Is a divorced man less attractive?
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However, having a ring on my finger seems to be an attraction to some women. :laugh: I get way more female attention since I got married.
I need to get me a ring.
Wedding bands, dogs, and babies ... chick magnets.
What is it about the wedding band that is appealing? Are they seen as more responsible and willing to commit?
I think it's just knowing that another woman thought he was marriage-worthy, so the immediate assumption is that he must be a halfway decent guy. Of course, I've been hit on by men wearing wedding bands so many times that I almost think the opposite now.
But let's be clear ... any woman who actually makes a move on a guy wearing a ring cannot be trusted, so I would take the dog and the kid to the park instead of the pawn shop.
It's like having a Woman's stamp of approval. It's sort of like being FDA approved, neither of them mean it's good for you though.0 -
I don't think so, as long as he's not bitter at his ex or unwilling to open up and trust that I'm not out to make him fail. Sometimes it's better because they tend to have a little more maturity.0
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Same reason my parents tried to give puppies away and nobody wanted them. They put a price of $150 on them and they all sold. It's our nature to think, "Oh, someone else thinks this is valuable? Maybe it is!"
This is true. Then there's also social proof and wanting what you can't have.
However, I think a big reason is that for a lot of men (though not all!) a good marriage brings out the best in them. Women can civilising influence on certain men. They tend to look better, dress better, take care of themselves more, and generally be more relaxed in a woman's company given the support of their partner.
I have read studies that show that men tend to be happier when they are married yet women tend to be happier when they are single. Life's a funny old thing.0 -
Let me see if I got this straight... if a guy is over 30 but HASN'T totally had his life turned upside down by divorce, he's suspect? But at the same time, he can't have a "mental ex?" Convenient way to narrow the field, I guess. W/E :grumble:No, the reverse. An older man with no 'history' rings alarm bells for me! Preferably no mental ex constantly vying for attention though please ;-)
'Older' ie over 30 I should say!
Think about it... if he doesn't HAVE the mental ex, chances are good he IS the mental ex. Have fun with that. LOL0 -
A divorced man is far more attractive than a married one to me.
A divorced man who has not worked thorough his post-marriage issues and spent significant time getting back into himself as an individual is a HUGE problem to me.
I agree. When someone has recently divorced, they aren't ready for me yet. People need time to work through their "stuff".
A buddy of mine (a guy who is on his 4th marriage) told me that his therapist told him that it can take up to half as long as the relationship was to get over the relationship.
How's that for 3rd hand advice? Seriously though, think about it. A person married for 20 years, now divorced, it takes some real time to work through his or her issues. The Whats, Whys, and Hows.0 -
I think Im more attractive now that Im divorced
Just Sayin!0 -
Nope. A mature woman will understand that it takes two to make a marriage work. That is unless you're a mass murderer or something along those lines.
Agree. on both statements.
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i do happen to think it's kind of funny that my ex (who admittedly is mildly attractive) is getting turned down rather often thanks to his divorce even though i left him...
then again, i left him after 3 years of marriage due to abuse. that isn't a red flag. that's a giant flashing red stop sign.0 -
Let me see if I got this straight... if a guy is over 30 but HASN'T totally had his life turned upside down by divorce, he's suspect? But at the same time, he can't have a "mental ex?" Convenient way to narrow the field, I guess. W/E :grumble:No, the reverse. An older man with no 'history' rings alarm bells for me! Preferably no mental ex constantly vying for attention though please ;-)
'Older' ie over 30 I should say!
Think about it... if he doesn't HAVE the mental ex, chances are good he IS the mental ex. Have fun with that. LOL
I think it really just depends on the circumstances. We all make our own judgments and while some women might say "no way", six months from now that story might change.0 -
i do happen to think it's kind of funny that my ex (who admittedly is mildly attractive) is getting turned down rather often thanks to his divorce even though i left him...
then again, i left him after 3 years of marriage due to abuse. that isn't a red flag. that's a giant flashing red stop sign.
I'd hardly call that a man.0 -
what the hell does this have to do with fitness...why dont you take this crap to facebook, twitter or my space....
