How to talk to guys!?

thegymbunny · September 2011

Casual and confident...

and those who said BE YOURSELF..this cannot be stressed enough. Men hate pretense most of the time.

SmartFunGorgeous · September 2011

Great question. Though I'd say that being myself has never worked for me. Yes, I'm very aware of what that says about me. It sucks, but some of us have to be boring and uninteresting so the rest of you can seem witty and clever! Good luck!

p.s. I love how the ladder theory is footnoted with "stupidness.com."

adrian_indy · September 2011

If you are looking for a hook up, then be flirty, act interested in everything he says, and just be approachable.

If you are looking for a relationship , talk about non-hot button issues first, music, TV, movies, stuff like that. Show him attention, be honest, but all don't make yourself too available. Hard to get really does work.

Spitfirex007 · September 2011

Meh. I wouldn't sweat it. It's not like most of them will be listening anyway.

Did you say something?

cmonskinnylovee · September 2011

Haha u think ur above the system u are going to get used and abused by guys who game girls like u

I am entirely too strong and smart to be played- but thanks for the advice

I've been around enough jerks to know whose a player, and whose honest.

I also put up walls like no other- kind of comes hand in hand with shyness, you know? Please, don't act like you know me when you obviously don't. I don't appreciate being belittled.

cmonskinnylovee · September 2011

Wow I have just the opposite problem...talking to women freaks me out...men are easy to talk to cuz you can totally be yourself and there's no judgment(usually),just walk up and say hi that's usually all it takes lol gl hun.

I'm not afraid of women like I am men. I don't see other women as people I have to impress, ahah. I feel like if they are going to be good friends they'll like me for who I am

I guess I could apply that to men as well... hmmm

angelicdisgrace · September 2011

just say, "Yo you want a beer?" that works everytime

NiciS72 · September 2011

Be yourself. I hooked mine on the first date telling dirty jokes, I LOVE dirty jokes. You want someone who will like you for you!

fbmandy55 · September 2011

Sweetie, I have my first date in 5 years this weekend. Tonight he tells me that he is nervous and strangely, I'm not at all. Just be yourself! What's the worst that can happen? I don't recommend trying to play games. Usually end up in confusion or heartache.

By the way, ignore the little pricks. Apparently out in full force tonight.

fbmandy55 · September 2011

Do all guys intimidate u or just ones you think r above u?
Go after guys that are just under your level - and practice on them.

Work ur way up the ladder as ladder theory permits.

For more info on ladder theory check out this link.

http://www.laddertheory.com/

I'm going to venture out here and guess that about 90% of people on this site are going to call the ladder theory bully****. Most people are not that shallow.

rungurlrun · September 2011

i know this feeling. i was in a relationship for nearly 3 years and my ex was extremely paranoid and possessive

Now my social skills aren't that great. I've always had social anxiety, but i had overcome it when I met my ex.

What helped me last time was moving to another country, so I am doing that again. I know this isn't possible for some, and some probably wouldn't want to make such a drastic change, but I think even if you are awkward guys will still like u ^.^

Even when i have been very awkward, I've had guys approach me. ^.^ So...you look like a pretty girl, so um...i think even if u r very awkward u will have no problems getting guys attention

This post made me laugh, because my 2 year relationship just ended and he was a bit possessive too, so I was reading and waiting for some good advice.....and leave the country, aw shucks, a bit too extreme for me...lol. If it helps, I completely relate with this topic, I am sorta shy and intimidated at first so I never find conversation or flirting easy or natural. I need to work on it again...haha. Thanks for posting the topic.

ukriley · September 2011

You just need to remember one thing, despite what a man says or thinks, if a woman doesn't want it, the man doesn't get it! You have all the power! So with that said, eye contact, smile, be kind and funny (but not too giggly) be yourself. You can make anything happen for you!

bachooka · September 2011

I've never really had an issue with talking to guys... they are just people you know? Walk up and say hi... see where it goes from there.

Liquid741 · September 2011

funny a attractive woman has this issue, its usually the guy that is not sure of themselves.

I_give_it_2_u_str8 · September 2011

Do all guys intimidate u or just ones you think r above u?
Go after guys that are just under your level - and practice on them.

Work ur way up the ladder as ladder theory permits.

For more info on ladder theory check out this link.

http://www.laddertheory.com/

I'm going to venture out here and guess that about 90% of people on this site are going to call the ladder theory bully****. Most people are not that shallow.

oh yes. pop stats, gotta love those. you think being shallow is below you? how about this recent little gem (see article below).
the sad truth my friends, is that everyone has a magical little number floating above their heads. so you go ahead and be naive - but we both know thats why you're not dating the cream of the crop. or is it because they're too shallow to realize how sweet and kind you are? haha

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/08/28/opinion/sunday/ugly-you-may-have-a-case.html

Ugly? You May Have a CaseBy DANIEL S. HAMERMESH
Published: August 27, 2011
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LinkedinDiggMySpacePermalink. Daniel S. Hamermesh, a professor of economics at the University of Texas, Austin, is the author of "Beauty Pays," published this month.

Enlarge This Image

Mark Pernice
BEING good-looking is useful in so many ways.

In addition to whatever personal pleasure it gives you, being attractive also helps you earn more money, find a higher-earning spouse (and one who looks better, too!) and get better deals on mortgages. Each of these facts has been demonstrated over the past 20 years by many economists and other researchers. The effects are not small: one study showed that an American worker who was among the bottom one-seventh in looks, as assessed by randomly chosen observers, earned 10 to 15 percent less per year than a similar worker whose looks were assessed in the top one-third — a lifetime difference, in a typical case, of about $230,000.

Beauty is as much an issue for men as for women. While extensive research shows that women’s looks have bigger impacts in the market for mates, another large group of studies demonstrates that men’s looks have bigger impacts on the job.

Why this disparate treatment of looks in so many areas of life? It’s a matter of simple prejudice. Most of us, regardless of our professed attitudes, prefer as customers to buy from better-looking salespeople, as jurors to listen to better-looking attorneys, as voters to be led by better-looking politicians, as students to learn from better-looking professors. This is not a matter of evil employers’ refusing to hire the ugly: in our roles as workers, customers and potential lovers we are all responsible for these effects.

How could we remedy this injustice? With all the gains to being good-looking, you would think that more people would get plastic surgery or makeovers to improve their looks. Many of us do all those things, but as studies have shown, such refinements make only small differences in our beauty. All that spending may make us feel better, but it doesn’t help us much in getting a better job or a more desirable mate.

A more radical solution may be needed: why not offer legal protections to the ugly, as we do with racial, ethnic and religious minorities, women and handicapped individuals?

We actually already do offer such protections in a few places, including in some jurisdictions in California, and in the District of Columbia, where discriminatory treatment based on looks in hiring, promotions, housing and other areas is prohibited. Ugliness could be protected generally in the United States by small extensions of the Americans With Disabilities Act. Ugly people could be allowed to seek help from the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission and other agencies in overcoming the effects of discrimination. We could even have affirmative-action programs for the ugly.

The mechanics of legislating this kind of protection are not as difficult as you might think. You might argue that people can’t be classified by their looks — that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. That aphorism is correct in one sense: if asked who is the most beautiful person in a group of beautiful people, you and I might well have different answers. But when it comes to differentiating classes of attractiveness, we all view beauty similarly: someone whom you consider good-looking will be viewed similarly by most others; someone you consider ugly will be viewed as ugly by most others. In one study, more than half of a group of people were assessed identically by each of two observers using a five-point scale; and very few assessments differed by more than one point.

For purposes of administering a law, we surely could agree on who is truly ugly, perhaps the worst-looking 1 or 2 percent of the population. The difficulties in classification are little greater than those faced in deciding who qualifies for protection on grounds of disabilities that limit the activities of daily life, as shown by conflicting decisions in numerous legal cases involving obesity.

