Married to a man child?

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  • boomboom011
    boomboom011 Posts: 1,459
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    Have you read Love and Respect? I can't recall who wrote it but if you haven't you should... it basically talks about what you just said... really interesting!

    yes this!
  • mmelledge
    mmelledge Posts: 150
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    I actually love the post it note idea! Or text messages... or stickers...

    Or pointy shoes, yeah... *sigh*
  • everydaypam
    everydaypam Posts: 93 Member
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    This thread actually just made my life a little better. It's a nice knowing that this is a common situation and I'm not alone. My husband has gotten to the point where he will do small things that I ask explictly but he won't do anything without being prodded. Even then it's not always 100% but it's getting better. I have started asking him do the dishes after dinner since I do the grocery shopping and cooking and all other cleaning and <insert long list of things that need to happen when you own a house>. He will go so far as to put all the dishes in the dishwasher and then round up all the pots and pans into the sink which I can wash later. But the thought of actually wetting a wash cloth to clean the pans or the counter....*gasp*..not my idea of doing dishes but it's a start!
  • kirakaydawn
    kirakaydawn Posts: 211
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    Sounds like my bf..

    Except I am a pushover I hate him doing things..

    I am to old school lol
  • mleoni092708
    mleoni092708 Posts: 629 Member
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    This thread actually just made my life a little better. It's a nice knowing that this is a common situation and I'm not alone. My husband has gotten to the point where he will do small things that I ask explictly but he won't do anything without being prodded. Even then it's not always 100% but it's getting better. I have started asking him do the dishes after dinner since I do the grocery shopping and cooking and all other cleaning and <insert long list of things that need to happen when you own a house>. He will go so far as to put all the dishes in the dishwasher and then round up all the pots and pans into the sink which I can wash later. But the thought of actually wetting a wash cloth to clean the pans or the counter....*gasp*..not my idea of doing dishes but it's a start!


    Yeah, same here. I'm not saying he doesn't do anything. He does, it just takes some poking and whining to get there sometimes! No relationship is perfect, lord knows i do tons of stuff that probably drives him nuts too.
  • livnlite
    livnlite Posts: 520
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    I've been married 18 years. BTDT.

    Hubby put empty cans in the sink. Drove me crazy. I told him to just put them in recycle. He kept "forgetting". So one day I loaded the dishwasher an put the empty cans in it. Then I made sure he unloaded it. He was surprised to see the cans in there and asked why they were in there. I replied "Well I know you know how much it bugs me when you leave empty cans in the sink instead of putting them in recycle. I know you wouldn't continue to do something like that knowing it irritated me. So I figured you must want them for something or else you would have just put them in recycle. So I washed them for you." He NEVER put another can in the sink.

    In our 1st house we had a laundry chute in our bedroom. It was behind the door so you actually had to open the door to put your clothes down the chute. Hubby just left them on the floor. I got sick of putting his clothes down the chute and constantly bugging him to do it. So I just stopped. I did all the laundry that was in the laundry room, folded it, and put it away. The next day hubby asked "Can you do laundry soon please. I don't have anymore jeans or socks." I informed him that I had just gotten done with the laundry and there was no more laundry in the laundry room so I had no idea where his dirty clothes would be. He started putting his clothes down the chute.

    One time he started arguing with me and saying I was nagging him too much. I told him that nagging just means that someone is constantly having to tell you to do something over and over and over again. If he'd do it the first or even the second time he was asked there would be no nagging.
    Ha! I did the same thing with the laundry with my husband. He still leaves his clothes on the floor but when I get ready to do laundry, he picks his stuff up and puts it in the basket and carries it to the washroom for me.

    Yeah we have to remind our husbands of a lot of stuff. i focus on all the nice things he does for me without asking though. It balances out. :)

    Ha .. I did the same thing with cardboard toilet paper rolls. He kept complaining that I never changed the toilet paper roll .. that he ALWAYS did it.

    THEN .. to prove the point that I do change them... way more often than he ever did ..I saved them all up .. every one I changed. Then at christmas .. I wrapped them in a nice box with lovely Christmas paper, and presented it to him Christmas morning. He was astonished .. not only that I actually DID change the paper rolls but that I would go through the trouble of proving the point.

