Does hating your mother mean you are a bad person?

RocketsGirl75

Does it? Are you meant to love your mother no matter how much of a b***ch she is? My mother is exactly that, but when I say I dont care about her people go like "but she is your mother! how can you be so callous!", like being a mother automatically made her wonderful. Is there anyone out there who is in a situation like that? Or am I just plain evil? :devil:

Yes you are evil and should be stoned!

**but seriously** no dna does not mean you have to like someone!

anubis609

You can't choose family. But you can choose how you feel about them. Evil suits my sanity just fine.

seaangel082

test

h3h8m3

Does it?

I have read no other posts. heck, I didn't even read past your first sentence. But the answer is, "Yes." Context is overrated.


I feel totally qualified to give this answer based on how silly the question is.

Jovialation

o.0

MNMJUNKIE

No,your defintely not evil..I have a similar situation with mine...she's just not a good mother..she never shoulda had children...You cant help how your Mother is...I try my best to NOT be like mine...Very toxic relationship and anything toxic can be bad for your health..I care about mine,luv her but cant tolerate her crap so I choose to stay away..Do what you must do for your own sanity!!

CalamityAnnie

I felt the same way for years until I found out she has mental illness - Borderline Personality Disorder and is Bi-Polar with some OCD as well. The illness explained it all - she really was Satan's Sister. Now that she's had strokes and I took over as her POA in health issues we have her medicated which helps. She also has cancer now, and at 86 a new colostomy bag and guess who is the 110% caregiver. Yup. But it has helped to realize her mental illness issues. People can seem "normal" and be just plain mean but so many times there is illness at play.

Good luck to you.

sarahp86

Is this a serious question?

Ofcourse hating your mother is bad. She gave birth to you. Without her, you wouldn't be here! She deserves more respect than that.

There are obviously some issues between you which I'm sure can be sorted out.

I can't believe some of the answers people gave to this question!

I'm sorry but this statement really angers me. I grew up with loving parents and my mother is my best friend. I had a very happy childhood and I would consider myself blessed

However, I work in a job where I come into contact with children who have been abused/neglected by their mothers. Just because you have a womb, manage to get pregnant and give birth doesn't mean you immediately get respect from that child!!

Like everything in life it has to be earned!! If a mother does not give a flying *kitten* about their child, doesn't feed them, is cruel to them, abandons them, doesn't show them love or provide them with the basic necessities for survival (for whatever reason) I can understand why someone would dislike or even hate their mother.

Young children know no different if they are raised in an unhappy home but as they grow up they realise how a mother/father should treat them.

The worst thing is about this situation is that I know plenty of people who would make amazing loving parents and can't have children when some c*nts just spit them out and don't even want them but aren't intelligent enough to use contraception or only want the child for the allowance or a council house!!

I have taken children away from abusive/neglectful parents in extreme circumstances and I will continue to do it where its necessary. All children deserve a happy life!

msstillion79

You are not a horrible person for hating ur mother I am in the same boat I do not even talk or consider my "mother" my mother she was never there she hit me she tore my sister and i apart ALL she is to me is my carrier just because u call a person mother and she had a child 'gave birth "doesnt mean she is a mother I feel like the only people that understand what and how i feel are people that didnt have a good child life and bond with the carrier There is alot more to bein a mother then just given birth just like there is alot more to being a father then just a sperm donar right? dont be hard on urself noone should judge anyone else unless they walk a few inches in their shoes Take care and dont worry ur not alone

123456654321

A mother is a person just like any other and I think youre totally allowed to hate them

Family or anyone youre stuck with in your life you can hate.

I figure anyone else isnt worth the emotion

I agree with Jovi 100%

Jovialation

thanks

123456654321

thanks

haha WOOT!

....for the people who are so quick to say: "ZOMG!! YOU CAN'T HATE YOUR MOTHER THAT IS AWFUL, SHE GAVE BIRTH TO YOU!!!" ...I don't think they realize how awful some mothers are. There are children who are beaten, neglected and/or mentally abused from they day they are born. The fact that their mother squeezed them out of their Hooha does not give them some kind of pass for doing things like this. If you have never been abused or you've never known a child that was, it may be hard to understand...but there ARE mothers who don't deserve unconditional love from their children.

