Dating someone that is not into fitness

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  • JStarnes
    JStarnes Posts: 5,576 Member
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    Just like when I was a smoker. If I didn't give it up, my husband-to-be would have given me up.
    This makes me sad. He would've given up all of your good qualities bc of one bad? :noway:

    "If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best"

    *exits thread*
  • atsteele
    atsteele Posts: 1,358 Member
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    To be honest, when I was last single 12 years ago and doing the online dating thing, guys who were looking for fitness buddies were a huge turnoff for me. I was thin and reasonably fit, but I wouldn't have set foot in a gym unless a gun was held against my head back then. Ditto for guys who seemed overly interested in my body size or shape. I wanted someone who'd be attracted to me, sure, but I wanted someone with depth who'd appreciate what's going on between my ears.

    I like running and lifting and stuff because I like the results... both how I look and how I feel mentally and physically. It's something that enables me to live the life I want to live, but it's NOT my life.

    Aside from when I run races and it's a social thing, I consider my exercise to be part of my personal hygiene routine. I don't need a partner who is as into running as I am any more than I need a partner to help me shave my legs or color my hair. It's something I do for myself, by myself. Same goes for shopping, too. I don't like shopping with anyone, not my friends or my husband. I hunt for clothes like a one woman wolf-pack! :laugh:

    re someone with depth; Amen to that!! If attraction is/was ALL about the physical aspect, it would be pretty shallow and meaningless.

    re liking exercise for the results; I like exercise for how it makes me look AND feel. I wouldn't do it if it wasn't fun!!

    re not needing a partner to exercise with; Ditto. I dont need a buddy to run with or work out with. And I HATE shopping with someone else. BUT, on the other hand, my husband, because he works out and runs, also motivates me sometimes when I dont want to. I see him running outside in the rain and cold and think, Hey, I can do that!! I also love that he values himself enough to keep taking good care of himself. He looks great!! He also inspires me because he has had several illnesses over the years and a bad back and yet he STILL finds a way to work out and stay fit.
  • atsteele
    atsteele Posts: 1,358 Member
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    Just like when I was a smoker. If I didn't give it up, my husband-to-be would have given me up.
    This makes me sad. He would've given up all of your good qualities bc of one bad? :noway:

    "If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best"

    *exits thread*

    Smoking was/is a dealbreaker for him. If I was single and dating nowadays, it would be for me now. Trust me, that's not sad. :)
  • fbmandy55
    fbmandy55 Posts: 5,263 Member
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    Just like when I was a smoker. If I didn't give it up, my husband-to-be would have given me up.
    This makes me sad. He would've given up all of your good qualities bc of one bad? :noway:

    "If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best"

    *exits thread*

    I agree with this. If someone dumped me over ONE or TWO things they did not like...I wouldn't want them in the first place.
  • atsteele
    atsteele Posts: 1,358 Member
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    Just like when I was a smoker. If I didn't give it up, my husband-to-be would have given me up.
    This makes me sad. He would've given up all of your good qualities bc of one bad? :noway:

    "If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best"

    *exits thread*

    I agree with this. If someone dumped me over ONE or TWO things they did not like...I wouldn't want them in the first place.

    That all depends on what those one or two things are, doesn't it? Let's say your prospective significant other is absolutely perfect for you... except maybe he robs a bank every once in a while. Or smacks you upside the head. Otherwise he is just perfect! ;)
  • JStarnes
    JStarnes Posts: 5,576 Member
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    Really? comparing robbing a bank and physical violence to smoking and being out of shape? :laugh:
  • Yanicka1
    Yanicka1 Posts: 4,564 Member
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    Just like when I was a smoker. If I didn't give it up, my husband-to-be would have given me up.
    This makes me sad. He would've given up all of your good qualities bc of one bad? :noway:

    "If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best"

    *exits thread*

    I agree with this. If someone dumped me over ONE or TWO things they did not like...I wouldn't want them in the first place.

    Having a deal braker does not make you or the other an horrible person, it just make you incompatible. It's all about knowing yourself because you can't change the other one. The question you have to ask yourself is '' Can I live with this negative aspect of this person or not''. You are still young.
  • atsteele
    atsteele Posts: 1,358 Member
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    Really? comparing robbing a bank and physical violence to smoking and being out of shape? :laugh:
    I thought you left.

    Oh and I wasn't comparing the two. I was simply saying it depends on what those one or two things are. Like the OP said, what are you willing to live with. Or can't live with.
  • saintspoon
    saintspoon Posts: 242 Member
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    Looks wise - I looooove the big boys :) In fact if you're a big boy msg me :)

    LOL but yeah if they are a total couch potato THAT is a deal breaker.

    I dated a guy named brad for a little while. He was tall & a big (chubby) guy... I thought he was hawt! Sex was awesome, eating at restaurants & going to movies also fun.

