Feeling like the worst person ever
Replies
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It's important to him so it has to be important to you?
What about what's important to you? He should realize all that you do and how overwhelmed you are.
It was a mistake. Seems like it's something that doesn't happen often. Tell him to get the stick out of his *kitten* and get over it.
^^^^ this! Totally agree! Seriously not a big deal people forget to do things. Not the end of the world and he shouldnt make you feel like crap over it.0 -
Until I started this new job, and every day after than except this one, I let them out at 7, and was home by 1 to let them out. I GLADLY spent over $1000 in August to take care of their veterinary needs. Mind you, these aren't my dogs but they have an extremely cushy life- now I am 19, and because of the amount of money that having dogs, and a car, and an apartment costs, I needed a second job. It is his repsonsibility to take care of these dogs, not mine. He works in the town we live in. Do not berate me for not letting them out enough because I let them out, feed them, brush them, and bathe them more than anyone else that comes into contact with them
PLUS I started this thread because i felt GUILTY for not letting them out, not to complain about them BTW
I am not berating you .. You seem to think that there is nothing wrong with leaving dogs for that long ... I am trying to convince you otherwise. I don't care if they are your dogs or his dogs. We are talking about your way of thinking.
Having said that, You are justified in thinking that these dogs are ultimately his responsibility ... if .. and only if .. they are not and will never be 'family' pets. Tyically, if you want to live together you have to assume somethings as communal property or responsibility or you have to come to agreement on which is which. .If you are living together and have decided to not combine your household, and that you will keep somethings seperated, you have to come to a decision and agreement on what is "yours, mine and ours". If the dogs remain as HIS pets and his pets only .. then he should not expect you to feed them, take them to the vet, pay for the vet bills, or care for them in any way.
Perhaps, in his mind, he thinks he is taking care of his dogs needs by delegating the task of their morning break to you. If you don't take care of that inrefutable need, then the blame falls back on him which will ultimately cause him to be displeased with you. Which ever way you work it out ... The dogs needs were not being met ... and ultimately THEY are the ones who suffer the consequences.
You are mad people forget things!! Lay off the poor woman!
She has not started a thread saying ha ha I didn't walk the dogs she made a mistake...just like all humans make mistakes. yes they are animals and feel pain no one is disputing that so really no need for the lecture0 -
they are not and will never be family pets because he is training them to be protection dogs, they need to be crated or they will rip the place apart. I don't necessarily agree with this route but it is what it is. I am more along the lines of get a dog that is small enough and well behaved enough to go most places I go, and wants to be a lap dog.0
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thank you lcarterUntil I started this new job, and every day after than except this one, I let them out at 7, and was home by 1 to let them out. I GLADLY spent over $1000 in August to take care of their veterinary needs. Mind you, these aren't my dogs but they have an extremely cushy life- now I am 19, and because of the amount of money that having dogs, and a car, and an apartment costs, I needed a second job. It is his repsonsibility to take care of these dogs, not mine. He works in the town we live in. Do not berate me for not letting them out enough because I let them out, feed them, brush them, and bathe them more than anyone else that comes into contact with them
PLUS I started this thread because i felt GUILTY for not letting them out, not to complain about them BTW
I am not berating you .. You seem to think that there is nothing wrong with leaving dogs for that long ... I am trying to convince you otherwise. I don't care if they are your dogs or his dogs. We are talking about your way of thinking.
Having said that, You are justified in thinking that these dogs are ultimately his responsibility ... if .. and only if .. they are not and will never be 'family' pets. Tyically, if you want to live together you have to assume somethings as communal property or responsibility or you have to come to agreement on which is which. .If you are living together and have decided to not combine your household, and that you will keep somethings seperated, you have to come to a decision and agreement on what is "yours, mine and ours". If the dogs remain as HIS pets and his pets only .. then he should not expect you to feed them, take them to the vet, pay for the vet bills, or care for them in any way.