Jovialation

Why is hating ones father generally more acceptable than hating a mother?


I know a lot of bad mothers and fathers, and the people who hate their mother/disowned their mother tend to struggle with it more than those in that situation with a father

brittanyjeanxo

Why is hating ones father generally more acceptable than hating a mother?


I know a lot of bad mothers and fathers, and the people who hate their mother/disowned their mother tend to struggle with it more than those in that situation with a father

Well if you're asking the posters from earlier, they'd tell you it's okay to hate your father because he didn't actually push you out of his birth canal.

rml_16

Why is hating ones father generally more acceptable than hating a mother?


I know a lot of bad mothers and fathers, and the people who hate their mother/disowned their mother tend to struggle with it more than those in that situation with a father

Well if you're asking the posters from earlier, they'd tell you it's okay to hate your father because he didn't actually push you out of his birth canal.

Ha! No kidding!

Honestly, though, I think the struggle is because mothers are historically associated with nurturing moreso than fathers and it's more difficult to come to terms with being abused by a mother than by a father. So people, even when experiencing it first-hand, sometimes have a block saying that it just can't be happening. A mother's instinct is supposed to be to protect a child.

There have been psychological studies showing that if your spouse and child were both dying and you could save only one, the mother will save the child and the father will save the wife.

Obviously, there are ALWAYS exceptions and it's not a fair perception, but it's just difficult to wrap your mind around a bad mother.

Jovialation

I was exposed to bad parents both personally and thru friends really young so Ive never seen a problem with hating either, but I can totally see the point in generally having it be harder to accept having issues with your mother

kennethmgreen

....for the people who are so quick to say: "ZOMG!! YOU CAN'T HATE YOUR MOTHER THAT IS AWFUL, SHE GAVE BIRTH TO YOU!!!" ...I don't think they realize how awful some mothers are. There are children who are beaten, neglected and/or mentally abused from they day they are born. The fact that their mother squeezed them out of their Hooha does not give them some kind of pass for doing things like this. If you have never been abused or you've never known a child that was, it may be hard to understand...but there ARE mothers who don't deserve unconditional love from their children.

Agreed. But more important, is Hooha really a proper noun?

123456654321

....for the people who are so quick to say: "ZOMG!! YOU CAN'T HATE YOUR MOTHER THAT IS AWFUL, SHE GAVE BIRTH TO YOU!!!" ...I don't think they realize how awful some mothers are. There are children who are beaten, neglected and/or mentally abused from they day they are born. The fact that their mother squeezed them out of their Hooha does not give them some kind of pass for doing things like this. If you have never been abused or you've never known a child that was, it may be hard to understand...but there ARE mothers who don't deserve unconditional love from their children.

Agreed. But more important, is Hooha really a proper noun?

Bwahahaha...... xD I have no idea why I capitalized that XD

anubis609

....for the people who are so quick to say: "ZOMG!! YOU CAN'T HATE YOUR MOTHER THAT IS AWFUL, SHE GAVE BIRTH TO YOU!!!" ...I don't think they realize how awful some mothers are. There are children who are beaten, neglected and/or mentally abused from they day they are born. The fact that their mother squeezed them out of their Hooha does not give them some kind of pass for doing things like this. If you have never been abused or you've never known a child that was, it may be hard to understand...but there ARE mothers who don't deserve unconditional love from their children.

Agreed. But more important, is Hooha really a proper noun?

Bwahahaha...... xD I have no idea why I capitalized that XD

Certain body parts need that emphatic capitalization. I say you get a pass...lest I pass grammar judgment on ye, 6. Bwahahaha

pinkgigi

I've struggled with my relationship with my mother most of my adult life, and now I limit my visits to her till when I feel emotionally strong enough and leave while we are still on speaking terms. She wasn't abusive or cruel, just manipulative and difficult and really not much of a mother to speak of. Not her fault, because her mother wasn't great either.

The problems happen when we are driving to a family function and I can't stop and run away :-)

Some relationships are toxic, and we have to learn to deal with them. Sad but true that some of these relationships are with parents. My father loved me unconditionally and was a fantastic role model, sadly he died 14 years ago, and my mother who was the one with the heart complaint is still around causing havoc. One of life's ironies I suppose.

