TOM's Bad Rap
ilookthetype
Posts: 3,021 Member
I feel sorry for TOM. He gets so much hate. Women b!ch about him, men mock him, and no one likes him. And TOM is just an ordinary guy. Doing nothing wrong, just getting hated on. And then I remember that TOM is actually the devil. But I never think of my monthly SUPERHERO time as a bad thing, I mean, I'm bleeding for days straight and I'm fine. I run, I work, I comment on the forums and life goes on, because I am a SUPERHERO. We never called it TOM growing up. We were more delicate.
"Elysa, let's wear white pants and twirl about in a lake!"
"No thanks, Aunt Olga is visiting, she hates white pants, especially in lakes"
Or we'd say
"The mother f_cking PAINTERS are in today. I'm going to bite off all the heads today."
I generally preferred the term Painters for my superhero week of the month. For a while my friends and I would wear red the first day, as a warning sign to our friends.
So, lets just, leave TOM alone for a bit.
And I (in my Ambien induced delirium) will explain what happens when you bleed.
Women, when the painters show up, when Aunt Olga comes for a visit, keep in mind you've know this, it was planned, same time every month for the most part. When the Painters come they...redecorate a little "down there" and it sucks, but it has been happening for the better part of our lives don't be shocked that you might crave more food than normal, don't whine about cramps, or weird poops. It happens, we know it happens, we have female friends in the real world we can ask about it. So Leave TOM alone! *insert that crying boy here*
The painters have come and things need to be rearranged, there will be some pain as the lining of your uterus is stripped and send out of your 'gine to be left in the toilet bowl or sanitary basket (which ever is appropriate). This process causes cramping. Also it's icky because there is no non-icky way to make this happen unless we want to go back to living in special huts during our Superhero week.
Your body is all jacked up on hormones, and is literally tearing itself apart, avoid dairy, dairy is hard for the body to process normally, so its particularly hard to digest it now that they've started on uterine improvements. Lay off the ice cream, eat dark chocolate, for Krum's sake eat a cucumber!
Your twins might get achy - because they're Divas and Drama Queens. Give them a little more room, or maybe give them less room, keep them stable though, it's for the best.
For your bits, the ones being remodeled, there are a few options. Heat packs help, as do hot baths, but really, if you want to cure the pain of remodeling you should either find your boyfriend/husband/significant other....or a...um, can I say "toys" and find alternate paths to the big O. (Maybe that cucumber we discussed earlier would be useful now.) That should cure a fair bit of the cramps.
I would like to add that this method of handling the Painters/Aunt Olga/TOM is Vegetarian/Vegan/Dairy friendly due to the suggestion that women not eat dairy. So, win!
"Elysa, let's wear white pants and twirl about in a lake!"
"No thanks, Aunt Olga is visiting, she hates white pants, especially in lakes"
Or we'd say
"The mother f_cking PAINTERS are in today. I'm going to bite off all the heads today."
I generally preferred the term Painters for my superhero week of the month. For a while my friends and I would wear red the first day, as a warning sign to our friends.
So, lets just, leave TOM alone for a bit.
And I (in my Ambien induced delirium) will explain what happens when you bleed.
Women, when the painters show up, when Aunt Olga comes for a visit, keep in mind you've know this, it was planned, same time every month for the most part. When the Painters come they...redecorate a little "down there" and it sucks, but it has been happening for the better part of our lives don't be shocked that you might crave more food than normal, don't whine about cramps, or weird poops. It happens, we know it happens, we have female friends in the real world we can ask about it. So Leave TOM alone! *insert that crying boy here*
The painters have come and things need to be rearranged, there will be some pain as the lining of your uterus is stripped and send out of your 'gine to be left in the toilet bowl or sanitary basket (which ever is appropriate). This process causes cramping. Also it's icky because there is no non-icky way to make this happen unless we want to go back to living in special huts during our Superhero week.
Your body is all jacked up on hormones, and is literally tearing itself apart, avoid dairy, dairy is hard for the body to process normally, so its particularly hard to digest it now that they've started on uterine improvements. Lay off the ice cream, eat dark chocolate, for Krum's sake eat a cucumber!
Your twins might get achy - because they're Divas and Drama Queens. Give them a little more room, or maybe give them less room, keep them stable though, it's for the best.
For your bits, the ones being remodeled, there are a few options. Heat packs help, as do hot baths, but really, if you want to cure the pain of remodeling you should either find your boyfriend/husband/significant other....or a...um, can I say "toys" and find alternate paths to the big O. (Maybe that cucumber we discussed earlier would be useful now.) That should cure a fair bit of the cramps.
I would like to add that this method of handling the Painters/Aunt Olga/TOM is Vegetarian/Vegan/Dairy friendly due to the suggestion that women not eat dairy. So, win!
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Replies
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*applause*
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WTF?0
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Love it! Now if we could only get the 20-somethings and 30-somethings still confused about their period and posting in the forums to read it!
