Does hating your mother mean you are a bad person?

chevy88grl

Does it? Are you meant to love your mother no matter how much of a b***ch she is? My mother is exactly that, but when I say I dont care about her people go like "but she is your mother! how can you be so callous!", like being a mother automatically made her wonderful. Is there anyone out there who is in a situation like that? Or am I just plain evil? :devil:

We don't have to like what they do, but we can't hate or not care about our mothers. All we really need to do is have respect for them because regardless of what she's doing, you're here because she gave birth to you and I'm sure you're an awesome person that is a great asset to others in your life. Keep in mind, for whatever reason you are at odds with your mother, the longer you have a problem with her, the longer you are allowing her to control you through your emotions. I'm someone who DOES NOT like others having control over me so I had to get myself to a point where I just didn't bother even thinking about her or what she had done to me. I'm now at a point that when she is brought up, I have no feelings at all. There's no anger or hate just a sense of respect that acknowledges she's my mom and that's it. Hope it gets better for ya.

I have respect for those who respect me in return. My mother has NEVER shown me respect -- why does she automatically deserve my respect? Because she gave birth to me? Sorry, but respect is earned and not just given to someone.

We won't allow strangers to disrespect, hurt or belittle us... but we should show respect to this woman because she gave birth to us?

Nope. You get what you give. Treat me like crap and you do NOT get my respect, sorry.

cantjustcant

Does it? Are you meant to love your mother no matter how much of a b***ch she is? My mother is exactly that, but when I say I dont care about her people go like "but she is your mother! how can you be so callous!", like being a mother automatically made her wonderful. Is there anyone out there who is in a situation like that? Or am I just plain evil? :devil:

I have times when I don't likie my mother very much but most of the time I don't know what I would do without her. That being said No it doesn't make you a bad person. Only you know what you feel in your heart. Admitting your feelings is the beginning of healing yourself. I am very proud of you for admitting your feelings...it takes a lot of guts!

CARNAT22

Is this a serious question?

Ofcourse hating your mother is bad. She gave birth to you. Without her, you wouldn't be here! She deserves more respect than that.

There are obviously some issues between you which I'm sure can be sorted out.

I can't believe some of the answers people gave to this question!

Now I am lucky enough to have a wonderful relationship with my Mum (and my Dad too) but I find your post incredibly patronising.

You are basically saying that because someone gives birth to you , you have to love and respect them regardless of how much **** they bring to your life.

Does this include drinkers and drug takers who leave their kids to fend for themselves? Does this include women who mentally, physically and emotionally abuse their kids? Does this include bitter, twisted women that criticise and cuss their kids every single day?

Love and respect in most relationships has to be earnt, but in parental relationships mutual love and respect SHOULD be a given. That is why I find it so shocking that some people can treat thier children so badly. It is one of the most shocking betrayals of trust IMO. Your parents should be your sanctury and safety - if they decide not to be then shame on them!!!

OP, you are not a bad or evil person - you are a survivor!

livnlite

Depends on what kind of 'mother' she is. We are all products of our environment .. yet some can take on a completely different direction than others.

Are we talking .... the type of mother who worries too much about their children's safety when they are out with their (questionable) so called friends, loses sleep because their kid has really blown their last final exam at school, enforces (or at least) tries to enforce house rules, b!tches about an increasingly untidy and hideously filthy bedroom, or has a major conniption (I'm talking about a head spinning, fire spitting, red in the face lunatic) when their defiant teen lashes back at her with profanities?

or are we talking about the over dramatic verbally/physically/mentally abusive, emotionally unavailable parent who vents and lashes out a their children in a very destructive manner?

luv_lea

I have more than enough reasons to hate my mother (my brother and I both) but, I don't. I've tried to disown her many times, but she always just came back around..haha. I don't like a lot of choices she makes in her life, but it's her life. As long as they don't affect me and my family in my adult life, I don't care what she does with hers. The bad choices she made when I was a child only made me and my brother stronger people, and I certainly don't 'hate' her for it.

I don't think it makes you a bad person because everyone is entitled to 'feel' the way they see fit. To each their own.

VeganGal84

I wouldn't say that I hate my dad, but I definately don't like him. And the only reason that I love him is out of obligation.

