When a man cheats, is it the woman's fault?

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  • Kalrez
    Kalrez Posts: 655 Member
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    In general, but not all the time, men are freaks and really find sex a high priority. I'm married and I will share with any single woman preparing for marriage, keep your man happy all the time-- telling him no will only turn him to a woman that says yes.

    Nah, I'm sorry, but married or not, I still own my body. If I don't feel like having sex for whatever reason, then I'm under no obligation to do so. To coerce me otherwise would constitute rape, even within the confines of a relationship/marriage. I refuse to be guilt tripped or manipulated into sex.

    I left my ex for this reason. My body belongs to no one else. It doesn't matter if you're got "papers" on me or not. If you can't do without sex for one night when I genuinely don't feel in the mood, then I don't want to be with you anyhow.
  • springtrio
    springtrio Posts: 429 Member
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    Yes, and no. I do believe my attitude drove my husband to seek sex from someone else though.
  • JellyJaks
    JellyJaks Posts: 589 Member
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    Ok since we're all so dead set on our opinions...

    A man marries the girl of his dreams. They love each other deeply but sadly one day she's in a terrible car accident. She survives but loses most of her body function. The man loves her, stays with her, cares for her in the most intimate of ways. When he's not working he's tending to her and trying to keep her happy. She'll never be able to have sex again.

    Is he a pig and a *kitten* if he quietly meets some woman and keeps it from his wife, only to spare her further pain?

    Or should the man leave her, like many of you are saying? Or should he never have sex again in his life as well? Or should he be honest and tell his wife that since she's handicapped he's going to be out banging other women from time to time?

    Few things are black and white in this life.

    My mother in law is bedridden. Has been for a number of years due to MS. My father in law has NEVER gone around looking for sex with another woman. You don't have to have sex to be intimate with another person,

    For me things are black and white. You sound like you've got situational ethics. Get off the damn fence and make a decision. For better or worse means FOR BETTER OR WORSE

    I do have situational ethics. We all do. I could get into that more but it would completely derail the point of this thread. But I just wanted to say that I do have situational ethics and see nothing wrong with that.

    Upon further thinking, you are right about situational ethics. My marriage vows said "for all of our days until death parts us" and in an earlier post I outlined how cheating is the one thing that would cause irreparable damage and lead to a divorce. I stand corrected and have no problem admitting that :smile:
  • ilookthetype
    ilookthetype Posts: 3,021 Member
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    In general, but not all the time, men are freaks and really find sex a high priority. I'm married and I will share with any single woman preparing for marriage, keep your man happy all the time-- telling him no will only turn him to a woman that says yes.

    Nah, I'm sorry, but married or not, I still own my body. If I don't feel like having sex for whatever reason, then I'm under no obligation to do so. To coerce me otherwise would constitute rape, even within the confines of a relationship/marriage. I refuse to be guilt tripped or manipulated into sex.

    I left my ex for this reason. My body belongs to no one else. It doesn't matter if you're got "papers" on me or not. If you can't do without sex for one night when I genuinely don't feel in the mood, then I don't want to be with you anyhow.

    *Stands on chair* AMEN! Preach it, Sister!
  • diana109
    diana109 Posts: 113 Member
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    Cheating is not justified! People sometimes do it so that it is their "escape" from the relationship because they are too afraid to just simply talk to the person about how they feel for fear of the others reaction or the other simply not listening. Casting blame on eachother is wrong too....nothing good can come out of it. Either way cheating is wrong and sometimes people don't make the easiest choices. It's a time for everyone to reflect and hopefully your friend will learn how to treat others with respect and love rather then ridicule and judgement. No one wants to stay in a negative relationship! Hopefully he learned as well that cheating is not the answer and can be open and honest in his future relationships.
  • EDesq
    EDesq Posts: 1,527 Member
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    A friend of mine's husband cheated on her years ago with a lady he works with. When we first found out it was hard to believe because he is such a nice guy. My friend treated him bad, talked crazy to him, withheld sex, etc, throughout their marriage. Some of our mutual married friends said it was her fault because of how she treated him...said that he'd finally had his breaking point. She was devastated because she thought he would never do anything like that...because he is such a great guy. They ended up getting divorced a few years later.

