Is a rough childhood an acceptable excuse?
Replies
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No.
I had a pretty rough childhood. Lots of verbal/emotional abuse, was raised to do everything for everyone else and was never allowed to put myself first.
I chose to rise above it. I'm now well educated, gainfully employed, happily married, a good mother, and overall successful. The only negative thing that came from my childhood is my weight, but I'm working on changing that.
In life, we have to take what we're given and then we choose what to make of it. You can choose to turn to drugs, alcohol, or abusing others to make yourself feel better. Or you can choose to better yourself, get therapy, and make a better life for yourself.
Life is all about choices; we choose who we become.
THIS!!!!
I didn't have the greatest childhood either and I made some pretty poor choices as an adult. I never blamed my sh*tty childhood for my poor choices, I owned those decisions.
I am thankful that I learned from those choices and the type of upbringing I had made me the person I am today.0 -
Perhaps not an excuse, but a viable reason for things being the way they are in someone's life.0
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No. I don't agree. At some point we all have to take responsibily for our own lives & actions. There is no way you can be succesful in life if you always blame someone else for all of your problems.
We are were we are in life because we choose to be there!!0 -
Most of you are going from your own life experience with a safe home & loving family. IF a child grows up without these things and is not taught coping skills life is VERY DIFFERENT. You cannot 'tackle' life if you are not given the tools to do that.
Some people are defeated by the time they reach maturity. Some are emotionally stunted and NEVER mature.
IF you have a healthy, nurturing life, you cannot judge those who do not. EVERYONE can't overcome their environment.
GOOD FOR YOU if you can0 -
No.
Even the bible says, "We are overcomers"
Some people hold on to the past because, they want someone to blame for their present misfortune,
We have to fight these kind of cycles...or else we carry them through to the next generation and the next. As someone stated previously, "everyone has a story."
It's not what you go through but, how you get through.
Share your story...FREE yourself and it lets someone else know...that there's light at the end of the tunnel. "Don't hold on to it'
Just my 2 cents.0 -
Nope not at all. The people that use the "rough childhood" excuse will just find another one when that one doesn't fit the circumstance. (I am sure I am going to get blasted for that one)
I agree with the people that say it is a reason but we have the power to move past it and better ourselves from it.
I used the "I just had a baby" excuse for months after my daughter was born...who did that hurt in the end? Me, I just got fatter instead of losing the "baby" weight. Now I have to lose the weight from my pregnancy and weight from the excuse time frame. What good did that excuse do me? Zip!
Everyone has issues, there is not 1 single person on this Earth that has had a perfect life. Some people's are worse than others but it is not an excuse to not move forward and do the best you can.0 -
Haveing been through quite a few unmentionable things in my past (childhood and adulthood), my answer is simply "NO!" everything we do is a choice. If you use your past as an excuse, you choose to let the past effect your future.0
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Thank you! A voice of reason.Most of you are going from your own life experience with a safe home & loving family. IF a child grows up without these things and is not taught coping skills life is VERY DIFFERENT. You cannot 'tackle' life if you are not given the tools to do that.
Some people are defeated by the time they reach maturity. Some are emotionally stunted and NEVER mature.
IF you have a healthy, nurturing life, you cannot judge those who do not. EVERYONE can't overcome their environment.
GOOD FOR YOU if you can0 -
Most of you are going from your own life experience with a safe home & loving family. IF a child grows up without these things and is not taught coping skills life is VERY DIFFERENT. You cannot 'tackle' life if you are not given the tools to do that.
Some people are defeated by the time they reach maturity. Some are emotionally stunted and NEVER mature.
IF you have a healthy, nurturing life, you cannot judge those who do not. EVERYONE can't overcome their environment.
GOOD FOR YOU if you can
So what about the kids that come from the same household and the same up bringing and 1 decides to break the cycle and DO something with their lives. The other chooses to use the circumstance as their excuse on why they can't. Same family and same upbringing, two very different choices.