CMOM MAN!
give everybody a break
signed
Trying to get fit
*checks thread board....* hmm, says Chit-chat, fun, and games. Comes back... Yep, says chit-chat, fun, and games. :flowerforyou:0 -
I have no real opinion on the question, but thought of something funny to add. I'm a divorce attorney. I represented someone recently in a post-divorce modification proceeding. My client was her former husband's 3rd wife. The former husband has since moved on to marriage #4. My client had "reached out" to the 4th wife to let her know all of the "evils" of the husband...she even wanted to make sure that fourth wife knew she was the fourth wife and that one certain, short term marriage should not be overlooked by her. I think she even sent her the marriage certificate from the earlier marriage. My client called the new wife "fourth try" whenever speaking with the former husband. Anyway, during her deposition, my client called her former husband a "serial marryier". good times.0
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Just went through it myself, and wondered the same thing about a divorced woman. The only deal breaker for me would be if the guy cheated. Already been there and done that... Or at least had that done to me!0
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Exactly. I have the unfortunate experience of knowing this 1st hand. A 20 year marriage due to an unintended pregnancy and delusions of people "changing" meant this ex of mine missed out on his 20s - totally. He forced himself into the role for 20 years, divorced, skipped the in-between time of discovering himself and got with me. Gave me the ol' "I've always known who I am" and since things were good then, I believed that. But when things were bad, I swear to you that every issue we dealt with came from his desires to get those 20's back. I was already 10 years younger than him. But I got my 20s out of my system. We were not in sync. He is now best friends with his 27 year old cousin, has a 25 year old g/f, hangs out with his 21 year old son like he was his homeboy, and lives that life he never got to have. That's a life I did have and don't want to have again. Can I say I wasted my time with him? No. But it was very painful to experience because we were together for years. It really wasn't fair for him to bring that baggage and then hide it from me. There were plenty of times he had an "out".A divorced man is far more attractive than a married one to me.
A divorced man who has not worked thorough his post-marriage issues and spent significant time getting back into himself as an individual is a HUGE problem to me.
I agree. When someone has recently divorced, they aren't ready for me yet. People need time to work through their "stuff".
A buddy of mine (a guy who is on his 4th marriage) told me that his therapist told him that it can take up to half as long as the relationship was to get over the relationship.
How's that for 3rd hand advice? Seriously though, think about it. A person married for 20 years, now divorced, it takes some real time to work through his or her issues. The Whats, Whys, and Hows.0 -
I have no real opinion on the question, but thought of something funny to add. I'm a divorce attorney. I represented someone recently in a post-divorce modification proceeding. My client was her former husband's 3rd wife. The former husband has since moved on to marriage #4. My client had "reached out" to the 4th wife to let her know all of the "evils" of the husband...she even wanted to make sure that fourth wife knew she was the fourth wife and that one certain, short term marriage should not be overlooked by her. I think she even sent her the marriage certificate from the earlier marriage. My client called the new wife "fourth try" whenever speaking with the former husband. Anyway, during her deposition, my client called her former husband a "serial marryier". good times.
Brutal.0 -
I am assuming you are the one divorced? One thing divorce is great for, weightloss! I had to try and find the positive somewhere!0
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It's up for discussion, based on the reason for the divorce mostly. If she was say, of completely different morals and religious views, then that makes sense. If it just didn't work out but he tried, that's fine too. Sometimes it just isn't right. But if he cheated, or was really controlling, or bailed at the first sign of trouble without trying to work it out, then I might think twice. Those aren't just for divorce though, the divorce itself means less to me than the way he treated past women, period.
Oh and if he had kids, I'd want to know that he worked with his ex to make sure the best interest of his kids was his first priority.0 -
Exactly. I have the unfortunate experience of knowing this 1st hand. A 20 year marriage due to an unintended pregnancy and delusions of people "changing" meant this ex of mine missed out on his 20s - totally. He forced himself into the role for 20 years, divorced, skipped the in-between time of discovering himself and got with me. Gave me the ol' "I've always known who I am" and since things were good then, I believed that. But when things were bad, I swear to you that every issue we dealt with came from his desires to get those 20's back. I was already 10 years younger than him. But I got my 20s out of my system. We were not in sync. He is now best friends with his 27 year old cousin, has a 25 year old g/f, hangs out with his 21 year old son like he was his homeboy, and lives that life he never got to have. That's a life I did have and don't want to have again. Can I say I wasted my time with him? No. But it was very painful to experience because we were together for years. It really wasn't fair for him to bring that baggage and then hide it from me. There were plenty of times he had an "out".A divorced man is far more attractive than a married one to me.
A divorced man who has not worked thorough his post-marriage issues and spent significant time getting back into himself as an individual is a HUGE problem to me.
I agree. When someone has recently divorced, they aren't ready for me yet. People need time to work through their "stuff".
A buddy of mine (a guy who is on his 4th marriage) told me that his therapist told him that it can take up to half as long as the relationship was to get over the relationship.
How's that for 3rd hand advice? Seriously though, think about it. A person married for 20 years, now divorced, it takes some real time to work through his or her issues. The Whats, Whys, and Hows.
