Do you think fat people "ought" to lose weight?

IrishChick71

If someone is fat, and doesn't have health problems because of being fat, do you think they "should" lose weight? Would you in any way look down on them or reject them if they chose to live with their weight instead of struggling to change it?

Why or why not?

Should they lose weight? Depends on if their weight is limiting them in anyway or in any area of their life. If their life would be better from the weight loss then YES. If they can't stand to be photograghed because of the way they look, If they struggle to keep up with their kids, if they can't walk up stairs or take 10 steps without feeling out of breath, if they need 2 seats on an airplane or theatre? Absolutely YES.

I've never chosen my friends by the way they look. So I would never reject a good friend because of how big they are. That's pretty superficial. But I think if they want to lose weight and they give up just because "it's too hard" then turns around and eats a whole pizza by themselves, that's says something about a person. And yes, I think it does color the way I look at them to a certain degree if I was honest. But would I reject them as a person? Definitely NOT!

LeanerBeef

As a life long fat person I would tell that person they should try to lose the weight - if they're asking. In this world, I don't think there is truly anyone, or atleast not too many, people that are "fat and happy". If that person doesn't have any current health issues they are surely a candidate for many ailments down the road. I would also question if their not being fit would affect their daily activity - like it does anyone carrying too much weight. If someone thinks just walking from home, to car, to parking lot, to office and back without having a heart attack is enjoying life, I say they are mistaken. Again, they might not have an immediate health issue but can they play with thier kids, participate in a 5k walk, enjoy the beach, ride a bike, etc - can that person honestly say that the weight doesn't keep them from enjoying life to the fullest??? I think no matter what your size or situation, we all have our issues and hang ups but being overwieght is something that holds many people back from living the life they want. Whether you are talking about your love life, career, social life, whatever it may be, being "fat" is not a check mark in the plus column in the pursuit of happiness.

broadsword7

I look down on no one or reject them, nor look up to others, because of how they look. I look down on some, and look up to others, because of what they do.

suzycreamcheese

no, i really dont care about other peoples weight particularly.
I have thought at times that someone would look lovely if they slimmed down a bit, but never thought that they "should". I also think some people really carry their weight well and suit being a bit bigger.

as long as people dont moan about their weight whilst doing nothing about it, then i say live and let live

fteale

No. If someone wants to lose weight it is up to them and them alone. The only job of other people is to support them in the choice they make to the best of our ability. It only becomes someone else's business if someone is damaging their own health and we are worried about them for their own sake.

candistyx

It does shock me how vilified fat is... there are people who genuinely believe that people can't be fat and happy, that you can't be fat and healthy, even though there's plenty of evidence that you can.

I was/am fat and happy. I am only changing it for shallow reasons because I think I'd be prettier thinner, just as I might be prettier with longer/shorter/different colour hair and might change that. I know when I get older the look I want will be impossible at any weight and I will probably get back to this kind of weight then because it's really not that bad. I am happy, I have a great love life, I get A's at university (which takes self discipline and focus, the things as a fatty I must lack apparently), I have wonderful friends and family all around me. It's totally possible to be fat and happy, and you know what else... if you are unhappy, all the evidence out there says that JUST becoming thin won't change that. Being thin won't magically make you a different person or fix the things in your life that make you depressed.

And yeah it's possible to be fat and healthy. My mum is in BMI terms obese, she is old enough to have all the obesity related diseases and no sign of them yet, no elevated cholesterol, no high blood pressure (she actually has low blood pressure), normal glucose, normal insulin. In fact the main health problem she has is hypothyroidism, which is not caused by being fat but does *cause* being fat (and she almost has a flat tummy at a weight deemed "Obese").

WWH_AJ

Right now I'm having this issue where half of my friends want to workout and lose weight (vet tech students) and where my sorority sisters have kinda let themselves go during this summer, even though my "little sister" vowed to start losing weight and eating right because she was running into health problems. I don't look down on them because I think they should lose weight and know they can do so if they would just put effort in. They are still my friends and sisters, no matter what and when school starts back I'm going to frequently invite them to the campus gym to walk with me or play raquet ball. If they decline, oh well, it's lose, but if they do choose a healthier lifestyle, then I'm there to help them through the process and motivate them!

