Is Flirting REALLY Harmless?

macpatti

If single, flirting can be harmless or it can be dangerous. Depends on how it's done and with whom.

If you're married, no good can come from flirting with someone other than your spouse.

Hoppymom

Call me old-fashioned, but I think flirting is not acceptable if you are married. I believe sex isn't the only way to cheat. You can have an emotional affair that starts with simple flirting. What starts out as harmless exchange of words or looks can quickly change to more. I think a lot of cheating probably starts with non-chalaunt flirting.

Agreed...Flirting opens up pathway to a relationship that if you are married can be seen as cheating, if you are sharing parts of yourself (non-sexual) that should be shared with your spouse. Fortunately my husband and I see eye-to-eye on this one. That part of why we've lasted 35 years. Friendly is one thing flirting crosses a line. Flirt with your spouse; it keeps the relationship fresh.:happy: :flowerforyou:

quichebradford

Now, if you are flirting to make someone feel better, then, I'd say yes. If you are flirting with intent to take it further, no, If the flirting does go further, i.e. emotionally connected with said flirt and/or physical contact, definitely NO. Never. Also, if you flirt openly and your significant other knows about it, one thing, but if you do it secretly, like you have something to hide, big flashy warning signals should go off as a big no no.

It can be harmless if you know your boundaries and do not cross them. What do you think?

It's the intent, I feel, that gets things all messed up. My husband, for instance, talks to EVERYBODY everywhere he goes, and most of the time it's women. There are times when I'm on the phone with him while he's in the store and he's just choppin it up with the cashier...saying nice little things that I know if I were the cashier would make me feel so special. But, that's just his personality, he does that to most women he meets. His intention is not to have a relationship/affair with these women, he just like to make them feel good about themselves. There is a line, and when you're in a relationship you should know where that line is...you simply don't cross it.

Johnnyswife

Short answer, no.

Not in my world anyway.

Call me old-fashioned, but I think flirting is not acceptable if you are married. I believe sex isn't the only way to cheat. You can have an emotional affair that starts with simple flirting. What starts out as harmless exchange of words or looks and quickly change to more. I think a lot of cheating probably starts with non-chalaunt flirting.

^ that has a lot to do with why I don't feel it is harmless

If you're single, then whatever. But if you're in a relationship, it's a total no-go.

Yes. I agree with this as well. I don't flirt because I don't want to hurt my husband in any way. If I saw/heard/read any type of flirty banter between him and another woman, I would be crushed, no matter how innocent it might be. I feel like that kind of attention should stay in a marriage.

If your single, you still need to be careful, cause like another poster said, some people take the attention as an invite to cross a line. But its not bad if your single. Your free and no one will get hurt.

So wait a minute... let me get this straight.... all you married people aren't going to leave your husbands and be my sister wives? Gawd.... I already ordered matching leather suits for everyone.

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

macpatti

Now, if you are flirting to make someone feel better, then, I'd say yes. If you are flirting with intent to take it further, no, If the flirting does go further, i.e. emotionally connected with said flirt and/or physical contact, definitely NO. Never. Also, if you flirt openly and your significant other knows about it, one thing, but if you do it secretly, like you have something to hide, big flashy warning signals should go off as a big no no.

It can be harmless if you know your boundaries and do not cross them. What do you think?

It's the intent, I feel, that gets things all messed up. My husband, for instance, talks to EVERYBODY everywhere he goes, and most of the time it's women. There are times when I'm on the phone with him while he's in the store and he's just choppin it up with the cashier...saying nice little things that I know if I were the cashier would make me feel so special. But, that's just his personality, he does that to most women he meets. His intention is not to have a relationship/affair with these women, he just like to make them feel good about themselves. There is a line, and when you're in a relationship you should know where that line is...you simply don't cross it.

But, would you consider what HEB does as "flirting", or just being friendly and nice? There's a difference there. He may think he's innocently flirting because he has not intention behind it, but what if the person on the receiving end doesn't understand that?

Carl01

Each to their own and all can be respected...as for me go ahead and flirt away.:drinker:

sunkisses

Depends on the intent behind the flirt. There are a lot of married/committed people who flirt and then pull the 'ol "It just happened" line. Nah, buddy, you set it up to happen. Some people do it to get their foot in the door because they're going through stuff in their relationships and want relief or to give their partner a reason to leave them.

If it's truly just to feel attractive and desired by someone with no desire whatsoever for it to go further - yeah, it's harmless. A lot of people need to evaluate their own intentions though.