And I don't think that I'm a terrible person for feeling this way.

chocolateandvodka

my step monster is pretty darn evil.
my evil trumps hers.
people like me.
few people like her.

i like to call her as often as possible and randomly appear to visit my father just because it pisses her off. and i want her to know that despite her shamelessly juvenile antics, i still have the power to make her miserable and i exercise that privelege as often as physically possible.

rml_16

Is this a serious question?

Ofcourse hating your mother is bad. She gave birth to you. Without her, you wouldn't be here! She deserves more respect than that.

There are obviously some issues between you which I'm sure can be sorted out.

I can't believe some of the answers people gave to this question!

Now I am lucky enough to have a wonderful relationship with my Mum (and my Dad too) but I find your post incredibly patronising.

You are basically saying that because someone gives birth to you , you have to love and respect them regardless of how much **** they bring to your life.

Does this include drinkers and drug takers who leave their kids to fend for themselves? Does this include women who mentally, physically and emotionally abuse their kids? Does this include bitter, twisted women that criticise and cuss their kids every single day?

Love and respect in most relationships has to be earnt, but in parental relationships mutual love and respect SHOULD be a given. That is why I find it so shocking that some people can treat thier children so badly. It is one of the most shocking betrayals of trust IMO. Your parents should be your sanctury and safety - if they decide not to be then shame on them!!!

OP, you are not a bad or evil person - you are a survivor!

There was recently a newspaper article about parents who put their son in a room in Texas without any air conditioning or access to food and water because he wet his bed.

He died.

But the mother gave birth to him, so I guess she deserves respect.

trud72

i have not spoke to or seen my mother for oooh probally 17 yrs!! i hate her guts i don't think i'm evil,but if it makes me evil then so be it it makes me alot happier not talking to her or seeing her!!:devil:
i could tell you some serious storys about her that would make your ears curl :ohwell:

AlwaysWanderer

I think I used a word that is a bit too strong. I just dont care about her. If she got killed tomorrow I wouldnt care, wouldnt even shed a tear. Shes just nobody to me, means less to me than my dog (a lot less). But it makes me feel better to see I'm not the only one.

To those who said that I should love my mother because she gave birth to me, please tell me if you would if your mother was an alcoholic, drug addict (and drugs made her nasty and horrible), unpaid prostitute, liar(I dont remember her telling the truth, even if insignificant), thief (stole everything from you that she could find), if she never cleaned, cooked, and you had to clean and cook for her, if when one of her 'friends' tried to rape you, she replied 'he's just trying to have some fun', if she bought cigarettes and not food when you didnt eat for 3 days, if she told lies just to keep you and your sister apart for a year, if she didnt even ring you on your wedding day, if your father killed himself because of her, if you had to look after your little sister (born year after her husbands deaths, unknown father), because she couldnt be bothered? Its just small example, but you get the idea

cparter

Not to attack others opions {disclaimer} but regardless of mother, brother, father, worse enemy, hate is saying that you have control (meaning the person you feel bitter toward). Disliking ones character, being around certain people, communicating with them, etc.. is one thing because those all respond to trait flaws (whether it be on your part or theirs - for sometimes the perception can be because of you more so than them).

However hate when it comes to the core of the individual you view as your oppressor gives them the power over you. You have allowed them to control your thoughts and feelings. It is a mighty person who can stand up to adversity and take the higher ground than for one to succumb to the likes of society and become enthralled in the darkness that divides.

It is your heart and your choice and life is too short to have it clouded with controllable urges. Sure people will pat you on the back and say it is ok while others would say it is a strong word (hate). The bottom line is for you to take a careful look in the mirror and weigh things out. Does it really matter in the whole scope of things? You can disengage yourself, cut off communications, etc... but allowing one to control your feelings... you have been defeated already...

Los

cparter

I think I used a word that is a bit too strong. I just dont care about her. If she got killed tomorrow I wouldnt care, wouldnt even shed a tear. Shes just nobody to me, means less to me than my dog (a lot less). But it makes me feel better to see I'm not the only one.