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amazing, simply amazing 0
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I like the hut idea, but not the bark idea....really? bark? hey the wonders of modern technology should be applauded here!0
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Gotta love Ambien, lol
That being said, I definitely am getting pretty tired of the "Waa waa waa TOM is here and I gained a pound" posts. No duh! Every woman here has been dealing with this for at least 5 years (assuming girls are 18 and started at 13), but most of us have been dealing with TOM visits for most of our lives now.
You should know how to handle PMS by now. You should know that you're going to crave salty/sweet stuff. You should know that you bloat.
Stop crying. It'll be gone in less than a week. No one cares that you're on the rag. Stop being a baby, bleed, and move on.0 -
well put0
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lol0
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This thread is cursed. You don't even realize it 'til you get to the bottom paragraph when you find yourself sitting in a pool of blood.
And yes, it's obvious that you typed this while you're high. I *know* we'll laugh about this some day. ...possibly tomorrow. Either way, I still
you. 0 -
SO FUNNY!!! You've got me cracking up! We used to always say 'Aunt Flo is visiting" or my mother used to like to call it "the curse". It is tough loosing weight and I really dislike weighing in the week when the redecorating is being done by the "Painters" because I swear I weigh more at that time.
Thanks for making me laugh!!! BONUS!! Laughing burns calories!!0 -
This thread is cursed. You don't even realize it 'til you get to the bottom paragraph when you find yourself sitting in a pool of blood.
And yes, it's obvious that you typed this while you're high. I *know* we'll laugh about this some day. ...possibly tomorrow. Either way, I still you.
I'm hoping tomorrow.0 -
You ROCK! I think you should be deemed the MFP Educational Wizard of the Most High!
I also think we should have long purple robes (like the red hat ladies) and chant and stuff like that....
Maybe it will make TOM more of a mystical experience instead of making us want to tear everyone's eyes out.
You're my hero, ILTT!!!!0 -
You ROCK! I think you should be deemed the MFP Educational Wizard of the Most High!
I also think we should have long purple robes (like the red hat ladies) and chant and stuff like that....
Maybe it will make TOM more of a mystical experience instead of making us want to tear everyone's eyes out.
You're my hero, ILTT!!!!
Thanks for being there for my moment of panic!0 -
What is TOM? I have never heard of this. Do you have a pamphlet I can read that explains it?0
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Gotta love Ambien, lol
That being said, I definitely am getting pretty tired of the "Waa waa waa TOM is here and I gained a pound" posts. No duh! Every woman here has been dealing with this for at least 5 years (assuming girls are 18 and started at 13), but most of us have been dealing with TOM visits for most of our lives now.
You should know how to handle PMS by now. You should know that you're going to crave salty/sweet stuff. You should know that you bloat.
Stop crying. It'll be gone in less than a week. No one cares that you're on the rag. Stop being a baby, bleed, and move on.
THANK YOU. :] exactly0 -
I love the term Painters... I tried bringing Aunt Flo back, but no one understood what I was talking about.
I also personally like a little miracle called Birthcontrol.. Makes the period so much more manageable.
I also hate the TOM posts.. Honestly, its a week. and if its that bad then go see your doc and get birthcontrol.. problem solved.0 -
You ROCK! I think you should be deemed the MFP Educational Wizard of the Most High!
I also think we should have long purple robes (like the red hat ladies) and chant and stuff like that....
Maybe it will make TOM more of a mystical experience instead of making us want to tear everyone's eyes out.
You're my hero, ILTT!!!!
Thanks for being there for my moment of panic!
That's what friends are for....You can call me anytime 0 -
That's what friends are for....You can call me anytime
Crap! Now I have that stupid song in my head. Ahhhh!!!!!!0 -
What is TOM? I have never heard of this. Do you have a pamphlet I can read that explains it?
Did you not get the class in the 5th grade? I got a pamphlet AND watched a video. The school nurse even gave us all "supplies".0 -
I think I was away that day. Probably having my period or something.0
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STANDING OVATION that was awesome .... I taught "Aunt Flo" to an 8th grader who was having trouble asking me for a pad one day, and the next month she forgot what it was called as said her Uncle was in town lol0
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STANDING OVATION that was awesome .... I taught "Aunt Flo" to an 8th grader who was having trouble asking me for a pad one day, and the next month she forgot what it was called as said her Uncle was in town lol
I totally read that as "STANDING OVULATION" lol0 -
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OMGosh You are a GENIUS!! :-)0
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Bumpsies!!!!0
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Another bump for good luck.... 0
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Bump before I finally go to sleep... it's 4:15 am people! I'm dying here....0
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I think I was away that day. Probably having my period or something.
HAHAHAHAHA!0 -
I love the term Painters... I tried bringing Aunt Flo back, but no one understood what I was talking about.
I also personally like a little miracle called Birthcontrol.. Makes the period so much more manageable.
I also hate the TOM posts.. Honestly, its a week. and if its that bad then go see your doc and get birthcontrol.. problem solved.
I love the term because it just seems so very graphic. Guess what's going on in my pants TODAY guys?! the painters are here! We got it from a British series. "Angus, thongs, and full frontal snogging" I think.0
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