    DON'T TELL ME I AM DOING SOMETHING WHEN I'M NOT OR TELL ME I AM NOT DOING SOMETHING WHEN I AM!!!!!

    Phewww .. He got a huge kick out of it ... and I felt better knowing that he knows, that I know he knows.
  • angryguy77
    angryguy77 Posts: 836 Member
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    I am so glad I don't have these issues. I am so NOT the typical beer drinking football watching guy. Give me a break you lazy sacks!!! lol

    Seriously, I can not stand overflowing trash, and all the crap most guys "forget" to do. Believe me ladies, they don't forget, they 'choose' not to do it at all. It's sad, and then they claim "I'm just being a guy enjoying my football". More like neanderthals being cave men. You typical guys are lucky I don't live in your neighborhoods.... I'd be paying a visit to your houses to make sure all your chores are done... ALL YOUR CHORES ;)

    I'm just playing... but imagine how many guys are worried about that now... hmmmm ;)

    not many. women are usually turned off by inflated egos and metro sexuals
  • darklord48
    darklord48 Posts: 114 Member
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    Haha, I was just going to say, this sounds like my wife.

    My thought exactly.
  • ElementalMoe
    ElementalMoe Posts: 186 Member
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    I am so glad I don't have these issues. I am so NOT the typical beer drinking football watching guy. Give me a break you lazy sacks!!! lol

    Seriously, I can not stand overflowing trash, and all the crap most guys "forget" to do. Believe me ladies, they don't forget, they 'choose' not to do it at all. It's sad, and then they claim "I'm just being a guy enjoying my football". More like neanderthals being cave men. You typical guys are lucky I don't live in your neighborhoods.... I'd be paying a visit to your houses to make sure all your chores are done... ALL YOUR CHORES ;)

    I'm just playing... but imagine how many guys are worried about that now... hmmmm ;)

    You are the rarity. :grumble:

    I've always been this way. I use to have a particular order for the dishes in the dish washer. Now I just wash them by hand after dinner so I NEVER have to load and unload the dish washer ;)

    It just seems way more logical to me to put things away after you take them out. Otherwise, chips go stale, milk spoils and your place smells like a landfill!!! :)

    Hello, my name is Morgan, and I'm a compulsive dishwasher organizer, too. It's genetic. My mother is the original dishwasher Nazi. (Wait - Why did I turn this thread into a support group for OCDers?)
  • DopeItUp
    DopeItUp Posts: 18,771 Member
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    You've just described me. And my wife. Thankfully we're both the same so we have a sort of mutual laziness respect going on. We don't nag each other about anything. Which is good because I generally want to strangle people who think they can tell me what to do (no matter how small it is). Those who admit to nagging their husband about things...wouldn't last a week with me!
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,669 Member
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    I love my husband dearly. He is an awesome guy. But sometimes I feel like I have 2 kids instead of just the one I gave birth to! He can never remember to do anything, doesn't notice what's going on around him. Doesn't notice the garbage is overflowing, or the dog is flipping out because he has to go outside. He'll tell me he'll take care of doing something and after 2 weeks or longer, I remind him again and then just do it myself. I've tried talking to him about it but it just comes out as nagging (I can't even stand the way i sound!). It's just become a real problem for me because I feel like I can't count on him to handle responsibilities. It's more irritating than anything. What happens if I forgot to pay the bills, or forgot to pick up our daughter at daycare, or just forgot to buy groceries? Am I just supposed to accept that I'm the responsible one and he's can't be counted on? That's sad. As you can tell, I'm the wound up one in the relationship. Advice? And please be kind if possible.
    He may have married you because you're his MOM. In other words the attributes he saw in you was what he saw in his mother and if she babied him, then you're the partner he wanted. At least that's how I see it.
  • shannonkk
    shannonkk Posts: 192 Member
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    Don't give him the goodies; hold out til he has done what he needs to do. It's just as hard for me as it is him but it works. Football can always be interrupted, stand in front of the TV naked. I interrupt Monday Night Football all the time!!!!:laugh: Men and women are just wired differently.
    [/quote

    Yup,this worked for me. My husband now does the dishes, laundry, grocery shopping and cooking. I told him I don't feel sexy in dirty house, i guess I finally spoke his language because he has it all done on a schedule he created.
  • AshjMusik
    AshjMusik Posts: 113 Member
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    Yeah I was one of those guys. Now I'm single.