To those who said that I should love my mother because she gave birth to me, please tell me if you would if your mother was an alcoholic, drug addict (and drugs made her nasty and horrible), unpaid prostitute, liar(I dont remember her telling the truth, even if insignificant), thief (stole everything from you that she could find), if she never cleaned, cooked, and you had to clean and cook for her, if when one of her 'friends' tried to rape you, she replied 'he's just trying to have some fun', if she bought cigarettes and not food when you didnt eat for 3 days, if she told lies just to keep you and your sister apart for a year, if she didnt even ring you on your wedding day, if your father killed himself because of her, if you had to look after your little sister (born year after her husbands deaths, unknown father), because she couldnt be bothered? Its just small example, but you get the idea

What I see in all this is I would have compassion toward her because it seems that she has gone through something that has caused a void in her heart/life. I see someone who is mentally unstable and needs help and does not know how to correct the malformalties. I see a hapless child that had kids while still being a lost child. I see someone who have been abused, misused and tossed aside. I see someone who does not know how to love and how it is to be loved. I see someone who needs help and probably will never seek it on her own.

As cold as your heart has grown it is hard to imagine that you could not see some of these same things.

Los

boomboom011

i personally believe that you do love her otherwise you wouldnt feel anything therefore you would be indifferent. now when you reach indifference, thats when youre done.

Sorry you and your mom dont get along. I will be your adopted mommy.

bethsherbahn

Ok wow i was not going to comment on this because i have no way of knowing how you was treated as a child by your mom but to say you hate her is very strong feelings and bad ones .Im sorry if you had a bad child hood but wow come on have you read the book the child called IT if not maybe you should read it and compare your childhood with his and he still cared and loved his mom im just saying i guess im just lucky to have a wounderful mother

42hockeymom

Ok, had a whole reply typed, and then read your newest post.

You don't hate her, you're apathetic towards her.


BUT, I think you're letting that take a lot of control of your life. And this is where you might want to step back and think about this. The things you described are horrible. Those are things that will take a lot of time if ever for you to forgive if you so choose.

Honey, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. You didn't deserve any of that and were and are worthy of so much more.

The people who say that to you, just smile and say "that's how I feel" and drop the subject.

The answer is in you. But I don't think a chat board is the best place to find it, have you/are you getting any professional help? You might want to look into it. Just a suggestion.

Once again, YOU ARE WORTHY.

Penelope_373

You are not evil. I do not have a good relationship with my mom - but I do not say I hate her. I just choose to not allow her toxic behavior to influence my life. I call her for birthdays, etc but otherwise I just choose to keep our lives separate so I can eliminate unnecessary drama in my life.

I agree with Melanie... You are not evil. None of us are. Just because they give birth to us does not give them mother of the year rights. I don't hate my mom, there are many things I remember about how she used to be that I love, but that person has become so bitter and nasty that I just choose not to be a part of it. I used to do the family thing because it was considered the right thing to do, but I would get such bad anxiety that I finally just stopped that too. Relationships take work, but seriously, just how much time and effort do you put in and how many times do you get kicked in the teeth before you decide it just isn't worth it anymore.

Thanks for posting this on here, I have struggled with this for a long time and even though I hate to hear others are dealing with it too it does make me feel less alone! I have wondered if I was just an evil b***h myself so thanks for having the courage to discuss this.

LeeKetty1176

i find you can love your family............. but that does not mean you have to like them

bethsherbahn

Ok i just reread your remark and talked about the way she was so maybe your just mad at the way she was !!! You dont have to like the person she is but you should care about her it only makes your life harder to hate someone!! just saying sorry your childhood was so bad

demery12371

Does it? Are you meant to love your mother no matter how much of a b***ch she is? My mother is exactly that, but when I say I dont care about her people go like "but she is your mother! how can you be so callous!", like being a mother automatically made her wonderful. Is there anyone out there who is in a situation like that? Or am I just plain evil? :devil:

Your not the only one. My mother is not my fav person.... have plenty of "adopted" Momma's to make up for it.
I just had to realize that the relationship has to be on my terms and walk away from her negative all about her attitiude....

You make yourself in to the best you can be and always remember that she may be your Mom and you should respect her but you don't have to like her at all or even have a relationship with her.... Some people never should have been Mom's but without her you wouldn't be here. It helped me alot when i realized it isn't about her...

luv_lea

i find you can love your family............. but that does not mean you have to like them

HA....so very true!