Flirting
Replies
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Report all you want..its the truth with a capital TWhatever happened to respectful marriages? Flirting with other people is not cool.. That leads to lusting. Job gave an oath to God to never lust on another woman.Its an open door to commit adultery.I get the love from my husband,and so does he..Yes we're nice to others,but we don't flirt.Respect ur realtionships!
Bible talk...reported...J/K
Haha Leah! It sure is the truth!0 -
Exactly!Flirting while in a relationship = total disrespect
Flirting is one of the first steps why people go for relationships... Think about that...
If he is flirting (despite what your situation is with that person) it is something to really look into...Flirting can cause issues while in a relationship... If you want to flirt then you mine as well be single...0 -
Report all you want..its the truth with a capital TWhatever happened to respectful marriages? Flirting with other people is not cool.. That leads to lusting. Job gave an oath to God to never lust on another woman.Its an open door to commit adultery.I get the love from my husband,and so does he..Yes we're nice to others,but we don't flirt.Respect ur realtionships!
Bible talk...reported...J/K
Kinda true haha0 -
HOUSE RULES OF FLIRTING....
It's ok to flirt as long as it's done tastefully.
It's ok to flirt as long as long as you're giving me more attention that the person you're flirting with.
It's ok to flirt as long as the other person can say when to stop because it doesn't feel right with no reprocussions from the flirter.0 -
Flirting (can) lead to other things.
And other things don't always come to light.
And 'they wouldnt cheat on me' doesn't always mean 'they havent cheated on me'
^ Those are some good reasons. Applies to both dating, and married couples.0 -
Whatever happened to respectful marriages? Flirting with other people is not cool.. That leads to lusting. Job gave an oath to God to never lust on another woman.Its an open door to commit adultery.I get the love from my husband,and so does he..Yes we're nice to others,but we don't flirt.Respect ur realtionships!
Wise words from someone your age. I'm impressed!0 -
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Some are. And some are people he kind of knows in real life. Like friends of friends. It's so aggravating, and yes I've made him aware of my feelings.
He says "I'm probably not going to stop." So he's being honest, but ****...it might just be a deal breaker for me. I hate feeling this way.
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^^^This is a problem. If you've told him it hurts your feelings and you don't like it, and he replies with "I'm probably not going to stop", then you have to make a decision. Either it is a deal breaker (and I wouldn't blame you), or you live with it. You're beautiful, and should be with someone who wants you to feel good.0 -
HOUSE RULES OF FLIRTING....
It's ok to flirt as long as it's done tastefully.
It's ok to flirt as long as long as you're giving me more attention that the person you're flirting with.
It's ok to flirt as long as the other person can say when to stop because it doesn't feel right with no reprocussions from the flirter.
This is somewhat how our house runs as well.
And common sense plays a bit...If I find a man attractive and it comes up, I will pay the compliment. If it goes the other way around, I humbly accept the compliment. If anyone involved tries to make it into something more sexual or create friction, then the line is crossed.0 -
My only opinion is do not do to your loved one what you would not like to be done to you.
You think flirting is ok for you to do right? mmmmm But what if one day flirting is not enough
for you and you take a bigger step? I'd say stop the flirting and make him realize his flirting is
not okay either. Just my opinion............. Im sure you'll both be happier 0 -
It's normal but each couple will have their own lines that decide not to cross. For me and my husbadn we are pretty secure but we both know boudaries. You have to BOTH agree and openly talk about them, if you don't BOTH feel okay with it then neither of you should do it.
Last time I was at a bar with my husband he asked our female bar tender how much she would charge him for sex on the beach? She responded "where is the nearest beach. I didn't bother me, it actually makes me laugh because I know he would never cheat, I never have to worry about that with him and he feels the same about me.
Now, when I get flirty my husband really doesn't care. When men flirt back (which is natural) he starts to feel it. Knowing that, it bothers him but not me so mcuh we have both set boundaries.
I did not care about the bar tender incident, but one time this girl (another military spuce) was litterally fondeling him and smelling him, and rubbing against him. He looked at me across the bar and did not do anytihng about it. I didn't do anything about it then, but when we went to her house later (she is his buddies girl) her and I had a chat on the back porch.
When men push the line with me, grabbing, ect, I take care of it. i am a little over 5 ft tall so if I mess up a dude nodbody will call the cops on me. When a girl messes with my hubby, I mess her up too. When a guy messes with me my husband can't really do what he wants because he has had special training to kill people, he would automatically go to jail, it is not worth it. He stands back and lets me put the damage on them.0 -
Flirting is part of the human condition. And for the folks with faith... stop trying to fit flirting into some 'story' you read in a book...