1234lbsgone

I don't look down on anyone for whatever reason. We all have our stories, our baggage, our demons. We start out innocent children and later something changes in all of us to remove that innocence. Nobody ever knows how a person came to be, sometimes we can't even figure ourselves out. I do my best to look at everyone as a human first. If there is a problem with my view of someone, I look at myself. More often than not, what I thought I saw in them is a problem that is really in me.

hikeout470

I feel it is the most selfish form of acting out that a person can do.

So ...methamphetamine abuse, anorexia, having unprotected sex with strangers, dangerous driving, cutting - all these things PALE in the face of the great evil that is being 200lbs? Really?

Yeah, pretty much.

avsingleton

yep, an over weight person "ought" and should lose weight. they might not have health problems now, but they will eventually. i wouldn't look down on an overweight person, i would treat them the same as everyone else.

UpToAnyCool

Only if they want to!

I might be missing your point, but I agree that there are no guarantees in life: you can be naturally thin and have genetically high cholesterol. You could be fat, have a top notch quality of life and never get ill, whereas your skinny neighbor might get cancer, worrying and burdening their family and friends.

This is why it is important for people trying to lose weight to really know what their goals are.
Though there are no guarantees of longevity/happiness/productivity, etc., I would guess that a lot of folks here have seen a lot of the stats and have decided to do something about their health b/c it feels more empowering to try to do something about it, rather than waiting around passively to find out if being obese will indeed, catch up to them.

:flowerforyou: But yeah, definitely a personal choice.

WWH_AJ

I feel it is the most selfish form of acting out that a person can do.

So ...methamphetamine abuse, anorexia, having unprotected sex with strangers, dangerous driving, cutting - all these things PALE in the face of the great evil that is being 200lbs? Really?

Yeah, pretty much.

So you're telling me I should be more upset with my dad because he's overweight instead of being upset with the fact that he made a stupid decision and went to jail for a year because of drugs? The same year I graduated from high school? I find that a little hard to believe.

songbyrdsweet

I feel it is the most selfish form of acting out that a person can do.

So ...methamphetamine abuse, anorexia, having unprotected sex with strangers, dangerous driving, cutting - all these things PALE in the face of the great evil that is being 200lbs? Really?

Yeah, pretty much.

Clearly 'someone' has never been hit by a car or had chlamydia.

tross0924

If someone is fat, and doesn't have health problems because of being fat, do you think they "should" lose weight?

I've got a slight problem with the question. Define fat. Are you going by a BMI definition of over weight? The studies you've sited are using the BMI for reference.

Personally I hate the BMI and I think it skews studies like that all to hell. In those studies I'm a fit fat person and would be the person your question references. Do I NEED to lose weight? No. But 100 lbs ago I was lifting weights and doing some cardio and was still the person referenced in your question. Did I NEED to lose weight then. Good God yes!

To me fit fat people are the exceptions to the BMI. The government classifies us as fat and we may have 10 - 30 maybe even as high as 50 lbs to lose, but calling someone in that category fat is a stretch in my opinion.

People with 100 lbs of fat to lose, should they lose the weight? Yes, absolutely. People with 100 lbs of fat to lose are deluding themselves if they think they are fit. They may be capable of amazing feats. They can ride 100 miles on a bike, they can complete a marathon, they can climb the stairs of the empire states building. This does not make them fit. They may not have markers of heart disease or diabetes, this does not make them healthy.

Would you in any way look down on them or reject them if they chose to live with their weight instead of struggling to change it?

No. Not in the least. I would and do feel a little sad for them, because when I was there I thought I was happy, but I wasn't. I hope they aren't where I was, and I hope that they know, no matter how hard it seems from where they are standing, it can be done. But I don't and wouldn't look down on them. I wouldn't think I can't be your friend cause your fat.

Why or why not?

