What do you say to those that arent encouraging?

TK421NotAtPost

My first question is does your boyfriend tend to be jealous of other men? if so, there is your answer. He doesn't want to encourage you because he doesn't want you reaching your goals and having other men attracted to you. My second question is in other things is he a good boyfriend (does he work, is he kind, loving, supportive)..if yes then good for you and prove him wrong by sticking with it. If he is not then my answer is the same...he is afraid you will reach a goal, get attention else where and leave him. If he is any of these negative factors I have mentioned then I say move on without him. If he is a good guy and was just being insensitive then you need to sit him down and explain how important this is to you and that you need his help and encouragement.

He does tend to get jealous and I am trying to just chalk it up to the fact he might be insecure a little about it all. Because in everything else we have done, he is loving, supportive, encouraging, he works and provides, so he is all in all a very good fiance.

My first thought would be, "be safe... make it a long engagement"

But if he's an otherwise good fiancee, I would say, "make him feel secure". I know that might not seem fair, but isn't part of any good relationship the ability to help each other overcome their weak points?

Losingitin2011

My first question is does your boyfriend tend to be jealous of other men? if so, there is your answer. He doesn't want to encourage you because he doesn't want you reaching your goals and having other men attracted to you. My second question is in other things is he a good boyfriend (does he work, is he kind, loving, supportive)..if yes then good for you and prove him wrong by sticking with it. If he is not then my answer is the same...he is afraid you will reach a goal, get attention else where and leave him. If he is any of these negative factors I have mentioned then I say move on without him. If he is a good guy and was just being insensitive then you need to sit him down and explain how important this is to you and that you need his help and encouragement.

He does tend to get jealous and I am trying to just chalk it up to the fact he might be insecure a little about it all. Because in everything else we have done, he is loving, supportive, encouraging, he works and provides, so he is all in all a very good fiance.

My first thought would be, "be safe... make it a long engagement"

But if he's an otherwise good fiancee, I would say, "make him feel secure". I know that might not seem fair, but isn't part of any good relationship the ability to help each other overcome their weak points?

If we got rid of everyone who ever said anything negative about us, we'd be pretty lonely people.

michelle_8106

This site is AMAZING! You will love all the support! Its so helpful to have support from loved ones.....but I say just make them eat their words! Good Luck and I will add you as a friend!

l3ugjuice

I just started this journey yesterday and my fiance looks at me and says "I give you a week and you will be done with it". I was offended and not happy with that comment. I need all the support and encouragement I can get especially from him. I didnt know what to say to him so I just said "ok whatever you say"

You have to keep it in the proper perspective.

Spite can be an incredible motivational tool. Comments like that probably do me more good than the actual support I get from people, because I just love proving people wrong.

BTW, nice shirt. Go vols =D

arielian

let your weight loss speak for you ; my best friends mom was a lil discouraging too. She said "I thought you were trying to lose weight, everytime i see you your eating!" I blankly said "You have to eat to lose weight" lol!

calequestrian

I hope he is not always like that! If he is I would send him walking! That being said, do you usually start something and then never finish it? I used to do that, but not anymore, but I have a very supportive husband who is proud that I have worked so hard.

barbiex3

just say, wait you will see. Prove them wrong. Everyone sad that to me. I said to them "ya maybe" but deep down I thought "ha yeah right!!! I'll show you!!" and I did, and some people are jealous! but as for fiance, i'm sure he wont be jealous lol. He probably is just trying to motivate you by being the devil's advicate =] or to fuel your fire

kfitz10103

My husband was the same way but I found I didn't really need his support though. I CAN do this on my own and I am stronger for doing it without relying on him. He is more supportive now, but he still eats terrible food. I have cut out red meat, fried foods and regular soda. I only eat grilled chicken at fast food places so I can still eat anywhere, but I just chose to eat grilled chicken (even when he eats fried chicken or a burger.) I actually feel better about myself knowing I did it with him tempting me. I still eat not-so-healthy food, I just eat smaller portions to stay in my calorie goal.

Try to prove him wrong and once you accomplish your goal he will see your strength and probably admire you for it. I'm sure he wasn't trying to be unsupportive. Sometimes people say things without thinking that are totally insensitive. (and by "people" I mean men! haha!) I do think you should say something to him and let him know it hurt you, but that it won't stop you from bettering yourself.

"What doesn't kill us makes us stronger."

susanswan

Wow! What a slap in the face from someone who loves you. I don't think I would feel very good about sharing ANY type of life challenges with someone like that. Great "Food for thought".

