Not so nice...

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13

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  • melindalamb
    melindalamb Posts: 80
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    I am sorry. Just remember that you are the one doing something good for your body.

    I have been working out at the gym 5 days a week, since springtime. Well, I have lost weight, which is good. But, a few weeks ago, one of my friends told me that she was really lucky that she did not have to work out as much as I do.
  • sonybalony
    sonybalony Posts: 335 Member
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    I am so sorry that rude idiots have hurt feelings, caused pain and generally lessened all of us with their ignorance.

    At my SKINNIEST, having lost weight to join the Army, I went shopping in a very chic boutique. I asked the girl if they had a particular outfit in my size, they had clothes ranging from teeny tiny to 13-14. (I was a 10). She looked me straight in the face and said "We don't serve people with breeders hips." I asked for her manager, and was informed she wouldn't be back for hours and since that would be past my "feeding time" I'd better run along. I waited very patiently, not speaking to the nasty little heifer (who became more agitated as time went by), just sitting in the very comfy chairs by the fitting room reading the magazines. When her manager came back 2 hours later, I told her what a rude employee they had. The young woman was called to the office, told her final paycheck would be mailed and was removed by the security guard for the mall.

    Rudeness is a blight on our society and will continue to be for the foreseeable future if we allow it to continue when we have recourse.

    With Friendship and Warmth from Missouri,

    Sonia
  • tladame
    tladame Posts: 465 Member
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    rankailie, I like your attitude. =)

    I've always been fairly thin, but I had my share of teasing in junior high for having hand-me-down clothes, no hair style, etc. I think I was an easy target because I was so shy. So, while I wasn't teased for my weight, I know how it feels to be ridiculed.

    I remember a comment that stuck with me. I was in high school, and this was in the 80's when we wore big, baggy shirts. I was wearing an oversized shirt of my mom's one day. When I was walking home from school, a couple of boys rode by on their bikes and one of them shouted, "Why don't you skip a few meals?" I was shocked. I weighed about 115 at the time, but I guess the shirt made me appear bigger. While I shrugged it off, I still never forgot it. A friend of mine received a comment like, "Getting a little chubby, huh?" which threw her into anorexia. So sad how these types of hurtful comments affect people!

    Mine & my husband's best friends are a couple who are both overweight. They are the funniest people we know, and are such a cute couple. I can't imagine anybody making comments like that to them, they are such sweet people. I'm so sorry for all of you who have had to deal with this crap. Just remember that YOU are the better person!!
  • kgool
    kgool Posts: 177 Member
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    Now that I have lost 50+ pounds overall I notice people being way nicer, and I think, "Where were you when I was 275 with a my face shoved in a bag of Oreos?" It makes you realize who really matters and the people are nicer now can generally just screw off in my opinion.
  • TheMaidOfAstolat
    TheMaidOfAstolat Posts: 3,222 Member
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    I am so sorry that this happened to you. You're not alone...and weight or lack of doesn't seem to matter. I am tiny and fairly fit and I still have rude comments hurled in my direction. I honestly think it's the younger generation (typically anyone between the age of 9-21) that make these comments. Either they have not been taught that words/actions hurt or they have become immune to it. There are so many media outlets that say 'it's okay to make fun of others if they are not like you'.

    I am 'goth' and I've always faded into the background...I now realise that I dressed that way so that when people would attack me it was more like they were attacking my clothing and style rather than me personally. I still am shy and that's okay...but I have found my voice and I stick up for myself now. It's taken me a long time to become comfortable with myself.

    As a child I was always picked on...my clothes were hand me downs or from Walmart, I was in speech therapy due to a sub-mucus cleft palate and a paralized vocal cord, in addition to that I have a scar the entire way down my sternum due to having open heart surgery at six months old. I endured years of torment because of these 'problems'. I know now that they are not 'problems'...they were/are just hurdles that I needed to overcome. I have become stronger and I try to not allow people to damage my self worth.

