Is Flirting REALLY Harmless?

momcindy

My grandma always used to say, "don't advertise what isn't for sale".

For me, as a married woman (33 years to my college sweetheart), I certainly wouldn't want my husband flirting with another woman so I am careful to not flirt with other men. Webster's defines flirting as "to behave amorously without serious intent" and because we know we don't want be amorous with anyone else, we avoid flirting out of love and respect for each other.

TheRoadDog

Flirting, in and of itself, is harmless.

It doesn't have to be a gateway behavior to infidelity.

I flirt all the time. Never cheated in over 20 years. My wife flirts with all my friends. Hasn't slept with a single one of them.

dragonbait0126

it depends upon the context and who it's with. I'm admittedly a huge flirt and my husband is well aware of this. My best friend is a flirt as well. We flirt with each others husbands all the time. BUT we all know that nothing would ever come of that flirting and it is all in fun. When my husband and I were dating, one of his closest friends and I would flirt whenever we were around each other as well, even in front of my husband. Neither my husband or I is the jealous type and we know everything the other does. It has never gone past flirting with anyone and it is limited to people that we are close to and know will not take it in the wrong context. Of course, my husband is also the guy who says he has 3 wives (I'm number one and my best friends are numbers 2 and 3). I'm the only one who gets to home with him or anything actually happens with though.

Iamfit4life

depends

but if you're in a relationship there is a rule...

If them doing what you are doing would upset you, it's wrong.

ITA with this.

And it's hard for me, I'm a natural born flirt. Like bad. But I have to supress it.
I didn't used to. But I respect my current partner enough to make sure I've got clear boundaries.

quichebradford

Now, if you are flirting to make someone feel better, then, I'd say yes. If you are flirting with intent to take it further, no, If the flirting does go further, i.e. emotionally connected with said flirt and/or physical contact, definitely NO. Never. Also, if you flirt openly and your significant other knows about it, one thing, but if you do it secretly, like you have something to hide, big flashy warning signals should go off as a big no no.

It can be harmless if you know your boundaries and do not cross them. What do you think?

It's the intent, I feel, that gets things all messed up. My husband, for instance, talks to EVERYBODY everywhere he goes, and most of the time it's women. There are times when I'm on the phone with him while he's in the store and he's just choppin it up with the cashier...saying nice little things that I know if I were the cashier would make me feel so special. But, that's just his personality, he does that to most women he meets. His intention is not to have a relationship/affair with these women, he just like to make them feel good about themselves. There is a line, and when you're in a relationship you should know where that line is...you simply don't cross it.

But, would you consider what HEB does as "flirting", or just being friendly and nice? There's a difference there. He may think he's innocently flirting because he has not intention behind it, but what if the person on the receiving end doesn't understand that?

I don't think what he does is flirting, but that's because I know him. I guess it could come off that way to the other person, but when I hear him say things like, "That's a nice pink shirt you have on, my wife would love that, her favorite color is pink". I wouldn't think the lady would take it any other way.

Kalee34

Call me old-fashioned, but I think flirting is not acceptable if you are married. I believe sex isn't the only way to cheat. You can have an emotional affair that starts with simple flirting. What starts out as harmless exchange of words or looks can quickly change to more. I think a lot of cheating probably starts with non-chalaunt flirting.

I agree.

kennethmgreen

Is that one bag of Beanitos harmless? Mmm Beanitos.... http://www.beanitos.com

It depends. Are you eating it within your calorie goal? Are you going over your calorie goal? Are you eating within your calorie goal, but eating it compulsively? Are you stuffing your feelings while eating that bag, tears of shame spilling onto the salty platforms, visions of mom's disappointment reflecting in the light?

There isn't going to be one answer. From the way your entered the topic title, I suspect where you are trying to drive the discussion. But something like "flirting" is too general and too dependent on circumstance to produce a definitive answer. I can flirt and it be harmless. But I cannot control how another person interprets that. I can be respectful and sensitive to what I *think* is appropriate boundaries, but if the other person has different boundaries or misinterprets what I do or say, there could be a problem.

I have a pretty trusting wife. I have flirted with women in front of her. She knows I only have a few good years left and gives me a lot of leeway. My basic rule is that if what I'm doing would bother my wife, it's probably crossing a line.

But you asked whether is was harmless. If I flirt, and it is innocent in my mind and something my wife wouldn't care about, then it's harmless for me, right? But if someone misinterprets my actions and is hurt in some way (and I may never know about them getting hurt), then it's not really harmless, is it? Is that what you are driving at?

I guess there is always a chance that someone could get hurt by flirting. But there is a chance someone could get hurt by anything I say. There is a chance someone will be hurt by this post. In fact, I can hear someone crying right now.

123456654321

Is that one bag of Beanitos harmless? Mmm Beanitos.... http://www.beanitos.com

It depends. Are you eating it within your calorie goal? Are you going over your calorie goal? Are you eating within your calorie goal, but eating it compulsively? Are you stuffing your feelings while eating that bag, tears of shame spilling onto the salty platforms, visions of mom's disappointment reflecting in the light?

