Ex-BF dilemma of the day lol

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135

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  • legmotor
    legmotor Posts: 197 Member
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    What you need is lots of rebound sex. I'd be willing to help out.
  • morganhccstudent724
    morganhccstudent724 Posts: 1,261 Member
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    What you need is lots of rebound sex. I'd be willing to help out.

    ^^^^^ this
  • amelia_atlantic
    amelia_atlantic Posts: 926 Member
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    What you need is lots of rebound sex. I'd be willing to help out.

    Haha, I see you adhere to the "the only way to get OVER someone is to get UNDERsomeone else" school of thought!
  • krissypea79
    krissypea79 Posts: 362 Member
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    For those who actually left constructive replies, THANK YOU. For the person who thought my post was arduous and insipid a.) probably thought that their vocabulary was above my head but turns out it isn't, and b.)I wasn't intending on entertaining anyone with it. You could have (and quite possibly did) stopped reading at ANY time. That is the freedom of the internet. :) And I am glad I am able to provide humor and comic relief to those of you who had facetious remarks. I know you handle everything in your lives with perfection, and everything is just effortless for you. I am happy for you.

    Everyone handles relationships differently. Did I not say that I was asking for it by looking? Yes, it is definitely a case of the "not-wanting-them-but-not-wanting-them-to-be-with-someone-else" that is TOTALLY NORMAL at the beginning of a breakup. It is also one of those issues where, before we broke up I had a million reasons why we were not compatible and why I wasn't happy, but now, seeing how upset I've made him, it clouds my judgement and makes me doubt my decision. I KNOW there is someone better for me. We kept in contact way too much in the past few weeks since we've been broken up, and THAT is why we're in this situation. He has been clinging to the hope that I'd give him another chance, which is why I found it odd that he was perusing dating sites. If that is how he wants to move on, then so be it.

    I appreciate everyone's advice, and again thank those who have chosen to sympathize and be kind. I never pretended that I am acting appropriately in this situation, and it is clear that I am not alone. We all do things when we are hurting, and sometimes those things aren't the best for us, or for those involved. All we can do is learn from our mistakes.
  • AlsDonkBoxSquat
    AlsDonkBoxSquat Posts: 6,128 Member
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    If he's your ex, why do you care? Move on with life.

    Yep.
  • AlsDonkBoxSquat
    AlsDonkBoxSquat Posts: 6,128 Member
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    Also, if you're having this much drama over an ex, then why have any contact with them at all. I mean, unless you are thriving on the drama, what's the point.?
  • Apazman
    Apazman Posts: 494 Member
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    it's just too long to read *sigh*

    Luckily for you, you don't have to - nor do you have to waste time replying with something unnecessary. If you don't want to offer support or help, why reply at all? Again, not everyone is as perfect as some of you seem to think you are.

    I think its a real post with real honest feelings, and the fact that you can be totally honest about how you know this isn't right, but its just how you feel is commendable. most people are a bit too prideful to be that vulnerable and honest... Kuddos!
  • davidthomsen
    davidthomsen Posts: 9
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    Ok, Who cares how he feels? Sorry ladies but most men, or at least all the guys that I know and work with are not deep pools of feelings. He was on those sites yes, looking for different women. And yes maybe he might be getting strung along but really? He is a man and will man the **** up like we all do. I think that you are handling it in the best way that you know how to. Just keep your head up and **** him.
  • Apazman
    Apazman Posts: 494 Member
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    Truth is ... some people are always shopping around.
    I don't really see anything wrong with it, I mean the dope is that if people really want to look elsewhere ... then let them, because they clearly aren't getting something from you.

    Be Extremely happy that you and he are not together.
    Be happy you are seeing the real him.
    Be happy to be free to find someone who only sees you.

    Would you be my life coach?? :flowerforyou:

    Sure, but I charge by the hour. :)
  • krissypea79
    krissypea79 Posts: 362 Member
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    it's just too long to read *sigh*

    Luckily for you, you don't have to - nor do you have to waste time replying with something unnecessary. If you don't want to offer support or help, why reply at all? Again, not everyone is as perfect as some of you seem to think you are.

