Chuck Norris jokes please

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Replies

  • LauraMacNCheese
    LauraMacNCheese Posts: 7,173 Member
    Chuck Norris does not eat. Food understands that the only safe haven from Chuck Norris' fists is inside his own body.
  • LauraMacNCheese
    LauraMacNCheese Posts: 7,173 Member
    Chuck Norris uses a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
  • Scott613
    Scott613 Posts: 2,317 Member
    The hulk gets chuck norris hands for christmas.
  • godroxmysox
    godroxmysox Posts: 1,491 Member
    Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.

    Haha, never heard this one before!
  • mommared53
    mommared53 Posts: 9,543 Member
    When Chuck Norris goes to bed at night, he checks under his bed for Road Dog.

    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: Yeah right!
  • mommared53
    mommared53 Posts: 9,543 Member
    These are cracking me up!!! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: Chuck Norris jokes are the best! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • mommared53
    mommared53 Posts: 9,543 Member
    Chuck Norris owns the greatest poker face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 world series of poker despite him holding just a joker, a 2 of clubs, a 7 of spades, and a green number 4 from Uno and a monopoly ‘get out of jail free’ card.

    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • NoWeighJose74
    NoWeighJose74 Posts: 581 Member
    If you work in an office with Chuck Norris, never ask to see his 3-hole punch.
  • godroxmysox
    godroxmysox Posts: 1,491 Member
    If you work in an office with Chuck Norris, never ask to see his 3-hole punch.

    That is great advice, lol!
  • mommared53
    mommared53 Posts: 9,543 Member
    Chuck Norris is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of the face.

    Oh my land, I'm crying from laughing so hard at these jokes! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • mommared53
    mommared53 Posts: 9,543 Member
    Definition of "Chuckles": 1.Champion knuckles of Chuck Norris 2. low-tone laughter from Chuck Norris as he "teaches you a lesson"


    Chuck Norris doesn't flush the toilet, he scares the *kitten* out of it


    Every silver lining has a Chuck Norris

    When Chuck Norris pours a bowl of Rice Krispies, they shut the hell up!

    Chuck Norris can hear your text messages.

    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: Oh my land, you all are killing me! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • LauraMacNCheese
    LauraMacNCheese Posts: 7,173 Member
    Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
  • azQmaster
    azQmaster Posts: 448 Member
    Chuck Norris will blow up this thread!
  • _Ben
    _Ben Posts: 1,608 Member
    Note: Even though this is not against the Rules of the forum, this may offend some users, read with caution

    Chuck Norris's roundhouse is so powerful, that he went back in time and stopped the bullet that hit JFK with a beer bottle. Kennedy's head then exploded out of sheer amazement
  • deeharley
    deeharley Posts: 1,208 Member
    If Chuck Norris didn't like it, Facebook would change itself back.
  • godroxmysox
    godroxmysox Posts: 1,491 Member
    If Chuck Norris didn't like it, Facebook would change itself back.

    HA; absolutely!
  • katkins3
    katkins3 Posts: 1,359 Member
    When one of my daughters was little she started a rumor that I had dated Chuck Norris and now all my kids tell people this story. They even photo shop him into birthday party and vacation photos. (They also tell people I dated Richard Dean Anderson, from Stargate.)
    They just like to see people's reaction and if they can get them to believe them. Bunch of jokers, what can I say...
  • grfox66
    grfox66 Posts: 83
    When Chuck Norris goes to bed he wears COAST GUARD CHIEF's pajamas!
  • mommared53
    mommared53 Posts: 9,543 Member
    When one of my daughters was little she started a rumor that I had dated Chuck Norris and now all my kids tell people this story. They even photo shop him into birthday party and vacation photos. (They also tell people I dated Richard Dean Anderson, from Stargate.)
    They just like to see people's reaction and if they can get them to believe them. Bunch of jokers, what can I say...

    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: That's so funny! Love it!
  • Faery7
    Faery7 Posts: 317 Member
    Ok this one is bad....... but... it's so good lol

    Chuck Norris' sperm count is so high... girls have to chew before they swallow. eww!
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