    But no way in hell was he up for going for a simple walk or even a hike. I live in Calgary.. rocky mountains & the bow river.. beautiful places to walk & hike.. I don't consider it exericise, it's just fun! I couldn't fricken stand that!! As much as I love the couch & tv I also like going out & moving around. What if we went to like Europe or something together? He wouldn't wanna walk anywhere & that would wreck an entire vacation!
  • istalkzombies
    istalkzombies Posts: 344 Member
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    well i am currently married and my wife is supportive of me losing weight but its hard to get her motivated to do the same which is causign some friction, if I ever do become single again though my partner would have to be into fitness in order for it to work because from my own experience if you're with someone who is not into you can easily fall into their patterns and habits of unhealthiness.
  • livnlite
    livnlite Posts: 520
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    If you are just dating .. I would think you would have to somewhat 'attracted' to someone in order to even get started. If 'who they are as a person' is more important to you than 'how they look' .. then fitness is not an issue.


    Some people judge by an outward appearance before they will even begin to give the inside a chance.
  • Tiggerrick
    Tiggerrick Posts: 1,078 Member
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    I've been in that relationship before. Deal breaker:

    Me: Let's go hiking
    Her: Let's stay home and talk.
    Me: I want to go hiking. We can talk while we hike.
    Her: I'd rather talk here at home.
    Me: I'll just go by myself
    Her: You can't go by yourself
    Me: Why not?
    Her: Cause you have to take me, and I don't want to go.

    Additional BS that leads to my getting upset and NOT going hiking for a number of reasons including time wasted arguing a stupid point (yes, I am more stupid for arguing the point).

    Results: I GAIN WEIGHT. ME (ofcourse she does too). I miss out on doing what I originally wanted to do. I want more than a mental blow job. I want it all.
  • juliecat1
    juliecat1 Posts: 3,455 Member
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    I hadnt really thought of it but this.....
    Me: Let's go hiking
    Her: Let's stay home and talk.
    Me: I want to go hiking. We can talk while we hike.
    Her: I'd rather talk here at home.
    Me: I'll just go by myself
    Her: You can't go by yourself
    Me: Why not?
    Her: Cause you have to take me, and I don't want to go.

    This is why Id have to say that yes, its a deal breaker now. But, the reverse would also be true. I wouldnt want him to be SUPER into his diet and fitness to the point that it made it impossible to go have a good time.
  • Sharon009
    Sharon009 Posts: 327 Member
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    Looks wise - I looooove the big boys :) In fact if you're a big boy msg me :)

    LOL but yeah if they are a total couch potato THAT is a deal breaker.

    I dated a guy named brad for a little while. He was tall & a big (chubby) guy... I thought he was hawt! Sex was awesome, eating at restaurants & going to movies also fun.

    But no way in hell was he up for going for a simple walk or even a hike. I live in Calgary.. rocky mountains & the bow river.. beautiful places to walk & hike.. I don't consider it exericise, it's just fun! I couldn't fricken stand that!! As much as I love the couch & tv I also like going out & moving around. What if we went to like Europe or something together? He wouldn't wanna walk anywhere & that would wreck an entire vacation!

    Loved your story! I like the big ones too....always have. I'll take guys that are in shape too but if they are too much of a gym rat and are like 'I only eat chicken breast and broccoli' then I dont want them.
  • Scorpioangel
    Scorpioangel Posts: 951 Member
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    I would have to say if it's just casual dating it would not be a big issue but during these casual dates I would find if it would become a serious issue. If someone is not into fitness that is one thing BUT if that person is not into fitness and is either unsupportive OR makes fun of you about it then that's another thing. If the person is supportive and loving then I think it could totally work... unfortunately for if it's the other way.. I'd avoid it.
  • bregalad5
    bregalad5 Posts: 3,965 Member
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    Deal breaker for me. I met a nice enough guy, we went on a date, he asked to walk me home. 0.7 mile walk. Halfway through, he was panting and asked me to slow down. We got to my door, I said bye, he said, "I hope I can make it back without falling over."

    Sorry, dude. I can't be with someone who can't even walk half a mile without nearly passing out. Oh, he was skinny, and had eaten a whole pizza the night before. That kind of stuff would likely derail me, even if it wasn't intentional on the guy's part.
  • BloomingLily
    BloomingLily Posts: 62 Member
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    Depends on if they are going to be a turdmonkey about it and try to sabotage you or not.

    "Turdmonkey" is now officially my favorite word.

    LOL Mine too!
  • Jennyisbusy
    Jennyisbusy Posts: 1,294 Member
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    This is hard to answer. My gut says to tell you to run. It's not that you can't get past this but wouldn't it be more fun to have someone who is exited about moving and grooving and trying the newest super food etc.

    I think it would come down to does he respect your fitness/food choices? Will he be able to understand and support what you are doing?
  • RoanneRed
    RoanneRed Posts: 429 Member
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    I'd have trouble dating someone who is overweight and doesn't care because I work so hard to keep my size/shape under control.

    However, if someone is lucky enough to be able to stay in half-decent shape without working on it then that's fine, as long as they don't sabotage me and understand that I know what I need to do to stay a size I am happy with - a previous boyfriend was always complaining that I spent time at the gym instead of with him while another one didn't try to reduce my gym time but I happily did so because it suited me.
  • Tiggerrick
    Tiggerrick Posts: 1,078 Member
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    This is why Id have to say that yes, its a deal breaker now. But, the reverse would also be true. I wouldnt want him to be SUPER into his diet and fitness to the point that it made it impossible to go have a good time.
    It has got to be balanced. She doesn't have to go ALL the time, matter of fact, sometimes I want to go alone, but some interaction is a must.

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