Spouse apathy towards weight loss

TheKitsune6

I long ago came to the conclusion that no one is ever going to be as interested in you as you are in yourself, so I have never expected anyone else to have any interest in my weight loss. Or dress sense, or anything else, really. In fact, I am always rather baffled when people DO comment on those things.

If you live life with the basic premise that most people just aren't that interested, you avoid the disappointment when they aren't. I am not saying that in a fatalistic way. They really aren't.

^^^^^^^^^ This is beautiful and true

trilikeagirl

You eat them, problem solved lol! :devil:

Ok, I'm a fan!

Seriously, maybe chat with said spouse and see if your weight loss efforts/ conversation have replaced something that was enjoyable or needed. Identify ways to bond together in your new lifestyle, without making it a focus. My husband and I are enjoying playing some tennis together, or walking, and now we cook together instead of me just eating all his yummy cooking that helped make me fat in the first place.

normsch

Great responses, I appreciate the diverse answers here. I plan on "keeping on"
losing till I hit my goal.

Leslye125

You eat them, problem solved lol!

Love this! Too funny

As pretty much the majority here has stated. There is nothing you can do to change any person. They must find the need and desire in themselves to want to change. I have the same issue with my husband. He pretty much sabotages my healthy change all the time. After years of being sick of myself, I have learned to stick my foot and do this for me. So he wants to go out for dinner, fine I choose the restaurant. He doesn't want to work out, well, sorry, I don't go to x, y or z until I get my run it... Good luck. Stick to your guns, this is for you, not anyone else.

Teliooo

It saddens me that there are so many unresponsive partners out there. My partner is very thin and fit even though he does not have the best diet but he eats whatever I put in front of him and even commented on how he loves the meals I have been making recently. He does however glaze over when I talk about calories but that is expected as I talk about it 24/7 but he does take our kid when I want to work out and even our housemate will go upstairs when I want to exercise. You really need a good support base, I dunno what I would do without it.

You need to finda good support network. Maybe find a friend that is going through the same thing and talk to each other. Blogging is also a good vent. I think it may be harder for a guy as usually a lot of female friends will be doing a similar thing or will be wanting to lose weight.

lor007

Quit talking about it?

Mine doesn't give a rat's *kitten* about the logging and calorie counting but he does like

- that I do all the cooking so that I know what we're eating
- that I am looking better and better
- that MFP occupies some of my time so that I leave him alone

Same, especially the third one. For the first time in years, I am quiet during his precious football games.

Sieggie

Just a thought......Does she have a weight problem? Or maybe never had one?

Reason I'm asking is that I have three very close friends who are also struggling with their weight but have for all intents and purposes given up.

So as I push along they provide me with negative comments...you can't lose weight during your 50s, just accept it for what it is, compared to other people you're really not THAT fat, do you want to borrow some of my larger sized clothes.......

Well quite frankly those comments just completely PISS ME OFF and make me more determined than ever.

My suggestion....when someone (friend, spouse, co-worker whoever for that matter) doesn't support you in this journey simply .............breathe in, breathe out, and move on.

As I've learned in life: "Eagles don't chase Flies"

Best of luck!

Sieggie

PS - the only friend who is super supportive just went through her own mid-life weight loss struggle and she looks fabulous! She's my motivation that it can be done! Be Strong!

Sh1tsRainbows

Keep losing weight but don't talk about it with the spouse.

^ THIS

Fitnin6280

What really matters is that you are interested in it. I am sure you are not interested in everything that your spouse does. I know I am not always interest in everything my husband does, but he knows that it does not meen I don't love him.

Redbella

I know my husband loves me but he was real apathtic esp when I first started to lose weight. I think it was mostly because he heard it all b4 so many times and nothing ever changed. So I believe he thought it was just me talking the talk but not walking the walk like usual. But this time I did make a change even w/ all the challenges I faced and the more weight I lost the more supportive he became. But as was previously said by other people YOU have to do it urself. No one can do this for u. If u r successful people will come around and be there for u. But first u have to prove to urself u can do it and then others will believe also.

VelvetKey

I have a "lead by example" approach...my boyfriend weighs more than I do, and because of that sometimes I got the vibe that he likes me "big" so that he won't break his "delicate little flower".

Well, his preferences aside, there are simply too many health risks in my family for me to keep being actively unhealthy. And he's okay with me wanting to improve my physical well-being.

That said, I've lost over 25 pounds now (been at this since June) and just last week he got his own MFP account. And I didn't have to SAY anything...all I did was follow a plan that will hopefully give me a better future. I very much want him to be a part of that future and I think he'll be around longer if he gets in shape, too, but I wasn't going to talk about it with him. HE is my leader; and he has been supportive.

Now it's my turn to be supportive back; and he eats at my place more in the evenings because the college cafeteria doesn't have the best options for someone trying to log foods! I think together, we're going to kick this thing's butt!

Deathwithab

them not being intrested is far better then them being sarcastic and snippy about it eve tho you never bring it up ,all the time making you feel like you will never do it ..

normsch

Me taking about my weight loss only makes her feel worse about herself.

Huffdogg

I just have to keep doing what I'm doing and find other people to talk to about it. If she can't understand how big of a deal it is for you, then she's going to have to understand that you need to share it with someone if she can't be bothered to get interested/involved.

mandasimba

If you're the one cooking then I bet that apathy changes fast

Then he just goes out to eat and leaves me to eat alone My efforts at sneaking in vegies has failed!

boston6

Sounds like the spouse has a weight problem too. Ever discuss/invite her to doing it together? Sounds like she could use some support.

FaugHorn

If you're the one cooking then I bet that apathy changes fast

Then he just goes out to eat and leaves me to eat alone My efforts at sneaking in vegies has failed!

But hard to be apathetic if they have to leave the house everytime they want to eat. Most people are too lazy (or don't have the money to eat out every night) and will end up eating whatever's provided for them.

sgoldman328

You eat them, problem solved lol! :devil:

bahahahaha!!!

mandasimba

If you're the one cooking then I bet that apathy changes fast

Then he just goes out to eat and leaves me to eat alone My efforts at sneaking in vegies has failed!

But hard to be apathetic if they have to leave the house everytime they want to eat. Most people are too lazy (or don't have the money to eat out every night) and will end up eating whatever's provided for them.

It wasn't about being apathetic, it was a joke (though serious in my case) response to that one post. Should I have added an "lol"

Tuffjourney

Wait a minute here. Are we suppose to talk to our spouse? Oh crap.:grumble: