Spouse apathy towards weight loss

VelvetKey

I have a "lead by example" approach...my boyfriend weighs more than I do, and because of that sometimes I got the vibe that he likes me "big" so that he won't break his "delicate little flower".

Well, his preferences aside, there are simply too many health risks in my family for me to keep being actively unhealthy. And he's okay with me wanting to improve my physical well-being.

That said, I've lost over 25 pounds now (been at this since June) and just last week he got his own MFP account. And I didn't have to SAY anything...all I did was follow a plan that will hopefully give me a better future. I very much want him to be a part of that future and I think he'll be around longer if he gets in shape, too, but I wasn't going to talk about it with him. HE is my leader; and he has been supportive.

Now it's my turn to be supportive back; and he eats at my place more in the evenings because the college cafeteria doesn't have the best options for someone trying to log foods! I think together, we're going to kick this thing's butt!

Deathwithab

them not being intrested is far better then them being sarcastic and snippy about it eve tho you never bring it up ,all the time making you feel like you will never do it ..

normsch

Me taking about my weight loss only makes her feel worse about herself.

Huffdogg

I just have to keep doing what I'm doing and find other people to talk to about it. If she can't understand how big of a deal it is for you, then she's going to have to understand that you need to share it with someone if she can't be bothered to get interested/involved.

mandasimba

If you're the one cooking then I bet that apathy changes fast

Then he just goes out to eat and leaves me to eat alone My efforts at sneaking in vegies has failed!

boston6

Sounds like the spouse has a weight problem too. Ever discuss/invite her to doing it together? Sounds like she could use some support.

FaugHorn

If you're the one cooking then I bet that apathy changes fast

Then he just goes out to eat and leaves me to eat alone My efforts at sneaking in vegies has failed!

But hard to be apathetic if they have to leave the house everytime they want to eat. Most people are too lazy (or don't have the money to eat out every night) and will end up eating whatever's provided for them.

sgoldman328

You eat them, problem solved lol! :devil:

bahahahaha!!!

mandasimba

If you're the one cooking then I bet that apathy changes fast

Then he just goes out to eat and leaves me to eat alone My efforts at sneaking in vegies has failed!

But hard to be apathetic if they have to leave the house everytime they want to eat. Most people are too lazy (or don't have the money to eat out every night) and will end up eating whatever's provided for them.

It wasn't about being apathetic, it was a joke (though serious in my case) response to that one post. Should I have added an "lol"

Tuffjourney

Wait a minute here. Are we suppose to talk to our spouse? Oh crap.:grumble:

fitby2012

My husband is very supportive about my weight loss...NOW. I asked why he didn't care much months ago when I started. He said because trying to lose weight is a constant yo-yo with me. He simply didn't think I was serious this time. Now that he is seeing results and I am sticking to it, he is doing everything to help. Maybe that's the case with your spouse???

Deathwithab

Wait a minute here. Are we suppose to talk to our spouse? Oh crap.:grumble:

hahaha

FaugHorn

If you're the one cooking then I bet that apathy changes fast

Then he just goes out to eat and leaves me to eat alone My efforts at sneaking in vegies has failed!

But hard to be apathetic if they have to leave the house everytime they want to eat. Most people are too lazy (or don't have the money to eat out every night) and will end up eating whatever's provided for them.

It wasn't about being apathetic, it was a joke (though serious in my case) response to that one post. Should I have added an "lol"

Nope Just helping. My husband tried to eat separately then got bored, poor, and lazy and just started eating what I cooked. Figured it would work for you too :flowerforyou:

rpphillip

Good Question , it maybe that she dose not think your serious ,or is she also over waight ? if so she may not be ready to make a change herself. when you start to get noticed and you are doing more because you feel better then she will what to join in and will be more appt to get envoled.:happy:

otr12

Me taking about my weight loss only makes her feel worse about herself.

That means she's getting closer to coming to your side. You can speed the process by not talking about it at all to her. That bad feeling she has can be blamed on you if you are talking, but if you shut up it becomes internal for her.

She has to run out of excuses and make the decision for herself. As long as you keep talking you keep giving her an excuse.

mandasimba

If you're the one cooking then I bet that apathy changes fast

Then he just goes out to eat and leaves me to eat alone My efforts at sneaking in vegies has failed!

But hard to be apathetic if they have to leave the house everytime they want to eat. Most people are too lazy (or don't have the money to eat out every night) and will end up eating whatever's provided for them.

It wasn't about being apathetic, it was a joke (though serious in my case) response to that one post. Should I have added an "lol"

Nope Just helping. My husband tried to eat separately then got bored, poor, and lazy and just started eating what I cooked. Figured it would work for you too :flowerforyou:

Sorry, ill so everything is a bit over my head today. I'll keep my fingers crossed but in 20 years he has never even brought a lunch to work, always eats out. I have no hope for him

wackynunu

Look at it in a positive way. Maybe your spouse loves you for you...and not your weight.

janeinspain

awesome! great strategy and great of you to stick to your plan!