There are other possible objections. “Ugliness” is not a personal trait that many people choose to embrace; those whom we classify as protected might not be willing to admit that they are ugly. But with the chance of obtaining extra pay and promotions amounting to $230,000 in lost lifetime earnings, there’s a large enough incentive to do so. Bringing anti-discrimination lawsuits is also costly, and few potential plaintiffs could afford to do so. But many attorneys would be willing to organize classes of plaintiffs to overcome these costs, just as they now do in racial-discrimination and other lawsuits.

Economic arguments for protecting the ugly are as strong as those for protecting some groups currently covered by legislation. So why not go ahead and expand protection to the looks-challenged? There’s one legitimate concern. With increasingly tight limits on government resources, expanding rights to yet another protected group would reduce protection for groups that have commanded our legislative and other attention for over 50 years.

We face a trade-off: ignore a deserving group of citizens, or help them but limit help available for other groups. Even though I myself have demonstrated the disadvantages of ugliness in 20 years of research, I nonetheless would hate to see anything that might reduce assistance to groups now aided by protective legislation.

You might reasonably disagree and argue for protecting all deserving groups. Either way, you shouldn’t be surprised to see the United States heading toward this new legal frontier.

fbmandy55 · September 2011

Do all guys intimidate u or just ones you think r above u?
Go after guys that are just under your level - and practice on them.

Work ur way up the ladder as ladder theory permits.

For more info on ladder theory check out this link.

http://www.laddertheory.com/

I'm going to venture out here and guess that about 90% of people on this site are going to call the ladder theory bully****. Most people are not that shallow.

oh yes. pop stats, gotta love those. you think being shallow is below you? how about this recent little gem (see article below).
the sad truth my friends, is that everyone has a magical little number floating above their heads. so you go ahead and be naive - but we both know thats why you're not dating the cream of the crop. or is it because they're too shallow to realize how sweet and kind you are? haha

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/08/28/opinion/sunday/ugly-you-may-have-a-case.html

one study showed that an American worker who was among the bottom one-seventh in looks, as assessed by randomly chosen observers, earned 10 to 15 percent less per year than a similar worker whose looks were assessed in the top one-third —

Seems more opinionated than factual.. For example, the one stat I saw was from a study based on people's opinion of one's appearance. For as many good-looking successful people that the article implies, you can easily find just as many "ugly" successful people.

I'll stick with my theory that people DON'T have a little number floating over their head and pesonality/qualification play a bigger role.

I_give_it_2_u_str8 · September 2011

lol its OBVIOUSLY subjective. what does factual even mean? we're only talking about attractiveness as it relates to other peoples perception.

i could probably cite you several other scholarly articles - and im sure if you keep pushing the issue i will. but plz dont waste my time with this nonsense

angryguy77 · September 2011

just show your boobs. It'll ensure a date w/o uttering a word.

angryguy77 · September 2011

Smile at them, bat your eyelashes. They will come running.

or wear a bunny tail. It works every time

Tangerine302 · September 2011

Wow- what was the original question???????

One person can be attracted to someone. Another person may feel they aren't attracted to them. Who calls the shots as to who is attractive?
Everyone has their own taste in who is attractive and who isn't to them.

If someone is attractive initially to someone, they start talking and right away you feel they are someone who comes across as someone you aren't attracted to mentally, the physical part doesn't stay too long.

Goes the other way too. You start talking to someone who sounds interesting and someone who you have fun with, they become more attractive naturally.

