Live with someone first or just take the dive?

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ninerbuff
ninerbuff Posts: 48,708 Member
edited August 2015 in Chit-Chat
Another thread inspired this one.

I believe it's a good idea to move in and live with someone you may be interested in spending your life with. I'm thankful I did because had I married my ex girlfriend, I would have divorced her a year later because of a non negotiable.

So yes to it or no to it and why?

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Replies

  • Faery7
    Faery7 Posts: 317 Member
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    Move in first for sure.... I can't imagine living my life with someone I see for only a few hours a week. It's easy to be on your best behaviour when you aren't in the comforts of your own home. Even if you just have "date nights" at the house it's still not really the same as "living" with someone. You can learn A LOT about someone and what you are able to deal with when you take that step.
  • skittybang
    skittybang Posts: 1,525 Member
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    Move in for sure. Lived with my now husband for 2 years before we got engaged. Best choice we made. I seriously recommend it to everyone.
  • crystal_loga
    crystal_loga Posts: 106 Member
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    Def live together first!! Would you buy a car without test driving it??? Some people, no matter how much they love each other, just may not be compatible to live together.
  • TheNewLK
    TheNewLK Posts: 933 Member
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    Defo live with the person first....

    I don't want a stick shift unless I like driving it!!

    (made this mistake before)
  • DancinSMartiPants
    DancinSMartiPants Posts: 363
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    The Catholic girl in me says no way! However, the rest of me (which apparently makes up the majority) says you definitely need to try it out first. Loving someone and being their roommate are two totally different things.
  • liftingbro
    liftingbro Posts: 2,029 Member
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    Statistics show the couples that live together get divorced at a higher rate than those that don't. Also, only 50% of couples that move in together end up getting married.

    So, I'd say don't live together first. You should be visiting each other's homes enough and being around each other enough without living together to be able know their habits.
  • pammy2utoo
    pammy2utoo Posts: 14
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    I know its not the Christian way, but I think its a good idea to move in with someone first. You don't really know that person until you do. And there might be things that come up that you feel you just can't live with, even though you care about this person. If they can compromise with you on situations then there's a good chance that you could have a happy, successful union. Never know until you try it out though.
  • bry_all01
    bry_all01 Posts: 3,100 Member
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    definitely live with. That way you really get to know the person you may or may not want to marry...
  • ilookthetype
    ilookthetype Posts: 3,021 Member
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    I wouldn't suggest meeting a person before marrying them, but that may just be how I was raised.
  • calibri
    calibri Posts: 439 Member
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    I'm have been living with my boyfriend for two years, but I have a different stance on marriage than the average.

    I see marriage purely for tax purposes; I was even considering marrying a friend so he could receive health insurance through my work and pay me the difference (although this is apparently fraud, which seems silly). There is no metal or piece of rock that will make his eye not wander if he is predisposed to that. Marriage isn't binding (nor are kids, at that); they will do whatever they want whenever they want, regardless of how many locks you think you have on them. And why shouldn't they? They have their own lives and are separate beings: the day I am not making him happy anymore, I don't want to be with him because it is not my place to hinder him from pursuing what would make him happy. However, I don't want children either, so that variable never factors into my equation.

    The idea of being in my forties and alone is something I am comfortable with because I don't feel my happiness should rest on the shoulders of anyone but myself. I have friends, hobbies, and family; I don't see any holes that need filling or could possibly be filled by marrying someone.
  • Teena15
    Teena15 Posts: 11
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    I am old school, take the dive and then work daily to make the marriage work! That's just me =)
  • melizerd
    melizerd Posts: 870 Member
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    I'll respond without reading anything else.

    Yes move in together but ONLY if you REALLY plan on getting married/committed forever somehow long term. I don't like the idea of just living together to live together because honestly it entangles your lives in a way much like marriage.

    I also believe in pre-marital sex (since it would be rather unimaginable to live with someone and not have sex but I think you should have sex before moving in).

    I moved in with my husband when we got engaged but had no date in mind for marriage yet. We've been married 9 1/2 years now :D
  • 3ball
    3ball Posts: 338
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    Live first, marry later. No-brainer IMO.
  • Athena413
    Athena413 Posts: 1,709 Member
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    The Christian in me says "no, absolutely do not move in with someone before you get married", but the logic in me says "DEFINITELY"!

    I love my husband dearly, but had I lived with him before we got married, we probably would have never gotten married because there are some things he does that absolutely drive me crazy. Morally I don't think it's right to do so, but it's not my place to judge - that's between you and God.
  • RCKT82
    RCKT82 Posts: 409 Member
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    Neither.... every girl I've dated went to psycho mode by day 90.... never fails...
  • Huskeryogi
    Huskeryogi Posts: 578 Member
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    Statistics show the couples that live together get divorced at a higher rate than those that don't. Also, only 50% of couples that move in together end up getting married.

    So, I'd say don't live together first. You should be visiting each other's homes enough and being around each other enough without living together to be able know their habits.

    My really bad analogy - living together is like leasing said car - a lot of times you end up buying it after 3 years out of convience instead of finding what you really want.

    I'm on the wait til you are married side of this debate.
  • JediMaster_intraining
    JediMaster_intraining Posts: 903 Member
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    I'm going to try to live with my boyfriend next year (been together 5 years right now). We are setting boundaries like we each get our own room because the Catholic in me is slightly eating at my conscience but we can always join each other at night if we wish. Also we are just setting it for a year and then take time to discuss further living together.
    Hmm, I don't see anything wrong with trying it out. I know if the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with turned out to be a complete *kitten* after 1 year of just living with each other...then it saves me the time of getting divorce papers and having to drag kids into it.
  • kbeach08
    kbeach08 Posts: 184 Member
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    I think I have to say don't. I lived with my now husband before we got married and I was not working at the time so I could do all the cooking and cleaning. Once I got a full time job he didn't understand that I just can't keep up with it all anymore. He still expects me to be super woman/mom and doesn't help out with anything. If I wouldn't have lived with him he would be able to do things on his own and not expect so much from me. Just maybe he wouldn't be such a lazy ars???
  • brittanyjeanxo
    brittanyjeanxo Posts: 1,831 Member
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    <----lives with boyfriend. I'm gonna go with move in first :P I just think it's silly to go into living with someone blind. You can ask all the questions in the world about what kind of roommate they'll be, but "neat" or "sloppy" can both be HUGE understatements.
  • Brannock8
    Brannock8 Posts: 170 Member
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    I would say don't live them first. No need to agree with me, but I don't think the "car test drive" situation really applies. A person and a car is a very lopsided relationship where one member is simply using the other. A marriage should be a mutual decision to commit yourself to making the other truly happy and doing what is best for them, this type of person can be understood for being what they are without living together.

    Even if you live together for an extended period of time, and then get married, you will discover things later that annoy the hell out of you both. What people need to realize is that love is not only a feeling, love is not a pairing of compatible mates, love is more than anything a decision. Even when nothing is right, making the decision to stay with that person and to love them even when you don't. Finding the person who will make that decision for you as well everytime is what marriage has to be to work.

    Just my 2 cents, rip it apart if you like haha

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