A serious and frightening subject

Meli_fitness
Meli_fitness Posts: 9
in Chit-Chat
I have no idea if I should even be posting about this on this website (it has nothing to do with weightloss), I am very sorry in advance if the subject is inapropiate or does not go along with what this website is about, but I though since I get such incredible advice and inspiration to meet my goals if maybe someone out there who is knowledge-able could help with this frighting situation.

here it goes:

My bestfriend is being stalked by a dangerous guy, every day he leaves her cds and notes on her car, he even left a GIANT sign on the front of her house saying he missed her, he leaves this overnight wich means he walks around her house at night... he is not just any stalker, they use to be bestfriends, things got wierd and he started controlling her and drawing pictures of her laying in puddles of blood... she has a very particular and wierd way of sleeping bc I have seen her sleep, these drawings show her sleeping this way, they were best friends but he NEVER saw her sleep, so she believes he watches her from outside her window... he has contacted even her parents to talk to her... thing is this is just scary what would you do in a situation like this? he both know he can be aggressive and I love her to death I dont want him to hurt her, he has access to guns :( should she talk to him and slowly let him down or should she continue not talking to him and ignoring him, the longer she goes without talking to him the crazier he gets... (btw everyone who gets to meet him is always telling her that there is something off about him and that she needs to stay away, not long ago he was hidding in the dark and waited for her to get out of the car to confront her of her whereabouts) thank you for listening and again sorry if the subject is too random...
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Replies

  • hayskylar
    hayskylar Posts: 62
    Go to the authorities. Get a restraining order, it can't stop him from coming close to her, but she can always call the cops and he can be taken to jail for violating them. Also, she needs to move, and get a P.O. box.
  • shelbym87
    shelbym87 Posts: 122 Member
    She needs to go to the police immediately.
  • shelbym87
    shelbym87 Posts: 122 Member
    Whoopsie daisy double post.
  • andrea198721
    andrea198721 Posts: 173 Member
    Yeah thats creepy...Maybe she should invest on some mace or pepper spray or even a tazor. Restraining order...also needs to document this and whatever else he does...maybe tell him to get lost and that she doesn't have those feelings for him.... and also have someone walk her to her car when she gets off work.....
  • kyrstensmom
    kyrstensmom Posts: 297 Member
    She needs to get a stalking order. She needs to call the police. He is not going to leave her alone, no matter if she lets him down easy or if she ignores him. From the sounds of it, she is in serious danger and she NEEDS to call the police EVERYTIME he is around her house, car, school, work, etc.
  • maryd523
    maryd523 Posts: 661 Member
    Yes, I agree with the above post. Here in Idaho, we just had a woman killed by a stalker, a man with whom she had a brief previous relationship with. You don't want to mess around with it, or take any chances. Just make sure she takes precautions and definitely get the police involved.
  • Jennyisbusy
    Jennyisbusy Posts: 1,294 Member
    step 1 - restraining order
    step 2- weapons, security lights, hell maybe even a few cameras,
    step 3- move and repeat

    Sounds bad - I would say she should never be alone - within reason of course.
  • McKayMachina
    McKayMachina Posts: 2,670 Member
    POLICE. Immediately.

    Really? Do people not report this crap?
  • idiocracy
    idiocracy Posts: 275 Member
    Call the police. Get security cameras. They have them cheap in computer stores, they have apps that you can watch them from any smartphone or online and also take pictures when motion is detected. And that's under $50. She can have one at her window pointing outside. But you really need a police report ASAP!

    PS: Do not make any contact with him, do not try to talk to him. Talking would only give him more reasons to be obsessed about.
  • SailingMike
    SailingMike Posts: 237 Member
    I am an attorney and would advise her to get a restraining order. Next time he shows up, call the cops and have him arrested. ALSO, you can get fairly inexpensive security cameras sets from Costco, etc. with DVRs. She should get these and install them around her house for evidence.
    I would not hurt to hire a tough off duty cop to talk to him as well.

