Confession of a former (almost) 500lbs guy

cricketannie

I would convince myself that I had to be FULL after every meal. I go the biggest plates, and would almost always go back for more until I was so full it hurt to breathe. If we went out to eat it was for pizza or fast food. At Mcdonalds I would order two double quarter pounders, a large fries and a dr pepper.
Geez...I was such a hog!
Now I can't even remember the last time I had something from a fast food joint.
And I weigh 25lbs less.
Yay for broken bad habits!

kandrews24

I used to always eat a full meal (intentionally) before I went to a social event so that I could appear to eat normally when I was there. At work, sometimes I'd have a donut and a bagel/cream cheese, etc. (when everyone else had one or the other). Once someone said something, and I said, "oh, the donut is for breakfast and the bagel is for lunch" and they said "oh, what a great idea". Everyone at my office is thin but me (strange). So I was constantly pretending. No I actually eat "normally". It is nice not to have to pretend.

For a long time, I did not think that I ate too much and could not understand why I was so fat (and continually gaining). I was just eating more than I needed, I'm a small women. I can't eat as much as my husband, but I did (and often more). REALITY at last!

piperjon

Vino's is an amazing pizza joint and mirobrewery within 2 miles of my home. If I may describe -

The Vino's Experience:

16" "Vino's Special." Hand tossed, beautifully crispy crust, with all the fixins. Think "Pizza Hut Supreme" but WAAAY better.
1 half-gallon growler of their IPA.

I would eat half of the pizza, with peppers, and a good snowfall-dusting of parmesean, grated from my fridge.
I would drink the entire half-gallon of beer.

Dinner
Beer, Sam Adams - Latitude 48 Ipa, 72 oz bottle
Cal Carb Fat Protein
1,236 0 0 0
Pizza Hut - Large (14") Pan Pizza - Supreme (From Website), 4 slice (1/8 pizza)
Cal Carb Fat Protein
1,680 152 92 68

TOTAL
Cal Carb Fat Protein
2,916 152 92 68

Of note:
That would NOT be my only meal of the day. I put it in MFP to see what the numbers are, using Sam Adams Lattitude 48 as a guide for the beer. 72 ounces represents the growler plus the beer I'd have at Vino's while I waited. And yes, the Vino's pizza is a full 2 inches larger. I would have had a full breakfast, and a lunch of some fast-food hell. And probably a snack when I got home before dinner. And probably something before bed.

The other half of the pizza?
The next day. With another growler of beer.

I did this nearly every week for the better part of a year.

I can NOT imagine how I did that. I went to Vino's last week with my sweetie. Had the margarita pizza (no meat but cheese, sauce, peppers, etc). Had a beer and two pieces and thought I may die from a ruptured stomach. But it was well within my caloric guidelines, so not only did I not have a single whit of guilt...

Leftovers for THREE DAYS!!!

Pj

Jennyisbusy

I used to skip school, order a pizza delivered to my house and eat it all, hide the evidence and then have dinner with the family. I think that started in middle school? Let's just say it got worse from there.

If I had a bad day I deserved a treat, if I had a good day I had a treat to celebrate, if was bored I ate something, and dear lord if I was sad I ate it all, if I was sick I really believed a McCheeseburger made me better. If I ate a value meal 3 times a day I thought that was ok or 'not that bad.'

Pretty much I had a line for every day of the week I have come a long way but there is no way that I trust that I am 'safe'

phlumpet

I could eat an entire carton of ice cream, or an entire (cheeseless) pizza. I used to be depressed and eating too much was part of it. I remember feeling like I had absolutely no power from stopping myself from eating so much (4 meals worth in one sitting, for example if it was grocery day, a bagel with tofutti cream cheese followed by a frozen pot pie followed by 1/2 a carton of ice cream.) I would feel so gross and so disgusted with myself but it was like I couldn't stop! I still have a ways to go (my biggest problem right now is eating late at night when I come home from work), but thanks to God I have come such a long way. I feel so much better now. I have self control - of my eating, my emotions, and my ability to achieve.

ssassy428

This is really nice to read because sometimes I feel like I am the only person who did this. I have been able to control myself now because my husband is no longer working nights. His employment status changed and we were able to make dinner together at night. I was no longer going to the conveniently located BK on my way home around 430 pm because there was no one home to notice. Then after a few hours of homework/housework I would "make" dinner for myself and put hubby's in the microwave. Fast food has to be the worst thing every, I can say that I have not had fast food for over 10 months and cannot believe I thought that stuff was a good choice.

