Is a rough childhood an acceptable excuse?

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  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    Compared to most, I had a pretty great childhood. Not perfect, but I wasn't abused in any way.

    I'm not going to judge others whose psyches were damaged at young ages when they had no control. Most of what goes on in our minds and our motivations aren't conscious and I think some things are tough to overcome.

    Not everyone is strong, physically OR emotionally.
  • praisesgoup
    praisesgoup Posts: 9
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    I grew up in a very disfunctional atmosphere and I think that it has been my excuse to do better, be better and feel better.
  • CrazyDaisysMommy
    CrazyDaisysMommy Posts: 472
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    I think that some people who had a really rough childhood are disadvantaged because they might lack a support network or positive role models to emulate, so they have to work a lot harder to create their own positive environment and find opportunities for success. If someone has been put down all their life, it is really hard to accept the fact that they deserve happiness and to break destructive patterns. That being said, I think that if someone wants to improve themselves, they will find a way, obstacles be damned. People need to accept responsibility for their happiness, and even if everything was given to them, they still wouldn't find success because it comes from within.
  • La_Amazona
    La_Amazona Posts: 4,855 Member
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    I had it rough growing up with an alcoholic absent father and violent parents and I used up all of my teens and most of my 20's blaming it on my childhood, although not intentionally blaming. It is true that I had NO support or encouragement in planning my future as a teen. Therefore I didn't really know how or what to do. And it's also true that the environment you are in will mold you, it's not as if I wanted to be abused and then grow up and play the card. I was told I was good for nothing as a little girl and that has stayed with me until this day. I have put up with alot of crap and have been such a hard shell due to believing I really was not good enough.

    When I hit 29, it hit me. In my 30's? Well, I've pretty much had to say, enough is enough. No matter what happened as a child/teen whatever, it is now up to ME to live MY life the way I want. I cannot be a victim for all of my life. Something inside of me clicked. Sure I was very behind when compared to my peers who grew up in a healthy home but what can I do about that now?

    I don't think it's a "right" but I do understand how you can think and feel that this is it. Whatever "this" is because that's all you've ever known. It's tough.
  • infamousmk
    infamousmk Posts: 6,033 Member
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    Absolutely not. If a rough childhood doesn't make you grow up to be a fighter, a winner, and capable of anything, you're doing it wrong.
  • Lizzy_Sunflower
    Lizzy_Sunflower Posts: 1,510 Member
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    To quote a friends profile: "Life is *kitten* and all you can pray for is that God will give you some really good toilet paper. So sit back, enjoy what you've got and don't be afraid to laugh at your own misfortunes!"

    (Thank you Belle, I love that quote!)

    another quote to live by is "when you know better, you do better"

    you just gotta dig deep
  • glockster972
    glockster972 Posts: 704 Member
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    Wow... there are some serious hard-*kitten* on here.

    Well here's how I look at it. Excuses are like a-holes, everybody has one and most of them stink. Life sucks, mama didn't say it would be easy. I've had a crappy life for 39 years, the only person to change it is ME.
  • brewingaz
    brewingaz Posts: 1,136 Member
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    In my unprofessional opinion, it really depends on the adult. The key question is: Does the adult know that they behave the way they do because of their childhood experiences? If they do, then no, it is not an excuse. As an adult, if you pin pointed the problem you cannot blame any further actions on it because you should be focusing on fixing it. It's only an excuse if you keep attributing behavior to something without trying to fix yourself mentally.
  • SuperScrabbleGirl
    SuperScrabbleGirl Posts: 310 Member
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    Wow... there are some serious hard-*kitten* on here.

    Do you want us to pat someone on the head that's using that excuse and say "there, there, we understand you were deprived as a child and don't have the guts or brains to make your life better. just be a slug and act the way you were treated and continue the cycle with your own kids"????????????? :noway:

    Yeah, I'd love everyone to do that.

    Why is it either one or the other extreme?
  • macpatti
    macpatti Posts: 4,280 Member
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    I know a lot of people who have had less than desirable experiences in their childhood, some were downright horrible. I’ve heard many of them blame their lack of success (no high school diploma or GED for example) on the way they were brought up. Verbal and/or physical abuse, parents on drugs, abandonment…whatever the case. Do you feel that as an adult, that’s an acceptable excuse?