MikeSEA

I've got a spouse who's really proud of my weight loss, and knows they have to do something about their obesity, but keeps putting it off year after year. too tired, didn't fit in the schedule, not enough discipline--the standard excuses.

I'm inch away from saying, "If your family history of heart disease, obesity, and diabetes kills you in your 40s you better have enough saved up on the side so I can hire someone to plan the funeral because I refuse to be the one to bury your rear end when you could have prevented it."

Hellbent_Heidi

Me taking about my weight loss only makes her feel worse about herself.

Sorry you're dealing with that, and I hope things get better. This 'journey' is hard enough to do, and without the support of the person you live with, it must be even harder.

Unfortunately, I've known a lot of people whose marriages fail after one loses significant weight. Either its the increased attention from others of the opposite sex, or the fact that one came out with refreshed self-esteem and confidence, and the other stayed where they were.

I hope your situation improves and your wife gets on board. Maybe she just needs more time, and will be ready to jump on board with you before long!

Congrats on your hard work so far, and good luck!

Amber82479

I would talk to her about it and find out what's going on. If it's an important part of your life, it should be an important part of hers. At the very least, she should be your cheerleader. Maybe there's something going on that you don't know about. Is she worried that you're trying to get in shape so you can find someone new? I know it sounds crazy but my best buddy just went through feeling like that with her hubby. Is she feeling left out? Just saying, open the lines of communication and find out if there's something going on that's keeping her from being your champion. If she's just being unsupportive for no reason, then find a friend who will be your champion. Or come here, and we'll cheer you on!

NiciS72

Gosh, I feel for you. I am blessed to have a spouse who's doing this with me. We boost each other up and don't let the other flail. I don't know what the right answer is for you. I'd say get yourself some supportive friends here (there's a lot of great people). I also have a great Dr. who we both see. I tell her the crap he gives me and she scolds him for me (like when he complained I'm never home because I go to the gym every day and I'm hogging the 46" tv downstairs to do my Shred video-mind you that's the ONLY area big enough to do the video and we have 3 other tv's one of which is HD and has it's own Blu-ray player too). After that he's been on the straight and narrow. Maybe just stop talking to her altogether about anything diet related and see how long it takes her to complain you're not talking about it. I do that with my spouse on things-drives him nuts, but gets the point across!

Good luck!

Justkeepswimmin

You could get all fit and sexy anyway, and when they show interest in your new physique, go:
"Duh nu nu nu...nu nu...nu nu....CAN'T TOUCH THIS"

Booyah!

HAHAHA I love this!

rileamoyer

It is tough to stay on track without spousal support. My own DH was not too interested at first, especially since I had just been gradually getting heavier and heavier the last 20 years. I am sure he expected another failure. After about 4 months, when I had to buy an entire new wardrobe that started showing off the new me (and 2 since then), he has been my biggest cheerleader. He has managed to drop a few lbs himself, even though he wasn't very much overweight to begin with. Keep on getting healthy - for you and no one else.

marcibar

My husband can be all over the place with how supportive he is. I love him to death, but sometimes I have to tell him to compliment me. Or I straight up have to tell him that I am needing some extra support. He doesn't always get it, but most the time it helps turn things up. He has an insanely high metabolism and eats crazy unhealthy foods, but he is now doing most of that outside the home. I don't want the kids getting his bad habits (but I hope they get his metabolism lol)

Anyways, make sure to tell your wife what you need, and how she can help you. Hopefully if you put it bluntly that you want her help and that it would make you feel so much better if she could take interest (or even pretend to) then she will understand that this is important to you, even if it isn't to her.

Lisa_222

Sometime people have a had time with other's acheivements even someone they love. Get all dressed up and gorgeous and say "I'm going out".

sharifit53

Just a thought, you are not your weight, you are you and that is why they love you.

Too much focus on the new skinny you could be a way of saying you weren't ok before. Maybe they loved you then too!

Maybe they want the new you to be absorbed in how much you love THEM as well?

fteale

The fact your weight loss is making her feel bad is slightly different to her just not being interested. That is an active thing. Non-interest is passive. If she feels bad is there any way you can encourage her to do the same as you?

fteale

I don't think it is accurate to say people need a support network or that it is hard to do it on your own. Parenting that's true of, weightless.....not so much. It's a personal thing, it's up to you and no one else can do it for you, so it really shouldn't matter what anyone else thinks. No one else can lose weight for you.

albayin

My problem is my husband is way too interested in my weight loss. Too stressful!