Perhaps, in his mind, he thinks he is taking care of his dogs needs by delegating the task of their morning break to you. If you don't take care of that inrefutable need, then the blame falls back on him which will ultimately cause him to be displeased with you. Which ever way you work it out ... The dogs needs were not being met ... and ultimately THEY are the ones who suffer the consequences.
You are mad people forget things!! Lay off the poor woman!
She has not started a thread saying ha ha I didn't walk the dogs she made a mistake...just like all humans make mistakes. yes they are animals and feel pain no one is disputing that so really no need for the lecture0 -
is it possible that he's really upset about you being considerably more busy than you used to be, and having less time for the two of you to spend together. and this is just an excuse to let out that anger or frustration?
This was my first thought too - from experience, my hubby can sometimes go over the deep end about something really trivial and it's because something else is bothering him but he hates to bring it up. Using your life as an example, he may be feeling neglected becuase you're so busy with everything but he doesn't want to say anything becuase he knows your'e doing what you have to do. So this little tantrum is his way of venting.
Try to talk about it and see if you can clear the air and hopefully avoid the frustration and guilt in the future.0 -
they are not and will never be family pets because he is training them to be protection dogs, they need to be crated or they will rip the place apart. I don't necessarily agree with this route but it is what it is. I am more along the lines of get a dog that is small enough and well behaved enough to go most places I go, and wants to be a lap dog.
Actually, if he is training them, then they need to go Everywhere he goes. I have a friend that does this professionally. The crates are fine, totally agree with it. but if you are Training them to be protection dogs, then they go with...that's how the greater bond is formed.0 -
the funny thing is- they love their crates, they have bones and chew toys in there
We never used the crates as punishment so it is just somewhere they like to be- half the time we are home, they lay in the crates (which are wide open) out of choice
Huge difference - being locked in one for hours on end with no choice or option to get up and move around when the need arises is hugely different from having an open kennel door0 -
they are not and will never be family pets because he is training them to be protection dogs, they need to be crated or they will rip the place apart. I don't necessarily agree with this route but it is what it is. I am more along the lines of get a dog that is small enough and well behaved enough to go most places I go, and wants to be a lap dog.
Actually, if he is training them, then they need to go Everywhere he goes. I have a friend that does this professionally. The crates are fine, totally agree with it. but if you are Training them to be protection dogs, then they go with...that's how the greater bond is formed.
Yes- I do know that, but he is a guy (no offense) and he does things his way! endlessly amusing to me but he trains them how he wants and i jsut sit back and let him do his thing!0 -
is it possible that he's really upset about you being considerably more busy than you used to be, and having less time for the two of you to spend together. and this is just an excuse to let out that anger or frustration?
This makes sense, I would add that if you both go to therapy to discuss the real underlying issues , you could both eliminate a disaster and steer the relationship in the right direction of mutual understanding of your conjoined lives to be. If you play it by ear and hope for the best you are letting go of the reins and letting the stud run in his own direction and eventually heading for a unnecessary CLIFF of a fall. Work it out now before it becomes unworkable later. Resentment can burn bridges. Take care Emily.0 -
Until I started this new job, and every day after than except this one, I let them out at 7, and was home by 1 to let them out. I GLADLY spent over $1000 in August to take care of their veterinary needs. Mind you, these aren't my dogs but they have an extremely cushy life- now I am 19, and because of the amount of money that having dogs, and a car, and an apartment costs, I needed a second job. It is his repsonsibility to take care of these dogs, not mine. He works in the town we live in. Do not berate me for not letting them out enough because I let them out, feed them, brush them, and bathe them more than anyone else that comes into contact with them
PLUS I started this thread because i felt GUILTY for not letting them out, not to complain about them BTW
I am not berating you .. You seem to think that there is nothing wrong with leaving dogs for that long ... I am trying to convince you otherwise. I don't care if they are your dogs or his dogs. We are talking about your way of thinking.