I have seen this with multiple families that I was friends with growing up.0 -
Personally, I find this thread and the overall tone of all the responses offensive. After reading through the responses, it seems most of the posts are hurtful and basically " if you can't get over your problems, you are weak"
I had an unimaginable childhood. Abuse, neglect, homelessness, etc.
I also struggle with a serious illness and disability that affects my everyday life and in my teens gained over 70 pounds from one of the medications I was on.
Now, I am healthy, living off medication and with my loving fiancé. While I don't like the term "excuse", my life was profoundly affected and shaped by what I have had to go through.
Many of you may not understand, but don't judge before you take a walk in someone else's shoes. Not all issues or problems are created equal.0 -
I have been through a lot in my own life and I have a university degree, career, husband and what not.
As an adult, well I don't know about using it as an excuse but I do know that I do not have the right to judge what anyone else has been through even if the experiences are similar to my own. How could I possibly know how it was for them or how easy/difficult it was to overcome?0 -
Nope!
It will hinder a person but if they are strong willed enough then they can be as successful as they want to be!0 -
Most of you are going from your own life experience with a safe home & loving family. IF a child grows up without these things and is not taught coping skills life is VERY DIFFERENT. You cannot 'tackle' life if you are not given the tools to do that.
Some people are defeated by the time they reach maturity. Some are emotionally stunted and NEVER mature.
IF you have a healthy, nurturing life, you cannot judge those who do not. EVERYONE can't overcome their environment.
GOOD FOR YOU if you can
So what about the kids that come from the same household and the same up bringing and 1 decides to break the cycle and DO something with their lives. The other chooses to use the circumstance as their excuse on why they can't. Same family and same upbringing, two very different choices.
I have seen this with multiple families that I was friends with growing up.
No two kids are ever treated 100% the same... You can't really judge them.0 -
Absolutely NOT. If anything it is a REASON to do well in life. In fact, it is MY reason for exceeding what is expected of me on a daily basis.
My childhood was atrocious on so many levels, and I am a BETTER person today BECAUSE of it.....................
We all have a CHOICE...... I dont care what your situation is.0 -
Nope. I was a P.K. (Preacher's Kid), molested by a family member, ended up becoming a mother at 17 and still managed to graduate from H.S. with no help from my parents, survived a very abusive relationship with my first husband, got a degree and working on another one. I used all of that anger, resentment and fear to drive me to succeed. No one can ever tell me that I can't achieve anything!0
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Most of you are going from your own life experience with a safe home & loving family. IF a child grows up without these things and is not taught coping skills life is VERY DIFFERENT. You cannot 'tackle' life if you are not given the tools to do that.
I agree with this poster^^^^, as well as a lot of the others.
I had a pretty emotionally abusive upbringing, and I tried to muddle through my issues myself for a long time.
I believe that we have the power to change things for ourselves, definitely -- because finally (at 40) I think I've done it.
BUT, if you don't find someone who can guide you out of that confusion, and give you some practical advice about how to take control of your life (a good therapist, or at least a good mentor), then you're probably going to struggle and falter for a long time. We all need some kind of light in the darkness, otherwise you never find your way out. A good mentor / therapist doesn't CURE you, they just show you the way to harness the strength you have, and use it to get where you wanna be. And one day, you know how to do it all for yourself, without them.
Just my experience...0 -
Most of you are going from your own life experience with a safe home & loving family. IF a child grows up without these things and is not taught coping skills life is VERY DIFFERENT. You cannot 'tackle' life if you are not given the tools to do that.
Some people are defeated by the time they reach maturity. Some are emotionally stunted and NEVER mature.
IF you have a healthy, nurturing life, you cannot judge those who do not. EVERYONE can't overcome their environment.
GOOD FOR YOU if you can
So what about the kids that come from the same household and the same up bringing and 1 decides to break the cycle and DO something with their lives. The other chooses to use the circumstance as their excuse on why they can't. Same family and same upbringing, two very different choices.
I have seen this with multiple families that I was friends with growing up.
No two kids are ever treated 100% the same... You can't really judge them.
That may be true but everyone still has a choice. A choice to make their life better or to let that define them and hold them exactly where they are.
