Live with someone first or just take the dive?

ninerbuff

Another thread inspired this one.

I believe it's a good idea to move in and live with someone you may be interested in spending your life with. I'm thankful I did because had I married my ex girlfriend, I would have divorced her a year later because of a non negotiable.

So yes to it or no to it and why?

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Faery7

Move in first for sure.... I can't imagine living my life with someone I see for only a few hours a week. It's easy to be on your best behaviour when you aren't in the comforts of your own home. Even if you just have "date nights" at the house it's still not really the same as "living" with someone. You can learn A LOT about someone and what you are able to deal with when you take that step.

skittybang

Move in for sure. Lived with my now husband for 2 years before we got engaged. Best choice we made. I seriously recommend it to everyone.

crystal_loga

Def live together first!! Would you buy a car without test driving it??? Some people, no matter how much they love each other, just may not be compatible to live together.

TheNewLK

Defo live with the person first....

I don't want a stick shift unless I like driving it!!

(made this mistake before)

DancinSMartiPants

The Catholic girl in me says no way! However, the rest of me (which apparently makes up the majority) says you definitely need to try it out first. Loving someone and being their roommate are two totally different things.

liftingbro

Statistics show the couples that live together get divorced at a higher rate than those that don't. Also, only 50% of couples that move in together end up getting married.

So, I'd say don't live together first. You should be visiting each other's homes enough and being around each other enough without living together to be able know their habits.

pammy2utoo

I know its not the Christian way, but I think its a good idea to move in with someone first. You don't really know that person until you do. And there might be things that come up that you feel you just can't live with, even though you care about this person. If they can compromise with you on situations then there's a good chance that you could have a happy, successful union. Never know until you try it out though.

bry_all01

definitely live with. That way you really get to know the person you may or may not want to marry...

ilookthetype

I wouldn't suggest meeting a person before marrying them, but that may just be how I was raised.

calibri

I'm have been living with my boyfriend for two years, but I have a different stance on marriage than the average.

I see marriage purely for tax purposes; I was even considering marrying a friend so he could receive health insurance through my work and pay me the difference (although this is apparently fraud, which seems silly). There is no metal or piece of rock that will make his eye not wander if he is predisposed to that. Marriage isn't binding (nor are kids, at that); they will do whatever they want whenever they want, regardless of how many locks you think you have on them. And why shouldn't they? They have their own lives and are separate beings: the day I am not making him happy anymore, I don't want to be with him because it is not my place to hinder him from pursuing what would make him happy. However, I don't want children either, so that variable never factors into my equation.

The idea of being in my forties and alone is something I am comfortable with because I don't feel my happiness should rest on the shoulders of anyone but myself. I have friends, hobbies, and family; I don't see any holes that need filling or could possibly be filled by marrying someone.

Teena15

I am old school, take the dive and then work daily to make the marriage work! That's just me

melizerd

I'll respond without reading anything else.

Yes move in together but ONLY if you REALLY plan on getting married/committed forever somehow long term. I don't like the idea of just living together to live together because honestly it entangles your lives in a way much like marriage.

I also believe in pre-marital sex (since it would be rather unimaginable to live with someone and not have sex but I think you should have sex before moving in).

I moved in with my husband when we got engaged but had no date in mind for marriage yet. We've been married 9 1/2 years now

3ball

Live first, marry later. No-brainer IMO.

Athena413

The Christian in me says "no, absolutely do not move in with someone before you get married", but the logic in me says "DEFINITELY"!

I love my husband dearly, but had I lived with him before we got married, we probably would have never gotten married because there are some things he does that absolutely drive me crazy. Morally I don't think it's right to do so, but it's not my place to judge - that's between you and God.

RCKT82

Neither.... every girl I've dated went to psycho mode by day 90.... never fails...

Huskeryogi

Statistics show the couples that live together get divorced at a higher rate than those that don't. Also, only 50% of couples that move in together end up getting married.

So, I'd say don't live together first. You should be visiting each other's homes enough and being around each other enough without living together to be able know their habits.

My really bad analogy - living together is like leasing said car - a lot of times you end up buying it after 3 years out of convience instead of finding what you really want.

I'm on the wait til you are married side of this debate.

