Spouse apathy towards weight loss

normsch

How do you all deal with a spouse who isn't really interested in your weight loss?

otr12

Keep losing weight but don't talk about it with the spouse.

erickirb

Bring home a fit young woman .... JK

There is nothing you can do, people will not change until they are ready to change, all you can do is be a good model of behaviour and if they see it working for you they may change their tune.

alimac92

You eat them, problem solved lol! :devil:

FaugHorn

If you're the one cooking then I bet that apathy changes fast

fteale

I long ago came to the conclusion that no one is ever going to be as interested in you as you are in yourself, so I have never expected anyone else to have any interest in my weight loss. Or dress sense, or anything else, really. In fact, I am always rather baffled when people DO comment on those things.

If you live life with the basic premise that most people just aren't that interested, you avoid the disappointment when they aren't. I am not saying that in a fatalistic way. They really aren't.

voluptuous_veggie

You could get all fit and sexy anyway, and when they show interest in your new physique, go:
"Duh nu nu nu...nu nu...nu nu....CAN'T TOUCH THIS"

Booyah!

witheredorchid

I tell him to shove it. He complains that he's sick of hearing me talk about calories or tells me that he doesn't think I need to lose anymore weight. Carlorie counting has become a big part of my life and I'm proud of it because I sucked at it for so many years. And if he doesn't like the way I look after I lose more weight than thats his own issue. I think I'll be beautiful and that's all that matters

netchik

Ouch. Find out why!!! That is a pretty important part of your life and you should be sharing the journey to good health.

cmiles23

Bring home a fit young woman .... JK

There is nothing you can do, people will not change until they are ready to change, all you can do is be a good model of behaviour and if they see it working for you they may change their tune.

LMAO! I say just keep at it and use us here on mfp for your support system......... betting she'll be interested when she see's more women checking ya out

cmiles23

You could get all fit and sexy anyway, and when they show interest in your new physique, go:
"Duh nu nu nu...nu nu...nu nu....CAN'T TOUCH THIS"

Booyah!

HAHAHA, LOVE THIS!

jmelyan23

I personally have just come to realize that my spouse is not in the same point in his life or frame of mind as I am. I've gotten to a place where I know that I have to start losing weight or it's going to mean serious health and emotional problems in the future. Sometimes all you can do is remind them that no matter what, losing the weight is important to you and that if they'd support you that would be great, but you're doing it regardless. Losing weight is about helping yourself, even if the ones closest to you don't understand or care.

Hope this helps.

poustotah

How do you all deal with a spouse who isn't really interested in your weight loss?

HAH! When I first started this, my hubby would ask me what I was cooking for dinner. I would tell him roast chicken and veggies. And he would ALWAYS tell me, "well that doesn't sound good." So I ended up making myself a separate dinner. Then he wanted to know why our grocery bill was so high and why I was throwing away so much food. I told him it was because I made a healthy meal for myself and refuse to eat the crap food. So he says that he wants to eat healthy and asks me what's for dinner. Roast chicken and veggies. It still doesn't sound good so I told him that Burger King was right down the street and I refused to cook for him.

Now he's on board. He eats what I cook and he's lost 30 lbs.

MrsCon40

Quit talking about it?

Mine doesn't give a rat's *kitten* about the logging and calorie counting but he does like

- that I do all the cooking so that I know what we're eating
- that I am looking better and better
- that MFP occupies some of my time so that I leave him alone

emmabeckemeyer1

I'm sorry you are not getting support. I don't know what I would do without the help of my husband.

Scarlett_S

My husband is uninterested in my weight loss and I have to admit it stings a little. I've made a huge lifestyle change, I eat healthy, I work out daily - hard - and nothing from him. His only comment has been that I was fine before but if I am happier now, fine, too, whatever......sigh.

He's been skinny and fit his whole life. He has no idea.

AlsDonkBoxSquat

Keep losing weight but don't talk about it with the spouse.

This. Really this is your weight loss journey, not theirs, so own it and don't worry about whether or not they celebrate with you. Even though I squeeled with every pound shed my hubs didn't do cartwheels everytime I came home with the good news, and that's okay. When he complained about time, I got frustrated, accomodated him for a week, and then returned to my schedule because I have to own what's in my mirror and let him own what's in his. He's giving mfp a shot, and I'll support him, but again that's his thing not mine (okay, if he tells me his progress I'll probably do cart wheels for him, get really excited, and put on a cheerleading uniform, but that may be tmi).

rml_16

Nothing. Why would you need to do something about it?

cnsmith2

I would definitely try to find out why. You need to determine if your spouse is potentially going to try to sabotage you (whether intentionally or not.)

