I WANT TO DIE!

CoachMaritova

i am sooo sorry!! I cannot begin to imagine, or pretend to understand, the pain you are in. My heart goes out to you! Please do not continue to blame yourself for this! Beating yourself up won't make things better. Lean on your husband, continue reaching out to others! I do not know what your faith is, or how you feel about this, but I will pray for you!! xoxoxo

janemartin02

So sorry for your loss.Don`t blame yourself.I had 2 miscarriages and I know how difficult it is to loose a baby or babies you wanted so badly.Take time to heal and lean on those you love.Ignore people that have unsolicited advice.
Pamper yourself.
Sending a big HUG to you from a mom who knows the pain.
Jane:flowerforyou:

djthom

My heart goes out to you right now. I wish I could offer you some words of wisdom that would miraculously make your pain go away, but there aren't any that can. I understand what your going through, I lost a set of twins under simular circumstances. I didn't go through labor though, I had to have a dnc instead. I also blamed myself and the doctor that ignored my phone call for help. Unlike you I had already had 2 babies and knew in my heart something was wrong, but let the doctor (not mine by the way, some other on call doctor) tell me I was overreacting. It wasn't until the next day when I called my regular doctor & went for an ultrasound that they discovered no heartbeats. There was nothing anyone could say or do that would make me feel better. Often peoples words meant to be comforting just made me angrier. I didn't want to hear "you'll have others" , "it's God's plan" or "there must have been something wrong with them". I know they were trying to make me feel better, but it didn't. What you've been through is the greatest pain any mother could go through. There is nothing that will fix it. It will lessen in time, but it will forever be apart of you. It's been 15 years since I lost mine. I've gone on to have 2 other beautiful children, but there are still days I think of what I lost and wonder "what if". Just know it wasn't your fault. Let yourself greive and learn to forgive even though you'll never forget. All I can advise is take one day at a time, it will get better, I promise. Take care of yourself. Feel free to contact me.

scubacat

I'm so sorry for the loss of your babies. My first daughter was stillborn and although I have two healthy daughters now, I still have an empty hole in my heart 6 years later. Its a traumatic experience and will hurt for a long time and probably will never completely heal. Just hold them in your heart and surround yourself with people who love and support you.

mark03264

Sorry to hear of your loss. Experienced a similar thing about 13 years ago. We lost a child 6 months into the pregnancy. It is very hard but it does get easier over time. As was said before, there will be some days better than others. It took about a year to where it wasn't a nearly daily thought. We did go to a few support group meetings. Being with and talking with others that have been through the same sort of thing did help. Your hospital should be able to give you information for area support groups. Also, don't be afraid or resistant to going to counseling. It will help. Take one day at a time and realize there is still much to look forward to even if things pretty much suck right now. Hang in there.

Just1forMe

I am just so sorry for your loss. There are no words that will really comfort you. I have lost a child to miscarriage. You will never forget them or really stop being sad about it of course, but it does get easier, I promise. Right now, I know the pain seems unbearable and that is perfectly normal. Please don't say you want to die I completely understand that it may feel that way, but there are too many people who love you and other babies who will need your love (& I know this doesn't help lessen the pain right now, but it is true). If you truly don't feel any better in a week or so, please see your doctor about possible post-partum depression. Lean on your family during this very difficult time and look for support groups where you will find others who share your grief. Sharing your story can be very therapeutic. I will be keeping you in my prayers.... (((Hugs))))

Just1forMe

When the loss first happens it feels like a gigantic bolder on your lap. You can't move, get up, go anywhere or see your life going on in any way normally again (sounds like you are here). Then as you process the loss--by talking to people, typing it into blogs, etc and with time, the bolder gets smoother and smaller. It will become a large rock that you can lift up and set down and go about your life for short times. It will fall back in your lap at different times--sometimes unexpected (you might see twins in town) and the rock will land on you and you might be back to tears again. Eventually the rock becomes so small you can carry it with you--in your pocket and your heart. Don't worry that you will ever lose it--your twins memory will always be with you for the rest of your life. You will just be able to put the smooth rock in your pocket and go on with your life. Hope this helps you like it did me. Right now just feel the boulder and process what happened with people who love you. That is what a good mom does.