JediMaster_intraining

I'm going to try to live with my boyfriend next year (been together 5 years right now). We are setting boundaries like we each get our own room because the Catholic in me is slightly eating at my conscience but we can always join each other at night if we wish. Also we are just setting it for a year and then take time to discuss further living together.
Hmm, I don't see anything wrong with trying it out. I know if the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with turned out to be a complete *kitten* after 1 year of just living with each other...then it saves me the time of getting divorce papers and having to drag kids into it.

kbeach08

I think I have to say don't. I lived with my now husband before we got married and I was not working at the time so I could do all the cooking and cleaning. Once I got a full time job he didn't understand that I just can't keep up with it all anymore. He still expects me to be super woman/mom and doesn't help out with anything. If I wouldn't have lived with him he would be able to do things on his own and not expect so much from me. Just maybe he wouldn't be such a lazy ars???

brittanyjeanxo

<----lives with boyfriend. I'm gonna go with move in first :P I just think it's silly to go into living with someone blind. You can ask all the questions in the world about what kind of roommate they'll be, but "neat" or "sloppy" can both be HUGE understatements.

Brannock8

I would say don't live them first. No need to agree with me, but I don't think the "car test drive" situation really applies. A person and a car is a very lopsided relationship where one member is simply using the other. A marriage should be a mutual decision to commit yourself to making the other truly happy and doing what is best for them, this type of person can be understood for being what they are without living together.

Even if you live together for an extended period of time, and then get married, you will discover things later that annoy the hell out of you both. What people need to realize is that love is not only a feeling, love is not a pairing of compatible mates, love is more than anything a decision. Even when nothing is right, making the decision to stay with that person and to love them even when you don't. Finding the person who will make that decision for you as well everytime is what marriage has to be to work.

Just my 2 cents, rip it apart if you like haha

Brannock8

Just to be clear I am not trying to judge anyone, just my opinion

SuperScrabbleGirl

Someone I know is waiting until he marries before having sex. That's a different story all together.

I would have normally said move in first, but I really don't think it matters any more. If you're with someone and spending regular time with them at their home and yours (as another poster has already said), then you're bound to know their bad habits already.

Different things work for different people. I'm in a long distance relationship, so if one of us moves to be with the other, chances are we're going to be moving to live with the other.

bigbabygirl

WOW! I LOVE YOUR VIEWPOINT! THANKS FOR SHARING!

atsteele

If it was my child asking me this question, I would definitely tell them NOT to live together. My husband and I lived together first and I think it did very little for our future marriage and ended up being something we regret because of our beliefs.

infamousmk

Move in and spend at LEAST four seasons together before committing to anything. Personally, I say spend four years first. And even then, maybe think twice. I married my BF of four years because it was kind of a *kitten* or get off the pot scenario, and he wanted to get married (I did not). Turns out I should have followed my gut because we were divorced three years later. And the *kitten* still owes me money.


Also, not that you asked, but I think people should date for a good long time before moving in together, too. Make sure you really like somebody (or can at least deal with them) when they're happy, sick, hungover, dealing with work stress, going through the holidays, and getting work done on their car. If you manage to still like them after all that, move in!

bachooka

I would say don't. I lived with my husband before we got married for 2 years. When he proposed I said yes because I couldn't imagine saying no, and still living together and with two little little kids I didn't think I could support myself. Don't get me wrong, because I dearly love my husband but the leased car thing is such a good analogy because when the lease is up you buy it because you can't imagine starting over without a car or with a new and different car. You should know how to be on your own before you learn to be with someone else. And if you love them you can get over their annoying little habits.

brittanyjeanxo

Of course, while I think it's a good idea, I'm also not very traditional. Met my boyfriend, two days later we're in a relationship. 11 months later we're living together. 1 year and 8 months later we're still going quite strong. Did I mention that we lived 1200 miles apart when we met? :laugh: And really, he's my fiance, but because I get a lot of judgment for being so young and engaged, I hardly ever reveal that to anyone other than family. Oh well.

ohamberx0

Definitely move in beforehand..

Kityngirl

I think it comes down to a decision between you and your SO and what both of you are comfortable with. I don't necessarily believe that one way is better than another. I've lived with 2 men, one I was married to (then divorced) and one I was seriously dating. Neither relationship worked or didn't because we lived together. They didn't work out because of fundamental differences in what we wanted out of life. Both ended after several years of living together.

I've always been a live with them first person and now I just happen to be in a situation where we will be married more than a year before we get to move in together. Lol. It's strange how things worked out. I actually laughed out loud when I finally made the realization that we would be married before we lived together because it felt backwards to me and he laughed at me for just then realizing it (probably a month after we were engaged). :laugh: :laugh:

alpha2omega

Statistics show the couples that live together get divorced at a higher rate than those that don't. Also, only 50% of couples that move in together end up getting married.

So, I'd say don't live together first. You should be visiting each other's homes enough and being around each other enough without living together to be able know their habits.

+1