I didn't read the number thing. Everyone has their own opinion as to who is attractive.

myofibril · September 2011

i reckon you just have to practice. make an effort to ask 10 men a question every day (and they don't have to be men that you want to attract, just men in general, i guess it won't hurt if they are hot, give you something decent to look at). Don't talk to them with vision to picking them up, just talk for the sakes of talking, and you never know what interesting people you might meet.

doesn't matter how dumb the question is, can be as simple as "do you have the time" or "do you know where something is" or "can you tell me how to get somewhere". eventually you'll find some that will engage in conversation and you will become used to it. you'll desensitise yourself to how scary it was and it will just become more natural.

This is very good advice in my opinion.

Become comfortable just being around and talking to guys in the first instance. In many cases that is often enough to get you some interest to begin with. Once you have that down step it up a notch.

In this kind of thing it is acquiring the skill that is important rather than securing the outcome (ie actually dating the guy)

fitnesspirateninja · September 2011

Wow- what was the original question???????

One person can be attracted to someone. Another person may feel they aren't attracted to them. Who calls the shots as to who is attractive?
Everyone has their own taste in who is attractive and who isn't to them.

If someone is attractive initially to someone, they start talking and right away you feel they are someone who comes across as someone you aren't attracted to mentally, the physical part doesn't stay too long.

Goes the other way too. You start talking to someone who sounds interesting and someone who you have fun with, they become more attractive naturally.

I didn't read the number thing. Everyone has their own opinion as to who is attractive.

Thank you for this. We're not all programmed to be attracted to the same type of people. I know I definitely don't find the mainstream type of man attractive. I mean, I can see that they're good looking, but it's not what gets my motor running.

But this got a little off topic. It's a lot easier to talk to someone you're attracted to if you're not worried about what everything means. I know this is easier said than done, but it can be done. Try taking some classes or volunteering somewhere. Do the things you're interested in doing. Have a full life and find a guy who fits into it.

I_give_it_2_u_str8 · September 2011

i think you guys are missing the point.

she clearly said she's afraid of 'attractive guys'. not ANY guys, but specifically the ones she finds attractive

the rest is moot

myofibril · September 2011

i think you guys are missing the point.

she clearly said she's afraid of 'attractive guys'. not ANY guys, but specifically the ones she finds attractive

the rest is moot

True but a lot of advice is still applicable.

She can find a place where there are a lot of attractive guys and get used to speaking to them with no ulterior motive other than being comfortable around them. It can start small like a simple question and move up to short conversations and so on. Once she is she used to that she can then kick it up a notch to flirting and jumping their bones.

If she spends enough time just being around the guys she finds attractive she may realise that there is very little to be afraid of as underneath the skin most people have the same issues and insecurities although they manifest in different ways. Fear in mnay cases is simply an imaginary box we build for ourselves which is not based on the reality of a situation. No one can make you feel inferior without your consent...

TK421NotAtPost · September 2011

Wow I have just the opposite problem...talking to women freaks me out...men are easy to talk to cuz you can totally be yourself and there's no judgment(usually),just walk up and say hi that's usually all it takes lol gl hun.

I'm not afraid of women like I am men. I don't see other women as people I have to impress, ahah. I feel like if they are going to be good friends they'll like me for who I am

I guess I could apply that to men as well... hmmm

Yes, all it takes is a simple conversation starter and let the conversation build on its own. Don't put any pressure on yourself. Believe me when I say that guys will be flattered and the pressure to maintain a good dialogue will be on them...not you.

Mkleder · September 2011

You can say just about anything to a guy and have his attention.

But that doesn't help my intense fear of talking to men I need like, a proven method or something otherwise I'll stand in the corner with my knee's knocking haha

And these "men" that I'll be talking to are more like young adults, (18-23) so does that theory apply to them as well? lol

Don;t take them seriously and bust their chops (verbally -- ala the Top Gun bar scene)....playfully, of course.

TDGee · September 2011

Work on important life skills. For example, a potential mate may love you more based on how well you can remove blood stains from clothing.

Slimithy · September 2011

Trust me... We're like animals in the forest... We're much more afriad of not knowing what to sayto the pretty girls than they should be of us... I'm so glad I'm married, I had no way of talking to girls...