LaDiablesse

depends

but if you're in a relationship there is a rule...

If them doing what you are doing would upset you, it's wrong.

I agree with this.

I think it can be harmless, but it depends on the two people involved. What one person considers just flirting, someone else may take it as someone showing interest. I've seen it happen many times. One former friend stands out in my head. Girl in a relationship continuously "flirting" with a guy friend. Overly sexual type stuff. He didn't take it as just simple flirting & she couldn't understand why this guy friend started wanting more than just friendship or why he started telling her stuff about how her current boyfriend wasn't right for her, etc... From what I understand, she's had many instances of this happening & always plays the innocent citing it's "harmless flirting".

Jade_Butterfly

Depends on what your definition of flirting is. . .and what the circumstances involved are. . . I think there are different levels of flirting. . There is also a time and a place for everything. . . Enough said. . .

Genem30

I'm not much of a flirter, but I did have a lady flirt with me a bit in the elevator about a week ago. Harmless or not, my self-esteem went up like 100% for an hour or so after that.

I'm all for more of that.

lor007

If you are single Go For It! However, if you are in a committed relationship just imagine your significant other carrying on and flirting with someone else and ask yourself how you would feel. If it is a behavior you would use in front of your spouse or wouldn't mind them acting that way with another woman/man than you are probably fine. However, remember the golden rule. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you... remember Karma's a *****.

This. If I caught my husband flirting shamelessly with other women it would piss me off.

bry_all01

Now, if you are flirting to make someone feel better, then, I'd say yes. If you are flirting with intent to take it further, no, If the flirting does go further, i.e. emotionally connected with said flirt and/or physical contact, definitely NO. Never. Also, if you flirt openly and your significant other knows about it, one thing, but if you do it secretly, like you have something to hide, big flashy warning signals should go off as a big no no.

It can be harmless if you know your boundaries and do not cross them. What do you think?

It's the intent, I feel, that gets things all messed up. My husband, for instance, talks to EVERYBODY everywhere he goes, and most of the time it's women. There are times when I'm on the phone with him while he's in the store and he's just choppin it up with the cashier...saying nice little things that I know if I were the cashier would make me feel so special. But, that's just his personality, he does that to most women he meets. His intention is not to have a relationship/affair with these women, he just like to make them feel good about themselves. There is a line, and when you're in a relationship you should know where that line is...you simply don't cross it.

my husband and I are the same. We have flirty personalities, but we would never ever cross any lines, nor do we go around thinking about "hooking" up with everyone we talk to. We have respect for each other, ourselves and our marriage.

VeganGal84

depends

but if you're in a relationship there is a rule...

If them doing what you are doing would upset you, it's wrong.

ITA with this.

sassylilmama

Shoot I point out hot women to my hubby. And we "flirt" with friends all the time. When done openly and respectfully why not? In the end it depends on the situation and/or relationship.

LilMissFoodie

This is such a difficult question to answer because different people consider different things to be 'flirting' and different people are offended by different levels of 'flirting'.

I would be offended if my husband made a genuine advance on someone but not if he told another girl she looked nice for example. On the other hand, his brother's girlfriend made his brother delete my sister on facebook after he met her at our family only wedding (my sister is married). In her eyes, him even speaking to someone who was kind of related to him and is also married was still a threat.

firefightinflip

It is harmless......until the ol' fun ruiner...I mean, wife finds out......

kapeluza

Well let's see.....

If you mean this flirt:

1flirt
verb \ˈflərt\
Definition of FLIRT
intransitive verb
1
: to move erratically : flit

Then no, you can knock some b%ch down moving erratically....


Now if we mean the other kind of flirting, I don't think it's appropriate if you are married. Actually I think it's rather disrespectful to your partner. But that's just me. My husband knows that if I ever catch him flirting, it would involve a nut punch for sure! And I am pretty sure he would be pissed as hell if he ever caught me flirting. But hey, if your marriage is open and you are allowed to flirt with everyone/everything, kudos for you lol

Uk_Yogini

Depends on the intention behind the flirting. Can go either way I think !

adjones5

Men thinking I'm flirting with them if I ask what time it is so I really don't see any way to avoid it.

Helenatrandom

Flirting is dependant on the purpose and is also mistaken. As a hairstylist, I can say I have been called a flirt MANY of times. Call it what you will. I am full of kind words, smiles, etc. I know when I am flirting and I know when I am being nice. It's not my fault if someone else reads into it!

