Child-Free? Negativity from others?

redraidergirl2009

I have always known I did not want children. In fact, I'm looking into getting sterilized. But when I tell some people about not wanting kids or wanting sterilization sometimes they look at me like I'm crazy or just act like it's the most absurd thing they ever heard. What really makes me mad is when people are condescending and say "oh you'll change your mind" or ask what I will do if I happen to get pregnant and then that makes me have to go into a discussion about abortion which makes them look at me like I'm not only crazy, but a demon.

I was just wondering if anyone else gets the same responses when you tell them you want to be be child-free.

Also, if you do have children, why did you decide to? People often think that people who choose not to have kids are selfish, but personally I see it the other way around. Why bring another person into this world for your own benefit? There are lots of children waiting to be adopted already.

foremant86

<<< feels the same way and gets the same reaction. Not to mention my parents hounding me for grandkids...they already have 3 why add more!

FairyMiss

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Also, if you do have children, why did you decide to? People often think that people who choose not to have kids are selfish, but personally I see it the other way around. Why bring another person into this world for your own benefit? There are lots of children waiting to be adopted already.

didnt as much decided to as the stick decided to have two lines. BUT would not change the out come for anything in the world.

---a very happy mommy who loves, is in love with and infatuated with her 12 yearold son, including or maybe because of ASD, OCD, ADHD.

bluegirl10

My hubby and I don't have kids either...well we have three 4-legged ones...lol! For us, if it happens then great, but otherwise we aren't trying to having kids our lives are full as is.

TexasNurseMom78

Love my kids and would not trade them for the world. But I have always know I wanted a family. Sounds like you have always know you did not want them. Sorry that people judge you. I think that it is good that you know you dont want them and are going to take measure to insure that you dont have them rather than having them and not wanting them. Did that make sense?

april_beth

whats right for one person is not always right for another so i tend to look down upon the person for bashing those that dont agree with them.

i always knew i wanted kids. i didnt plan one, planned the other. i wouldnt change it for the world. if you KNOW, you just know; wehther it's wnating them or not. i commend you for having such a strong conviction and im sorry for the asshats that have the balls to say such things to you.

its like if you dont want them, and you have them, how much love are you going to give to them when you didtn want them in the first place? so id rather you not have them, then bring little people into this world that you didnt want. it makes perfect sense to me. ... but should you ever want to babysit, i got a copule for you

SusanneWhittington

Never wanted kids, got the same and still get the same reactions. Though now with 45 I sometimes think it would be nice to have kids for occasions like Christmas etc., but I think that is just a bit of fear of being alone in old age. There comes a drop of sadness when on Holidays the neighbors driveways are full of cars with kids and grandkids and it is just me with my husband and the dog.

tabbydog

If people ask you why you don't have kids, it is none of their business, so burst into tears and tell them that you can't. That'll shut them up.

christy_frank

Are you planning on adopting?

Krizzle4Rizzle

I have always thought I would be a Mom someday I have just never been ready. And who knows if I ever will be? Do I get crap for not having kids? Yes. Mostly people ask me whats wrong with me? And some girls have even stated that I think I am too good to have kids. Um..no I don't. When I tell them that I just want to be ready so I can be a good mom, I then get accused of saying they are not good mothers. Um, not saying that at all. I know what it's like to be parented by someone who was not ready or possibly did not want you and I just don't want to do that to my kid. I have even considered just telling people I can't have kids..just so I don't have to deal with the negativity.

sarah44254

I have this intense desire to go through the pregnancy process. I have even looked into hosting for other couples.

Sometimes I think about having my own child(ren). I feel that I am a smart and generally good person, and am curious to see what kind of better person my child has the potential to become.

But this:

There are lots of children waiting to be adopted already.

always comes back to remind me, why have my own child when I can adopt one that needs me?

It's a circle in my mind. I want my own child to see what my genes can do. I want to adopt a child because obviously there are too many of us already. I also have trouble deciding if I just want to be pregnant or if I really want to have a family/raise a child.

I sense no bad in what you have stated about yourself. It is a sane decision and something that you should never have to be punished for choosing.

lisakatelaunspach

Pple are never satisfied ! If ur single its why don't u have some1. If ur dating then when are you getting married ? When ur married the when are u having kids ? Have a kid then its when are you having another ???? I never wanted kids. I was 'surprised' with my daughter and I love her dearly but if I had a choice I would have stayed kid free. In fact I want 2 sell my eggs cause they're goin 2 waiste. Lol I'm 28 btw so no I'm not going 2 change my mind. But what I do get a LOT of flack 4 is when I say if I have another I want 2 adopt. Pple look @ me like y when you can have ur own ? Wish they'd just shut up !

77tes

My husband never wanted kids, but I wanted a bunch. We had three, and he probably enjoyed them more than I did. I have never understood the selfish argument, but sterilization seems pretty final. There are so many things in my life that have turned out much different and actually better than I ever expected.

However, I have always thought that having children to enjoy "the experience" of pregnancy and childbirth was about the stupidest reason ever.