    I highly recommend listening to Beautiful by Christina Agulera, F*cking Perfect by Pink, and Who Says by Selena Gomez. Great songs!
  • phinners
    phinners Posts: 524 Member
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    I know people tend to treat thinner people better. I am wondering if you have ever had something terrible or hurtful happen to you because of your weight.

    And if you have lost alot of weight already, have you had anything happen that makes you realize how badly you were treated before losing weight?

    For me, I was out walking back from my daughter's bus stop and some teenage guys drove by and one screamed out the window "That's a fat b!tch." I tried to not cry but it hurts. Especially when you try to go out walking around the neighborhood to lose weight and people drive by and you can hear them talking about you as they drive by.
    I believe I have missed out on jobs because of my size. I've been a medical scientist for years n years and thought I'd try out medical sales - which I've done for a few years now (although applied to go back to the lab). And I have always believed that they also 'look' at you, it's not enough to be bloody good at your job or be highly educated and qualified - you need to be a it hot too. You need to be a bit of eye candy I think. This had better not be the case when I go for the lab job interview though, but I will hold my tummy right in!!
  • ElizabethObviously
    ElizabethObviously Posts: 380 Member
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    Oh sonybalony, I love that you got that girl fired! It is like Pretty Woman's revenge!

    I guess I am starting to realize that ALL people, regardless of size and weight have had someone act like a @ss to them. But what gets me...these mean hateful people...I can almost guarantee they go home and have a crappy home life, have someone belittling them. You know they say *kitten* rolls downhill. So their pain becomes our pain.
  • springtrio
    springtrio Posts: 429 Member
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    When I was still over 200lbs. I got moo'd at and called a "fat sl*t". lol. I cried both times, but got right back up the next morning and kept at it. It wasn't funny when it happend, but it is now looking back on it because they were idiots and knew absolutely nothing about me. Both by teenage boys. I was out running with my son in the baby jogging stroller.
  • Mallory0418
    Mallory0418 Posts: 723 Member
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    I'm so sorry that happened to you! Not long ago, I went to the Bahamas on vacation. I was quite proud of myself because I had lost about 25 lbs before I left so my confidence was at a high point for this trip. I ended up meeting a few people and one night we all went to a bar that had a DJ. The DJ started pulling women out of the crowd to play a game in front of everyone. To my horror (I'm pretty shy, whether I'm feeling confidant or not haha), he grabbed me and pulled me on stage. After it was time for me to go back to my group, the DJ asked me to play another game, on the mic, still in front of everyone. He said the game was called "Is It Real". Then he turned my back to the crowd and slapped my butt and said "Yeah, those big ones always are!" Everyone laughed and so did I (kinda) but I wanted to run out of there and cry! My confidance was shot after that, but when I got home it just pushed me to keep trying.
  • Richard170
    Richard170 Posts: 37
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    I don't think these people are stupid or ignorant, I think they are just mean, but this is not an uncommon behavior and it is expressed in a lot of social situations. Personally, I think it is like the behavior in a pack of wolves where one poor miserable animal, the Omega, is picked on by the rest of the pack. The Omega serves an important function in the pack as a release for aggressive behaviors. Without the Omega, many conflicts would arise between other members in the pack. Obviously, people are not wolves, but I think the behavior of jerks to be somewhat analogous. Who gets picked on? People who are different which includes obese people.

    That said, I do not view this behavior as excusable even if it serves a social purpose from a group dynamics context. People are not animals and we are morally responsible for our actions. This is what separates us from animals. What might be excusable behavior for a wolf, is morally reprehensible for a man.

    Now the hard part. However mean another person is, each individual is also responsible for their own emotions. This is not alway easy, but those who allow others to make them feel terrible about themselves have a bigger problem then being overweight. Why give so much power to some jerk?