    A few things I learned in the process of divorce. ex was pissed and felt overwhelmed. Enough to call it quits. (Trust me we had way more issues than this, but this contributed.)

    Why didn't I know that earlier? The same reason your husbands don't know it now.

    You don't talk our language and we don't talk yours.

    You need to find common ground. You need to use our true weaknesses against us.

    Our weakness is we will do anything for you if we truly believe in our heart of hearts that without us, you couldn't survive. We need to be your hero. And we see through BS, so if you fake it, we can figure it out. Eventually. We're slow.

    And the problem is, you've been doing such a good job of not really needing us, doing it yourself, that we kinda know what your capable of. Sadly for you.

    So sit us down. Convince us that you truly respect us and need us. Without our help you'll implode. You have to take on this or else... the sky will fall in. We need to be your hero.

    I know this sounds childish and pathetic. We're boys. Its sad. But I'm telling you this is how it is. Now you may have to show patience. And you may need to go through this poor pathetic "I'm just a weak little thing" routine multiple times. But if you want a hero, you have to be a damsel in distress. We eat that crap up.
    ^completely agree! I'm lucky enough to have married a man who feels keeping up the house us more important than I do! There are a few things.. Loading the dishwasher 'wrong' or leaving the toilet seat up, but otherwise he's a great house mate :). Some ppl u cannot change, & men are gonna stay the same as u take 'em or require intensive training. Personally I find sexual reinforcement works better than anything else. Not necessarily withdrawl, but alotted with 'good' behavior lol. An uncooperative partner is certainly unappetizing, but I find demonstration of affection & respect works best. Good luck!
  • lizmaebar
    lizmaebar Posts: 97
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    DID I WRITE THIS POST?!?! OMG!!! You're not the only one. I am in marriage counseling right now. I am also in individual counseling and i spend most of my time talking about him! i hate it, but I think it's true what they say about "training" your husband. sigh. I'm reading "Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus" right now. It's an excellent book so far to help with communication(with men or women), so if possible, get him to read it...and you read it too. Sigh..wish I could be of more help...I am so feeling your pain!
  • live2dream
    live2dream Posts: 614 Member
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    Yes. I am in a similar situation. I've tried nagging, talking nicely, positive reinforcement, 'damsel in distress', honey do lists, and just stopping doing anything myself. So now our house is a disaster, nothing gets done, and no one is happy. I would like to find a way to turn it all around, but I've become lazy myself and just don't care anymore.

    Wow that sounds sad.
  • live2dream
    live2dream Posts: 614 Member
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    I'm going to make my man watch this with me: http://lovesummit.com/bonus- the third video down totally fits this post!!

    I really do want to make it work!
  • missbp
    missbp Posts: 601 Member
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    Your husband sounds like he may have either Attention Deficit Disorder(ADD), executive functioning issues, or both? Both of my children, as well as my husband have ADD and EF issues, which are hereditary. While I love my family, I do admit that it is incredibly frustrating to live in a house with 3 people like this. I feel like I have been forced into micro-managing everyone and I don't like it at all.

    My advice to you is talk to your husband about the stress that you feel by having to constantly drive the ship. Ask him if he will get evaluated for ADD and possibly try either medication or natural supplements to help manage it. My son takes meds for his ADD and my husband accidentally took one of his pills several months ago. He was shocked with how easily he was able to focus and stay on task. He was also floored when I explained to him that if he did not actually have ADD, the medication would have had the opposite effect on him and he would have been flying off the walls.

    I wish I could tell you that my husband made some changes after this revelation, but he did not. I am still solely responsible to keep this ship afloat. I wish you better luck.

    M

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