    I think its a real post with real honest feelings, and the fact that you can be totally honest about how you know this isn't right, but its just how you feel is commendable. most people are a bit too prideful to be that vulnerable and honest... Kuddos!

    Thank you. YUP, I have zero shame putting myself out there, and anticipated replies coming from all schools of thought. I can choose to take the criticism, for it will serve to make me stronger, or I can get annoyed by it. Those who criticize have dilemmas and issues of their own, they just don't choose to put them out there in an effort to seek advice - and I respect that. I respect everyone's opinions, and think there is a lot of beauty in the diversity of opinions. People interest me, and I think sometimes that is why I feel totally fine putting things out there and getting a sense for how others would handle my situation. Perhaps that is why I have a degree in Psychology. To each their own. I value everyone's opinion. :) I never pretended to be the perfect person, or perfect ex-girlfrend, and will be the first to admit that our post-relationship has been more dysfunctional than the relationship itself LOL. Perhaps we should have stayed as friends in the first place. Live & learn!!!
  • Apazman
    Apazman Posts: 494 Member
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    It took me a very long time to Identify when its not working out.

    My approach is this...
    I cut all communications if possible for at least one year.
    If I still have any feelings for them ... then its another year.

    I have actually fallen for a wonderful woman who didn't see me as a romantic option and I cut all communications with her.
    I said that I can't do this anymore. I want something more and if we can't go that direction then I can't be her friend because I don't want to hear or be around when she finds someone to date. It would break my heart all over again.

    I had become her emotional bf. To that extent I refused to continue to play a game that I am not a real contestant in. My theory is once its over ... its over ... cut all communications for a year and see how you feel. Remove your depency on that person. We crave to be loved and to express love, in some ways I think its like a drug and you seek out a supplier. You need to be your own person first.

    I quote jon lennon: " I don't believe in Beatles, I just believe in me"
  • BEERRUNNER
    BEERRUNNER Posts: 3,049 Member
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    OH OH heres some reality....................dude was playin you all along!!! ......tHta dirty dawg...........and only reason he is keepin good terms with you is for future possibilites...you know a guy runs into drys spells every now and then!

    Playa rule #2 deny deny deny deny that you are denying!!!
  • bry_all01
    bry_all01 Posts: 3,100 Member
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    Truth is ... some people are always shopping around.
    I don't really see anything wrong with it, I mean the dope is that if people really want to look elsewhere ... then let them, because they clearly aren't getting something from you.

    Be Extremely happy that you and he are not together.
    Be happy you are seeing the real him.
    Be happy to be free to find someone who only sees you.

    I probalby can't afford you, then... *runs off to pout*

    Would you be my life coach?? :flowerforyou:

    Sure, but I charge by the hour. :)
  • starbucksbuzz
    starbucksbuzz Posts: 466 Member
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    ugh, that sucks. I second everyone saying you need to move on... but I also think exes being friends is just a way of trying to soften a breakup. It doesn't work, really, and you're not doing either of you any favors keeping in touch or trying to smooth things over. Get yourself a kick *kitten* breakup playlist (I have suggestions if you need them!) and win the damn breakup! Focus your energy on anything else, fitness, your career, etc. if he contacts you, don't respond. As far as a rebound goes, to each their own. :wink: Take this as an opportunity for some you time, go to the spa, treat yourself, remind yourself of all of the things you love that you don't need him for. Oh and if there's a subtle way to be vindictive it totally helps. Just keep it legal.

    I sympathize with you not being a trusting person naturally... I'm not either, and it *is* possible to have an open, honest, caring, relationship with a man you can trust, it just takes a while to get there. Or it did for me anyways.
  • karenjoy
    karenjoy Posts: 1,841 Member
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    Seriously move on, stop obsessing and cut contact, He was obviously on this site when you were together, if you think anything else then you are being naive.

    You need to stop worrying about this man, you are NOT TOGETHER....
  • BEERRUNNER
    BEERRUNNER Posts: 3,049 Member
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    OH OH heres some reality....................dude was playin you all along!!! ......tHta dirty dawg...........and only reason he is keepin good terms with you is for future possibilites...you know a guy runs into drys spells every now and then!