I can't even imagine having to deal with this.

sarah_ep

Do it anyways and sometimes they will follow. My boyfriend was not interested at first and still is not as serious about it.

He started to chose places when we go out to eat where he knows there will be a healthy alternative for me. He also allows me to chose what we eat for dinner now too, instead of making two separate dinners.

Now, he texts me all the time to ask how many calories are in the things he is eating at work.

staceyseeger

It used to drive my husband crazy when I spent so much time running & exercising...UNTIL I changed my eating habits & the pounds started dropping off. I am no longer his WIFE, I am his GIRLFRIEND. :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

And I have power behind the punch now. LOL

TheKitsune6

I long ago came to the conclusion that no one is ever going to be as interested in you as you are in yourself, so I have never expected anyone else to have any interest in my weight loss. Or dress sense, or anything else, really. In fact, I am always rather baffled when people DO comment on those things.

If you live life with the basic premise that most people just aren't that interested, you avoid the disappointment when they aren't. I am not saying that in a fatalistic way. They really aren't.

^^^^^^^^^ This is beautiful and true

trilikeagirl

You eat them, problem solved lol! :devil:

Ok, I'm a fan!

Seriously, maybe chat with said spouse and see if your weight loss efforts/ conversation have replaced something that was enjoyable or needed. Identify ways to bond together in your new lifestyle, without making it a focus. My husband and I are enjoying playing some tennis together, or walking, and now we cook together instead of me just eating all his yummy cooking that helped make me fat in the first place.

normsch

Great responses, I appreciate the diverse answers here. I plan on "keeping on"
losing till I hit my goal.

Leslye125

You eat them, problem solved lol!

Love this! Too funny

As pretty much the majority here has stated. There is nothing you can do to change any person. They must find the need and desire in themselves to want to change. I have the same issue with my husband. He pretty much sabotages my healthy change all the time. After years of being sick of myself, I have learned to stick my foot and do this for me. So he wants to go out for dinner, fine I choose the restaurant. He doesn't want to work out, well, sorry, I don't go to x, y or z until I get my run it... Good luck. Stick to your guns, this is for you, not anyone else.

Teliooo

It saddens me that there are so many unresponsive partners out there. My partner is very thin and fit even though he does not have the best diet but he eats whatever I put in front of him and even commented on how he loves the meals I have been making recently. He does however glaze over when I talk about calories but that is expected as I talk about it 24/7 but he does take our kid when I want to work out and even our housemate will go upstairs when I want to exercise. You really need a good support base, I dunno what I would do without it.

You need to finda good support network. Maybe find a friend that is going through the same thing and talk to each other. Blogging is also a good vent. I think it may be harder for a guy as usually a lot of female friends will be doing a similar thing or will be wanting to lose weight.

lor007

Quit talking about it?

Mine doesn't give a rat's *kitten* about the logging and calorie counting but he does like

- that I do all the cooking so that I know what we're eating
- that I am looking better and better
- that MFP occupies some of my time so that I leave him alone

Same, especially the third one. For the first time in years, I am quiet during his precious football games.

Sieggie

Just a thought......Does she have a weight problem? Or maybe never had one?

Reason I'm asking is that I have three very close friends who are also struggling with their weight but have for all intents and purposes given up.

So as I push along they provide me with negative comments...you can't lose weight during your 50s, just accept it for what it is, compared to other people you're really not THAT fat, do you want to borrow some of my larger sized clothes.......

Well quite frankly those comments just completely PISS ME OFF and make me more determined than ever.

My suggestion....when someone (friend, spouse, co-worker whoever for that matter) doesn't support you in this journey simply .............breathe in, breathe out, and move on.

As I've learned in life: "Eagles don't chase Flies"

Best of luck!

Sieggie

PS - the only friend who is super supportive just went through her own mid-life weight loss struggle and she looks fabulous! She's my motivation that it can be done! Be Strong!

Sh1tsRainbows

Keep losing weight but don't talk about it with the spouse.

^ THIS

Fitnin6280

What really matters is that you are interested in it. I am sure you are not interested in everything that your spouse does. I know I am not always interest in everything my husband does, but he knows that it does not meen I don't love him.

Redbella

I know my husband loves me but he was real apathtic esp when I first started to lose weight. I think it was mostly because he heard it all b4 so many times and nothing ever changed. So I believe he thought it was just me talking the talk but not walking the walk like usual. But this time I did make a change even w/ all the challenges I faced and the more weight I lost the more supportive he became. But as was previously said by other people YOU have to do it urself. No one can do this for u. If u r successful people will come around and be there for u. But first u have to prove to urself u can do it and then others will believe also.