Live with someone first or just take the dive?

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  • Brannock8
    Brannock8 Posts: 170 Member
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    Just to be clear I am not trying to judge anyone, just my opinion
  • SuperScrabbleGirl
    SuperScrabbleGirl Posts: 310 Member
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    Someone I know is waiting until he marries before having sex. That's a different story all together.

    I would have normally said move in first, but I really don't think it matters any more. If you're with someone and spending regular time with them at their home and yours (as another poster has already said), then you're bound to know their bad habits already.

    Different things work for different people. I'm in a long distance relationship, so if one of us moves to be with the other, chances are we're going to be moving to live with the other.
  • bigbabygirl
    bigbabygirl Posts: 1
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    WOW! I LOVE YOUR VIEWPOINT! THANKS FOR SHARING!
  • atsteele
    atsteele Posts: 1,358 Member
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    If it was my child asking me this question, I would definitely tell them NOT to live together. My husband and I lived together first and I think it did very little for our future marriage and ended up being something we regret because of our beliefs.
  • infamousmk
    infamousmk Posts: 6,033 Member
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    Move in and spend at LEAST four seasons together before committing to anything. Personally, I say spend four years first. And even then, maybe think twice. I married my BF of four years because it was kind of a *kitten* or get off the pot scenario, and he wanted to get married (I did not). Turns out I should have followed my gut because we were divorced three years later. And the *kitten* still owes me money.


    Also, not that you asked, but I think people should date for a good long time before moving in together, too. Make sure you really like somebody (or can at least deal with them) when they're happy, sick, hungover, dealing with work stress, going through the holidays, and getting work done on their car. If you manage to still like them after all that, move in!
  • bachooka
    bachooka Posts: 719 Member
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    I would say don't. I lived with my husband before we got married for 2 years. When he proposed I said yes because I couldn't imagine saying no, and still living together and with two little little kids I didn't think I could support myself. Don't get me wrong, because I dearly love my husband but the leased car thing is such a good analogy because when the lease is up you buy it because you can't imagine starting over without a car or with a new and different car. You should know how to be on your own before you learn to be with someone else. And if you love them you can get over their annoying little habits.
  • brittanyjeanxo
    brittanyjeanxo Posts: 1,831 Member
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    Of course, while I think it's a good idea, I'm also not very traditional. Met my boyfriend, two days later we're in a relationship. 11 months later we're living together. 1 year and 8 months later we're still going quite strong. Did I mention that we lived 1200 miles apart when we met? :laugh: And really, he's my fiance, but because I get a lot of judgment for being so young and engaged, I hardly ever reveal that to anyone other than family. Oh well.
  • ohamberx0
    ohamberx0 Posts: 98 Member
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    Definitely move in beforehand..
  • Kityngirl
    Kityngirl Posts: 14,332 Member
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    I think it comes down to a decision between you and your SO and what both of you are comfortable with. I don't necessarily believe that one way is better than another. I've lived with 2 men, one I was married to (then divorced) and one I was seriously dating. Neither relationship worked or didn't because we lived together. They didn't work out because of fundamental differences in what we wanted out of life. Both ended after several years of living together.

    I've always been a live with them first person and now I just happen to be in a situation where we will be married more than a year before we get to move in together. Lol. It's strange how things worked out. I actually laughed out loud when I finally made the realization that we would be married before we lived together because it felt backwards to me and he laughed at me for just then realizing it (probably a month after we were engaged). :laugh: :laugh:
  • alpha2omega
    alpha2omega Posts: 229 Member
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    Statistics show the couples that live together get divorced at a higher rate than those that don't. Also, only 50% of couples that move in together end up getting married.

    So, I'd say don't live together first. You should be visiting each other's homes enough and being around each other enough without living together to be able know their habits.

    +1
  • mommared53
    mommared53 Posts: 9,543 Member
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    Because I'm a Christian I would not live with someone before marriage.
  • jrhstarlight
    jrhstarlight Posts: 867 Member
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    We've all heard the statistics before but what if by living together you saved those break ups from becoming divorces?