This is just beautiful and so true. I pray that time moves quickly for you and your pain becomes a small smooth pebble that you can take with you where ever you go...never forgetting, always loving, but at some point thriving again. Blessings...

quichebradford

First let me say I am so sorry for your loss. As a Christian, I believe that everything happens for a reason, yes, even the bad things. There are no words that will bring you comfort, time heals all wounds. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. God is a healer, mentally and physically

mommyoftwins05

I am so sorry!!! Hugs!! Yeah that doctor should get in trouble!!

Heather75

This website may offer some comfort.

http://www.silentgrief.com/

LorinaLynn

I'm so sorry for your loss. Those words seem so inadequate. *hugs*

Please look into a support group. A friend of mine is actively involved in bereavement specializing in baby loss, after losing her own. Becoming part of that group, and getting help and eventually helping others in the same situation, has been a lifesaver for her. It helped her feel less alone in a world where not everyone understands that kind of grief. People can seem insensitive at times, saying things like "you can have another" or "it just wasn't meant to be," but they really just don't know what to say or how to help.

Be kind to yourself. *hugs*

LATTIL

There are no words - just God bless you and your husband during this very traumatic and sad time. I know over time the pain will diminish. but I also personally know you will also miss your two children. May you find peace in your heart soon and know this is not your fault.

melanie76

I wish I had some encouraging words for you, something that would take away some of your pain. I cannot imagine your loss or pain. I am just truly sorry and will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

capricorn144

I am so sorry for your loss. Please allow yourself time to grieve and please speak with your Primary care doctor for a referral for grief counseling or even a support group to have face time with people near your location that can help you through this process.

LillysGranny

Just want to tell you how sorry I am for all you have been through. Try to keep hangning on. You'll never forget your babies, but it will get easier with time.

prettypain

support groups are great for people that are willing to talk in front of alot of people. Counciling works for some, so thats another great idea. I see some people say time, it's easy for someone who has never been threw this, to give that advise. However, i have been threw your senero, and im curious how much time they are thinking before things are normal, one needs to fully except and live with losing not only one child but two>

I lost my twins 4 monthes early, and that was 9 years ago.....i still feel so lost sometimes. And not a day, or even an hour goes by that i dont think about them. Dont get me wrong ,Im not being negative, some days are good and i think about the short amount of time i got to hold them, other days are harder. sweetie, if you wanna talk to someone who has been in you shoes, except my friend request or pm me....i will listen and understand all that you are feeling, i guarentee it, because i been there, and still am ina way!

tanyaMax

I am so sorry for your loss rest in peace little angels. sorry ;(

jamiesgotagun

I really don't know what to say, but huge ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) from me!!!!!

My sister in-law actually had the exact same thing happen, right at 5 months with twins. Please do not feel guilty, this is NOT your fault!!!!

I think the best is for you to talk to people, just get the emotions off your chest!!! With saying that, I know I'm a complete stranger, but feel free to add me as a friend and talk my ear off!!!!

elliecolorado

I am so sorry for your loss! I have had a few miscarriages (2 were really early, right after I found out I was pregnant), and I had a miscarriage a little over a year ago when I was a little over 4 months pregnant. And it is something that no one should have to go through. It is not your fault and you didn't do anything wrong!

Talking to someone is one of the best things that you can do. I bottled things up and act like I was fine for a while until I eventually broke down. Once I actually started talking about it and dealing with how I felt about things, it really did start to get better. I will never forget about the baby and I will always love her, but it does get easier over time.

I also think doing something as a memorial for them may help you. I am getting a tattoo of a shooting star (because her middle name was going to be Estrella - Star in Spanish), just because to me that feels like having a little part of her with me.

Just remember that you did everything that you could and that you didn't do anything wrong.

prettypain

please take the time to read my poem that i posted earlier today...Poem....A Mother's Prayer .....as the topic under chit chat as well...maybe it will help. its about about what i went threw losing my twins...