SoDakRunner

So it wasn't at my heaviest (actually my lightest!) but it was definitely my most unhealthiest part of my life. I would either restrict myself to less than 800 cal/day plus 30-45min of cardio or I would eat myself sick (thousands and thousands of calories not to mention lots of $$$ worth of food) and then purge. I'm so happy that I am no longer unhealthy and now have MFP to help guide me to living a healthy lifestyle!

tameko2

I had several bad habits, but the worst was probably desert after every meal. Oh, I've finished breakfast, now it's time for a cinnamon roll or a doughnut. Hmm, lunch is done, must be time for some cookies. I finished all my dinner, definitely time for some cake or a pint of Ben and Jerry's.:embarassed:

I still like sweets, but don't have them every day now. I love MFP and being able to track how many calories are in everything.

Thanks so much for starting this thread.

For me it was kind of this - not a desert after EVERY meal but every meal had a treat of some kind. Like after dim sum, I would go get a large green tea (light sweetener) with aloe jelly, or a frozen yogurt, or some gelato, or a big cookie, or a pastry from the taiwanese bakery.

I'm not like some of the people where I was eating huge quantities of junk but I was just having SOME kind of special yum thing at EVERY meal. Like when we had late night taco bell after a raid (I am very conscientious about eating BEFORE raids now because at 10:15 pm your choices are really limited) I would get 3 tacos and a nacho's bel grande to 'share' as a little extra somethin ...but my BF is not an overeater (when he's full, he stops) so I'd pretty much end up eating MOST of it, and if he didn't finish his food I'd finish that too.

Its not like any of that stuff is ridonculously BAD (ok the taco bell runs weren't so great) but I was treating myself to something extra literally EVERY day. And I had a really weird habit of buying some kind of goodie EVERY time I went to the grocery store too - I'd check out the cookies, candy, bakery, whatever and I'd take something home like half the time. I still fight with this, I walk into the store and see the bakery display in front and think "ooooh, COOKIES" even though buying a 24 count container of cookies for TWO people is ridiculous.

*edit*

Oh and like kandrews said, I totally used to eat the same or MORE than my BF, who is 6'2" when I am 5'6". He's gained a lot of weight over the past few years too and never been thin (probably the 6 sodas a day more than overeating) but he didn't gain NEARLY as much as me. 5'6" girls cannot eat like guys that weigh 6'2". at least not if we want to be slim.

splackk

Yup, all the time!

I'd rush from work to a fast food joint, knowing that within 15 minutes of my stopping my sweetheart would be getting home and that to not tip anyone off I'd need to arrive first. Cue gulping down a double cheeseburger, large fry, large drink in the car on the five minute ride home, stashing all the wrappers beneath other garbage and running to turn the television or computer on so it'd look like I leisurely got home and was just waiting so we could have dinner. Follow this with a normal sized dinner, often a dessert and even then I'd wonder if I could sneak to the fridge for some snacks later without being noticed. I'm afraid to admit on bad days when things are getting me down it's still my first thought to just grab a quick few doughnuts or some ice cream from a local place and chow it down before getting caught.

sugarbugger

Compulsive overeating is so complex, since I started tackling mine I've found so many ingrained habits that I've had to try to break. I'm not all the way there yet, by any means.