The problem is that some people take being nice as flirting. I think we should be nice and kind to each other period. If I tell a friend's husband his shirt (tie, suit, hat, shoes, whatever) looks good on him, I don't think that compliment is flirting. If I added a wink, a giggle, and tickled his arm, it would definitely be flirting and inappropriate.

NoExcuseTina

depends if you are in a relationship or not

skittybang

Harmless. I have fun, he has fun. I trust him, he trusts me. I love him, he loves me. I go home to him and vice versa. No mistrust and lying. I am upfront about everything as is he. Good times. :bigsmile:

macpatti

Men thinking I'm flirting with them if I ask what time it is so I really don't see any way to avoid it.

It depends on HOW you ask what time it is. Most women know the 'art of flirting'. We have total control over the "vibes" we send out. We know when we're flirting and when we're not, and I tend to believe if we're really not flirting, the opposite sex can tell.

Pollywog39

I think it truly depends on the security of the relationship you're in! IF you are married or have a S/O, and they can't take you flirting a bit, then it's a weakness on their behalf. Let me 'splain.

I was married to a jealous, controlling, possessive man who would get ANGRY if I so much as said HI to another man - be it coworker, person at church, whatever. We once had a two-day argument over one of HIS friends giving me a hug ( I was supposed to push him away - really?)

Now that we are divorced, I am an outrageous flirt. I know that I'm single and it makes a difference now, but I've ALWAYS been a flirty girl.......that's what attracted my 'x' to me in the first place. But all he wanted to do after we were married was CHANGE me.

Now, I can agree with those who say that flirting can be taken to an extreme, and I do think that's wrong if you're married.

I like this one:

Flirting is the gentle art of making a man feel pleased with himself. Helen Rowland

Pollywog39

Harmless. I have fun, he has fun. I trust him, he trusts me. I love him, he loves me. I go home to him and vice versa. No mistrust and lying. I am upfront about everything as is he. Good times. :bigsmile:

YOU, my friend, have a good relationship!

Consider yourself very blessed :bigsmile:

My1985Freckles

My husband flirts with my BFF sometimes and I flirt with his, BUT we are both present always at those times and both BFF's know that it is not serious. We don't flirt with anyone else (Well, other than each other, I flirt with my hubby all the time)

However, some guys are just stupid. Some mistake politeness as flirting. I was polite to a guy I went to college with and suddenly I had a stalker.

A guy I was in band with was apparently flirting with me and I thought he was being nice (He was in his 40's and I was 20!). I worked as a cashier. I was upset because a guy I really liked didn't seem to know I existed. He told me something like, "I wouldn't leave you waiting for a call." Ya know, just something nice.... Well a few days later he called and asked for a date. OMG! NO! EWWWWW! He had a kid only a couple years younger than me! Seriously! That is gross!

kit_katty

Men thinking I'm flirting with them if I ask what time it is so I really don't see any way to avoid it.

It depends on HOW you ask what time it is. Most women know the 'art of flirting'. We have total control over the "vibes" we send out. We know when we're flirting and when we're not, and I tend to believe if we're really not flirting, the opposite sex can tell.

I hate to say this but I disagree. When I was a cashier I was told I was a flirt but I was just being honestly friendly! I've received mixed vibes from people. It's not always easy to know what constitutes friendly vs. flirty.

I agree with the poster who said, if your significant other did the same and you would be hurt by it, don't do it.

I'll add when in doubt, don't.

But if one person is flirty and the other person is in a relationship or doesn't want to flirt, it's up to them to nicely shut it down.

It's a spectrum where everyone draws the line differently, there really is not hard and fast rule.

My thoughts: be nice, be safe, have fun.

MinnieInMaine

Hubby and I pretty much follow the same rules as skittybang and her man. Most of the time, the guys I flirt with are his best friend (we joke that we'd be all over each other if his wife and my hubs were out of the picture) and one of our neighbors and I do it right in front of him. And he flirts with his/our female friends. Hubby tells me everything (which is a big reason I trust him) and would drive himself nuts with guilt if he even thought about cheating on me. We both know it's harmless and it's not going to lead anywhere past a little cutesy sexy talk and wink. No biggee.

firefightinflip

Men thinking I'm flirting with them if I ask what time it is so I really don't see any way to avoid it.

Are you flirting with me??

megz4987

I dont think it's harmless at all.
If you're in a relationship with someone and you see them flirting with someone else, doesn't matterhow much you know the other person loves you, it would still hurt.

Don't do to others what you wouldn't want done to you.