You have a real goal to achieve in helping to save your mother's life. I know you don't want to fail. This could possibly be the challenge of your life. This is brand new for you. You don't know what you are capable of, but just because you might have failed in weight loss before, it doesn't mean that this time you have to fail, too. This will be your shining moment.

I agree with the multitudes in this post that say to stop the conversation right there. Discuss it no more. Your results will speak for themselves. You just go on with your plan and leave him out of it. He will notice changes in your eating and exercising habits and he may not like them.

My husband is supportive but he is also resentful (I think) because I don't want to eat every french fry he makes, or join in the ice cream on the couch after tv, or bake him pies and cookies all the time like I used to. His weight NEVER changed. He is 235 on any day. He could stand to lose 20 - 30 pounds. I started at 135 from using ephedra, got off of it and gained weight at the speed of a house on fire until I got to 205. I worked my way down to 153. It's a fight, and it will continue to be a fight until I die! There is no end. It is a lifestyle change. I spend more time alone exercising and on MFP which he doesn't like, but it's my life too, and I refuse to be fat any longer to make him more comfortable! It's MY TURN!

I'm here for the long haul! I'd like to friend you to support YOU in your efforts! I also can't wait to hear your success story! = D But I'll patiently wait!

AngieM76

BTW, nice shirt. Go vols =D

:happy: GO VOLS!

barbiex3

Your fiance?? First of all, as for me, I'd lose the weight then lose HIM! I was with someone a while back who got with me after I had lost a ton of weight (several years ago) and when he saw a pic of me when I was heavy his comment was "Yeah, I'd never dated you at that size". My reaction to him was, "Then you don't deserve me at this size!" He was history and I'm the better for it!

Someone who doesn't support you in your efforts, no matter how many times you have tried, isn't someone you want around you when trying to lose weight! I know...I've had both kinds around me. So the ones who aren't supportive, I avoid. You need encoragement!!

Just don't give up!! You'll see the pounds starting to drop before you know it!!!

Best of luck to you and God Bless!!!

.... all he said was I bet you quite. He didn't say he wouldn't date her if she was bigger... sorry that happened to you, but don't tell people to leave their finance when you don't even know them. How incredibly out of line... My boyfriend has said similar things to me because that's how our relationship works. He KNOWS me, and he knows I am an extremely competetive person, so when he says little things like "i bet you'll quit" he says it in a way that he is challenging me--- he doesn't really believe I will quit..

As of the OP. Don't take advice from people on an online forum regarding leaving your fiance. They don't know how YOUR relationship works. They are just speaking from their own HURT past. I'm sure you have a great relationship.

mom23nuts

tell him to put his $ where his mouth is....make a bet with him and see how determined and focused you can be when there is cash on the line.

tell him $100 for every month you stick to it is going towards the new wardrobe you will need by your honeymoon.

ps it's not about being deprived of anything it's just about making some healthy changes so you can do it so why not have fun taking his $ while you're at it!

NicolCook

tell him to put his $ where his mouth is....make a bet with him and see how determined and focused you can be when there is cash on the line.

tell him $100 for every month you stick to it is going towards the new wardrobe you will need by your honeymoon.

ps it's not about being deprived of anything it's just about making some healthy changes so you can do it so why not have fun taking his $ while you're at it!

Great idea!! Wish I had thought of that with my man :happy:

Barneystinson

Your fiance?? First of all, as for me, I'd lose the weight then lose HIM! I was with someone a while back who got with me after I had lost a ton of weight (several years ago) and when he saw a pic of me when I was heavy his comment was "Yeah, I'd never dated you at that size". My reaction to him was, "Then you don't deserve me at this size!" He was history and I'm the better for it!

Someone who doesn't support you in your efforts, no matter how many times you have tried, isn't someone you want around you when trying to lose weight! I know...I've had both kinds around me. So the ones who aren't supportive, I avoid. You need encoragement!!

Just don't give up!! You'll see the pounds starting to drop before you know it!!!

Best of luck to you and God Bless!!!

.... all he said was I bet you quite. He didn't say he wouldn't date her if she was bigger... sorry that happened to you, but don't tell people to leave their finance when you don't even know them. How incredibly out of line... My boyfriend has said similar things to me because that's how our relationship works. He KNOWS me, and he knows I am an extremely competetive person, so when he says little things like "i bet you'll quit" he says it in a way that he is challenging me--- he doesn't really believe I will quit..

As of the OP. Don't take advice from people on an online forum regarding leaving your fiance. They don't know how YOUR relationship works. They are just speaking from their own HURT past. I'm sure you have a great relationship.