    I say live together. Yea you will spend alot of time with each other anyway but sometimes things come up that would not have if you weren't living in the same house. Example: my last ex was a drinker I am not, that already didn't make me want to date him but he was a nice guy and and it was the usual drinking on weekends claim. I discovered drinking began on Thurs. night (his job was only M-TH) so weekends began Thurs and he carried this til Sun and if there was leftovers in the house he continued on into the week. Mind you he had 3 young children as well. So the straw bent harshly when on Christmas he whined about getting out of bed to see Santa gifts due to his late night drinking and finally broke on Easter when he REFUSED to get up and celebrate the morning with the "family". I didn't agree to that kind of arrangement and glad I don't have a divorce under my belt already :D
  • ilookthetype
    ilookthetype Posts: 3,021 Member
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    Because I'm a Christian I would not live with someone before marriage.

    I'm really not picking a fight, I am a Christian (conservative parents, father is a pastor, and mom taught at Christian schools) and I absolutely would live with someone before marriage. "Christian" has nothing to do with it.
  • voluptas63
    voluptas63 Posts: 602 Member
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    Living with a boy is not for me. I did this when I was 18/19 and I got burned, big time.

    I firmly believe that if you pay attention during your relationship, you can see into their "living together personality". Now I'm geared more towards being independent and enjoying my time. My man friend likes that I don't want to live with him until we're ready to make that commitment to each other:)
  • hroush
    hroush Posts: 2,073 Member
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    I agree that you should live together first. You discover many things about the SO that you wouldn't have until it was too late.
  • MereMe
    MereMe Posts: 312 Member
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    I'll go against the grain on this one. I say date extensively... until you KNOW you're ready to take "the dive". If one of you cannot commit long term, what's the point of dating?? (Just my opinion - don't clobber me!)
  • liftingbro
    liftingbro Posts: 2,029 Member
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    Because I'm a Christian I would not live with someone before marriage.

    I'm really not picking a fight, I am a Christian (conservative parents, father is a pastor, and mom taught at Christian schools) and I absolutely would live with someone before marriage. "Christian" has nothing to do with it.
    Actually, yes, it does have something to do with it if you are Christian, particularly if you are Catholic. It's against church teachings to live with someone of the opposite sex if you are not related. I can't talk for other Churches but I know that most protestant churches have the same line of thought.
  • Brannock8
    Brannock8 Posts: 170 Member
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    Because I'm a Christian I would not live with someone before marriage.

    I'm really not picking a fight, I am a Christian (conservative parents, father is a pastor, and mom taught at Christian schools) and I absolutely would live with someone before marriage. "Christian" has nothing to do with it.

    I don't to start a fight either (although tempered discussion sure), but if this is the improper place for this discussion, feel free to send me a personal message in reply.

    I don't mean to judge your personal decisions at all, and I suppose it would depend upon the particular Christian denomination you partake in and their teachings, but I do think that it should be a part of the answer to this question. I think living together implies more than just cohabitation (depending upon the arrangements you could justify that alone). I think it would be hard to use a Christian arguement to justify sex before marriage. But I am open to the discussion so let it fly haha. And again, send me a message...or ignore me lol
  • lauram_23
    lauram_23 Posts: 141 Member
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    Statistics show the couples that live together get divorced at a higher rate than those that don't. Also, only 50% of couples that move in together end up getting married.

    So, I'd say don't live together first. You should be visiting each other's homes enough and being around each other enough without living together to be able know their habits.

    +1

    I actually did a project on this in university and they are slowly coming out with new studies that show that as long as you have a strong commitment such an engagement or even discuss marriage and know it will happen then you can beat the statistics. Cohabitation before marriage always seems like the logical thing and it is IF you have that intention. Some of the reasons it ends in divorce without the intention is because they get used to it and become complacent in their relationships, or because they already live together they feel like marriage is the next step even if they did not intend to and then end up divorcing. Conclusion, live together with the intent to marry and then get married!
  • rocketpants
    rocketpants Posts: 419 Member
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    Statistics show the couples that live together get divorced at a higher rate than those that don't. Also, only 50% of couples that move in together end up getting married.

    This statistic, while true, is flawed proof that living together before marriage leads to a higher rate of divorce. The couples who don't choose to live together before marriage are typically devoutly religious. Most of the religions which condemn living together also condemn divorce. Therefore, the same group of people who chooses not to live together first, will also stay in a bad / unhappy marriage.

    I am def in the live together first camp

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