    So the questions are:

    1. When a man cheats, is it the woman's fault? (or vice versa)
    2. Is cheating justified if you're not treated the way you want to be treated?

    From a Scriptural point, Adultery is NEVER justified. If Scripture is the bases for your Moral Compass, then there is NO Reason for anyone to "Cheat." I have MANY FLAWS; I am now reading Proverbs. I have become sooo enlightened, seeing Scripture through the "Eyes" of a Mature Adult>>Me. Proverbs speaks OFTEN about Men staying away from adultery and adulterous women, and about Self Discipline. It is AMAZING how numerous these topics are and how one's Spiritual, Mental, Emotional and Financial LIFE surround these topics. I believe it is Sooo important for men to be chaste because they may carry the wellbeing of the whole family in their hands. He could have chosen amicable separation or divorce and forgone the pain his family must be suffering now. People do not change over night; when the man in this case got married, he had to know WHO he was marrying, and if she in fact made a dramatic change...which MOST people do not, he had just cause for separation/divorce. I have found that women LIE about the quality of their marriage; has anyone considered that SHE may have been pushed to treat him "badly"...I have seen way to many "Good Guys" who are abusers, womanizers, gamblers, drug addicts, alcoholics, into PORN and want their wives to DO terrible things... Good people make BAD Choices and Do Dumb Things ALL the time, this does not mean that they are Bad or Dumb...just means that they made a Bad Choice. Hopefully they learn from it...Aging is mandatory, gaining Understanding and Wisdom is Optional. Let's hope all concerned exercise that Option in the future.

    As a lawyer I have seen and heard a LOT, some sheer UNBELIEVABLE Stuff about "GOOD People." So pardon Me if I with-hold a determination as to who is "GOOD" until I see BOTH Sides Closets...stuff they ONLY Know about each other (won't tell or let family or friends in on) BUT will ONLY share with THEIR Lawyer or Psychologist!
  • mommyoftwins05
    mommyoftwins05 Posts: 645 Member
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    I say sometimes it can be the other person's fault... not always but yes it can be

    no I still don't think it justicifys cheating... if your not happy then LEAVE! thats how I see it
  • iAMaPhoenix
    iAMaPhoenix Posts: 1,038 Member
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    Leave & file for a divorce...

    Then, have copious amounts of sex with other people.

    In that order.

    My future ex-wife...I am telling you we are kindred spirits...lol.
  • Kalrez
    Kalrez Posts: 655 Member
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    I cheated on my ex husband.

    Do I feel badly about it? Yes.
    Do I regret it? No - good things came from it, namely my divorce.

    I met someone else, randomly. We struck up a friendship that caught on fire. I was vulnerable and weak. My marriage was failing. I allowed myself to get swept up in the attention from someone else who cared about me. It's hard to turn away from care and attention when you get none at home. My husband and I drifted away from each other. We never spoke. I would try to start conversation and he would just shut me down. I worked three jobs, came home, cleaned the house, made dinner ... all for seemingly nothing. I didn't leave my marriage because I didn't want to become a statistic - another child of divorce whose own marriage ends in divorce. My ex found out about my friendship, and we tried to work things out. I ended the marriage after he raped me, not necessarily because of my affair.

    My friendship never turned to physical contact until after I signed my divorce papers, but the love was very much there.

    I'm not making excuses. I'm just saying what happened. I'm very much against divorce and against cheating. Sometimes you don't really know what's going on until it's too late.
  • BrettPGH
    BrettPGH Posts: 4,720 Member
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    Upon further thinking, you are right about situational ethics. My marriage vows said "for all of our days until death parts us" and in an earlier post I outlined how cheating is the one thing that would cause irreparable damage and lead to a divorce. I stand corrected and have no problem admitting that :smile:

    Neither do I and that is one of the single most admirable traits I can think of in a person. Kudos and thanks!
  • voluptas63
    voluptas63 Posts: 602 Member
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    So the questions are:

    1. When a man cheats, is it the woman's fault? (or vice versa)
    2. Is cheating justified if you're not treated the way you want to be treated?