Every time I had a coffee I would eat at least 3, usually more like 6 or 7 cookies (approx 110 cals each) - say 4 or 5 coffees a day... for the last couple of years I pretty much used to eat a packet of "secret" cookies to myself every day.
Every time I went to the shop after dropping my son off at school, which was pretty much every day, I would get myself a treat, depending on how I was feeling this could range from a single sized bag of malteasers and an energy drink to an enormous notebook sized slab of chocolate. (and I'd eat it all in a day)
Whenever I was in town I would get myself a pie and a cake from the bakery, and a three pack of gingerbread men "for the kids" but there would always be 1.5 left over and I'd eat those too.
When we went to the supermarket I would be opening food as I was putting it into the car. And then again whilst putting it away at home. Usually any goodies we bought were gone in two days, so I'd restock them before anyone noticed.
I'd bake huge cakes "for the kids", eat most of it (the kids had a tiny piece each) and wash up the cake tin before my other half saw what sized cake Id made, so when he came home and there was a small cake in the cupboard he wouldn't know it used to be twice that size (who was I fooling?) lol Ditto big trays of scones or cupcakes.
I ate 90% of the kids easter eggs because I felt it would be bad to let them eat that much chocolate (ok they did get a lot but I seemed to forget that I am a person, not a bin!) It was just an excuse, really.
And yes, double dinners, "snacks" which were basically just another meal, every meal had a dessert course, bags of chocolates which didn't count because they were cheap (!) from the pound shop. I would never say no to any food offered or any opportunity to eat.

Now I'm watching what I eat and getting therapy, it's like I'm seeing myself from the outside. At the end of every meal I still find myself going to the goodie cupboard, it's an unconscious behaviour, I open the door and then realise I'm there, it's funny actually. I always feel like something's missing now I'm not eating all that crap, but I don't know what it is. I suppose it's like someone who smoked giving up and then feeling like they don't know what to do with their hands!

city_of_frogs

A few people have said it, but definately eating a whole block of chocolate, or entire packet of biscuits...

Not to mention the large take away meals, and a dessert...

I just tell myself these days that if I eat like that, I am taking steps away from my goal, and my health.

city_of_frogs

Now I'm watching what I eat and getting therapy, it's like I'm seeing myself from the outside. At the end of every meal I still find myself going to the goodie cupboard, it's an unconscious behaviour, I open the door and then realise I'm there, it's funny actually.

I do the same. I say to myself... "oh right... i dont buy treats any more, I'm bored, I'll have some water"

Spedden

I used to justify overeating because I was (and still am) a vegan, and figured it was all good. But it wasn't. Oreo cookies are vegan, but they're not healthy. My worst habit was having a "snack" after dinner that would stretch into an hour's worth of extra eating. I cringe to think what my calorie intake was back then.:frown:

500lbs2marathon

Thanx for keeping this thread going, I really think it helps seeing that we arent alone! Props to all of you for facing your bad habits and doing something about it!!!

limismith

Kinda like going to Mcdonalds, and eating two extra double cheeseburgers and ditching the wrappers before I got into the house. Than I'd eat my 20 pc nuggest, lg Fry, and tub o coke at home! Yep....did that many times, but they were only 99 cents at the time, so thats how I would justify it!!

Damn those dollar menus!!! Its so easy to justify the cheap optio, especially when you are on a budget. I feel like drive through salads are a rip off, either they are just as bad as a burger or they are so plain that I get mad at paying $5 for a bowl of yellow lettuce and dry carrot shreds. Not to mention, it feels so wrong to go through a drivethrough without getting fries....

theresamommyof4

You weren't alone!! I would do the same thing sometimes OR pick up dinner for the family and add extras, eat them on the way home then eat my meal at home! Then after dinner, ice cream or sweets!