    My little brother has a rather obese wife, Francis, who, despite her size, is just always happy, often outrageous, and a true joy to be around. I love Francis, as a sister, and my brother is a lucky man. This last year they have taken up kayaking and I can't help but think of Francis squeezing her ample rump into one of those tiny little boats and padding, with wild abandon, down a mountain river. It makes me grin and laugh, not out of meanness, but because I am happy for her and her ability to suck the marrow out of life even if she is fat. I find Francis inspiring and when people are mean or cruel to me I just think about her in that boat and grin stupidly. Life is to short to grant power to jerks.

    Love life, be happy, forgive, and move on without bitterness or anger in the heart.
  • dad106
    dad106 Posts: 4,868 Member
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    I am sorry. Just remember that you are the one doing something good for your body.

    I have been working out at the gym 5 days a week, since springtime. Well, I have lost weight, which is good. But, a few weeks ago, one of my friends told me that she was really lucky that she did not have to work out as much as I do.

    The part about your friend makes me giggle. Luck has nothing to do with it.. and when all that not working out catches up to her, she'll be wishing that she was like you.
  • cree_d
    cree_d Posts: 22
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    I'm so glad that I'm generally oblivious to what is going on around me, ha ha. I had one woman say how big I was at the gym one time, but I don't know that she said it intending to hurt me. It was more like a kid making an observation and not knowing that you are supposed to filter those thoughts. There was a time my sister (who is very overweight also) and I were giving her male coworker a ride home. He basically told her that he knew she liked him, and that she was a disgusting, fat pig who had no chance. I can't remember his exact words, but he was lucky I didn't punch him in the back of the head. She forgave him in a week or two, but it took me about 7 years and him promising not to treat anyone like that ever again!
  • splackk
    splackk Posts: 163
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    I’m so heartbroken to read some of these stories, the things some people say and do are just sickening... Keep strong and remember for every jerk out there making a comment there are others like those on MFP who have your back!

    As for my own experiences, back in high school I was teased by a boy in my biology class daily. He would make pig noises at me, make fun of my features and constantly go on about how I was so fat I should stand so the chairs wouldn’t break. At the time I was 125 at 5’1’’, not the slimmest but only chubby at worst. Even now I can’t pass 120 without feeling the same sense of humiliation. Funny enough, over summer I joined the tennis team, lost 20 pounds and came back to school 105, when he asked me out. As you can imagine, I turned him down.
  • AlsDonkBoxSquat
    AlsDonkBoxSquat Posts: 6,128 Member
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    I'm so sorry, there's no reason for peole to treat each other that way, it's terrible.
  • TluvK
    TluvK Posts: 733 Member
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    I don't think these people are stupid or ignorant, I think they are just mean, but this is not an uncommon behavior and it is expressed in a lot of social situations. Personally, I think it is like the behavior in a pack of wolves where one poor miserable animal, the Omega, is picked on by the rest of the pack. The Omega serves an important function in the pack as a release for aggressive behaviors. Without the Omega, many conflicts would arise between other members in the pack. Obviously, people are not wolves, but I think the behavior of jerks to be somewhat analogous. Who gets picked on? People who are different which includes obese people.

    That said, I do not view this behavior as excusable even if it serves a social purpose from a group dynamics context. People are not animals and we are morally responsible for our actions. This is what separates us from animals. What might be excusable behavior for a wolf, is morally reprehensible for a man.

    Now the hard part. However mean another person is, each individual is also responsible for their own emotions. This is not alway easy, but those who allow others to make them feel terrible about themselves have a bigger problem then being overweight. Why give so much power to some jerk?

    My little brother has a rather obese wife, Francis, who, despite her size, is just always happy, often outrageous, and a true joy to be around. I love Francis, as a sister, and my brother is a lucky man. This last year they have taken up kayaking and I can't help but think of Francis squeezing her ample rump into one of those tiny little boats and padding, with wild abandon, down a mountain river. It makes me grin and laugh, not out of meanness, but because I am happy for her and her ability to suck the marrow out of life even if she is fat. I find Francis inspiring and when people are mean or cruel to me I just think about her in that boat and grin stupidly. Life is to short to grant power to jerks.