AHealthierRhonda

Having kids and working with them has never been a question for me but a knowledge that one day I would do both! I always wanted to be a mom. We had 1 child and hubby didn't want anymore. I always wanted more kids. I was an only child and really wish I had siblings. I didn't have a child because of selfishness, I wanted a child to give my love, my heart, and my sole to. I wanted to raise a child to be a person that would make a difference in the world, maybe not the whole world, but to someone's world.
I don't think having a child is selfish or not wanting to ahve one is selfish. I think everyone is different and needs to do what they want to do. Do I think some people should not have kids? ABSOLUTELY! I jsut heard of an 11 yr old girl in the town next to mine that is expecting!! Just blows my mind since my daughter is 12! People that want a baby because they need someone to love them no matter what, they are selfish, but obviously fractured in some way.
A friend of mine never wanted children. She wants it all in her career. I say go for it! it's what she wants. I am willing to give up the "things" in life because for me, raising a child offers me so much more satisfaction and gratification. Be proud to be sure in what you want and do what you want! It is your body! And, as you said, SHOULD you ever "change your mind", adoption is ALWAYS an option! (I was adopted and really want to adopt of foster a child)

afwg1979

Follow your heart . . .

VeganGal84

I'm child-free and I plan to adopt older children some day, once I have established a nice career for myself.

Where I live, it's pretty unheard of to be my age (27) and not only never been married but have no children. I can't wait to move somewhere that waiting until your mid to late thirties for kids is the norm.

I never thought that I wanted pregnancy, but lately I've thought that I may be ready for that step in about 10 years, even though I mostly want to adopt older kids, probably in my 40's or 50's. Time will tell, and there is no rush, especially since I've never really wanted pregnancy, so if it doesn't happen for me, I won't be sad.

I'm ridiculously pro-choice about children. Have them or don't, but do it on YOUR TERMS only.

katkins3

Two of my daughters have decided not to have children. Here is why, their observations have confirmed, "You get married, you have a kid or two, he leaves."
This is not my theory. All through high school all their classmates seem to be from single parent homes and almost always Mom struggling to raise the kids and pay the bills while the ex is on vacation with wife #2. They have almost no examples of happy, long lasting relationships to point to. Their Dad dumped me for the owner of the company I worked for! They don't want to raise a child alone and don't have any faith in promises.
I can see their point! I would like to see them have children of their own, but I never pressure them. My son and youngest daughter have children, so its not like I'm deprived of grandchildren. I raised intelligent, independent women and I respect their choice.

Teliooo

I never wanted kids, got pregnant at 25. cried about it a lot but could not have an abortion, especially as i had a miscarriage once and it was the worst thing I have ever gone thorough. I didn't realise what going through all that would do to my head and having a child really helped me through it. I love my kid would not ever change it, although I do not want any more as it is hard work even with though I am with his da. I wouldn't feel the need to get sterilised though, it seems far to drastic. If you don't want kids cool but I wouldn't put my body though that.

I know what you mean though. I hate when people tell me, oh you will want more kids. Umm no I don't . One is enough and I know that for sure. I do want to adopt or foster but defo not babies and `i do not want to go through having a baby r toddler again. Too much like hard work. I feel pressured to have another one. I have even been told i am selfish for just choosing to have one. Some people are idiots.

_SusieQ_

I never got that from my parents really, but I think it's b/c my sister started having them at 18 (I was 25 at the time and married 2 years). She has 3 and another on the way (she is 33 now). So my parents have always had grandchildren to spoil, and I didnt' get that pressure. But from outside people it was more like when meeting new people someone would ask, Do you have children? and when I say no, they would be like, Oh, are you going to? Again, when I say no, you get "that look". But that was mostly in my early 30s. Now that I'm 40, not so much.

When I was younger I wanted kids very much. Then after my sister started having them, I felt responsibility for them. (long story about her being an irresponsible idiot) I love my nieces and nephews with a passion I never that I had. I have helped raise them, provided for them, gone broke over them. But now realize that as much as I love being a part of their lives, I don't want the 24/7. It's just not me...don't have the desire or the patience. I have the best of both worlds (IMO) right now, and wouldn't trade it.

LaDiablesse

I have always wanted kids & was told that there was a chance I couldn't or that it would be very difficult for me. Long story, but I have 4 now. I don't see people not wanting kids as a bad thing. It's their life & their choice. Never would I say something negative to them about it. Some people just feel the need to push their feelings on to other people.

kb455

Also, if you do have children, why did you decide to? People often think that people who choose not to have kids are selfish, but personally I see it the other way around. Why bring another person into this world for your own benefit? There are lots of children waiting to be adopted already.

I think I just always knew I wanted kids. when I was a teenager, my older sisters were having kids and that sealed it for me. I just wanted to be a mom. As for my childless -by -choice friends, I don't consider them selfish at all. I think it would be much more selfish to have a child just to conform to society's idea of the norm.

When you mention about the sterilization, I'm curious if you've had problems finding a doctor to do it. I know several friends who wanted to have their tubes tied following a c-section and if they're under 30 or only have one child, the doctor will often turn them down, in case they change their minds later. It surprises me but this has happened to more than one of my friends.