Child-Free? Negativity from others?

ElizabethRoad

I don't want children and no one has given me any crap about it. (Except one time, but it was someone I didn't know and it wasn't directed at me personally.)

But the following is very judgmental, just as bad as people judging you for not having kids:

People often think that people who choose not to have kids are selfish, but personally I see it the other way around. Why bring another person into this world for your own benefit? There are lots of children waiting to be adopted already.

brk_1982

I have never wanted to have kids, and thankfully my husband feels the same way. I try not to talk about because I hate the judgment too! I have been told:
- I'm selfish
- I must not love my husband if I don't want to share that experience with him (WTF?)
- I have no purpose in life as the point of life is to pro-create
- I'll change my mind
- I should have eggs frozen because I'll change my mind and it will be too late

I have been told by people to just pretend I can't have kids - but I'm totally afraid karma will bite me is the *kitten* on that one I'd be pregnant within weeks! I also feel REALLY sympathetic to people who want kids and have trouble conceiving, so I would feel guilty telling that lie.

Long story short - I feel ya'.

redraidergirl2009

Wow. Definitely sending you a friend request. It's like i wrote that.

I take contraception extremely seriously because i DO NOT want a child and never have. I have never once had an ounce of maternal instinct and when people give me the "oh you'll change your mind someday" speech i want to punch a kitten.

Where i live, sterilization is not an option unless there is medical justification or you have at least one living child. I have looked into it and it angers me that i do not have the option to make this choice.

I've received a lot of negativity for this decision, but in my opinion, the worst thing i could do to a child is bring one into the world when i am neither ready nor willing to be a parent.

where is it that you live exactly? I've never heard of it not being legal to get the procedure done

FairyMiss

kinda chuckled at the 'pregnancy expierance' comments.

My boyfriend (when and if we get to that point) wants to adopt. i want to have another of my own.
he always asks why , and i ofcourse say the whole pregnancy expierence.
to which he alway replies but you did not do pregnanacy well.

which was true, sick 24/7 til the day i had him, high risk pregnancy due to bp, broke my leg in the 7 month, went into the beginings of pre3clampsia , and had him a month early.


so maybe i should listen to my man on that one :laugh: :laugh:

FairyMiss

Wow. Definitely sending you a friend request. It's like i wrote that.

I take contraception extremely seriously because i DO NOT want a child and never have. I have never once had an ounce of maternal instinct and when people give me the "oh you'll change your mind someday" speech i want to punch a kitten.

Where i live, sterilization is not an option unless there is medical justification or you have at least one living child. I have looked into it and it angers me that i do not have the option to make this choice.

I've received a lot of negativity for this decision, but in my opinion, the worst thing i could do to a child is bring one into the world when i am neither ready nor willing to be a parent.

where is it that you live exactly? I've never heard of it not being legal to get the procedure done

never heard of it being illeagal any where though i have heard it can be as hard as hell to find a doctor who will do it unles you are over a certain age , or have children

poisongirl6485

I know several people who don't want kids and want to get sterilized (provided they can find a doc that will do it).

For me, I have 2 kids and they are my world. I wouldn't be able to afford to adopt, with all the red tape etc you have to go through. And honestly, it's just not the same as having your own children, carrying them yourself, etc. But that's just me.

Why people care so much about others choices either way is beyond me. It's nobody else's business why you choose not to have kids or why I chose to have mind and not adopt.

mommared53

I'm sorry you feel judged by people because you don't want kids. Not everyone is meant to be a mom or dad. The reason I have kids is because both of mine were unplanned (and I was unmarried). I've never believed in abortion and couldn't bare to give either of them up for adoption so I accepted the responsibility for my actions and kept my kids and raised them. It's been extremely hard being a single mom but I love them both very much and couldn't imagine my life without them. If I could go back and change my life I wouldn't if it meant I wouldn't have either of my kids.

SeasideOasis

I was JUST having this conversation today with a co-worker at lunch.

Call me selfish, but I am SELFISH enough to know I do not want kids before I have them. What makes me angry is that people 'think' they want kids and then they realize after the fact they miss their "old life".

Some people get so caught up in baby fever that they do not look at everything else that will change.

I want to travel. I want to buy a $200 dollar bottle of wine. I want to go to karaoke on a spur of the moment evening and sing all night.I want... I want... I want...

