Arrogance vs Self Confidence

dieseljay74

Everone handles jeaulousy differently!

bry_all01

This is not related to the original post, but I think it's kind of odd that when one person has a different opinion than the majority of the crowd, everyone attacks said person.

Kind of sad.

I didn't see much of any attacks, more questions of confused people, myself included as to how he arrived at his response. Nothing more. :flowerforyou:

SergeantSunshine_reused

This is not related to the original post, but I think it's kind of odd that when one person has a different opinion than the majority of the crowd, everyone attacks said person.

Kind of sad.

I disagree with people all the time and i rarely get attacked.

(This is me disagreeing with you, thus attacking you. I didn't want you to feel left out)

Because no one dares attack you! xD

ebramlett

You know how I feel Shan!! I am proud of your hard work. Its not arrogance when you feel good in your own skin. You made a lifestyle change to better yourself, and you succeeded!! Go tell it on the mountain tops!! I'll stand right there beside ya!

SimplyShanRunning

We were on each other's friends list at one point OP, or from what I understand your name is "Shan" or "Shannon"..apologies if I butchered it. Getting straight to the point. I would read your wall posts everyday that you'd make and it just showed not only your arrogance (wow look at the topic of the thread), but how full of yourself you are. What's even more amusing is how many men would just buy into your self-righteousness and swoon.

So...I removed you from the friend's list. It's nothing personal, it's just you aren't the kind of person that I want to be around because of all the "look at me" energy that you put off.

Granted, this has absolutely nothing to do with your progress you've made in your nutrition and fitness goals.

This has to do with your preserverance of how your *kitten* don't stink basically.

But..this is fun...your turn.

Nah...Im not going to entertain you because that is what you want. I simply had a question......You answered in the best way I assume you knew how....Putting down others or pointing out how you think of them is fine.....I only defended myself....I will not continue to do so with you because with people like you ....there is no winning....you will continue to come back and the thread will get heated and probably locked .....So Have a great day.....And thank you for deleting me.....It was the best thing you could of done I am sure you agree with that

joejccva71

We were on each other's friends list at one point OP, or from what I understand your name is "Shan" or "Shannon"..apologies if I butchered it. Getting straight to the point. I would read your wall posts everyday that you'd make and it just showed not only your arrogance (wow look at the topic of the thread), but how full of yourself you are. What's even more amusing is how many men would just buy into your self-righteousness and swoon.

So...I removed you from the friend's list. It's nothing personal, it's just you aren't the kind of person that I want to be around because of all the "look at me" energy that you put off.

Granted, this has absolutely nothing to do with your progress you've made in your nutrition and fitness goals.

This has to do with your preserverance of how your *kitten* don't stink basically.

But..this is fun...your turn.

I see you have obviously read the forum rules. :noway:

Forum Rules
4) Do not attack/slam/insult other users. The forums are here so that members can help support one another. Attacks or insults against each other takes away from the supportive atmosphere and will not be tolerated. You can discuss the message or topic, but not the messenger - NO EXCEPTIONS. If you are attacked by another user, and you reciprocate, YOU will also be subject to the same consequences. Defending yourself, defending a friend, etc. are NOT excuses. Violations of this rule are taken very seriously and may result in being banned without warning! If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.

That's acceptable. I've said what I had to say. I'll take my licks now.

Edit: And honestly it wasn't an attempt at attacking her. She asked a question in the original post, and I answered it honestly and upfront. She may be the nicest person in the world outside of MFP, but since this is all I have to go on and from what I've noticed from her...I made my opinion. And that's just it..my opinion.

If this causes me to get a warning, or be banned then there's nothing I can do about it now.

ElissaNP

Frankly I think your coworker feels threatened by your accomplishment. It's her problem, not your's. Be proud!

mrmarius

Bah im proud of you and what youve accomplished dont sweat it. People misconstrue me as arrogant but anyone who knows me knows this is far far from the case. Even with as much as i joke about how great i am most know its just thst me joking, hell im usually so over the top with it you cant help but know that but some people.... Anyhow just do you

secostley

Self-confidence crosses over to arrogance when you have to put down others or put them in a position of subservience in order to justify or call attention to your position. Nothing wrong with being confident and acknowledging the fact that you put in work to get where you are physically and fitness-wise. However, doing or acting in a manner that belitlles the recipient of your conversation or behavior crosses the line.

TK421NotAtPost

Leonidas was arrogant and self-confident. That's what made him a great king.

This is Madness? No, this is Sparta!

JaydeSkye

Just out of curosity, what does the coworker/friend look like?

Everyone is assuming she is "jealous" etc, but what if she's actually smokin' hott?

Could it be possible that you aren't confident at all, but rather need further reassurance?

Just playing Devil's advocate. It's a good question.

Post a picture of her

joejccva71

Leonidas was arrogant and self-confident. That's what made him a great king.

This is Madness? No, this is Sparta!

OMG what movie is that pic from?!?

koosdel

Ha! Ha! It entertains The Koosdel when the little people quarrel.

You may continue.

Kristhin

I tend to lean towards shyness and modesty a bit more than the average person. So I have to say I wouldn't have said that to anybody. But most people aren't me. Haha.
I will tell my boyfriend or my mom whenever I fit into a pair of pants or shorts I previously was unable to wear but thats about it. If someone else brings up my weight loss to me I'll say thanks and I'll tell them how much weight I've lost so far because their compliment makes me excited/happy. I never say anything about thinking I look good though or bring it up first to ppl.
Just because I wouldn't do it though, doesn't mean it makes you saying it arrogant. I don't think the comment alone is arrogant at all. I think it would only be arrogant if the person who says it also tends to talk about theirself quite a bit. Which I'm assuming you don't.

♥

bry_all01

Leonidas was arrogant and self-confident. That's what made him a great king.

This is Madness? No, this is Sparta!

OMG what movie is that pic from?!?

Spartacus: Gods of the Arena, no, not really I just miss the show.... *sigh*

horizonflight

I suppose the original subject here is interesting. I don't know. Do people find it arrogant that, every time you finish an exercise on MFP, it logs it on your wall? Or every time you close out your diary (if you have it set for public view), your "friends" look at your diary and find that you eat something that's maybe more expensive or see that you're eating a ton of foods that they cannot eat? I don't know if you could really call it arrogance.

If I was in your situation I would just ignore her and not confide in her with your hard progress. It's YOUR progress, she clearly doesn't place any interest in what you're doing for yourself so just ignore her and move on. That's MY opinion.

Great job though, with toning your legs! I think THAT'S what MFP is for, a tool to help you track your intake and exercise and a tool to help you find people who are in similar situations as you, with similar goals as you, who will support you and keep motivating you! That's just my two cents though

LorinaLynn

Context has a lot to do with it.

On here, we're all striving to be stronger, fitter, healthier, so talking about it among people with similar goals is expected and encouraged. We're here for encouragement and inspiration, as well as to encourage and inspire others.

But outside of the MFP world, a lot of people don't give a darn about our muscles or our calorie goal or how fast we can run or how much we can press or bench.

Obviously, we don't all know the OP personally and know what she's like, but I'm sure we've all known people who always talk about their diet or exercise and know how tiring that can be. Where a question like, "Do you want ketchup or mustard?" at a barbecue turns into a 45 minute monologue on evils of condiments. :laugh: Some folks genuinely want to know, in detail how you're getting fit and how your progress is going, but for the most part, they just want short answers so they can talk more about themselves.

The coworker in question here, in hindsight, didn't want as much info as she got. Now, that could be that the OP was coming off as bragging, or it could be her own issues. Either way, though, I believe that *telling someone* they sound arrogant is a little bit more rude than someone getting caught up in the moment and bragging a bit.

And now you know that the coworker isn't your audience for that kind of discussion, so... no skin off anyone's nose.

Tiggerrick

I have been called condecending for asking questions when my intent was knowledge gathering/learning. I am sure some people think of me as arrogant, others as self confident (I'm also sure there are more titles). Their titles do not bother me. I learned a long time ago that "YOUR OPINION OF ME IS NONE OF MY BUSINESS' so I let all that BS go a long time ago.