    Playa rule #2 deny deny deny deny that you are denying!!!

    Just keepin it real!
  • krissypea79
    krissypea79 Posts: 362 Member
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    OH OH heres some reality....................dude was playin you all along!!! ......tHta dirty dawg...........and only reason he is keepin good terms with you is for future possibilites...you know a guy runs into drys spells every now and then!

    Playa rule #2 deny deny deny deny that you are denying!!!

    NO, I disagree. When we were together, I trusted him 100%. I can honestly say that trust or lack thereof had ZERO to do with our breakup. It was more of an incompatibility issue. As I said, he is rather insecure and needs a relationship to validate his existence. So, whether or not he had the site before us is of no consequence. I doubt he was using it until things got ugly. We did have a good 2 months together and I know he was committed, as was I. I would be very surprised if he were on it while we were together. 100%. The issue IS that he was on it within a day or two of us breaking up, YET still trying to get me back. THAT is the part that bothered me, that he wanted things to work out between us, yet he was secretly shopping on the side in case they didn't. My opinion is you should focus on one goal at a time, not keep a backup. But, that is just me. He wanted things to work out and for things to change back to the way they were in a matter of weeks? I do not think there is a future for us, BUT then again, no one knows what the outcome of their future will be. I certainly do not expect him to wait around, just as he should not expect any type of change to happen in weeks, especially weeks where he is still in constant contact with me. I am moving on. Cutting off ALL contact. I know that is best. I think the guilt of breaking up with him is definitely clouding my judgement and causing these ridiculous behaviors and jealous feelings. I will not deny that. I think it is normal, and for anyone who hasn't dealt with it after breaking up with someone, I envy you! :)
  • BEERRUNNER
    BEERRUNNER Posts: 3,049 Member
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    OH OH heres some reality....................dude was playin you all along!!! ......tHta dirty dawg...........and only reason he is keepin good terms with you is for future possibilites...you know a guy runs into drys spells every now and then!

    Playa rule #2 deny deny deny deny that you are denying!!!

    NO, I disagree. When we were together, I trusted him 100%. I can honestly say that trust or lack thereof had ZERO to do with our breakup. It was more of an incompatibility issue. As I said, he is rather insecure and needs a relationship to validate his existence. So, whether or not he had the site before us is of no consequence. I doubt he was using it until things got ugly. We did have a good 2 months together and I know he was committed, as was I. I would be very surprised if he were on it while we were together. 100%. The issue IS that he was on it within a day or two of us breaking up, YET still trying to get me back. THAT is the part that bothered me, that he wanted things to work out between us, yet he was secretly shopping on the side in case they didn't. My opinion is you should focus on one goal at a time, not keep a backup. But, that is just me. He wanted things to work out and for things to change back to the way they were in a matter of weeks? I do not think there is a future for us, BUT then again, no one knows what the outcome of their future will be. I certainly do not expect him to wait around, just as he should not expect any type of change to happen in weeks, especially weeks where he is still in constant contact with me. I am moving on. Cutting off ALL contact. I know that is best. I think the guilt of breaking up with him is definitely clouding my judgement and causing these ridiculous behaviors and jealous feelings. I will not deny that. I think it is normal, and for anyone who hasn't dealt with it after breaking up with someone, I envy you! :)

    Its all good though..........you were only together for a couple months. You should be over all of this in a matter of lets say......... by the weekend!?!?!?!
  • BrettPGH
    BrettPGH Posts: 4,720 Member
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    You dated him for two months?

    I hope you can pick up the pieces and get your life back together after such a huge loss.
  • krissypea79
    krissypea79 Posts: 362 Member
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    You dated him for two months?

    I hope you can pick up the pieces and get your life back together after such a huge loss.

    Believe it or not, some people are capable of developing strong feelings for someone, and in even less time than two months. I didn't mention that we had been friends for about 8 months prior to that, and he had been trying to get me to date him for quite some time. i resisted because I really wasn't interested. Then, suddenly I was. Should have stuck with the first feeling. BUT the point of my post was not that I am torn about the break up. I am a person with feelings and its a crappy situation to have to break up and hurt someone. Some people's feelings are more sensitive than others. Not everyone is a rock.

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