Some may call it selfish, I call it intelligence because I know what I do want and what I do not want. I do not want any of my own children. I won't even date anyone with children (for multiple reasons).

My boyfriend, whom is older than I, does not want or have children. It is a GREAT match because we both know where the other stands. I would rather say "I dont want kids" than have to say "I was a bad mother and they took my kids away."

redraidergirl2009

Yea I'm not sure I get the whole "experience of pregnancy" bit either.

I hate going to get an annual exam, I can't imagine a watermelon coming out of there. I have had friends who have had kids and I ask them how delivery was and they're usually honest, but I wasn't aware that they have to cut your genitals sometimes so the baby can come out and they have to sew it back up, or they get torn in the process. That is just horrifying!

wait, im going to assume that this is not the total reason why you dont want children...this is just the extra right? cause i mean christ, ill never forget the pain and **** but it wasnt like i wouldnt have another one cause of it...but for the record, im effin DONE!! and i didnt have to get cut at all...not even the tiniest bit and i never tore so not everyone goes through that kind of torture - that normally you dont feel anyways cause youre all doped up and numb

now ill take the doped up part any time, any day as long as i didnt have to come home with a newborn...:)

Of course that's not the only reason, I just never had an urge to be a mother. I got mad when I was 5 and we played house and they tried to make me the mom

SunshineKisses_2012

When I got pregnant with my son (completely unplanned by a friend w/ benefit dude), I wanted to have an abortion immediately. I even went on to make an appointment and they didn't have one available for two weeks. I canceled that appointment the day before. After living with this thing growing in my body for about 6 weeks, it seemed selfish to say that it doesn't deserve to live because I made a stupid choice. It also seemed selfish.

I had considered giving it up for adoption, but as it continued to grow in me, I grew emotions for it. I NEVER EVER EVER wanted kids either. Like I was thoroughly against it.

Now? I have a wonderfully respectful, loving little man. I wouldn't change it for the world.

While some people may not agree with it, it is ultimately your body and you can say what goes. I know that me accidentally getting pregnant (and the sperm donor is no where in the picture - physically or financially) was the best thing that ever happened to me. If someone doesn't want to spawn a mini version of themselves, who am I to say that they are a bad person?

People feel strongly one way or another on children issue. I wish I had time to read all the responses.

danger_kitteh

its like if you dont want them, and you have them, how much love are you going to give to them when you didtn want them in the first place?

All that I have to give and then some for the past 5 years of his life. We were very much child-free when I got pregnant (on the pill) and it was very difficult decision for us to become parents. It was hard on our relationship in many ways but we came out stronger because of it and we love our son more than anything in the world.

I talked to my doctor about it and she didn't raise any concern, however I was asking about the essure procedure which doesn't require surgery, it can be done there in the office. They insert two coils that block off your fallopian tubes. It's cheaper and there's not really any down time. I have yet to check if my insurance covers it though.

As someone who has had the Essure procedure done I highly recommend it! The placement procedure is very quick-I spent more time waiting around in the hospital(2 hours) to have it done than the actual insertion(10 minutes tops). Depending on your doctor/hospital you will have some sort of pain management (I only had a mild muscle relaxant/sedative for anxiety) and there was no pain on the left side, but on the right side I had what felt like a severe menstrual cramp due to my Dr. placing the coils without removing my IUD (left in place to work as birth control during the 3 month wait period). I had some light bleeding and menstrual like cramps for a day or two but I was literally back up and on my feet the very next day with no downtime at all. My 3 months were without issue, the follow up xray was easy. They essentially fill your uterus with a xray dye and do an xray to see that no liquid is moving past the coils and that the coils are placed properly. At that time my Dr. removed my IUD and sent me on my way. The pressure of the dye filling was a bit intense because there was no where for it to go during the exam, but it was less than 5 minutes.

carriong11

If you know that you dont want children and youre taking the right measures to prevent pregnancy, then Awesome good for you.
Why bring children into this world if youre not willing to raise and love them.

I knew at an early age that I wanted children, I wanted to share my love and enjoy to see them grow. What I didnt expect was to be a single parent with two kids only 18 months apart.

But aanyway son now is in college and my daughter is just about there, it was alot of work but the rewards way over power it. Everyday I couldnt wait to go home and hangout with them, even now that they are teens and total pain in the *kitten*. I know they love me just as much as I love them and its a great feeling.

