Should I just give up on her? Rant/Need Advice

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  • PantalaNagaPampa
    PantalaNagaPampa Posts: 1,031 Member
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    I would hate to see you give up on her completely, but first and foremost, you need to take care of yourself.

    You have made the descision to change your life and you have the commitment to follow through. I say love nad support her the best you can, but you can't let her sabotage your hard work. Let her know that, you will be there to help her when she is ready to make the commitment but until then, if you have a set time and workout to do, you are going to go do it.

    I wish you the best of luck with it.
  • mummum2
    mummum2 Posts: 415 Member
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    I agree with the above posters. I also think its important that you have a honest conversation when you're calm, and tell her how you feel about it. But I wouldn't take a hard approach or lay on the guilt. More like "This is what I'm going to do, because I need to do it. I love it when you come with me, but it's stressful if I feel like it's difficult to get you to come on days you're not up for it. How about this: when I go, I would so love it if you would come. If you want to come, just get ready and join me. If you don't feel up to coming, you don't have to say anything but 'have a great workout. I'm proud of you."

    I really like the above advice.

    She is an adult. Working out or not is her choice. If she chooses to stay in bed, that is fine. It's sad that she feels she has to lie and make up excuses though. Just let her know it is up to her and that there is no pressure from you.

    Sound advice from both! totally in agreement! JUST DO YOU! and don't force her, when she ready SHE'LL DO HER!
  • runlorirun
    runlorirun Posts: 389
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    When she's ready she will join you again. You can't force someone to believe in what you believe in or live the lifestyle you are currently living.

    Set an example, be her inspiration. Once she sees your dedication and commitment, that is bound to inspire her to improve her health.

    Right now focus on you....

    I second this. You can't make someone do it, but hopefully she will see your progress and decide to join you at the gym again. Focus on you,you are doing AWESOME by the way!

    I would continue to ask her, don't give up on her, be there for her when she decides the time is right for her.

    I lived by some of the same excuses, to bed to late (I do have insomnia though), back hurts, something hurts, headache (I suffer from migraines), kids come to early (I do home daycare), but now:

    I am not a morning person either but 3 days a week I am up at 5:30 so I can go out to run by 6am. I am home by 7 am jump in the shower and ready for the kids when they get here at 7:45.

    My insomnia and migraines can run hand in hand, to late to bed, migraine in the morning. I have found listening to audio books in bed helps me fall asleep faster. So far I have only missed one day to the migraine monster, and that was when I had to take the pain killers to get rid of it.

    Of course my body hurts, I have an extra 90 lbs on my frame that shouldn't be there, as the weight comes off the less things hurt. I have only lost one day of exercise to pain but it was on doctors orders, so I don't feel bad about it.
  • BenKnowsFitness
    BenKnowsFitness Posts: 451 Member
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    Sorry, but I gave up on her a few sentences in. I went ahead and read the whole post because I love your spirit. Sounds like you are a good friend indeed.
  • healthyjen342
    healthyjen342 Posts: 1,435 Member
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    I wouldnt say GIVE UP GIVE UP on her ...just lay low and let your progress speak for itself...When she realizes that you are having fun at the gym, she will join you. Until then, FOCUS ON YOU! Get yourself healthy and GET YOUR FITNESS ON!!!! Go to the gym at the scheduled time..if she doesnt go, it's okay..Mention it when you get home..like, "I had such a fun time at the gym today..You'd love it"..Then the thought is out there...and you dont have to ask..and she doesnt have to say no!

    I hope everything works out for the best! ((((((((((hugs))))))))))
  • lawdhelpme2
    lawdhelpme2 Posts: 149
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    Drop that tail!
  • milaxx
    milaxx Posts: 1,122 Member
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    You can never want something more than the person who needs it does. I know it's hard when it 's people we care for, but that's the fact. I would simply say " this is my gym schedule for this week, let em know if you want to join me" and leave it at that. No pressure. You go and do what you need to and hopefully she will join. Just be prepared for the fact that she may never do it.
  • LJSpady
    LJSpady Posts: 311 Member
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    Thanks you everyone for your feedback. We finally made it to the gym today, around 10. I think we're gonna talk tonight when I get home from work. I know that this won't work if I want it and she doesn't, but I just remember how enthused she was when she got our memberships, so I know in her heart she wants to make a change, but I guess her mind still has to catch up. I'm definitely not going to give up on her, but I'm also not gonna put more effort into her fitness than she's willing to. When she's ready I'll be there for her, but until then, I gotta do me.
    =)
  • PantalaNagaPampa
    PantalaNagaPampa Posts: 1,031 Member
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    Thanks you everyone for your feedback. We finally made it to the gym today, around 10. I think we're gonna talk tonight when I get home from work. I know that this won't work if I want it and she doesn't, but I just remember how enthused she was when she got our memberships, so I know in her heart she wants to make a change, but I guess her mind still has to catch up. I'm definitely not going to give up on her, but I'm also not gonna put more effort into her fitness than she's willing to. When she's ready I'll be there for her, but until then, I gotta do me.
    =)

    Awesome choice. Proud of you for knowing what needs to be done and having the strength to do it...

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