Having said that, You are justified in thinking that these dogs are ultimately his responsibility ... if .. and only if .. they are not and will never be 'family' pets. Tyically, if you want to live together you have to assume somethings as communal property or responsibility or you have to come to agreement on which is which. .If you are living together and have decided to not combine your household, and that you will keep somethings seperated, you have to come to a decision and agreement on what is "yours, mine and ours". If the dogs remain as HIS pets and his pets only .. then he should not expect you to feed them, take them to the vet, pay for the vet bills, or care for them in any way.
Perhaps, in his mind, he thinks he is taking care of his dogs needs by delegating the task of their morning break to you. If you don't take care of that inrefutable need, then the blame falls back on him which will ultimately cause him to be displeased with you. Which ever way you work it out ... The dogs needs were not being met ... and ultimately THEY are the ones who suffer the consequences.
You are mad people forget things!! Lay off the poor woman!
She has not started a thread saying ha ha I didn't walk the dogs she made a mistake...just like all humans make mistakes. yes they are animals and feel pain no one is disputing that so really no need for the lecture
Noooo .. I am not mad at her for making a mistake. Not even close.
OP, forgive me for speaking about you in third person .. She is of the opinion that is ok to leave an animal for 10 hrs in a kennel with no bathroom breaks. I am trying to convice her (and anyone else that is of that opinion) that it is NOT ok. She sound as if she is very hands on with them .. and that is wonderful .. THIS conversation is ONLY about leaving a pet in a cage for hours on end. I know supply of water and food will dictate the frequency and urgency of deficating and urinating .. but, how do you know if you're not even around to judge?0 -
No worries- everyone leads a different life and has different opinions.0
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Until I started this new job, and every day after than except this one, I let them out at 7, and was home by 1 to let them out. I GLADLY spent over $1000 in August to take care of their veterinary needs. Mind you, these aren't my dogs but they have an extremely cushy life- now I am 19, and because of the amount of money that having dogs, and a car, and an apartment costs, I needed a second job. It is his repsonsibility to take care of these dogs, not mine. He works in the town we live in. Do not berate me for not letting them out enough because I let them out, feed them, brush them, and bathe them more than anyone else that comes into contact with them
PLUS I started this thread because i felt GUILTY for not letting them out, not to complain about them BTW
I am not berating you .. You seem to think that there is nothing wrong with leaving dogs for that long ... I am trying to convince you otherwise. I don't care if they are your dogs or his dogs. We are talking about your way of thinking.
Having said that, You are justified in thinking that these dogs are ultimately his responsibility ... if .. and only if .. they are not and will never be 'family' pets. Tyically, if you want to live together you have to assume somethings as communal property or responsibility or you have to come to agreement on which is which. .If you are living together and have decided to not combine your household, and that you will keep somethings seperated, you have to come to a decision and agreement on what is "yours, mine and ours". If the dogs remain as HIS pets and his pets only .. then he should not expect you to feed them, take them to the vet, pay for the vet bills, or care for them in any way.
Perhaps, in his mind, he thinks he is taking care of his dogs needs by delegating the task of their morning break to you. If you don't take care of that inrefutable need, then the blame falls back on him which will ultimately cause him to be displeased with you. Which ever way you work it out ... The dogs needs were not being met ... and ultimately THEY are the ones who suffer the consequences.
How can you sit here and say "her way of thinking" and try to convince her otherwise?. Do you know her, do you know what she thinks and does on a daily basis? No once in her orginal post did she say she didn't think it was wrong to leave the dogs alone that long. But people have to making a living. And from the looks of it, she does take care of the dogs.0 -
Noooo .. I am not mad at her for making a mistake. Not even close.