As far as other peoples opinions, I would just ignore them and not justify tot hem why you chose not to have children. Its personal and non of their business!!

So thats my two cents :-)

chubbychristianchick

I often feel as though I have no maternal insticts... People say if I were to have kids it would change.... but when I hear a crying baby or get suckered in to babysitting for some one it's like I just can't consol or comfort or understand what a child wants... it bothers me a little... I always thought I'd want and have kids... but as of now I think I'd rather foster teens who really need strong parenting and attention and have no one.

casi_ann

I have one adult son and am very happy I chose to have him. Some would consider me selfish because I chose to have only one. The dreaded only child syndrome they'd say. I really don't care what they think and never did. I think it is weird that anyone would care if you choose to have kids or not. I don't think there is a population shortage at this time so don't think it matters much. I think you are being very mature to not have kids if this isn't something you really want. My son doesn't want kids either and even though that means no grand kids, I'm fine with his decision.

Hellbent_Heidi

I got married at 39 and am 41 now, (my husband is 35), and we discussed it long before getting married and realized we both didn't want to have kids for a variety of reasons. One being that we didn't want to feel rushed to push one out the minute we got married (and I didn't want to start a family at 40 when the risks were so much higher). Not to mention, we just don't have the patience for them.

Anyway, we've both gotten a number of odd and inappropriate questions and opinions on this topic...and plenty of them negative and judgemental. Its amazing how many people think they have the right to judge your decisions about what you do with your life and your body.

One time though...when we were engaged, a guy at a party (whose wife was out of earshot) asked if we were planning to have kids and when we said "no", he said "oh, you guy are smart...I wouldn't have done it if I knew how hard it was going to be and how much I'd have to give up"...so it kind of makes me wonder if other people with kids feel this way and just can't ever admit it....

poisongirl6485

I got married at 39 and am 41 now, (my husband is 35), and we discussed it long before getting married and realized we both didn't want to have kids for a variety of reasons. One being that we didn't want to feel rushed to push one out the minute we got married (and I didn't want to start a family at 40 when the risks were so much higher). Not to mention, we just don't have the patience for them.

Anyway, we've both gotten a number of odd and inappropriate questions and opinions on this topic...and plenty of them negative and judgemental. Its amazing how many people think they have the right to judge your decisions about what you do with your life and your body.

One time though...when we were engaged, a guy at a party (whose wife was out of earshot) asked if we were planning to have kids and when we said "no", he said "oh, you guy are smart...I wouldn't have done it if I knew how hard it was going to be and how much I'd have to give up"...so it kind of makes me wonder if other people with kids feel this way and just can't ever admit it....

Yeah that guy sounds like a great father.

Yes, you have to sacrifice and yes, sometimes it's hard. But the hard is what makes it great.

ETA: This is just why I personally enjoy having kids. Not everybody is going to enjoy it, and I don't give a single *kitten* either way if you do or don't want kids.

yogavegan

yep, i get it all the time and it gets under my skin.
i am 38 and i have never wanted children. i dont mind them, i like teaching kids yoga once in awhile, but i have no desire to be pregnant, give birth, or have to deal with them in my life. i dont babysit, i dont hold babies, i dont go to baby showers, none of this appeals to me.

i find it rude and invasive when people ask me why i dont have kids. i like to tell them i had a hysterectomy in my 20s that usually stops them in their tracks!

ronda_gettinghealthy

if you dont want children...more power to you...I applaud you choice and your courage...stick to your gun...

inammorata

Happily Childfree here, I've got too many other interests in my life and being a parent was never one of them. As far as those others telling that I'll regret it...well I've felt this way for a long time and it's unlikely I will change. So just tell them to mind their own business. Besides, all too often I read a story about some crazy who ended up putting their kid in the oven, or shot him/her over petty problems...ugh that just really bothers me.

Troll

i cant stand kids. What makes me squirm is the,"oh, you'll feel different when you have one" you know, i accept my anger issues and the fact that i often get a hairs width from hitting someone when my temper flares, but knowing that a screaming, collicky infant sets me off makes me feel better when i just hand them back to their parents and leave. What sucks? My fiance wants kids. But its my uterus, and im all........not