As I said in my other post, every single person has had difficulties in life to overcome.0 -
Most of you are going from your own life experience with a safe home & loving family. IF a child grows up without these things and is not taught coping skills life is VERY DIFFERENT. You cannot 'tackle' life if you are not given the tools to do that.
Some people are defeated by the time they reach maturity. Some are emotionally stunted and NEVER mature.
IF you have a healthy, nurturing life, you cannot judge those who do not. EVERYONE can't overcome their environment.
GOOD FOR YOU if you can
there wasnt anything safe and loving about my home thats for sure. no one gave me any tools to cope. I took control of my life once i became a mother. I knew the moment my daughter was born that i did NOT want her to have the life i had. I feel bad for someone that cant overcome their environment however, there are people out there worse off than I ever could have imagined and they dont use the hand they were dealt as an excuse. For example my best friends son has muscular dystrophy and is confined to a wheel chair and he is 15. How dare I ever whine about my childhood and anyone else for that matter. My friends son NEVER ever feels sorry for himself. Im sorry our childhood sucked but things could be way worse. Though I may seem harsh and cold hearted and thats fine but its the truth. People are just a bunch of cry babies nowadays. Everyone worries about everyone's feelings. Quit being cry babies and put your big girl panties on and deal with it.
Thats just MY opinion and I hope i dont hurt anyone's feelings or offend anyone or make anyone feel the need to tattle tale on me.0 -
There are plenty of people who had fantastic childhoods that end up with crappy adult lives too. At what point do you take personal responsibility?
Life is what you make of it. You will have crappy stuff happen but what you do with those situations is up to you. I certainly didn't grow up in an ideal environment and still struggle with some of my history but I refuse to let those things keep me tied up. My kids have a completely different life than I did and I'm glad for it. I hope they never have to see or go through some of the things I did.0 -
There are plenty of people who had fantastic childhoods that end up with crappy adult lives too. At what point do you take personal responsibility?
Life is what you make of it. You will have crappy stuff happen but what you do with those situations is up to you.
yes!!! this!0 -
Like my mom told me " the past is the past, stop living in it and letting it run your life"0
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I'm surprised at the lack of compassion here.
None of us can imagine what someone else went through so why judge?
I know that none of you can imagine some of my struggles so I try to do the same.0 -
Personally, I find this thread and the overall tone of all the responses offensive. After reading through the responses, it seems most of the posts are hurtful and basically " if you can't get over your problems, you are weak"
I had an unimaginable childhood. Abuse, neglect, homelessness, etc.
I also struggle with a serious illness and disability that affects my everyday life and in my teens gained over 70 pounds from one of the medications I was on.
Now, I am healthy, living off medication and with my loving fiancé. While I don't like the term "excuse", my life was profoundly affected and shaped by what I have had to go through.
Many of you may not understand, but don't judge before you take a walk in someone else's shoes. Not all issues or problems are created equal.
I don't think any of us were saying we weren't effected by our childhoods. I was, and am, profoundly effected, it has absolutely hindered my ability to date, to trust men, to be touched by men, but I didn't let that prevent me from moving on, just as you moved on, and succeeded, you are a success story.0 -
Most of you are going from your own life experience with a safe home & loving family. IF a child grows up without these things and is not taught coping skills life is VERY DIFFERENT. You cannot 'tackle' life if you are not given the tools to do that.
Some people are defeated by the time they reach maturity. Some are emotionally stunted and NEVER mature.
IF you have a healthy, nurturing life, you cannot judge those who do not. EVERYONE can't overcome their environment.
GOOD FOR YOU if you can
Not sure the comments you're reading, but most of what I'm reading are from people who admit they did NOT have a safe home and loving family environment.0 -
I'm surprised at the lack of compassion here.
None of us can imagine what someone else went through so why judge?
I know that none of you can imagine some of my struggles so I try to do the same.
Oh i have compassion and it pisses me off that these things happened to ANYONE. But there is a difference between having compassion and rolling around in it with someone. Yes, it SUCKED to no end. Yes, those people were wrong that hurt us. Yes, our voices need to be heard.
