'his' money and 'hers' money

significance

We have a joint account for all our money, but also each have a weekly pocket money amount that doesn't need to be accounted for. This pays for music, books and movies, my mobile phone, electronic gadgets, clothes and accessories that we want but don't need, junk food and bought lunches, nights out with friends... basically anything that we spend on ourselves that doesn't benefit both of us and isn't really necessary. (If we go out together, the costs come from common funds).

The "pocket money" idea means that we keep track and keep a limit on what we spend on frivolous things, and ensures that this sort of spending is divided fairly between us without having to consult (and potentially argue) over every expenditure. As an added bonus, it means I think twice about spending money on junk food. We have enough money as a couple that I wouldn't notice the price of a chocolate bar from common funds, but pocket money is tight enough that I do notice.

natika33

I don't have a "him" right now, but some friends of mine have been married for 10 years and lived together for 5 years before that with never a fight about money. It was especially interesting because their salary differences were huge. My previous experience had always led me to believe that salary disparities led to fighting and unfairness, so I asked them about it.

They have a joint account for bills, house payments etc. and separate accounts for personal spending. (his and her accounts). They know roughly what their bills will be every month, so they calculated how much that account needed to be (with a bit of a cushion for sudden emergencies etc.). Every paycheque, they each top up the joint account according to their salaries. So... since she makes significantly more than him, she contributes about 70% of the joint account money and he accounts for about 30%.

That leaves their his and her accounts with roughly the same amount of money. They can use that money how they wish. For big expenditures like travelling together which they consider a luxury and therefore not part of the joint account, they both save for the trip and go on it when they both can afford to pay their half. Since their his and hers accounts are roughly the same, it takes them roughly the same amount of time to save.

It's awesome because they don't fight and they both feel like they are pulling their own weight in the relationship. They also don't feel resentment for the other because one can afford to splurge all the time and the other can't.

It also means they can treat each other from time to time (sometimes with big things even) without asking the other because that money is "hidden" from the other anyway.

If I ever have a "him" one day, I hope to use the same system.

Lyadeia

We just got married in July, but we still have separate accounts. It is not "his" money versus "my" money, though. We both pay bills, mortgage, car payments, etc. and if one or the other is running low on money we just transfer it over. We have no plans on combining it. We doesn't keep me from money, I don't keep him from money...so I guess it's like having just one account. But I've gone through so much CRAP trying to get my name changed over on bills and such (and even at HR at work) that getting this changed over would just add even more crap to the pile which is unnecessary.

Wpbarr

Shared personal. I manage the investments and business accounts.

rachmaree

We tried pooling everything, but I must admit I became a little resentful at my husband knowing every dollar (or in our case, lira) I spent. I also make more than double what he makes, so it was annoying feeling sometimes like I had to 'ask' before buying. When I got my new job, they opened a new bank account, and I've started transferring almost all of it to our joint account, but leaving a little for myself. Fights about money- no more. I think everyone needs to find a system that works for them. My parents never fought about money and they were married for 40 years, everything was joint.

suzycreamcheese

seperate

BerryH

As a divorcee, I can attest to only having "our money" leading to having "no money" afterwards :laugh:

If I did it again, there would definitely be a joint bills account and separate spending money and savings. I'd probably keep my flat too and rent it out if not living in it. Financial independence can make romance a lot easier :happy:

MîîśÊmÿłõü

We're married so everything is shared! That's the way it should be if your living together

whiskey9890

we have seperate personal accounts and a "house" account into which we both transfer a set amount each pay day. having said that the "house" account is actually in my name but that is purely down to stupid bank opening hours and not being able to get both of us present to open it as a joint account, its not an issue for us, if anything went belly up in our relationship there isn't a huge amount in it every month after bills to argue over

kyle4jem

Totally 50:50.... he pays the bills and I spend the money :laugh:

nothingisred

We're married so everything is shared! That's the way it should be if your living together

This is how I used to feel when I was living with my ex (even though I was always making a lot more money than he was). But it got to the point where I resented him for it because he would buy expensive clothes when we were struggling to make ends meet.

On the other hand my parents had a very messy divorce which was mainly because of money. They kept everything absolutely separate, my dad paid for most things. Neither of them knew what each other earned. I could never understand it and evidentally it definitely didn't work.

When I decide to live with a partner again (which won't be for a long time yet I don't think!) I think I would like to have our own personal accounts for our own spending and then a joint account for things like bills that we both pay an agreed equal amount into. To be that seems the best way to do things.

Angellore

We both work full time and earn more or less the same. We each have our own current accounts which our salaries are paid into. We also have a joint account which we pay an equal amount into each, each month and all the direct debits for the bills, mortgage etc come out of. Each month, just before payday (we both get paid on the same date) I sit down and work out how much we need to put into the joint account. It varies by around +/- £25 a month. We also have a joint savings account into which we put a set amount of money each month and that pays for our holidays. I pay for food shopping on my credit card (we get airmiles) and them my husband pays me back half of it. It works well for us as it means we don't have any fights over money as what ever is left is ours to spend the way we want. Anything else we need for the house we go halves on. Works perfectly for us.

Angellore

We're married so everything is shared! That's the way it should be if your living together

Why should it be that way? Not being narky, just interested to know why you feel this way?

gemco

bit of both, we have a joint account and i have a separate account which i use for saving some til the end of the month or towards bigger costs. all money is pooled because there isn't enough of it to go around but once i'm working again and we have surplus we'll pool a percentage each to cover our housey/family expenses and have free money each for whatever we like.

asyouseefit

Separate

Swissmiss

We each have our own checking accounts. I put 2/3 of my paycheck into his as he pays most of the bills. I am responsible for the dish TV and the internet service, plus anything that I or my girls may need.

Iamfit4life

When we're married I imagine it will be shared.

Either way it will work out.
I try not to think too much about money.

FearAnLoathing

everything is shared

VeganInTraining

As a divorcee, I can attest to only having "our money" leading to having "no money" afterwards :laugh:

If I did it again, there would definitely be a joint bills account and separate spending money and savings. I'd probably keep my flat too and rent it out if not living in it. Financial independence can make romance a lot easier :happy:

Funny I'm the other way around. Having his and her's with my ex meant I paid for all the social occasions because he spent all his money on booze so if I wanted a date it came from my pocket (obviously there was a deeper issue here) The new and improved hubby is wonderful and we have a joint account. We each get some cash at the beginning of the week and if we want to spend any money after that then we talk it out and see if it's a good decision

liftingbro

We have separate checking accounts. We have a joint savings account. We split up the bills and trust each other to manage our money.