I am my worst critic. Nothing you can say or do will put me down MORE than I can put myself down.
I am my biggest cheer leader. Nothing you can say or do will boost me up MORE than I can boost myself up.
I am NOT perfect, but I strive to be better than the day before.
My **** STINKS; and so does yours.
If you think you are better than me, you are not. If you think you are less than me, you are not.
I am THE BEST at being ME. There is no better ME than ME.
I am PROUD of the MAN I've become. Call it what you want arrogance, self confidence, whatever you want.
If you like me great, if you don't great. I don't need you to like me. I like me, and that's all I need.

So let me tell you this Shan: It is not how SHE feels about your statement, but about how YOU feel about your statement.

And I agree with the others. That is not a person that I would continue to share myself with. I'd be professional, a true coworker, but that's as far as it would go.

horizonflight

I have been called condecending for asking questions when my intent was knowledge gathering/learning. I am sure some people think of me as arrogant, others as self confident (I'm also sure there are more titles). Their titles do not bother me. I learned a long time ago that "YOUR OPINION OF ME IS NONE OF MY BUSINESS' so I let all that BS go a long time ago.

I am my worst critic. Nothing you can say or do will put me down MORE than I can put myself down.
I am my biggest cheer leader. Nothing you can say or do will boost me up MORE than I can boost myself up.
I am NOT perfect, but I strive to be better than the day before.
My **** STINKS; and so does yours.
If you think you are better than me, you are not. If you think you are less than me, you are not.
I am THE BEST at being ME. There is no better ME than ME.
I am PROUD of the MAN I've become. Call it what you want arrogance, self confidence, whatever you want.
If you like me great, if you don't great. I don't need you to like me. I like me, and that's all I need.

So let me tell you this Shan: It is not how SHE feels about your statement, but about how YOU feel about your statement.

And I agree with the others. That is not a person that I would continue to share myself with. I'd be professional, a true coworker, but that's as far as it would go.

*Like button* if there was one. I completely agree.

Steven

Folks,

There is no place for personal attacks on the forums.

"4) Do not attack/slam/insult other users. The forums are here so that members can help support one another. Attacks or insults against each other takes away from the supportive atmosphere and will not be tolerated. You can discuss the message or topic, but not the messenger - NO EXCEPTIONS. If you are attacked by another user, and you reciprocate, YOU will also be subject to the same consequences. Defending yourself, defending a friend, etc. are NOT excuses. Violations of this rule are taken very seriously and may result in being banned without warning! If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all."

There's also a rule that's borderline being tread on here:

5) Topics which are started with the intent to denigrate, belittle, or disparage another MyFitnessPal member, either directly named or through enough descriptive commentary to be possibly identified, are prohibited. Such topics will be instantly deleted and may result in the banning of the original poster. This includes following another poster around in the forums, posting about past events gone sour, divulging personal information, spreading gossip or rumors, posting email exchanges between users, etc. Keep the drama off the forums!

The thread didn't start this way, but talk posts about past interactions and airing of old laundry are not within the forum guidelines.

I'm going to delete some posts here, and let the thread run. Please remain respectful.

Steven
MyFitnessPal Staff

catlover98611

I talk about my weight loss, my clothing size, my endurance, my love for life, my kids, my food plan, my addictions, the way my *kitten* looks in my size 1 jeans, I talk about everything....After being buried by 85 pounds of fat for the past 14 years, I don't really care what other people think about it. Am I arrogant in that thought or just confident???? Proud of it, either way. Embrace your success and find someone who will celebrate your successes with you. :flowerforyou:

runs4zen

Next time she says something like that--(for instance when you hit her with the m&m and pepsi diet comment--LOL)-- tell her "don't hate the player, hate the game"...and then walk off chuckling. She sounds a little jealous and could use a little humor injection.

jpd10905

So this has been bothering me a little well to be honest a lot. I made the comment to a friend the other day about how proud I was of my legs. They are way more toned now that I have been running and I can actually see my muscles without having to flex. After saying this to her....She told me that I shouldn't let my head get to big. That it was an arrogant statment to make.

In saying this please note she is not a close friend.....more of a coworker than anything

So what are your thoughts....When does self confidence stretech over into arrogance?

She sounds jealous. Be proud of your accomplishments and rock your new legs!

