When a man cheats, is it the woman's fault?

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quichebradford
quichebradford Posts: 327 Member
in Chit-Chat
A friend of mine's husband cheated on her years ago with a lady he works with. When we first found out it was hard to believe because he is such a nice guy. My friend treated him bad, talked crazy to him, withheld sex, etc, throughout their marriage. Some of our mutual married friends said it was her fault because of how she treated him...said that he'd finally had his breaking point. She was devastated because she thought he would never do anything like that...because he is such a great guy. They ended up getting divorced a few years later.

So the questions are:

1. When a man cheats, is it the woman's fault? (or vice versa)
2. Is cheating justified if you're not treated the way you want to be treated?
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Replies

  • dawnrenee567
    dawnrenee567 Posts: 292 Member
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    If he was that unhappy in the marriage, he should have left, not cheated.
  • foremant86
    foremant86 Posts: 1,115 Member
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    oh boy is that a tricky subject.

    There is no real justification for cheating. If you're not happy in a relationship then you need to break if off before moving on or work at making your current relationship a good one.

    but you're friend can't honestly be surprised he went and found what he was looking for in someone else when she treated him that bad, seriously?
  • jacksonpt
    jacksonpt Posts: 10,413 Member
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    No... it's never the other person's fault. You can try to justify it, but take ownership of your actions.

    Period.
  • TJ435
    TJ435 Posts: 13 Member
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    It is definitely not the woman's fault. A man/woman will do whatever it is they want to do. If he was unhappy with the way he was being treated, he should've left. Tthe cheating didn't fix anything, just caused another set of problems.
  • lausa22
    lausa22 Posts: 467 Member
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    Cheating is the person who did it's fault. No one else. You should NEVER blame yourself if you were cheated on.
    Also, cheating can NEVER be justified to 'oh I'm not getting what I want in this relationship, so I'll cheat'. If you're not happy you confront the problem or leave the relationship. Simple as.
  • quichebradford
    quichebradford Posts: 327 Member
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    oh boy is that a tricky subject.

    There is no real justification for cheating. If you're not happy in a relationship then you need to break if off before moving on or work at making your current relationship a good one.

    but you're friend can't honestly be surprised he went and found what he was looking for in someone else when she treated him that bad, seriously?

    See, that's what we all said! I felt bad for her, but what did she expect?
  • polo_princess
    polo_princess Posts: 27
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    No... it's never the other person's fault. You can try to justify it, but take ownership of your actions.

    Period.

    Pretty much this!!
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
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    Leave & file for a divorce...

    Then, have copious amounts of sex with other people.

    In that order.
  • messyinthekitchen
    messyinthekitchen Posts: 662 Member
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    Nope it's never the other person's fault. He's a big boy. He shoulda grown up a bit and left her. In that case it would be her fault he left. But we can never blame our spouse for us cheating. We make our own decisions. And I don't believe there is ever any justification for cheating. Unless you have some open arrangement going on but even in that case it's not cheating anymore.
  • BrettPGH
    BrettPGH Posts: 4,720 Member
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    Like anything there is no blanket answer. Typically no, of course not. But talk to a guy who's wife hasn't wanted sex at all in 6 years, then tell me what you think. Maybe he's staying with her for the kids, maybe a woman is physically unable to have sex and he still loves her deeply but has needs. Maybe she's being a complete pain and he just needs some strange.

    Ok that last one wasn't a good reason...
  • hm_day
    hm_day Posts: 857 Member
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    I have a friend who has cheated on multiple boyfriends. Although it's not my business, I don't trust her and every time she's told me about her "endeavors," I told her that if she's unhappy or "bored" (as she puts it), then she needs to end the relationship, not hurt them or cheat on them. Whether it's a guy or a girl, I believe that if you're unhappy and being treated poorly, END IT. Be the bigger person, not the one that everyone's going to say "Oh, that guy/girl cheated on his ex.."
  • Goal_Seeker_1988
    Goal_Seeker_1988 Posts: 1,619 Member
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    If he was that unhappy in the marriage, he should have left, not cheated.


    Totally agree!
  • Chairless
    Chairless Posts: 588 Member
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    No... it's never the other person's fault. You can try to justify it, but take ownership of your actions.

    Period.

    This
  • ohwhataday
    ohwhataday Posts: 1,398 Member
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    Both.
  • Cat52169
    Cat52169 Posts: 277 Member
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    Cheating is always wrong. If you are unhappy then you should leave. That said if you treat someone poorly you cannot say poor me when they hurt you back. Either way the situation is totally unhealthy.
  • marquesajen
    marquesajen Posts: 641
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    Cheating is never acceptable. If one partner is being treated very badly they ought to leave.
  • bry_all01
    bry_all01 Posts: 3,100 Member
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    regardless of how she acted or treated him, it was not her fault he cheated. If anything, he should have sat her down and explained how that was making him feel, then if that didn't show any results, LEAVE her, then have lots of crazy sex with everyone, not cheat on her.
  • Hellbent_Heidi
    Hellbent_Heidi Posts: 3,669 Member
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    If he was that unhappy in the marriage, he should have left, not cheated.

    THIS, THIS, THIS!!
  • jacksonpt
    jacksonpt Posts: 10,413 Member
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    You should NEVER blame yourself if you were cheated on.

    True... but by the same token you can't brush off all responsibility. Just as it takes 2 people to make a relationship work, it also takes 2 people to really screw it up (in most cases).
  • brewingaz
    brewingaz Posts: 1,136 Member
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    It depends,...did she cook and clean around the house for him prior to it happening?

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