    Love life, be happy, forgive, and move on without bitterness or anger in the heart.
    This is wonderful. I enjoyed reading it. Go Francis! I know someone like this too and every time I think of her, I smile.
  • walkdmc
    walkdmc Posts: 529 Member
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    Standing in line this lady took it upon herself to scream "hey lady! hey lady!" until I realized she meant me. I turned, and this lady around 6'0" something tall told me to put some clothes on. She was like, "That skirts too short. Everythings hanging out. Nobody wants to see that girl!" I was like, "o_o..." I was speechless since I know the skirt wasn't THAT short, plus she was probably 1.5 feet taller than me (so how could she look up my skirt?)

    I hope you realize that lady sounds like she has a mental disorder and you didn't spend too much time feeling bad about her outburst.

    I'm a health professional and I had a patient tell me, "You need to lose weight" in a very rude tone. I had just informed her that I would not accept her as a patient and that was her response, LOL. I feel very secure in my life and am blessed with a beautiful and supportive family so those comments don't "touch" me the way they used to. For an instant, I feel like that rejected kid/teen but it only lasts a second until I realize the person who made the insult was a stupid tool and I have a more fortunate life than him/her.
  • liberaltendencies
    liberaltendencies Posts: 150 Member
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    I know people tend to treat thinner people better. I am wondering if you have ever had something terrible or hurtful happen to you because of your weight.

    And if you have lost alot of weight already, have you had anything happen that makes you realize how badly you were treated before losing weight?

    For me, I was out walking back from my daughter's bus stop and some teenage guys drove by and one screamed out the window "That's a fat b!tch." I tried to not cry but it hurts. Especially when you try to go out walking around the neighborhood to lose weight and people drive by and you can hear them talking about you as they drive by.

    YUCK that's horrifying! I kind of know what you're going through, but that's never happened to me. I do only run at night in my neighborhood for fear of things like that. I'm sorry people are such jerks.
  • walkdmc
    walkdmc Posts: 529 Member
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    Oh and I'll share another doozy. I was a bridesmaid at my cousin's wedding. My cousin was a bride-zilla and always thought ahem..."highly" of her looks. Her wedding photographer kept trying to hide me behind the other 'maids. It was so obvious and I have no doubt my own cousin (who won't eat chick peas because they're fattening btw, LOL) told him to hide me. Did I care? Not really. That experience just reinforced everything I already felt about said cousin..she is shallow, rude and stupid.

    And a group of teens sang "I like big butts...." to me back when that song was popular. That one actually made me LOL and I waved to them. I still like that song.

    Somehow you have to realize it's not about you. This poor treatment affects you and it can stink for sure but it's a reflection of the insulter...they weren't raised with good manners, they have a mental disorder, a problem with drugs or alcohol, pathetic followers (sheeple) etc. Do you really think they guys who walk around with "No Fat Chicks" T-shirts are smart, kind and have good manners?
  • aethompson5507
    aethompson5507 Posts: 251 Member
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    Or when we go to the gym, TRYING to better ourselves, we see you staring at us as if we are an alien on another planet.

    i agree. just because im 200+lbs, in a gym with tons of skinny, muscle type people doesnt mean i dont belong there. im just trying to get back to where i need to be in life. :grumble: geeze owe people
  • kleavitt1992
    kleavitt1992 Posts: 592 Member
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    when i was "obese" barley but in that category of the bmi i had 2 people ask if i was pregnant one of them was mentally handicapped and when i said i wasn't kept pressing me about it, which i know they didnt understand but i was with my friends and both times i was buying food went home and cried plus i know that alot of people weren't friends with me they weren't mean but they just weren't friends with me anymore now that i've lost the majority of my weight alot of people want to be my friends def. a connection (i have not changed at all i've always been a talkative friendly speak my mind kind of person who also smiles like 24/7 because when i was alittle kid my mom would get mad if i didnt smile lmfao "happy in your heart katie" so yea people treat you dif. when your thin

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