Relationships/CHEATERS

wonderific

I would want my husband to tell me. I would want to know the circumstances, like if he got drunk and made a stupid decision 1 time or if he was having a relationship with someone else. Either way would be difficult but maybe we could work through a 1 time mistake.

I just went over this with my husband and he said he would want to know and he would leave me no matter what the excuse.

wutamunkee

Tell me so I can kick them to the curb and find someone worth my time!

RuthAne

I would want to know so I could end it and get checked for STDs.

Shell3399

I would want to know. You can see a bit of redemption in a honest confession. Either way I would be furious but if I had to find out the hard way than the pissed off meter rises. Reveal or discovery it all still equates to a wounded heart and over eating. :brokenheart:

TheMaidOfAstolat

I found out 6 months after my ex started an affair. As soon as I left I went and got checked for STDs...thankfully everything came back clean. He was the first man I had been with...I was with him from the age of 15-26. The marriage fell apart after the first year but I didn't dream of seeking sex/comfort from someone who wasn't him. He however chose to be with someone else nearly 7 years into our marriage. Guess the seven year itch really does exist. Oh well...I got full custody (legal/physical) of our daughter, he only gets supervised visitation due to his drug/alcohol habits, and I have a new man in my life that treats me with respect.

Honesty is always the best policy...however, I would have rather he have said he wasn't happy. Then the divorce would have been mutual and my health wouldn't have been put at risk.

BrianTheNegotiator

To those people saying ignorance would be bliss... what if it was with a friend or family member? I don't think that would be so blissy.

kimmy98

thats really gd to hear

Puckermann

Wow some serious discussions going on in here...

Dtrmnd86

I would want to know. And it would end the relationship. Even if it was a one time thing, I have a problem letting things go, so if we tried to work it out, all I would think about is him with someone else. I would want to know right away and I would leave. Like someone already said, even one time is one time too many. If you're that unhappy in our relationship, at least be a man and have enough respect for me to end things before starting something with someone else.

Ladymomo9

HAHAHA!! Honestly, I couldn't compete with an X-Box... LOL

TooFatToFit

Hitting home today. My husband left me in April. He swore he didn't have a gf. In fact still does. I found out today for at least 18 months he has been in love with a woman he met on the internet. I dont know if he had ever had any physical contact with her, but he has professed his love numerous times. She is the only woman he had ever been so physically attracted to (why he asked me to marry him I don't know!). She is the only woman who has ever made him feel this way. They exchange love letters and porno emails and suggestive photos. I want to vomit. I thought there was a chance we could work it out. We have 4 kids. I wish I knew sooner. I would have spent less time blaming myself and more time blaming him! Well at least I have my whole life to make up for that! I lost all respect for him. We were together 25 years. I might not have been easy to deal with, but he was no picnic. Lying is just as bad as cheating. Thanks I needed to tell someone. Now at least I told many!

I'm sorry this happened to you. 21 months ago my instincts were going off like crazy and I confronted my husband. I have rather good instincts and he is a rather bad liar so I was able to find the truth before any sex happened...he had only met the woman 4 days before. I gave him the ultimatum that day and let him sleep on it...he chose to ask for a divorce. That happened to be on my birthday, which is also one week before Christmas...so it was a rough, rough holiday for my poor children. He's been through a string of weirdos since then and now that he accidentally knocked one up they're staying together even though it is very, very tumultuous. She has taken to emailing/texting/phoning me occasionally in rages, though I've never spoken to her, and through this I have found out my husband has said many things along the same lines...he never loved me but felt sorry for me, his whole family has always hated me, he was never attracted to me, blah, blah, blah. I confronted him about that, too, and I didn't have much of an answer because him and I both know it's not true. Men just say that to new girlfriends, and I'm not quite sure why except to rationalize their betrayal and make it justifiable ...which it is not. I will take accountability for my part in letting my marriage become unhappy enough that the grass looked greener on the other side because I am one half of the equation and he has his part, too. However, I will take NO accountability in his straying because as hard as he was to live with (uncontrolled bipolar!) and as miserable as I was...I was still trying to make things better and I had no intentions of quitting on him. It doesn't sound to me like you should be blaming yourself either.

Hang in there, and message me if you want and need to talk about it. In my offline life, I don't have any close friends that have been in this situation and they're kind and compassionate and have been wonderfully supportive, but they don't really know the feelings.

If anyone is still reading...obviously, I'm a want-to-know person all the way. Dishonesty disgusts me and I'd rather tackle things head on then. I also like to have all the information when I'm making decisions...like should I be in this marriage or not. I agree with Dtrmnd86...if your unhappy, leave. Then start something else once you are free.

lloydrt

80% of all relationships that are built because of cheating and going out on your spouse fail, if thats any comfort

I only know of one couple that are still together, they even married after divorcing their spouses, but the rest are all single again, or have gone thru relationship after relationship.......They are miserable, sorry for their actions which by now is too late....Karmas a *****........

it never works out. I always wonder, if they cheat on their wives and husbands that they were originally married to, how long will it be before they cheat on their new spouses? How could you trust them?

SkateboardFi

If I had to pick between the two, I'd rather be told. It would indicate to me that he at least respected me enough to tell me.

this. exactly. however, whether it was a one-time mistake or repeated behavior, i couldn't stay, i have severe trust issues as it is and i know for a fact i would never move on, and if i tried to make it work, i'd only end up punishing the person for the rest of the time we were together, so i would just end it.