to encourage you because he doesn't want you reaching your goals and having other men attracted to you. My second question is in other things is he a good boyfriend (does he work, is he kind, loving, supportive)..if yes then good for you and prove him wrong by sticking with it. If he is not then my answer is the same...he is afraid you will reach a goal, get attention else where and leave him. If he is any of these negative factors I have mentioned then I say move on without him. If he is a good guy and was just being insensitive then you need to sit him down and explain how important this is to you and that you need his help and encouragement.


    He does tend to get jealous and I am trying to just chalk it up to the fact he might be insecure a little about it all. Because in everything else we have done, he is loving, supportive, encouraging, he works and provides, so he is all in all a very good fiance.
  • beccarockslife
    beccarockslife Posts: 816 Member
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    I say "see ya later". I would give him one chance to change his attitude and see ya! Why wouldn't he support you!?
  • Losingitin2011
    Losingitin2011 Posts: 572 Member
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    Sometimes those negative attitudes are just the push you need to keep at it. Whenever you think about wanting to quit, replay that in your mind and focus on proving it WRONG. You've got this!
  • MinnieInMaine
    MinnieInMaine Posts: 6,400 Member
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    You know what? My brother had a reaction like that when I announced my intentions late 2009 to get going with my weight loss again. And I was really hurt and peeved at first but had two thoughts about it...

    First, yeah, he's right, I have failed several times and talked about several different ways that I've tried losing weight but this time is different and

    Two, boy will he be surprised when I get to my goal weight, stay there and prove him totally wrong!!!

    Every time I start feeling like I'm tired of trying so hard, I picture that moment and am motivated all over again. And not just because of him but for myself because I really do want to make these changes stick this time and be a healthier happier person!
  • texakin20
    texakin20 Posts: 98 Member
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    just WAIT till you get a few comments .."have you lost weight? Hey you look different".. and it will BE SO worth this struggle. I have had two comments at work and my family at home has not even said anything.. and that felt AWESOME that others noticed and say they see a change.

    Day by Day! Just one foot in front of other, count calories, if you mess up.. next day change that! Excerise and wait for the ticker to start moving g/f!!!

    Nancy
  • Flyntiggr
    Flyntiggr Posts: 898 Member
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    I just started this journey yesterday and my fiance looks at me and says "I give you a week and you will be done with it". I was offended and not happy with that comment. I need all the support and encouragement I can get especially from him. I didnt know what to say to him so I just said "ok whatever you say"

    I just walk away. My brother in law says I'm fat all the time - which is interesting, since he's not exactly Slim Jim himself. ;D I used to bite, but now I just do my thing, count my calories, and move on.... You'll get LOADS of support here, which is an amazing feature of this site...
  • TTHdred
    TTHdred Posts: 380 Member
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    Not sure if this is something you have tried to get a handle on before, but sometimes it’s tough for the person if they have watched you fail in the past. They themselves are discouraged, because they don’t want to go through seeing you disappointed when things don’t work, or if you slip up so they try not to even encourage you to do down that road. This is especially the case when your significant other is happy or at least content with the way you are and how you look as is. To them it’s just easier if you don’t do anything. If your anything like me, this journey means tears, ups and downs, complaining, constant talk about food and food types etc…it’s a lot for someone.

    Don’t get me wrong, support is always preferable, but I just often ask that we don’t underestimate that it takes work on the other person’s part as well. This is why it truly has to be about you and what you want for yourself. If that will is strong you will be successful. It is also why I like this website. People here don’t know me, have no clue about my past, they have one role in my life, to help me through this. It is perfect. I can vent, complain, “cry”, ask questions and obsess all I want. I don't have to tell the hubby my gaols or mini goals. Just mfp!!! :smooched:


    p.s. before I get hate mail! I am not saying what he said is ok, just that it is sometimes understandable. :smile:

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