There isn't going to be one answer. From the way your entered the topic title, I suspect where you are trying to drive the discussion. But something like "flirting" is too general and too dependent on circumstance to produce a definitive answer. I can flirt and it be harmless. But I cannot control how another person interprets that. I can be respectful and sensitive to what I *think* is appropriate boundaries, but if the other person has different boundaries or misinterprets what I do or say, there could be a problem.

I have a pretty trusting wife. I have flirted with women in front of her. She knows I only have a few good years left and gives me a lot of leeway. My basic rule is that if what I'm doing would bother my wife, it's probably crossing a line.

But you asked whether is was harmless. If I flirt, and it is innocent in my mind and something my wife wouldn't care about, then it's harmless for me, right? But if someone misinterprets my actions and is hurt in some way (and I may never know about them getting hurt), then it's not really harmless, is it? Is that what you are driving at?

I guess there is always a chance that someone could get hurt by flirting. But there is a chance someone could get hurt by anything I say. There is a chance someone will be hurt by this post. In fact, I can hear someone crying right now.

^^Good answer answer my friend.

MrBrown72

Men thinking I'm flirting with them if I ask what time it is so I really don't see any way to avoid it.

Are you flirting with me young lady!?

SkateboardFi

depends

but if you're in a relationship there is a rule...

If them doing what you are doing would upset you, it's wrong.

exactly.

raevynn

I asked my Dear Hubby "how about if I completely stop flirting?"

His response: "I'll be checking you for a pulse, then."

"Flirt" is one of my defining personality traits. It is who I am, and that isn't going to change. It is NOT, however, the same (or even remotely related to) as being "unfaithful" or "dishonest"... those are character flaws that I do not cultivate in my life/relationship.

I flirt in front of my DH all the time. He occasionally flirts, too... it's all good.

taso42

why don't you come over here and sit on my lap and we'll discuss it

VegGrrl

If you have to ask if it's harmless or not - you probably should leave it to the pros...

I love to and my husband doesn't care - since he loved my forwardness before we got hitched, he can't expect me to turn it off now. Besides, we're married, not dead (nor does he own or control me). He's not flirty, but I would enjoy watching if he were. I like a pretty girl as much as the next guy... :devil:

ninerbuff

I flirt ALL the time when in the gym. Never had an issue.

VegGrrl

why don't you come over here and sit on my lap and we'll discuss it

Now that's the spirit!!

quichebradford

Men thinking I'm flirting with them if I ask what time it is so I really don't see any way to avoid it.

It depends on HOW you ask what time it is. Most women know the 'art of flirting'. We have total control over the "vibes" we send out. We know when we're flirting and when we're not, and I tend to believe if we're really not flirting, the opposite sex can tell.

I have to disagree with you on this one Patti. This has happned to me before. I asked one of the guys who worked at Walmart where something was, I had the boys with me so I was trying to wrangle them, totally not even thinking about this dude I just wanted to know where to find what I needed. His response was, "it's on aisle so and so. You shole lookin good today miss, you want me to take you to where it is?" I was so ticked off because 1. don't you see my kids? 2. fool I am not interested in you! you work here and I need help. Your freaking name tag says "Can I help you?" I was in no way trying to flirt with this man, all i did was ask a question.

paulahhhh

Totally harmless! Like people have said, if the person you're flirting with takes it the wrong way.. It's not your fault.

You know people don't realize they're flirting or flirting back, right? Because of the society we live in now, flirting is in everyone's everyday "to-do list".

With that said.... I'm damn proud of my flirty self

Cakepiebeer

Ask yourself that question next time you see your husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend flirting with someone in front of your face. Even worse if its behind your back.

macpatti

Men thinking I'm flirting with them if I ask what time it is so I really don't see any way to avoid it.

It depends on HOW you ask what time it is. Most women know the 'art of flirting'. We have total control over the "vibes" we send out. We know when we're flirting and when we're not, and I tend to believe if we're really not flirting, the opposite sex can tell.

I have to disagree with you on this one Patti. This has happned to me before. I asked one of the guys who worked at Walmart where something was, I had the boys with me so I was trying to wrangle them, totally not even thinking about this dude I just wanted to know where to find what I needed. His response was, "it's on aisle so and so. You shole lookin good today miss, you want me to take you to where it is?" I was so ticked off because 1. don't you see my kids? 2. fool I am not interested in you! you work here and I need help. Your freaking name tag says "Can I help you?" I was in no way trying to flirt with this man, all i did was ask a question.

In this case, he probably didn't think you were flirting, but HE tried flirting with you. I doubt he thought you were flirting with him. What I'm talking about is women who are totally flirting, then say, "I was only being friendly" like they don't understand why someone would call them a flirt.

Jennjenn1974

Flirting can be harmless. But it all hinges on the context. If you start hiding any information from your SO, then there is a problem. Someone above said they flirt with thier BFF and the husband. I am the same with my SO and friends. My SO is present. I make every effort to be a communicative as possible. It is difficult at times, of course.


Bottom line is....how would you feel if it was your SO "flirting" with someone else?