*hugs* to all with horrible childhoods, and heres to making our lives glorious in spite of it!!!

GG

leopardlushh

I too have a not so loving relationship w/my mother. Although I don't hate her I do resent her quite a but.
Long story short my grandmother raised me after my mother was sent to jail and my father to prison. My mother, until 2 years ago, was heavily into drugs, lacked a conscious, had little self-respect or respect for others, used people, lied, manipulated, the list goes on and on and on.
My harshest memory was visiting my sister in foster care w/my grandma because she was unable to take of her (she was handicapped and sadly passed away) and knowing they were loving and taking better care of her than my own mother.
My mother has since had two other children (and a few abortions) that I love to pieces.
She has been admitted involuntarily to a behavioral center multiple times and has been diagnosed w/bi-polar and mild schizophrenia...drug related.
Within the past two years I was granted temporary guardianship of my siblings.

I gave her chance after chance to redeem herself and forgive her but some things are little to late.

FINALLY she has become somewhat of a better person, at 50 it's time she grew up. She has part-time custody of my little brother. My sister moved out the day after 18. I moved out at 17. I haven't forgiven her and I don't think I really ever will. I love her as my mother but I don't like her as my mother.

For those who say forgive and forget...I ask at what cost???

I cringe when I see people treating their mothers horribly. They don't realize how fortunate they really are.

Btw I'm not asking for pity out there. I am who I am today as a result of my mother. I'm a better person, w/great morals and values, that loves her cats and siblings better than some mothers love their children.

cterbogt

Hey Halina - I am just done with my mother. We have butted heads my whole life and one day she just went one step too far.

I wouldnt say she is a ***** - she is just ... someone I dont want anything to do with. So I get where you are coming from. There is so much more to being a mother than giving birth to someone, so don't worry if others are shocked. They havent been what you have been thru so they can't judge.

I was tired of being angry, unhappy and depressed and since I stopped talking to my mother about 2.5 years ago, life has been less stressful. We still attend family functions and I dont stop my kids having a relationship with her becos simply put ... my issues with her are mine not theirs and they know that.

At the end of the day, you have to do what is right for you and what you can live with. The decision I made to cut her from my life doesnt concern me at all. I am better for it and maybe she is too. But I will add - I wouldnt go so far as to hate your mother - it is far to a destructive emotion and it gives her power over you and it will continue to bring you down. Personally I would pity and feel sorry for her rather than hate her. As hard as it may be - accept she is the person she is, she alone is responsible for who she is, accept that you dont have to put up with it and let it go and move on with your life. Easy to say - hard to do I know.

sknopps

No. My mother never liked me and she never concealed it. For all of my childhood, I tried like everything to make that woman like me & treat me like my friends' mothers treated them. NO. As I got older & started having children, we saw less of each other, my children didn't even know her. Regardless, she called my kids' school & reported me for child abuse - tried to get them removed from my home! THAT is when I called her and told her what I think of her. It was the last time we ever spoke. Ever.
She died without speaking to me. She terrorized my aunts & that side of my family so that they avoided me too. At that witch's funeral, my Aunts & cousins agreed it was good she's dead. 'ding dong the witch is dead' and we can be a family again
so no, you don't have to like someone just cause she's your mother

oh how horrible!!!!

rml_16

....for the people who are so quick to say: "ZOMG!! YOU CAN'T HATE YOUR MOTHER THAT IS AWFUL, SHE GAVE BIRTH TO YOU!!!" ...I don't think they realize how awful some mothers are. There are children who are beaten, neglected and/or mentally abused from they day they are born. The fact that their mother squeezed them out of their Hooha does not give them some kind of pass for doing things like this. If you have never been abused or you've never known a child that was, it may be hard to understand...but there ARE mothers who don't deserve unconditional love from their children.

Agreed. But more important, is Hooha really a proper noun?

Speaking as one who has one of those, yes, it is a proper noun. ;-)

Tabbi_RN

i can understand that! i had a very strained relationship with my mom for a long time and felt a lot like you. just remember, the best revenge is living well!

FearAnLoathing

Just because some one happened to give birth to you does not mean you should love them,some mothers do not deserve love