OP, forgive me for speaking about you in third person .. She is of the opinion that is ok to leave an animal for 10 hrs in a kennel with no bathroom breaks. I am trying to convice her (and anyone else that is of that opinion) that it is NOT ok. She sound as if she is very hands on with them .. and that is wonderful .. THIS conversation is ONLY about leaving a pet in a cage for hours on end. I know supply of water and food will dictate the frequency and urgency of deficating and urinating .. but, how do you know if you're not even around to judge?
I think you need to agree to disagree here and let it go. Not everyone has the luxury of being home to cater to animals all day, but that doesn't mean that their pets aren't being treated well. I've had it both ways, had a dog left alone for 10 hours, and was also out of work for a while, and home with her, and I can tell you, she didn't need to go out any more frequently when I was home all day. She only time she'd beg to go out was if a bunny ran by the window...or if I was going somewhere and she wanted to come.0 -
Until I started this new job, and every day after than except this one, I let them out at 7, and was home by 1 to let them out. I GLADLY spent over $1000 in August to take care of their veterinary needs. Mind you, these aren't my dogs but they have an extremely cushy life- now I am 19, and because of the amount of money that having dogs, and a car, and an apartment costs, I needed a second job. It is his repsonsibility to take care of these dogs, not mine. He works in the town we live in. Do not berate me for not letting them out enough because I let them out, feed them, brush them, and bathe them more than anyone else that comes into contact with them
PLUS I started this thread because i felt GUILTY for not letting them out, not to complain about them BTW
I am not berating you .. You seem to think that there is nothing wrong with leaving dogs for that long ... I am trying to convince you otherwise. I don't care if they are your dogs or his dogs. We are talking about your way of thinking.
Having said that, You are justified in thinking that these dogs are ultimately his responsibility ... if .. and only if .. they are not and will never be 'family' pets. Tyically, if you want to live together you have to assume somethings as communal property or responsibility or you have to come to agreement on which is which. .If you are living together and have decided to not combine your household, and that you will keep somethings seperated, you have to come to a decision and agreement on what is "yours, mine and ours". If the dogs remain as HIS pets and his pets only .. then he should not expect you to feed them, take them to the vet, pay for the vet bills, or care for them in any way.
Perhaps, in his mind, he thinks he is taking care of his dogs needs by delegating the task of their morning break to you. If you don't take care of that inrefutable need, then the blame falls back on him which will ultimately cause him to be displeased with you. Which ever way you work it out ... The dogs needs were not being met ... and ultimately THEY are the ones who suffer the consequences.
How can you sit here and say "her way of thinking" and try to convince her otherwise?. Do you know her, do you know what she thinks and does on a daily basis? No once in her orginal post did she say she didn't think it was wrong to leave the dogs alone that long. But people have to making a living. And from the looks of it, she does take care of the dogs.
Ummm, well, no she did not post that in her original post .. but she did later on in a subsquent post. When she explained that she had to leave them for 10 hrs while they went away to a funeral. She said "They were fine". She admitted she is of the opion that it is ok although they don't seem to make a habit of leaving them for THAT long.
"Making a living" is no excuse for anyone to neglect their pets needs on ANY level. If they don't have the time, or bother to make arrangements to take care of the needs of their pet, they should not have a pet .. Pure and simple.
And yes, she does admittedly spend a lot of time and attention on these dogs .. THAT is not the issue ... never was.0 -
Noooo .. I am not mad at her for making a mistake. Not even close.
OP, forgive me for speaking about you in third person .. She is of the opinion that is ok to leave an animal for 10 hrs in a kennel with no bathroom breaks. I am trying to convice her (and anyone else that is of that opinion) that it is NOT ok. She sound as if she is very hands on with them .. and that is wonderful .. THIS conversation is ONLY about leaving a pet in a cage for hours on end. I know supply of water and food will dictate the frequency and urgency of deficating and urinating .. but, how do you know if you're not even around to judge?