This was me. I'd add in a box of nuggets or an order of fries... or in some cases a double cheeseburger from McDonald's, eat that in the car, then eat my "real" meal when I got home **shaking my head** Then I'd eat ice cream all night. Or, I'd eat my meal and finish off what the kids didn't eat... then eat ice cream all night

annehdavis

Im in the begining of my journey but I am an addict. I would hit the fast food drive thur sometimes three times a day. I would NEVER walk in to get it. I would reward myself with food all the time. I would eat when I was stressed. I would never fell full. Like that switch was never off. NEVER FULL. I have been fighting this. I would also dehydrate myself. I did not even know I was doing that. I quit smoking for my kids and added 73 lbs:( Unlike smoking you need to eat to live. If only I could give up food like that. I miss eating fast food all the time.I miss over eating. I am going to be at a healthy weight!

poseidon9447

They say Confession is good for the soul... use this thread to post of an old habit of yours from your heaviest days..

For me, the one the strikes me as the most bizarre, was the daily ritual of 3 Dinners...

Id stop by thepizza shop/fast food joint on the way home from work, eat on the way home, toss the evidence in the trash outside the house. then proceed to have whatever was being cooked for dinner, a full sized portion, then going back for seconds and sometimes even thirds..

I look back and cant even fathom what went thru my head to even do this, but Its no wonder I weighed almost 500lbs.

I know where you are coming from although I only got up to 265 at my heaviest ever. I would always go through the drive through because I was embarrassed that all the food I ordered was for me. I would also eat somewhere and then immediately go eat at another place. I would go on what I called feeding frenzies where I could just not get enough to eat.

Awkward30

I hid food, even when I lived alone. Something about knowing it was bad made me reluctant to even admit to myself that I had gotten all that. My worst was cadberry eggs. I would go to different stores to buy them or go during different shifts so people wouldn't know!

findingfit23

Wow, it was so good to read this. Im guilty of just about everything listed in this thread. Most of all ordering enough fast food to feed a family, pretending it is for a family, and going home and gorging to the point I feel sick. It was like I wasnt comfortable unless I was uncomfortable. I couldnt go to bed unless I was hurting.

Jorra

My bad habits started in my childhood.

It was just my mom and me, we'd frequently cook Hamburger Helpers or other family meals and eat the whole five servings between the two of us. My summer lunches were always a plate of chicken nuggets with a whole can of peas covered in cheese. We used food as "rewards." If I had to get up early for a doctor appointment, I got McDonald's for breakfast. If we took the cat to the vet, we'd stop by the BK next door. We were HUGE snackers. We would both mindlessly eat all night long in front of the TV. Chicken nuggets, nachos, candy, anything we had (usually carb-loaded).

My freshman year of college my grandma gave me a giant bag of quarters for laundry. We later found out laundry was free on campus so of course I used all that money in the vending machine. My junior year I spent all my extra meal plan money on Coke from the coffee shop.

As an adult, I've frequently eaten fast food for "rewards" as well. Hard day at work? McDonald's. Too tired and stressed to cook anything (i.e. don't have anything delicious in the house)? Taco Bell. Having both open 24 hours and down the street didn't help. We'd also celebrate big events with multiple nights out instead of just one.

TressaBarron

Mine was similar-- eating a full dinner...then 8 or 9 would come around and i was STARVING (*rolls eyes*)-- so i would eat another full dinner.

Not at all blaming others for my obesity BUT now knowing how many calories are in meals --- HOW IS THIS LEGAL?? how can one meal at a chain restaurant have 1500 calories in it?! it's bizarre. I never realized this before MFP. The old me would eat that whole meal plus a dessert - when today i eat 1200 calories total for the day. it's amazing how many calories we consume when we're blindly eating.

I had this same realization recently. That I'm probably eating like half of the calories I used to eat when I had no idea how many calories were in anything... sheesh. it's like you suddenly "wake up" and think, my god, no wonder I got so fat! lol...

Coleman73

bump

kimberly130

Its funny there are a lot of similarities in everyone's posts!
I would leave work, grab fast food to eat on the way home, get home and eat dinner which was always a high sodium or butter meal (my beau cooks everything with butter and salt!) and A LOT, than I would binge on whatever was in the cabinet. I would feel so sick from being so full, but it wouldn't stop there. My beau would go to work at the bar and I would meet him later on and drink a few beers... (another problem Ive fixed!) than go home watch some TV with, guess what, MORE JUNK!