Flirting is not lusting
Flirting is not cheating
Flirting can be a normal harmless connection between two adults and has nothing to do with 'a cheater'
If your SO was going to cheat on you then flirting may be a sign. But he/she was thinking about cheating all along.
Harmless flirting is just that... and people in a secure relationship that don't live in fear that their SO is cheating on them (what's up with that) have nothing to worry about.0 -
Flirting is part of the human condition. And for the folks with faith... stop trying to fit flirting into some 'story' you read in a book...
Flirting is not lusting
Flirting is not cheating
Flirting can be a normal harmless connection between two adults and has nothing to do with 'a cheater'
If your SO was going to cheat on you then flirting may be a sign. But he/she was thinking about cheating all along.
Harmless flirting is just that... and people in a secure relationship that don't live in fear that their SO is cheating on them (what's up with that) have nothing to worry about.
Since I'm a "folk with faith", I'll respond. Flirting is not a story I read in a book. Flirting isn't always lusting, and not always considered cheating. It is the intent behind the action that is one issue. The other issue is: if your SO feels uncomfortable with it, you don't do it out of respect. We can all control our own actions, whether it's a "human condition" or not. We can also control our own thoughts. I don't buy any of the "human condition so I can't control it" nonsense.0 -
Flirting is part of the human condition. And for the folks with faith... stop trying to fit flirting into some 'story' you read in a book...
Flirting is not lusting
Flirting is not cheating
Flirting can be a normal harmless connection between two adults and has nothing to do with 'a cheater'
If your SO was going to cheat on you then flirting may be a sign. But he/she was thinking about cheating all along.
Harmless flirting is just that... and people in a secure relationship that don't live in fear that their SO is cheating on them (what's up with that) have nothing to worry about.
Since I'm a "folk with faith", I'll respond. Flirting is not a story I read in a book. Flirting isn't always lusting, and not always considered cheating. It is the intent behind the action that is one issue. The other issue is: if your SO feels uncomfortable with it, you don't do it out of respect. We can all control our own actions, whether it's a "human condition" or not. We can also control our own thoughts. I don't buy any of the "human condition so I can't control it" nonsense.
Don't recall saying anything about 'not being able to control it'. That may be an 'excuse' used by others here, but not me. ☺
I agree with the concerns and feelings of our SO, and would not play with others at all if it bothered my SO. But that is not an issue in our relationship.0 -
Flirting is part of the human condition. And for the folks with faith... stop trying to fit flirting into some 'story' you read in a book...
Flirting is not lusting
Flirting is not cheating
Flirting can be a normal harmless connection between two adults and has nothing to do with 'a cheater'
If your SO was going to cheat on you then flirting may be a sign. But he/she was thinking about cheating all along.
Harmless flirting is just that... and people in a secure relationship that don't live in fear that their SO is cheating on them (what's up with that) have nothing to worry about.
Since I'm a "folk with faith", I'll respond. Flirting is not a story I read in a book. Flirting isn't always lusting, and not always considered cheating. It is the intent behind the action that is one issue. The other issue is: if your SO feels uncomfortable with it, you don't do it out of respect. We can all control our own actions, whether it's a "human condition" or not. We can also control our own thoughts. I don't buy any of the "human condition so I can't control it" nonsense.
Don't recall saying anything about 'not being able to control it'. That may be an 'excuse' used by others here, but not me. ☺
I agree with the concerns and feelings of our SO, and would not play with others at all if it bothered my SO. But that is not an issue in our relationship.
I know you didn't say anything about not being able to control it (sorry of it sounded like I thought you said it). I only mentioned that because I hear it so much as an excuse. I also agree that if both people in the relationship are okay with flirting, then there isn't an issue....until there's an issue (using the quote again, "If you're dancing on a slippery slope, don't be surprised if someone falls").0 -
I know you didn't say anything about not being able to control it (sorry of it sounded like I thought you said it). I only mentioned that because I hear it so much as an excuse. I also agree that if both people in the relationship are okay with flirting, then there isn't an issue....until there's an issue (using the quote again, "If you're dancing on a slippery slope, don't be surprised if someone falls").
This circles back to my original posting... if it's an issue or becomes and issue then something was wrong in the relationship already.