Haha, this is why I personally have totally avoided relationships post divorce. And have still avoided them after 5 years. Why would I want to burden a future wife with my friggen personal issues? I had a whole bunch of stuff I felt I missed out on. I'm making sure I get the crap I think I missed out of my system first. If I still think about it, its probably still in my system. Right now my fitness goals have become my preoccupation. That's my 20's fantasy, let's face it. Maybe someday I'll find another relationship; never say never. Probably not just now though.0 -
Exactly. I have the unfortunate experience of knowing this 1st hand. A 20 year marriage due to an unintended pregnancy and delusions of people "changing" meant this ex of mine missed out on his 20s - totally. He forced himself into the role for 20 years, divorced, skipped the in-between time of discovering himself and got with me. Gave me the ol' "I've always known who I am" and since things were good then, I believed that. But when things were bad, I swear to you that every issue we dealt with came from his desires to get those 20's back. I was already 10 years younger than him. But I got my 20s out of my system. We were not in sync. He is now best friends with his 27 year old cousin, has a 25 year old g/f, hangs out with his 21 year old son like he was his homeboy, and lives that life he never got to have. That's a life I did have and don't want to have again. Can I say I wasted my time with him? No. But it was very painful to experience because we were together for years. It really wasn't fair for him to bring that baggage and then hide it from me. There were plenty of times he had an "out".A divorced man is far more attractive than a married one to me.
A divorced man who has not worked thorough his post-marriage issues and spent significant time getting back into himself as an individual is a HUGE problem to me.
I agree. When someone has recently divorced, they aren't ready for me yet. People need time to work through their "stuff".
A buddy of mine (a guy who is on his 4th marriage) told me that his therapist told him that it can take up to half as long as the relationship was to get over the relationship.
How's that for 3rd hand advice? Seriously though, think about it. A person married for 20 years, now divorced, it takes some real time to work through his or her issues. The Whats, Whys, and Hows.
This is the reason I actually like meeting guys in their 30s who have never been married. It's not that I think less of divorced men at all. But I think there's a lot to be said for a man who has spent some time on his own and figured out who he is and what he wants out of life. I think there's a lot more certainty there than with someone who missed out on being "single and free" because he got married right after high school or college when he had no clue about anything.0 -
Oh believe me, this is a lesson it won't take more than once to have learned. The 1st lesson is not to ignore even small red flags. In hindsight, they all mattered.I think a lot of guys have the 20s fantasy since most marry in their 20s. And I don't even have any ill-feelings for when a guy needs to have those years. He was just in denial that such a thing existed. Couldn't be him! No way! LOL
Exactly. I have the unfortunate experience of knowing this 1st hand. A 20 year marriage due to an unintended pregnancy and delusions of people "changing" meant this ex of mine missed out on his 20s - totally. He forced himself into the role for 20 years, divorced, skipped the in-between time of discovering himself and got with me. Gave me the ol' "I've always known who I am" and since things were good then, I believed that. But when things were bad, I swear to you that every issue we dealt with came from his desires to get those 20's back. I was already 10 years younger than him. But I got my 20s out of my system. We were not in sync. He is now best friends with his 27 year old cousin, has a 25 year old g/f, hangs out with his 21 year old son like he was his homeboy, and lives that life he never got to have. That's a life I did have and don't want to have again. Can I say I wasted my time with him? No. But it was very painful to experience because we were together for years. It really wasn't fair for him to bring that baggage and then hide it from me. There were plenty of times he had an "out".A divorced man is far more attractive than a married one to me.
A divorced man who has not worked thorough his post-marriage issues and spent significant time getting back into himself as an individual is a HUGE problem to me.
I agree. When someone has recently divorced, they aren't ready for me yet. People need time to work through their "stuff".
A buddy of mine (a guy who is on his 4th marriage) told me that his therapist told him that it can take up to half as long as the relationship was to get over the relationship.
How's that for 3rd hand advice? Seriously though, think about it. A person married for 20 years, now divorced, it takes some real time to work through his or her issues. The Whats, Whys, and Hows.