Because every one has the right to make their own decisions. And every one has their problems. Who am I to judge someone? I had that problem. I just hope that they aren't where I was. I thought I was happy, but I wasn't. I thought there wasn't any hope of me ever being anything but fat, but there was.

*fixed quotes

hikeout470

I feel it is the most selfish form of acting out that a person can do.

So ...methamphetamine abuse, anorexia, having unprotected sex with strangers, dangerous driving, cutting - all these things PALE in the face of the great evil that is being 200lbs? Really?

Yeah, pretty much.

So you're telling me I should be more upset with my dad because he's overweight instead of being upset with the fact that he made a stupid decision and went to jail for a year because of drugs? The same year I graduated from high school? I find that a little hard to believe.

Please stop being inflammatory. We are talking about weight here, not other peoples methods of self destruction. I also would like to clarify, that I would never treat an overweight person differently than a normal or underweight person. Please stop judging the way I feel about this,you have not walked in my shoes.

2bFitNTrim

Yes, because it reflects a lack of caring for ones self, and this will eventually cause health problems. In turn it will hurt their family member(s) who are in the position to care for that person. They will carry the constant burden of worrying about them when they get older. Waiting for the heart attack, stroke, fall down the wooden stair case that they insist on living with, whatever.

Having this experience in my family, I can say this causes tremendous worry and heartache. I feel it is the most selfish form of acting out that a person can do.

Part of me agrees with this, but the other part of me says it is harsh. Like I said earlier, hubby has been hospitalized 5 x this year (diabetes, High BP, cholesterol, etc) due to heart disease which probably could've been avoided. I have been angry with him, frustrated, sad, you name the emotion, I've felt it. And yes, at times I have thought he is selfish. But the other part of me KNOWS he loves me & his family, and I cannot believe for one moment that he is deliberately not taking care of himself. I truly believe he wants to lose the weight & be healthier, but is struggling. Struggling in a huge way. Struggling! I cannot hate him for it.

Valora

If someone is fat, and doesn't have health problems because of being fat, do you think they "should" lose weight? Would you in any way look down on them or reject them if they chose to live with their weight instead of struggling to change it?

NO.
They should not feel obligated to lose weight at all and no one in their right mind should judge that person or look down on them for doing so. I'm 15, I have no weight-related health problems whatsoever and am perfectly happy (and atrractive) with the way my body is, I just try to stay under 200 lbs.
But sometimes, that isn't good enough for other people. My parents go way beyond educating me in being healthy and make me weigh in every week in hopes that I lose weight, force me to food journal, make me feel horribly self conscious about everything that i eat. And because of this, my confidence isn't what it used to be.
Mind you, I haven't read any of the previous posts in this forums so my post is entirely unbiased etc...

McKayMachina

GREAT topic! And thanks for the add!

I'd like to ask a few questions. Your profile says:

1. So I can wear clothes that I like instead of only being able to passably wear one item in any given shop on a good day.
2. To improve ...my ...um... bedroom performance.
3. So I can participate in active daily tasks without excessive fatigue.
4. Because I missed out being pretty when I was younger being insecure and now I am fat and can't be pretty, and soon I will be too old to be pretty, I'd like just a tiny short time to be pretty, vain and pathetic though that is.
5. When I give myself freedom to eat as I please I seem to gain about a stone in weight each year. This is evidently an unsustainable situation from a health and a life perspective.

You say you're "fat and happy" but

1. You've dismissed this as a "shallow" reason. I don't believe it is. Not being able to find clothes to fit is a serious hit to one's psychological well-being.
2. Sex is a GREAT reason to want to lose lbs.
3. You dismissed this one, as well, citing enhanced fitness levels after just a couple of weeks of exercise. I'd be surprised if you lost enough weight to wade into the "healthy" zone that you wouldn't look back and laugh a little thinking that your 200+ body thought THAT was an acceptable level of fitness. Have you considered how drastically improved your fitness level will be at yet an even LOWER weight?
4. Desiring commonly-accepted beauty is neither vain nor pathetic. It's a function of an emotionally healthy brain. Beauty is opportunity, plain and simple. Thin, active, attractive people are given more social and professional opportunities and considerations. Wanting doors to open for you in life is simply smart.
5. Can you afford to gain any more weight? Is maintaining REALLY what you want? Or are you...maybe...just psyching yourself into a perspective that allows you to relax your fitness/nutrition goals? What do you REALLY want?