Harmless flirting (in my mind) is purely verbal and never physical, if flirting means more than that to others then I'm in the wrong thread...0 -
I don't believe flirting is harmless, even if it is intended as such. If we deliberately flirt with someone, we don't always know just how that person is affected. He/she may develop expectations or feelings for the person who is flirting. To toy with the feelings of others intentionally is cruel, even if we feel it's "innocent" on our part.
To signal romantic interest in a married person - or for a married person to show such interest in someone outside the marriage bond - is, quite frankly, wrong in my opinion. Cheating on a mate often begins in a harmless way - an emotional attachment is formed... and it can happen unintentionally or in a seemingly innocent way, by flirting.
I know I wouldn't appreciate if my hubby flirted - he doesn't do it - and so I am mindful of his feelings, and am careful not to do so either.
Yes! I completely agree. People keep throwing around that flirting is harmless...and in a sense it is. However, the expectations on both parties should be made known that that's all it is. Unfortunately, that doesn't happen. Usually the party on the recieving end of the flirting ends up thinking that there is something more going on and it can get ugly.
To the OP -- does your BF tell you about the comments he leaves or the conversations he has with other women? The second your BF starts hiding this information from you it becomes inappropriate. Take care :flowerforyou:0 -
I know you didn't say anything about not being able to control it (sorry of it sounded like I thought you said it). I only mentioned that because I hear it so much as an excuse. I also agree that if both people in the relationship are okay with flirting, then there isn't an issue....until there's an issue (using the quote again, "If you're dancing on a slippery slope, don't be surprised if someone falls").
This circles back to my original posting... if it's an issue or becomes and issue then something was wrong in the relationship already.
Harmless flirting (in my mind) is purely verbal and never physical, if flirting means more than that to others then I'm in the wrong thread...
You're not in the wrong thread. You're giving your opinion from your own perspective. In my opinion, flirting can be harmfull whether it's physical or not. Flirting can mean different things to different people, and it's nice to have a thread with people who have different points of view.0 -
To me flirting has intent and an ulterior motive. If i "flirt" with someone, I am hoping it goes beyond just merely conversation.
Then there is playful interaction. I have no intent and no ulterior motive. 99% of the time, that's what I do. 100% of the time when I have a GF...due to respect to her.
I had someone argue SHE may interpret it as flirting. That I cannot help. I am not about to worry about how other people interpret what I say. I would end up rocking myself in the corner.0 -
To me flirting has intent and an ulterior motive. If i "flirt" with someone, I am hoping it goes beyond just merely conversation.
Then there is playful interaction. I have no intent and no ulterior motive. 99% of the time, that's what I do. 100% of the time when I have a GF...due to respect to her.
I had someone argue SHE may interpret it as flirting. That I cannot help. I am not about to worry about how other people interpret what I say. I would end up rocking myself in the corner.
This I wholeheartedly agree with.
On the note of men looking at other women and commenting about them being hot or whatever. One double standard - as a woman mind you - that I really HATE is that most women will talk about men they find hot but as soon as a man says it about another woman the girlfriend will throw a hissyfit. This isn't intended to be directed at anyone in this thread, it's just something that annoys the hell out of me with women I know.
In fact one of my best friends who I love and adore I have actually had words with about this. In all of her relationships it has been the same. She will tell her boyfriend he's not up to scratch. Will talk about people who are hotter than him. Says that she wishes that he looked like someone else - all "joking" of course. Then as soon as he even looks at another woman - even in a magazine - she will be crying and accusing him of all sorts. Clearly its a self esteem issue, but it grates on my nerves to no end!0 -
To me flirting has intent and an ulterior motive. If i "flirt" with someone, I am hoping it goes beyond just merely conversation.
Then there is playful interaction. I have no intent and no ulterior motive. 99% of the time, that's what I do. 100% of the time when I have a GF...due to respect to her.
I had someone argue SHE may interpret it as flirting. That I cannot help. I am not about to worry about how other people interpret what I say. I would end up rocking myself in the corner.
This I wholeheartedly agree with.
On the note of men looking at other women and commenting about them being hot or whatever. One double standard - as a woman mind you - that I really HATE is that most women will talk about men they find hot but as soon as a man says it about another woman the girlfriend will throw a hissyfit. This isn't intended to be directed at anyone in this thread, it's just something that annoys the hell out of me with women I know.