ABetterBalance

I suppose the original subject here is interesting. I don't know. Do people find it arrogant that, every time you finish an exercise on MFP, it logs it on your wall? Or every time you close out your diary (if you have it set for public view), your "friends" look at your diary and find that you eat something that's maybe more expensive or see that you're eating a ton of foods that they cannot eat? I don't know if you could really call it arrogance.

I don't see how this really compares to the OP's question. MFP is a community for logging your food and exercise. The default setting is for these things to post to your wall. It's not really arrogance that you use the tools as they were intended (although, in my case, laziness because I can't be bothered to customize it! )

Now, if I were to print out my food diaries and show them to my coworkers, friends, and family while pointing out how much better/more nutritious/expensive my food choices were than theirs- that might be arrogance. (And annoying to the extreme)

To the OP- the actual comment cannot be judged without any other context. It sounds harmless enough, but her response (which is being pegged as extreme or jealous by most) implies that perhaps she's heard comments of this nature one too many times and that you are crossing a line with her. Especially since she is, as you said, not even really a close friend, but rather someone you happen to know from work.

I talk to one of my coworkers about fitness and nutrition. Because he cares. We make recommendations to one another over coffee in the morning. I do *not* mention my diet or exercise routine in casual conversation with anyone else- because they have given no indication that they care at all.

When I have a great run, and share that with my friend, he knows that I am just excited about my progress. If I were to bring up my run time in random conversations with people I happen to be in meetings with, they would see me as arrogant (or maybe crazy)

horizonflight

I don't see how this really compares to the OP's question. MFP is a community for logging your food and exercise. The default setting is for these things to post to your wall. It's not really arrogance that you use the tools as they were intended (although, in my case, laziness because I can't be bothered to customize it! )

Now, if I were to print out my food diaries and show them to my coworkers, friends, and family while pointing out how much better/more nutritious/expensive my food choices were than theirs- that might be arrogance. (And annoying to the extreme)

Do people always have to look and interpret comments negatively? What's the matter? I was backing her up nonetheless! I was merely giving an example firstly, secondly, an individual had posted information regarding the OP's prior wall posts when the individual was "befriended" to her. And thirdly, you're merely giving your opinion to her, so why "quote" my opinion and deflect something like that? Really not necessary.

ABetterBalance

I don't see how this really compares to the OP's question. MFP is a community for logging your food and exercise. The default setting is for these things to post to your wall. It's not really arrogance that you use the tools as they were intended (although, in my case, laziness because I can't be bothered to customize it! )

Now, if I were to print out my food diaries and show them to my coworkers, friends, and family while pointing out how much better/more nutritious/expensive my food choices were than theirs- that might be arrogance. (And annoying to the extreme)

Do people always have to look and interpret comments negatively? What's the matter? I was backing her up nonetheless! I was merely giving an example firstly, secondly, an individual had posted information regarding the OP's prior wall posts when the individual was "befriended" to her. And thirdly, you're merely giving your opinion to her, so why "quote" my opinion and deflect something like that? Really not necessary.

:huh: Hmmm, not quite sure what got you so upset, but ok then. I guess that just serves as a demonstration of what a lot of people have posted- what one says and how someone else interprets it are not always going to be the same. As for your firstly, secondly, etc...

1) You were giving an example. And I was responding to that example. I, personally, do not interpret the sharing of information through the default settings the same way you do. And, seeing as the nature of the message boards is discussion (and not just one-sided agreement with the OP or else) I shared my thoughts.

2) I did see the comments from the poster who was at one time friends with the OP. Since I am not (and was not) on her friends list, I do not know what he saw or how true his statements were. Since it's all pretty subjective anyway, I chose not to address that.

3) I quoted your opinion, because what you said is what prompted me to post at all. I wanted to respond to what you posted, and I quoted it. When I read the boards, it always helps *me* follow a thread and train of thought when people use the quote feature.

I read 100x more than I actually post on her. When I *do* post, I am lazy about it. :happy: I quoted you to address what you had said (because I found it interesting) and then I addressed the rest of my comment to the OP, instead of posting multiple responses. More efficient- and I like efficient! (and I believe I differentiated between the two clearly)

joehempel