    I seriously don't think this topic should even be discussed as it will offend others, even slightly.

    how can this be interpreted as offensive? I dont see the link between the 2.

    I was going to say the same thing, Boom!
  • starracer23
    starracer23 Posts: 1,011 Member
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    Your childhood can be either good or bad....but no matter what you are taught something. You are taught either the kind of person you want to be, or you are taught the kind of person you don't want to be.

    Once you are an adult it's all on you. There is no room in life for excuses....No blame can be placed on your parents or lack there of. We all have a brain of our own and we all can learn...The end.
  • AshjMusik
    AshjMusik Posts: 113 Member
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    Girl u sure do like stirring up these touchy issues huh?
  • writtenINthestars
    writtenINthestars Posts: 1,933 Member
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    In my unprofessional opinion, it really depends on the adult. The key question is: Does the adult know that they behave the way they do because of their childhood experiences? If they do, then no, it is not an excuse. As an adult, if you pin pointed the problem you cannot blame any further actions on it because you should be focusing on fixing it. It's only an excuse if you keep attributing behavior to something without trying to fix yourself mentally.

    This sums up what I was thinking.

    I don't necessarily think it's black and white, but at some point you have to stop using it as a crutch.

    My childhood was extremely effed up and like some others have said, I've used those experiences to better myself and end the cycle of abuse in my family.
  • LillysGranny
    LillysGranny Posts: 431
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    If you are old enough and smart enough to figure out that your upbringing may have pushed you in some wrong directions, then you're also smart enough to change paths, or find the help you need so you can change. I'm really not a cold hearted person, I just think excuses are for losers.
  • livnlite
    livnlite Posts: 520
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    There is a difference between a 'reason' and an 'excuse'.

    As an adult, no matter how emotionally 'damaged' a person is, they still possess free will. No one can take that away from you (temporarily maybe .. but not forever). I know it's easier said than done...especially when it comes to self image. The choices we make are key. Choosing to gravitate towards positive influence, support systems and reinforcement are conscious choices a person can make.

    Part of breaking the cycle of abuse, is to take control of one's life and the choices they make. Becoming healthy (physically and emotional) is a choice.
  • ShrinkingNinja
    ShrinkingNinja Posts: 460 Member
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    I believe that a less than desirable childhood can definitely delay or cause problems in areas for people... but I think that if you want to bad enough you can rise above and that same childhood can make you stronger than you ever dreamed possible.

    I also believe that we really need to let God be the judge of what is acceptable. So, if someone is making excuses all you can do is pray for them and try to be supportive.
  • ImSoSerious1987
    ImSoSerious1987 Posts: 22 Member
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    I know a lot of people who have had less than desirable experiences in their childhood, some were downright horrible. I’ve heard many of them blame their lack of success (no high school diploma or GED for example) on the way they were brought up. Verbal and/or physical abuse, parents on drugs, abandonment…whatever the case. Do you feel that as an adult, that’s an acceptable excuse?

    No it is not. I am a prime example my mother is a drug addict and has been for the last 10 years but it don't stop me from being in college and working and doing everything for myself. Of course it is hard but i don't use it as an excuse for anything. My cousins are the people you describe when they get arrested or in trouble they blame their childhood and i just cant take that as an excuse because of my own situation. If someone says I'm this way or that because of my parents or childhood its total bull**** cause when your old enough to think for yourself and control of your OWN actions its no ones fault but your own for consequences of things and your choice of the paths you take. That's just my opinion though.
  • iAMaPhoenix
    iAMaPhoenix Posts: 1,038 Member
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    Wow... there are some serious hard-*kitten* on here.

    Do you want us to pat someone on the head that's using that excuse and say "there, there, we understand you were deprived as a child and don't have the guts or brains to make your life better. just be a slug and act the way you were treated and continue the cycle with your own kids"????????????? :noway:

    Yeah, I'd love everyone to do that.

    Why is it either one or the other extreme?

    No all inclusive answer to this in my opinion. For those of us who are perfect and strong willed, and able to overcome all things, congrads to us. But for some people, I will say, there is a valid excuse. Just because we were able to rise above it all, does not mean that everyone is able to overcome their past experiences. Just my 2cents

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