Ex-BF dilemma of the day lol

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krissypea79
krissypea79 Posts: 362 Member
in Chit-Chat
OK - so yesterday's issue was solved. Actually ended up having a decent conversation with him, and he agreed that not being friends on FB was best for the time being. He blocked me. I am fine with it, in fact, I am glad. Here is the current dilemma:

Over the weekend while having a girls night, one of the girls was browsing her match.com - who did we come across but my ex (of only two weeks) - last log-on "2 weeks ago." His profile had been recently updated, and he had photos from July. It wasn't the fact that he was on there, he told me he had been on there in the past, but the very recent photos (we started dating in July, he told me he'd deleted it a year ago), and the recent logon alarmed me. It made me wonder how long he'd really been on there, etc. I am not a super trusting person as it is, so of course I got upset. I told him the truth, that I'd seen his profile. Of course, he denied it and said that he had logged on because he received an email from match, and logged on to make sure he wasn't being billed. Well, he doesn't pay for the service, but he is still showing up in people's searches. He claimed that he thought your profile went away with inactivity. I just don't buy it. I am not saying I think he logged in while we were together, but even the fact that he logged in pretty much the day we broke up is sketchy to me. He's been trying to get me back for weeks, and he's been denying that he wants a relationship with anyone else right now. Fine. I let him talk his way out of the match thing, and we moved on from it. He swore up and down that he did not do dating sites, and deleted his profile on match right away. (This is earlier in the week when we were still talking constantly, and bickering constantly, which has since stopped)...

NOW, I admit, I was still bothered by the match thing. My gut never ceases to be correct, and I trust my intuitions. Out of morbid curiosity I guess, I did a search on plentyoffish.com, and SURE ENOUGH, there he is. Logged on "within the past week", with a current photo as his profile picture.

Before people tell me I am asking for it - this is an issue of trust. We ended our relationship as friends, and I do admit that there are things i miss about him, and I told him that maybe in time we can grow back together as a couple. I did NOT make any promises or give false hope. We are both just open to the idea that anything can happen, and that you never know what the future may hold. He said he wasn't looking for anything and neither am I. The issue is not that I am jealous - its more a trust thing because he is lying to me about being on these sites. I don't need to hear that I shouldn't look. I looked, and the damage is done. I know I am not the only one who would have done this, so I don't need criticism. I am not proud of it, but then again, the internet is a public space. Nothing about those dating sites is private, especially not a free one like POF. I am just sickened that he is lying to me. I know he is the type of guy who needs to have a girlfriend, as he is insecure. He denies that, but finding him active on two dating sites within a week is just so obnoxious. I am not going to say anything to him, because it really doesn't matter. At this time I do not want him back at all. But at the same time I am still hurting that I ended things, I don't like to hurt people, and of course I don't love the idea of him being with someone else yet.

I hate the internet sometimes!!!! I think I live in the wrong era, hahaha.
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Replies

  • Syntax_Error
    Syntax_Error Posts: 77 Member
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    If he's your ex, why do you care? Move on with life.
  • mangos4music
    mangos4music Posts: 126 Member
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    girl, im just gonna say it like this (both from past experience of my own and from what i read in your post), it sounds like he WAS on there while ya'll were dating. and it sounds like he is a dirtbag. who needs a dirtbag? definitely not you
  • Pocket_Pixi
    Pocket_Pixi Posts: 1,167 Member
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    If he's your ex, why do you care? Move on with life.


    This 100 times over.
  • meeperoon
    meeperoon Posts: 270 Member
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    In my opinion, your better of out of it, it might take time to get over him whether he gets with someone else or not but there are guys out there who will love you for you and won't even contemplate looking at a dating site cause they know what they have.

    From what I've experienced, once they know they can get attention from those sites, they find it near impossible to leave behind.

    Move on and find someone who's much more interested in what happens in the real world than the digital one.

    Good luck :)
  • macw1_2000
    macw1_2000 Posts: 50 Member
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    Girl...let me tell you the same thing I tell my teenage daughters. DROP HIM. Trust your intuition - if the little alarm is going off, there's a reason.

    If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck...it's a duck.
  • FearAnLoathing
    FearAnLoathing Posts: 4,852 Member
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    HE IS YOUR EX! Even if he was logging in to match.com the whole time you were together you guys are not together anymore.You have no desire to be with him according to you.
    What are you so bothered by,the fact that maybe hes trying to move on?
    Its starting to sound like a I dont want him,but I dont want anyone else to have him kind of situation.
  • lorna1002
    lorna1002 Posts: 185 Member
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    Sounds like you are better off without him. I know it hurts but once you accept that, you will feel like a weight has been lifted. :)
  • amelia_atlantic
    amelia_atlantic Posts: 926 Member
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    Granted, it's always like a punch in the gut to see that kind of thing but it begs the question...why are you REALLY looking?

    It sounds like maybe you don't want him back but it's a territory thing. You still feel like he's "yours". That's natural!

    Even if he's not seeking out his next great love online, maybe just flirting and even denying a few people is helping him move on. I suggest you find a way to move on as well.

    Living well is the best revenge, girl. Be the best YOU you can be and eventually you'll realize that's probably way too good for him. You deserve nothing but happiness and respect.
  • Scatterdragon
    Scatterdragon Posts: 225 Member
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    If he's your ex, why do you care? Move on with life.


    This 100 times over.
  • bry_all01
    bry_all01 Posts: 3,100 Member
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    I'm with you on the checking it out thing, BUT not for an ex, especially one you wanted to stop texting you so much, etc. Either you want to be together, or you want to move on. You need to decide which before you let it make you crazy....
  • sunkisses
    sunkisses Posts: 2,366 Member
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    You're going to drive yourself crazy. Keep it movin'.
  • SkateboardFi
    SkateboardFi Posts: 1,322 Member
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    If he's your ex, why do you care? Move on with life.


    This 100 times over.

    pretty much. it's not your place to confront him about this. but i'm sure you already know this.
  • ashnm88
    ashnm88 Posts: 748
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    Ex's are ex's for a REASON. Get over it and move on.
  • Jaytee79
    Jaytee79 Posts: 237 Member
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    Move on. Clearly he can't be trusted...so just be grateful that you two ended the relationship before he betrayed your trust with something worse than an online dating profile. You WILL find someone who can be trusted and wants to be with you and only you.
  • Clever_Girl
    Clever_Girl Posts: 114
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    He's your ex. What happened before is now irrelevant as there is nothing you can do besides hurt yourself further. Move on, stop bothering him.
  • malloriewebb
    malloriewebb Posts: 81
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    If he's your ex, why do you care? Move on with life.

    I second this. Eff him. He deserves no more of your time. And If I may be so frank: have some dignity. Stop internet stalking him. Move on.
  • chocolateandvodka
    chocolateandvodka Posts: 1,856 Member
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    wow that was long and arduous, yet terribly insipid.
  • Ashley_Panda
    Ashley_Panda Posts: 1,404 Member
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    Ex's are ex's for a REASON. Get over it and move on.

    Exactly what I was going to say.
  • morganhccstudent724
    morganhccstudent724 Posts: 1,261 Member
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    You are worried about it. And I don't think its the internet...it's him.

    let the birds fly and move on....
  • igora_soma
    igora_soma Posts: 486
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    Sorry to hear he's such a d-bag. I wouldn't bother talking to him again, plus his insecurity isn't worth being around! Keep your head up and move forward :)

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