Thankfully he is sooo supportive so he makes dinner much healthier, we only have "good" snacks, (purged the cabinets) and when I think of meeting him at the bar, I go for a jog or exercise instead! (plus he wont serve me or I get ice water with a splash of cran for color! lol)

BTW great thread!

kimberly130

Mine was similar-- eating a full dinner...then 8 or 9 would come around and i was STARVING (*rolls eyes*)-- so i would eat another full dinner.

Not at all blaming others for my obesity BUT now knowing how many calories are in meals --- HOW IS THIS LEGAL?? how can one meal at a chain restaurant have 1500 calories in it?! it's bizarre. I never realized this before MFP. The old me would eat that whole meal plus a dessert - when today i eat 1200 calories total for the day. it's amazing how many calories we consume when we're blindly eating.

Agreed! my prev post when I started I plugged in what I would eat on an average day and it was OVER 4000 calories!!! plus just sitting ALL day!

I had this same realization recently. That I'm probably eating like half of the calories I used to eat when I had no idea how many calories were in anything... sheesh. it's like you suddenly "wake up" and think, my god, no wonder I got so fat! lol...

whisperingdragon

I thought I was the only person in the whole entire world that did these types of things. It's refreshing to know that I'm not alone.

I used to go to McDee's religously and order 2 value meals. Find a secluded area and eat like a pig, dump the trash in a dumpster. I did this all the time.. I mean all the time. If I couldn't find a place to hide the garbage I would shove it under the seats in my car and find a car wash somewhere to get rid of the leftover trash.

I always woke up in the middle of the night to eat tons of food, it almost didn't matter what it was as long as I could eat. I can't even really say how much I ate because I just kept eating without keeping track..

One time a girl was driving past me in a parking lot and she saw me, she gave me the ugliest stinky face I had ever seen. I was so humilated and embarrased I just wanted to die.

I haven't been to McDee's or any other fast food joint in almost a year, the last time was in September of last year before we went to see the Diamondbacks baseball game. And that was it. I guess I could say that fast food is ok for some who can control what they eat, I however cannot control it. I have to literally fight every single day to stay on track. It is what it is.

I'm so inspired by everyone on here and really proud of all you guys. It is such a huge accomplishment..

jbeauchamp1

Wow it is amazing how many of these stories remind me of myself. I have been guilty of many of these same habits and thankfully am now learning to recognize them before they start. Food addiction is a really power thing and like I once heard someone say it is hard to quit because we need it to survive. You all are so inspiring and it is so wonderful to have such a "family" that we can all relate and support each other.

TressaBarron

Thanks for this post and everyone for sharing. I see some of myself in a lot of your stories, I thought I was really the only person who'd eat "pre-dinner" from mickey d's on the way home, buying snacks, candy, little debbie nutty bars were my weakness, hiding them in my bag, in my car... sigh. It was so embarrassing. I'm glad to know I'm not alone. :ohwell:

vanyaann

wow! Thanks for sharing! I go get 1/2 gallons of ice cream, eat it in the car, throw away the evidence and look just as shocked as everyone else about my weight! i need to stop this behavior before it kills me!

bmmadden

My confession is that I would eat a big bowl of ice cream with the family and then when the kids went to bed and husband went upstairs to his mancave to play his game I would go eat the rest of the ice cream in one setting and of course cant forget the globs of hot fudge sauce, the end was one time early spring when I was starting to change my ways lost some weight at this point I was about to do this again and made myself that second bowl took two bites my stomach felt ill and I threw it away and took the rest of that ice cream out of the freezer and let it melt in the sink overnight and havent done that since, now I get myself low cal ice cream treats single serve treats (ice cream is my weakness have to have it just no so much)