    IF he threatens her in any way, she should disappear for a while. Restraining orders do not help when the stalker has violent intentions.
  • chuckyp
    chuckyp Posts: 693 Member
    Unfortunately, not really any crime committed yet so not much the police are going to do. The restraining order is a good idea if she can document the incidents to the court. But he still would have to be served with the order before it is valid, and even then it doesn't really prevent anything if he's intent on doing harm. If he shows up to hurt her, and if she even has a chance to call the police, she will be lucky if the police get there in time to do anything but take a report. I'm an advocate of being responsible for your own self-defense. Have a gun, and know how to use it. Pepper spray and Tasers and baseball bats are fine, but not against an attacker who is armed with a gun.
  • binary_jester
    binary_jester Posts: 3,311 Member
    Buy her the book The Gift of Fear.
  • Shannoncore
    Shannoncore Posts: 135
    Buy her the book The Gift of Fear.
    this is a really good book and a recommended read for all women. she needs to get a restraining order quickly and she should not contact him at all. if she does he is getting a response that he "needs". go to the police. document document document. maybe there is a patter the police can use to catch him.
  • papastu
    papastu Posts: 737 Member
    POLICE. Immediately.

    Really? Do people not report this crap?

    exactly my thought !!
  • binary_jester
    binary_jester Posts: 3,311 Member
    Buy her the book The Gift of Fear.
    this is a really good book and a recommended read for all women. she needs to get a restraining order quickly and she should not contact him at all. if she does he is getting a response that he "needs". go to the police. document document document. maybe there is a patter the police can use to catch him.
    yep. You have read the book. Amazingly insightful.
  • trooper605
    trooper605 Posts: 31 Member
    Call the police NOW. Get a restraining order ASAP so that it will give the police the power to arrest him at the first violation. Lights...the more the better. Security cameras are great and DVR tapes can be used as great evidence. She also need to get some type of self defense item (Pepper Spray, Taser or better) and be mentally prepared to use it and to defend herself.

    If she can have one...a big dog!!

    Her contacting this guy and trying to talk to him could be a big mistake. He may not even listen to the words she is saying or he will turn them into something else. Tell her to remember....she is her best self defense. You usually cant reason with people like him.....safety first. Police for the inital report, then restraining order first thing on monday.......
  • MisterDubs303
    MisterDubs303 Posts: 1,216 Member
    I have known two men who sound like this guy. In one case, the guy took years to get over the girl, and in the other case, the guy sort of got over her, then returned and broke into her house. It didn't turn out pretty for him (RIP). She should write a letter, notarized, requesting that he not contact her in any way, and stay away from her home. Then, if he persists, request a no contact order. If he breaks those, then they can do a restraining order. Whatever she does, she should not communicate with him in ANY way after she requests that he stop making contact.
  • Blabob
    Blabob Posts: 15 Member
    Like the above. Go to the Police and ask for help. Get a restraining order. Report the violations the second she sees him. I know that in some communities (and States) the authorities are not particularly helpful. But at least she has a pattern of requests for help if she or anyone else ends up putting a hole in him.

    Like someone else suggested, try to have someone with her, ideally somewhere he doesn’t know. No it isn’t fair and it sure isn’t right, but too many come have down dead wrong on this decision.
  • noogie98
    noogie98 Posts: 445 Member
    First, go to the police immediately ~ stalking is a crime, as is harassment. Take all of the crap he has sent her & left for her to show them. Get a restraining order, and document everything from that point on.

    Secondly, take a self defense class, get a stun gun or taser and be prepared to use it. As some on suggested, if she can, get a big dog with an even bigger bark. Install motion lights outside her home & invest in a security camera... they are relatively inexpensive, and you can send the feed directly to your computer.

    And then, get a PO Box and have her mail forwarded to the PO address. Change her phone numbers. Don't be afraid to call the police every time this idiot contacts her ~ I had a friend who 'didn't want to be a pest', didn't call the police and ended up in the hospital after he attacked her with a baseball bat. He violated her in every way, and ended up behind bars for his crimes.
  • RangerSteve
    RangerSteve Posts: 437
    9mm in a drawer next to the bed (with hollow points)

    If this guy is possibly dangerous and has access to weapons then waiting for the police to arrive or getting a restraining order will do nothing. You must be able to defend yourself. If she doesn't own a gun, now is a good time to get one. (Also, yes, get the restraining order too but it's not going to prevent this guy from becoming violent)

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