Haha, this is why I personally have totally avoided relationships post divorce. And have still avoided them after 5 years. Why would I want to burden a future wife with my friggen personal issues? I had a whole bunch of stuff I felt I missed out on. I'm making sure I get the crap I think I missed out of my system first. If I still think about it, its probably still in my system. Right now my fitness goals have become my preoccupation. That's my 20's fantasy, let's face it. Maybe someday I'll find another relationship; never say never. Probably not just now though.0 -
Exactly. I have the unfortunate experience of knowing this 1st hand. A 20 year marriage due to an unintended pregnancy and delusions of people "changing" meant this ex of mine missed out on his 20s - totally. He forced himself into the role for 20 years, divorced, skipped the in-between time of discovering himself and got with me. Gave me the ol' "I've always known who I am" and since things were good then, I believed that. But when things were bad, I swear to you that every issue we dealt with came from his desires to get those 20's back. I was already 10 years younger than him. But I got my 20s out of my system. We were not in sync. He is now best friends with his 27 year old cousin, has a 25 year old g/f, hangs out with his 21 year old son like he was his homeboy, and lives that life he never got to have. That's a life I did have and don't want to have again. Can I say I wasted my time with him? No. But it was very painful to experience because we were together for years. It really wasn't fair for him to bring that baggage and then hide it from me. There were plenty of times he had an "out".A divorced man is far more attractive than a married one to me.
A divorced man who has not worked thorough his post-marriage issues and spent significant time getting back into himself as an individual is a HUGE problem to me.
I agree. When someone has recently divorced, they aren't ready for me yet. People need time to work through their "stuff".
A buddy of mine (a guy who is on his 4th marriage) told me that his therapist told him that it can take up to half as long as the relationship was to get over the relationship.
How's that for 3rd hand advice? Seriously though, think about it. A person married for 20 years, now divorced, it takes some real time to work through his or her issues. The Whats, Whys, and Hows.
This is the reason I actually like meeting guys in their 30s who have never been married. It's not that I think less of divorced men at all. But I think there's a lot to be said for a man who has spent some time on his own and figured out who he is and what he wants out of life. I think there's a lot more certainty there than with someone who missed out on being "single and free" because he got married right after high school or college when he had no clue about anything.
Thank you. You totally get it. The only problem I've had with never-married guys in their 30s is that they have been more likely to want children, and I want no more. I'm thinking of just moving on to the guys in their 50s. I swear I'm kidding.0 -
My husband was divorced twice before we married. I was totally attractred to HIM, not his history. We have been married 13 years now. he just made bad chioces.0
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However, having a ring on my finger seems to be an attraction to some women. :laugh: I get way more female attention since I got married.
I need to get me a ring.
Wedding bands, dogs, and babies ... chick magnets.
As soon as I see the band I make a polite exit, I'm a cat person and I don't want children. Guess I'm the exception? :ohwell:0 -
I wanted to add...
I'm my husband's 3rd wife. I never would have thought I would have gone for someone with that history (I used to say third time is NOT the charm)... BUT.. it was those first 2 marriages that made him who he is today. He's grown a lot since marring the first time (at 17) and then again at 21 (for 20+ years). Turns out... 3rd time was the charm! :happy:0 -
I can only speak for myself, but I'm not attracted to divorced men.0
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I don't judge people on their past...before I even get to know them...just a rule0
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I can only speak for myself, but I'm not attracted to divorced men.
This is good to know. One less bald fat guy who needs a motor attached to his bike chasing me. j/k.0 -
No. Totally agree with the disaster statement above.
By the time I got married (at 37), people thought there was something wrong with me BECAUSE I hadn't been married! (Really? So... someone who is divorced is normal; but I chose not to settle so there's something wrong with me?!?) Nowadays, people expect someone to be divorced (especially if they are over 30). Kind of a sad statement on society really, but I digress.
I agree with this, and while I haven't come across this attitude frequently in my personal life (other than from my grandmother, who introduces me to people as her only granddaughter who isn't married ... subtle as a chainsaw, my grandmother), I get it a lot in my professional life. As an executive at a relatively young age, I am at board meetings and luncheons a lot with people who are middle-aged and don't understand why I'm nearly 30 and not married. I have to go on work trips sometimes where I'm the only person not bringing a spouse along, and, invariably, someone will be rude enough to point it out.
Seeing the comment a couple of times on this thread that someone would be more concerned about a man who has never been married than they would about a man who is divorced sort of reinforces the fact that we're all going to be judged for something.
I've never been married and I'm 37 - I get lots of comments about it - none of them complimentary. I'm not going to marry someone I can just get along with- I want someone I can't get along without! Maybe I'm to picky, but when the right man comes along, I don't want to be stuck with someone else.0 -
Personally whether a man is divorced or not doesn't make a difference to me. However if he has kids I won't date him (unless they are fully grown/out of the house). I don't want kids and don't want to be responsible for or stuck with kids that aren't even mine.0
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It shuld not matter that you are divorced....but i do have to admit a married man is very sexy!!!!:blushing:0
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