As far as I can tell, you do seem to contradict yourself quite a bit. I don't ask these questions or say these things to "call you out" but, rather, to prompt you to really consider the points and talk through them to gain some personal insight.

hikeout470

I feel it is the most selfish form of acting out that a person can do.

So ...methamphetamine abuse, anorexia, having unprotected sex with strangers, dangerous driving, cutting - all these things PALE in the face of the great evil that is being 200lbs? Really?

Yeah, pretty much.

Clearly 'someone' has never been hit by a car or had chlamydia.

?

ladybarometer

You say that, but yet on your profile, under reasons to lose weight you posted: "3. So I can participate in active daily tasks without excessive fatigue."... That's a bit contradictory.

Either way, I think it's the person choice.

I found 2 weeks after engaging in moderate exercise I was capable of this :P

Dittp. Actually, I have a number of friends who are "runners" that would be considered over weight on a weight chart, myself included. I'm just under the BMI that is considered Obese, but I feel fit, I'm perfectly healthy on paper, and I can do anything in general without running out of breath or feeling fatigued. BUT I am trying to lose weight to take weight off of my knees, so I can participate in more events like marathons and such.

songbyrdsweet

I feel it is the most selfish form of acting out that a person can do.

So ...methamphetamine abuse, anorexia, having unprotected sex with strangers, dangerous driving, cutting - all these things PALE in the face of the great evil that is being 200lbs? Really?

Yeah, pretty much.

Clearly 'someone' has never been hit by a car or had chlamydia.

?

I was just making light of the situation.... if the worst thing that anyone has done to you was to be fat, you are one of the lucky ones!

spyro88

I think it's personal choice, and I wouldn't say that anybody I don't know "ought" to do anything, but I think that overweight people who say that they are perfectly fit and healthy are deluded. Even if it doesn't have a big effect short-term, carrying extra weight is going to be bad for health somewhere down the line.

candistyx

I dont intend relaxing my weight loss. I have nothing better to do till uni starts so I might as well do this.

But I don't really think this topic should be about ME. I am concerned about the attitude that society seems to have toward fatness... it literally frightens me that there are people who think being fat is one of the worst things someone can be. Most people I know are fat and most people I know are hard working, disciplined, smart people who deserve a LOT more credit than being written off as lazy and undisciplined because of their weight.

There are a million more important things in life than what and how much you eat. Yet day in day out I read people who honestly sound like they think that someone must have something WRONG with them if they are fat and not desperately trying to lose that weight.

Losing weight is hard, sometimes in the overall balance of things it's not worth the effort, sometimes there are actually better things to do. If right now I had to choose between focusing on studying and focusing on losing weight, I'd focus on studying. If I had to choose between devoting my attention to my kids or devoting it to weighing my food, planning my meals and the mentally exhausting task of resisting my cravings, I'd pick the kids every single time.

It's the sense of outrage that I keep seeing that some people dare to be fat, that being fat and being visible to others is immoral because you must be upping their insurance premiums (as if we weren't all going to get ill and die of something at some point) or setting a bad example or heck just looking gross in their field of vision. Its really winding me up that people feel that way. There's so much more to life than what people weigh...

hikeout470

I feel it is the most selfish form of acting out that a person can do.

So ...methamphetamine abuse, anorexia, having unprotected sex with strangers, dangerous driving, cutting - all these things PALE in the face of the great evil that is being 200lbs? Really?

Yeah, pretty much.

Clearly 'someone' has never been hit by a car or had chlamydia.

?

I was just making light of the situation.... if the worst thing that anyone has done to you was to be fat, you are one of the lucky ones!