However, how long do people want to be bound and defined by some effing pervert or physical abuser? I dont EVER want to be defined by that. I dont want anyone to feel sorry for me. Guess what I overcame that ****! Its not who I am and it should NEVER be who anyone else is. I personally dont like the bondage of it all.
I gained weight cause I liked to eat. I didnt eat cheeseburgers cause my father molested me. I ate them because the sons of *****es are good. I didnt eat nachos cause i was told i was a POS daily along with many other choices words. I ate nachos cause thats what I wanted.
Having ****ed up parents is no excuse for ME to continue being ****ed up. I have way better things to do with my life. My life is mine and NO ONE gets to call me a POS or be inappropriate with me. I have a choice.0 -
As for me i had a horrible childhood , mom was on drugs dad was never around, dropped out of high school in the 9th grade,had to grow up fast and even as i became an adult i had to start raising my sister from the time she was 5 till now and shes gonna be 15 ..and as far as excuses there r some things i gives excuses for but now not as far as my health i tell myself i have to workout and that i have to eat healthy...so i think that it depends on the person and the way they grew up!!!0
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Personally, I find this thread and the overall tone of all the responses offensive. After reading through the responses, it seems most of the posts are hurtful and basically " if you can't get over your problems, you are weak"
I had an unimaginable childhood. Abuse, neglect, homelessness, etc.
I also struggle with a serious illness and disability that affects my everyday life and in my teens gained over 70 pounds from one of the medications I was on.
Now, I am healthy, living off medication and with my loving fiancé. While I don't like the term "excuse", my life was profoundly affected and shaped by what I have had to go through.
Many of you may not understand, but don't judge before you take a walk in someone else's shoes. Not all issues or problems are created equal.
I'm seeing the majority here have walked in each other's shoes. I'm looking at this thread as inspirational from people who had rough childhoods. They are reaching down into their own histories to share their stories of how they overcame them. They're basically saying, "If I can do it, anyone can". That's inspirational to me.0 -
Most of you are going from your own life experience with a safe home & loving family. IF a child grows up without these things and is not taught coping skills life is VERY DIFFERENT. You cannot 'tackle' life if you are not given the tools to do that.
Some people are defeated by the time they reach maturity. Some are emotionally stunted and NEVER mature.
IF you have a healthy, nurturing life, you cannot judge those who do not. EVERYONE can't overcome their environment.
GOOD FOR YOU if you can
So what about the kids that come from the same household and the same up bringing and 1 decides to break the cycle and DO something with their lives. The other chooses to use the circumstance as their excuse on why they can't. Same family and same upbringing, two very different choices.
I have seen this with multiple families that I was friends with growing up.
No two kids are ever treated 100% the same... You can't really judge them.
That may be true but everyone still has a choice. A choice to make their life better or to let that define them and hold them exactly where they are.
As I said in my other post, every single person has had difficulties in life to overcome.
I agree everyone has a choice no matter what... All I am saying is the choices they make are between them and the man upstairs. It has nothing to do with anyone else.0 -
Personally, I find this thread and the overall tone of all the responses offensive. After reading through the responses, it seems most of the posts are hurtful and basically " if you can't get over your problems, you are weak"
I had an unimaginable childhood. Abuse, neglect, homelessness, etc.
I also struggle with a serious illness and disability that affects my everyday life and in my teens gained over 70 pounds from one of the medications I was on.
Now, I am healthy, living off medication and with my loving fiancé. While I don't like the term "excuse", my life was profoundly affected and shaped by what I have had to go through.
Many of you may not understand, but don't judge before you take a walk in someone else's shoes. Not all issues or problems are created equal.
I'm seeing the majority here have walked in each other's shoes. I'm looking at this thread as inspirational from people who had rough childhoods. They are reaching down into their own histories to share their stories of how they overcame them. They're basically saying, "If I can do it, anyone can". That's inspirational to me.
Yes! This!0 -
Psychologically that can cause some very deep issues so I say yes, it is a valid reason. However, I think they can change that and seek therapy.0
This discussion has been closed.
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