I used to get the "yeah, you'll be back eating junk real soon" comments from an ex. It was, like you say, mostly a competitive jab at me. So, in a weird way, it was a push to keep doing well with eating / fitness.

AngieM76

.... all he said was I bet you quite. He didn't say he wouldn't date her if she was bigger... sorry that happened to you, but don't tell people to leave their finance when you don't even know them. How incredibly out of line... My boyfriend has said similar things to me because that's how our relationship works. He KNOWS me, and he knows I am an extremely competetive person, so when he says little things like "i bet you'll quit" he says it in a way that he is challenging me--- he doesn't really believe I will quit..

As of the OP. Don't take advice from people on an online forum regarding leaving your fiance. They don't know how YOUR relationship works. They are just speaking from their own HURT past. I'm sure you have a great relationship.

We have a wonderful relationship. Like I said in another response, in every aspect of my life he is supportive and encouraging. He provides for me, he loves me, and is a good fiance. Maybe last night when he said it, it just rubbed me wrong. But after everyone's comments, I think maybe it was just him trying to motivate me more. I didnt look at it like that last night. I have tried this a couple times and have quit so maybe he just doesnt want to see me upset and frustrated all over again. That has to be hard on him too.

SoFancySoBlessed

UFORTUNATELY DEAR THAT WONT BE THE LAST NEGATIVE COMMENT YOU HEAR ON YOUR WEIGHT LOSS JOURNEY MY HUSBAND WAS AGAINST THIS FROM THE BEGINNING, BUT HE HAS HAD A CHANGE OF TUNE WHEN HE SEES HOW HAPPY I AM WITH WHAT I HAVE ACCOMPLISHED SINCE I BEGAN. DONT LET IT BOTHER YOU, LET IT ROLL OFF YOUR BACK BECAUSE HE IS NOT IN CONTROL OF HOW WELL YOU DO , YOU ARE!!! SHOW HIM BETTER THAN HE CAN TELL YOU!!! BEST OF LUCK MY DEAR AND IF YOU NEED A FRIEND, WE ARE ALL HERE FOR YOU!!!

AngieM76

tell him to put his $ where his mouth is....make a bet with him and see how determined and focused you can be when there is cash on the line.

tell him $100 for every month you stick to it is going towards the new wardrobe you will need by your honeymoon.

ps it's not about being deprived of anything it's just about making some healthy changes so you can do it so why not have fun taking his $ while you're at it!

This is definitely something I am bringing to the table tonight! LOL!

yiffanarff

Good for you for making the commitment! Also, to the people suggesting that her fiancé is a no-good jerk, I really don't think we can make those sorts of accusations with so little information. For example, about a year ago I told my boyfriend that I wanted to run a half marathon. He said that I wouldn't get out to train unless he dragged me. At the time I was indignant and thought, "well I'll prove you wrong!". Well, October 2010 came and went, and I didn't run the half marathon. Didn't even start training. The fact is, he knows me well enough to know that the only times I ever went running was when we would go together, and when our different schedules made that pretty difficult, I stopped running. He wasn't being a jerk, he just knows that I am frequently guilty of setting lofty goals and then not working towards them.

However, I started P90x about 3 weeks ago, and I've been seeing really great changes already. He's really proud of me and has been so supportive. For me, that "I'll show you" attitude wasn't actually enough to get me moving. I'm exercising and eating better now, not because I want to prove to someone else that I can, but because it makes me feel good, and feel proud of myself. The fact that my boyfriend is clearly proud to see me sticking to my goals is awesome to, and I feel really lucky to have him, but he isn't what makes me exercise and eat well. I'm doing that for me.

thumper44

If he bites with the money, Great. :laugh:.
You've logged on here, and started making friends. I suggest join a group, that will keep you motiviated and give you more reason to logon here. Log your food, exercise and you will lose weight. If you have any problems come online and ask your MFP friends.

I would think about this, if there's no money involved.
DO NOT give your fiancee ANY updates on how much you've lost. I think it could be fun game to play back with him.

flausa

I'm definitely finding that most people's negative comments seem to stem from their own insecurities. I had an acquaintance today say, "wow, how much weight have you lost now." "3 1/2 stone," I replied. "Well, huh, just be careful, because I did that a few years ago, and I've put it all back on." I struggled with forming a response, but just made a quick exit rather than saying something I'd regret. The only other person who's been really negative is the woman who's supposed to be my best friend. But more and more, she just leaks poison in my direction. Accordingly, I'm spending less time with her and finding myself enjoying other friends' company much more (including my lovely MFP friends)!