In fact one of my best friends who I love and adore I have actually had words with about this. In all of her relationships it has been the same. She will tell her boyfriend he's not up to scratch. Will talk about people who are hotter than him. Says that she wishes that he looked like someone else - all "joking" of course. Then as soon as he even looks at another woman - even in a magazine - she will be crying and accusing him of all sorts. Clearly its a self esteem issue, but it grates on my nerves to no end!
Read that scared the living #### out of me!!0 -
When my partner and I first got together, I would see red whenever whenever another girl so much as came near him or spoke to him.
I HATED him talking to girls. And I even resented the fact that there were girls in his classes at uni! HOW DARE THEY!
The problem with my boyfriend is that he is so genuinely nice that everybody just falls for him! And he can never be rude, so doesn't even realise that his normal friendly chit-chat can come across as flirting to that girl who thinks she's in with a chance! When in all honesty, I don't think my boyfriend even knows HOW to flirt!
I realised that this jealousy was having an impact on our relationship, and as time went on, I managed to get shot of that sickening feeling.
5 years on, we have the best time joking about members of the opposite sex and discussing who we think is a "fitty" and our relationship is so much healthier for that!
I'm happy for him to spend time in the company of other girls as (without sounding big headed!) he makes it quite clear that he only has eyes for me!
He's a good egg.0 -
This is only my 2 cents so take it for what it's worth, everyone's got a lesson they learned.
I feel totally comfortable with my guy "looking", but not oogling other women. At a point (different for everyone) it becomes disrepectful to me. We've talked about it and understand that it's only natural to recognize beauty in others. If you are totally comfortable, you might need to get to the root of the issue. Maybe you feel problems in other parts of your relationship that haven't really come up yet. I find that when I feel self conscious or highly sensitive to what others are doing, most of the time it's not really THAT issue. Maybe I'm PMSing, or had a bad day at work, maybe we've been disconnecting in other ways. etc.......try to pull yourself away from it emotionally and look at the WHOLE picture, not just the fact that he's "looking" at women online. Hope it helps.0 -
My only opinion is do not do to your loved one what you would not like to be done to you.
You think flirting is ok for you to do right? mmmmm But what if one day flirting is not enough
for you and you take a bigger step? I'd say stop the flirting and make him realize his flirting is
not okay either. Just my opinion............. Im sure you'll both be happier
I don't recall ever discussing my flirting or lack thereof. I just said that I think flirting is natural and I'm sure everyone does it to some extent. That doesn't mean I'm a flirt. It would be pretty hypocritical of me to complain about his flirting if I were also guilty of the same...wouldn't it? Well I'm not a hypocrite, so there you have it...0 -
To the OP -- does your BF tell you about the comments he leaves or the conversations he has with other women? The second your BF starts hiding this information from you it becomes inappropriate. Take care :flowerforyou:
Some times no. Other times he hides it...another reason why it makes me so nervous. I've always been about respecting privacy, and then one day he took advantage of my trust. Now it's much more difficult to trust and respect his privacy too. I struggle intensely with this. The thing that is tough, is that it's only been words and flirty inappropriateness up to this point. I don't feel that is a relationship deal breaker, but it has damaged my trust, and I'm having a difficult time repairing it.
This just complicates matters.0 -
I think I've said this before....flirting is no fun if no one is getting laid.
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It's normal. It's natural...and I'm sure everyone does it.
So why does it make you feel like absolute dirt when your partner does it? Or is that just me.
When I see my partner ogling facebook photos of other women, or making complimentary posts about their photos...it makes me want to curl up into a ball and die.
This can't be healthy, normal behavior. What can I do to overcome it?
If you do it WHY would it bother you if he does it? Unless you are doing more than flirting.
There's a difference between flirting and wanting to take it to the next level. I am a big time flirt..I flirt with woman every day but it doesnt mean I wanna screw them or get "nasty' with them. My girl would have the same liberties as me as long as a line wasn't crossed.0 -
If you do it WHY would it bother you if he does it? Unless you are doing more than flirting.
There's a difference between flirting and wanting to take it to the next level. I am a big time flirt..I flirt with woman every day but it doesnt mean I wanna screw them or get "nasty' with them. My girl would have the same liberties as me as long as a line wasn't crossed.
Clearly I am bothered because the extent of the flirting he engages in goes well beyond what I feel is appropriate. If I don't feel it's appropriate, I'm OBVIOUSLY not doing it. It'd be nice if you'd read the entire thread before being presumptuous.0
This discussion has been closed.
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