Chuck Norris jokes please

chocolateandvodka
chocolateandvodka Posts: 1,850 Member
edited October 2024 in Chit-Chat
Nothing makes my day quite like a good Chuck Norris joke... so please share such beauties like these:

when Chuck Norris goes to Italy, the Romans do as he does.

when Chuck Norris goes swimming, he doesn't get wet, the water gets Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't sleep... He waits.

Chuck Norris knows Victoria's Secret. (pahahahaha!)
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Replies

  • TheRoadDog
    TheRoadDog Posts: 11,788 Member
    When Chuck Norris goes to bed at night, he checks under his bed for Road Dog.
  • mamabearr
    mamabearr Posts: 304
    Tornadoes have sirens to warn them when Chick Norris is coming.
  • breen1ka
    breen1ka Posts: 16
    Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas to bed.
  • rocketpants
    rocketpants Posts: 419 Member
    Chuck Norris doesn't pop his collar his shirt gets an erection when it touches his body
  • PanteraGirl
    PanteraGirl Posts: 566 Member
    Once a grizzly bear threatened to eat Chuck Norris. Chuck showed the bear his fist and the bear proceeded to eat himself, because it would be the less painful way to die.
  • wooddie14
    wooddie14 Posts: 79 Member
    Why does Chuck Norris sleep with the lights on???? Because the dark is scared of Chuck Norris!!
  • kapeluza
    kapeluza Posts: 3,434 Member
    Chuck Norris doesn't swim he pushes the ocean out of the way.
  • nerdyandilikeit
    nerdyandilikeit Posts: 2,185 Member
    Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.
  • Shizzman
    Shizzman Posts: 527 Member
    Chuck Norris's tears cure cancer, too bad he never cries

    Under Chuck Norris's beard there isn't a chin, just another fist

    Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door
  • khoran45
    khoran45 Posts: 91 Member
    Chuck Norris can make a slinky go up the stairs.
  • mamabearr
    mamabearr Posts: 304
    Chuck Norris doesn't swim he pushes the ocean out of the way.

    LMFAO
  • kapeluza
    kapeluza Posts: 3,434 Member
    If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
  • NemesisJRM
    NemesisJRM Posts: 248 Member
    If Jesus was the son of god, then surely chuck norris is god?
  • TheRoadDog
    TheRoadDog Posts: 11,788 Member
    The 'c' in Einstein's 'E = mc^2' equation originally stood for Chuck Norris. But Einstein realized no human mind could fully grasp the concept of Chuck Norris multiplied by Chuck Norris, so he dumbed it down to something easier to understand, like the speed of light.
  • Shells06
    Shells06 Posts: 109 Member
    Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack... even a heart isnt foolish enough to attack Chuck Norris.

    If Chuck Norris pokes you on Facebook, you will die.

    Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.

    Chuck Norris can speak French... In Russian.

    Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.

    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • nerdyandilikeit
    nerdyandilikeit Posts: 2,185 Member
    If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

    HAHAHA! Oh man, do I love Chuck Norris jokes!
  • getitamb
    getitamb Posts: 2,019 Member
    Chuck Norris sued Myspace for stealing his space.
  • 84jeepster
    84jeepster Posts: 198 Member
    Chuck Norris in only afraid of one thing...and its name is Chuck Norris.
  • TheRoadDog
    TheRoadDog Posts: 11,788 Member
    Jesus Christ wears a bracelet that has "WWCND?" on it.
  • kapeluza
    kapeluza Posts: 3,434 Member
    If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.
  • kapeluza
    kapeluza Posts: 3,434 Member
    When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
  • NotGoddess
    NotGoddess Posts: 1,198 Member
    Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you.
  • TheRoadDog
    TheRoadDog Posts: 11,788 Member
    Chuck Norris has been the "Employee of the Month" at the buffet down the street from me every month since they've opened. He's never even been there.
  • godroxmysox
    godroxmysox Posts: 1,491 Member
    edit: duplicate; i will try to find another one =)
  • 84jeepster
    84jeepster Posts: 198 Member
    When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

    I love this one...
  • mamabearr
    mamabearr Posts: 304
    If you watch The Ring you die in 7 days. If you look at Chuck Norris, you die instantly.
  • TheRoadDog
    TheRoadDog Posts: 11,788 Member
    Achilles is supposedly the greatest warrior of all time, but he died because of his weak spot: the Achilles tendon. There is no Chuck Norris tendon.
  • kapeluza
    kapeluza Posts: 3,434 Member
    Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
  • TheRoadDog
    TheRoadDog Posts: 11,788 Member
    When Chuck Norris works out, he has a small crew of Asian women who catch his sweat in little bottles and sell it on Ebay as a powerful aphrodesiac. And lubricant.
  • Scott613
    Scott613 Posts: 2,317 Member
    Chuck norris can block punches with his face


    You know why they Call him walker texas ranger.....because chuck norris dont run


    One time chuck norris gave a bunch of his used belt buckles to a group of kids..........these kids are now known as the power rangers
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