I think you need to agree to disagree here and let it go. Not everyone has the luxury of being home to cater to animals all day, but that doesn't mean that their pets aren't being treated well. I've had it both ways, had a dog left alone for 10 hours, and was also out of work for a while, and home with her, and I can tell you, she didn't need to go out any more frequently when I was home all day. She only time she'd beg to go out was if a bunny ran by the window...or if I was going somewhere and she wanted to come.
Ok OK OK ! You win .. I quit! You want to defend this treatment go for it. There are a lot of people with like thinking that it's ok no matter what. They're only dogs, right? If they can't tell you that they feel pain or discomfort, then they must be ok.
Pffftt! It's not right and it's not even logical. Sorry, No I don't agree, but I'm letting it go.0 -
And he can't let them out himself why???0
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As a mother of a 15 year old girl, I find it personally disturbing that you are engaged at 19, working 2 jobs (to pay for his pets, etc) and going to school. No no no...this is not a personal attack or anything of the sort, I'm just thinking of how I would feel if you were my daughter, and I would be worried sick about the stress you are under. Your fiance seems to expect a lot from you from what you've said, and I truly hope you are taking care of yourself. :flowerforyou:0
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I am not berating you .. You seem to think that there is nothing wrong with leaving dogs for that long ... I am trying to convince you otherwise. I don't care if they are your dogs or his dogs. We are talking about your way of thinking.
Having said that, You are justified in thinking that these dogs are ultimately his responsibility ... if .. and only if .. they are not and will never be 'family' pets. Tyically, if you want to live together you have to assume somethings as communal property or responsibility or you have to come to agreement on which is which. .If you are living together and have decided to not combine your household, and that you will keep somethings seperated, you have to come to a decision and agreement on what is "yours, mine and ours". If the dogs remain as HIS pets and his pets only .. then he should not expect you to feed them, take them to the vet, pay for the vet bills, or care for them in any way.
Perhaps, in his mind, he thinks he is taking care of his dogs needs by delegating the task of their morning break to you. If you don't take care of that inrefutable need, then the blame falls back on him which will ultimately cause him to be displeased with you. Which ever way you work it out ... The dogs needs were not being met ... and ultimately THEY are the ones who suffer the consequences.
I agree, they should just be ate over a course of a couple days. That way the only responsibility is to make sure their is no left overs.
I agree if you have to work 2 jobs and go to school now, it doesn't get any easier. Especially if he is working as well. That just doesn't add up. So you have 3 sources of incomes to pay for dogs, car, pets, etc? It sounds like a lack of prioritizing is going on if that is the case. I am being judgmental but at 19 we don't always see the clearest. (Trust me on that one) If you are having to work this hard now before you are married it won't get any easier once you guys are married.0 -
Its true- I am only 19, and have had only that much life experience- and I am learning what works and what doesn't. We all have to make mistakes and figure things out for ourselves- its part of growing up!0
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It's important to him so it has to be important to you?
What about what's important to you? He should realize all that you do and how overwhelmed you are.
It was a mistake. Seems like it's something that doesn't happen often. Tell him to get the stick out of his *kitten* and get over it.
^^^ THIS W-O-R-D FOR W-O-R-D0 -
Listen to _beachgirl_. Don't let the underscores fool you. She is smart.It's important to him so it has to be important to you?
What about what's important to you? He should realize all that you do and how overwhelmed you are.
It was a mistake. Seems like it's something that doesn't happen often. Tell him to get the stick out of his *kitten* and get over it.
I'd like to suggest that this "talent" is being attributed on the wrong side of the equation. I know you are 19, so I can understand the "worst person ever" hyperbole. But you are an independent woman. I assume you are making healthy choices. You have already lost 8 pounds. You are participating in MFP. Own your behavior. Any guilt you feel (right or wrong) is your own guilt. If it seems like someone makes you feel guilty easily, or a lot, then perhaps the relationship itself isn't very equal.i don't know why, but he has an uncanny talent for making me feel really guilty for things that shouldn't matter! it is a talent that i wish i had so i could use it on him when he leaves piles of sweaty socks on my porch for me to pick up and wash!