I wish, check out my profile title! I have been through plenty the past few years, but those topics are not really appropriate for this forum.

writtenINthestars

I feel it is the most selfish form of acting out that a person can do.

So ...methamphetamine abuse, anorexia, having unprotected sex with strangers, dangerous driving, cutting - all these things PALE in the face of the great evil that is being 200lbs? Really?

Nope, they're all pretty equal in my eyes.

Please stop trying to rationalize things so you can hear what you truly want to hear.

candistyx

I feel it is the most selfish form of acting out that a person can do.

So ...methamphetamine abuse, anorexia, having unprotected sex with strangers, dangerous driving, cutting - all these things PALE in the face of the great evil that is being 200lbs? Really?

Nope, they're all pretty equal in my eyes.

Please stop trying to rationalize things so you can hear what you truly want to hear.

I am ...flabbergasted there's people who think being 200lbs is equivalent to being a drug addict (and I am very sympathetic to drug addicts). It's shocking that people think like this

You'd really feel the same if your kid was fat as you would if you caught them smoking meth? Seriously?

PJilly

God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it's me. ~Author unknown, variation of an excerpt from "The Serenity Prayer" by Reinhold Neibuhr

hikeout470

I dont intend relaxing my weight loss. I have nothing better to do till uni starts so I might as well do this.

But I don't really think this topic should be about ME. I am concerned about the attitude that society seems to have toward fatness... it literally frightens me that there are people who think being fat is one of the worst things someone can be. Most people I know are fat and most people I know are hard working, disciplined, smart people who deserve a LOT more credit than being written off as lazy and undisciplined because of their weight.

There are a million more important things in life than what and how much you eat. Yet day in day out I read people who honestly sound like they think that someone must have something WRONG with them if they are fat and not desperately trying to lose that weight.

Losing weight is hard, sometimes in the overall balance of things it's not worth the effort, sometimes there are actually better things to do. If right now I had to choose between focusing on studying and focusing on losing weight, I'd focus on studying. If I had to choose between devoting my attention to my kids or devoting it to weighing my food, planning my meals and the mentally exhausting task of resisting my cravings, I'd pick the kids every single time.

It's the sense of outrage that I keep seeing that some people dare to be fat, that being fat and being visible to others is immoral because you must be upping their insurance premiums (as if we weren't all going to get ill and die of something at some point) or setting a bad example or heck just looking gross in their field of vision. Its really winding me up that people feel that way. There's so much more to life than what people weigh...

In the case of my opinions on this matter, I would not treat you or any person differently because of their weight. Some of my most highly respected and brilliant close friends and co-workers are overweight. That being said, I would consider the topic from your children's point of view. Not to be harsh, but saying you are putting your children first is a bit of a cop out. You cannot truly care for them, if you do not care for yourself in the long run.

Those are words coming from the kid in me who is now an adult and primary care giver for my mother, who has gained roughly 100 pounds in the past 10 years, from an already overweight for her frame. Keep in mind, there are no thyroid or medical reasons for this. I have come to the conclusion that it is not a coincidence that every time I call her, she is eating. In her retirement, she now ingests roughly $900 worth of medications MONTHLY for her illnesses related to weight. These include sleep apnea, high cholesterol, high blood pressure, heart rhythm problems, diabetes, etc. Last year I lost 2 weeks worth of pay while sitting by her side in the hospital from complications where her medications were not properly controlled. She knows she needs to lose weight, her doctors have made that clear for years. Yet she rationalizes everything. I mention all of this because it is weight related. I believe the rationalization and weight problems and health problems are now a vicious circle. I hope my telling you this experience helps you or someone.

fteale

I think you could ask any drug addict and they'd tell you they get a lot more villified than someone does for being a bit podgy.

candistyx

I think you could ask any drug addict and they'd tell you they get a lot more villified than someone does for being a bit podgy.

But clearly some people put those things on a par.

And I *seriously* resent the idea that anyone who is fat doesn't care for themselves. Life is about priorities, you can NEVER be perfect. Just because a person has other priorities above their weight doesn't mean they "don't care about themselves".