    1. The person that cheated is the person you made a life-long commitment to. Not the person they cheated on you with. I can understand how people want to hurt that other person for sleeping with their spouse, but you didn't marry that person. If it wasn't that person they slept with, it would've been someone else.

    2. It's a piss poor excuse and that of a coward. Just leave if you don't like it.
  • BrownEyedG1rl
    BrownEyedG1rl Posts: 625 Member
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    My husband cheated on me and I never thought it was my fault.

    If someone is unhappy in their marriage, they should leave it. Easier said than done, I know.
  • Snoopy72
    Snoopy72 Posts: 25
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    Look I understand what he was feeling ... my marriage was horrible, and pretty much did the same thing but I stayed 'cause of my son and I didn't want to be the first to divorce in my family. My ex wife cheated on me when we were engaged and married but I ended it after she got knocked up with the guy and couldn't deny **** ..

    Point is I NEVER cheated! He went about it the wrong way! No matter what there is no reason to cheat! EVER! If you're unhappy then leave and leave the guilt on that person and not to make yourself look bad. I would never disgrace my family name like that or my kids like my ex did. when you cheat you cheat on the family not just your wife or husband
  • voluptas63
    voluptas63 Posts: 602 Member
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    Leave & file for a divorce...

    Then, have copious amounts of sex with other people.

    In that order.


    I saw someone quote this on page 3 and knew it was you. Scary.
  • JaydeSkye
    JaydeSkye Posts: 282 Member
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    I really think that you should just end your relationship before you move on. Cheating is pointless. Its not like you're going to have a wondeful relationship with whoever you cheated with.. and its not like the person you cheated with will ever trust or respect you. In the past, I've been cheated on and cheated with. I don't know which one feels better. I've never cheated on my husband and if I ever decide I no longer want to be with him, I will just tell him. Regardless if he cheated on me, or not, it wouldn't do ME any good to cheat on him. And as for the whole "situational" cheating, that is just bologna. You make decisions in life, you endure the consequences - you don't have things both ways. Plain and simple. Its called loyalty. Learn about it.
  • BigCed77024
    BigCed77024 Posts: 1,115 Member
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    When I first read the headline I was like Oh boy another guy trying to justlfy his actions. But in this case I would say she absolutely deserved it.

    How can you blame him? I am not one to condone cheating. However I am also not one to condone mental or physical abuse and he seemed to be getting a lot of the former.

    I was in an 8 year love-less marriage so I can relate. I was 8 years younger (21) when we got married. Soon after our 1st baby she stopped having sex. We separated numerous times and I am still amazed we had two kids (yes both are mine).

    Your friend should be ashamed of herself. And what did she expect for her dog to continue to obey? I really don't like to see good people get cheated on..but she doesn't "fit" in that category.

    She will NEVER forget this. Hopefully she learned her lesson.
  • Cat52169
    Cat52169 Posts: 277 Member
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    Yes, and no. I do believe my attitude drove my husband to seek sex from someone else though.

    Bless your heart. You are not to blame for anyone cheating on you. Yes you can treat someone poorly that can make them want to look outside their marriage OR they can decide you mean more to them and try to work things through with you. I hope life is being kind to you and you are happy :flowerforyou:
  • Cat52169
    Cat52169 Posts: 277 Member
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    I am still amazed we had two kids (yes both are mine).

    Nice! Very funny proud papa! :laugh:
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
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    Leave & file for a divorce...

    Then, have copious amounts of sex with other people.

    In that order.

    My future ex-wife...I am telling you we are kindred spirits...lol.

    :smooched:

    Nothin but love :) Mad love :)
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
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    Leave & file for a divorce...

    Then, have copious amounts of sex with other people.

    In that order.


    I saw someone quote this on page 3 and knew it was you. Scary.


    BWAHAHAHA!!!! We are connected - like it or not ;)

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