You are not the worst person in the world. Not even close. You care about your fiance. Make sure you care about yourself. You can acknowledge something is a big deal to him and still say no. It's not easy, but you can do it. A loving and respectful 'no' can be the key to a good relationship. You gotta set boundaries for lasting happiness and satisfaction. Learn this now and your marriage will be the better for it. I promise. (all your relationships will be the better for it)0 -
they are not and will never be family pets because he is training them to be protection dogs, they need to be crated or they will rip the place apart. I don't necessarily agree with this route but it is what it is. I am more along the lines of get a dog that is small enough and well behaved enough to go most places I go, and wants to be a lap dog.
Actually, if he is training them, then they need to go Everywhere he goes. I have a friend that does this professionally. The crates are fine, totally agree with it. but if you are Training them to be protection dogs, then they go with...that's how the greater bond is formed.
This. Protection dogs, especially, need to be trusted to behave perfectly, other wise you're going to have a serious dog, with a serious issue, and is going to inevitably get sent to Animal Control..0 -
I feel so sorry to hear how you're being treated, but at least you can vent. Those poor dogs are miserable! They are big animals and need to roam...let alone empty their bladder! Please notice that your fiancee isn't sensitive to your needs regarding your oversleeping...well, he's also immensely insensitive to those 2 dogs of his. I am not a dog freak, but I am very upset to think about animals being crated for such a long time. Just because they're used to it being done to them...doesn't mean it's good for them. Sort of like you're used to him treating you like this...it's not good for you, either. I hope you'll do the right thing and take care of yourself and speak up for those two dogs, too. Please...0
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THIS.He needs to suck it up, and recognize all that YOU do in the relationship. They are his dogs...what is keeping him from taking care of them? No offense, but they are not Your dogs...they are HIS dogs.
As a dog owner, I takre the responsibility for my dogs and their care. No, I am not one fo these over-the-top-love-my-dogs-greater-than-a-person-cause-they-are-family...no, dogs are Pets. If you want them, take care of them as You want. Sine they are Not yours, they are Not YOUR responsibility.
Tell you fiance to grow up. God forgive you ever have children and he expects the same where he has little respoinsibility0 -
bak, he'll get over it, if not he has bigger issues than whether or not you forgot to leave the dogs out one morning.0
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You need to stop beating yourself up and stop letting him beat you up over a MISTAKE.0
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thank you everyone (I think my horse is goodlooking too)!! i don't know why, but he has an uncanny talent for making me feel really guilty for things that shouldn't matter! it is a talent that i wish i had so i could use it on him when he leaves piles of sweaty socks on my porch for me to pick up and wash!
Ummmm, dont mean to be a jerk here (also, im not done perusing the thread so maybe you speak positively about him) but after reading what I did I have one question...
Why do you want to marry this man?
B/c so far he seems like a selfish egotistic butt hole...0 -
Bless your heart. NOt only did you spend the morning beating yourself up and having him make you feel guilty but now others are making you feel guilty too! ((((((((hugs)))))))))0
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Hey hon. . . it was an accident as simple as that. . You have a lot on your plate right now. . . He will calm down about it and realize you weren't doing it to be mean. .
It will be okay. . . You are taking a lot of things on and it happens. . . Not one of us is perfect. . Huggles. . .0 -
It's important to him so it has to be important to you?
What about what's important to you? He should realize all that you do and how overwhelmed you are.
It was a mistake. Seems like it's something that doesn't happen often. Tell him to get the stick out of his *kitten* and get over it.
Agreed!! Minus the stick in the a**
I am a dog lover and my lab is my child ( i know people will scoff at this, screw em) but you seem to be a supportive partner and accepting of something important to him.... think of the dogs as your "stepkids" and you will understand his frustration... would you have left them if they were human children? probably not. You obviously care and will make sure this doesnt happen again so you get a pass in my book.0
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