Honest Question - Men & strip clubs

ILiftHeavyAcrylics

I'm not comfortable with strip clubs, and I do feel pressured by a lot of society to be cool with it. But I'm not, and it's not because I lack confidence. Hubby feels the same way, and we agree, so there's no conflict over it. I'm not going to let anyone change my opinion because "cool" girlfriends/wives are saying it's fine. On a basic level I'm just not comfortable with the idea of it.

So you can give your friend your opinion, but it seems a bit worrisome that you need strangers to tell you what your opinion is. You ought to figure this out for yourself, in case it comes up in the future for you and not just a friend (most likely it will, because bachelor parties inevitably come up). You really shouldn't be pressured either way, it just needs to be what YOU think, without the input of other people.

As far as your friend's relationship, it's up to her to decide but it needs to be a conversation between her and her SO. They have to have an honest discussion and figure out what's right for them.

Slimithy

What do you think of Men that frequent strip clubs? Let's say, Guy in question has friends that work at the club, friend's wives/SOs that work at the club. So he goes frequently, stating it's no different than any other bar...

Discuss. This is an honest question. I need an outside perspective to figure out my own feelings about it *LOL*

Eventually he will pay money for sex...or he already has. Unless he happens to have the strongest willpower on the planet.

Interesting. I've been to many strip clubs, and yet, not once have I paid for sex. I guess I possess the strongest willpower on the planet.

I'm married... I've been paying for the same sex for 12.5 years... I've got kids as receipts...

ShapeUpSidney

I'm not comfortable with strip clubs, and I do feel pressured by a lot of society to be cool with it. But I'm not, and it's not because I lack confidence.

Sometimes you are just skeeved out by something. No need to justify it to society or anyone else.

ShapeUpSidney

So I have low self-esteem because I don't think that my husband should be paying for someone to turn him on? I don't think so. As matter of fact, I think quite the opposite. I'm confident enough to know what I want. Self- esteem has nothing to do with beliefs. I believe that my husband should never pay for a lap dance from some woman, because I am good enough, if not better! My self worth is just fine. And that is exactly why I would want my husband to be faithful. Because I AM worth it. Fidelity has nothing to do with self esteem and everything to do with respect. You want your man to respect you? You respect him, and vice versa. A woman who has self-esteem recognizes that. A woman who values who she is and what she is worth would never let her man fool around on her, and if he does, she drops him. She knows, I know, that I deserve love and respect from a man, and my man knows he deserves the same thing.

I don't disagree with you, but I still find your explanations a bit confusing.

So, you don't think your husband should pay for a lapdance, because you (your sexiness, your lapdances, etc) are good enough, if not better

So if he did pay for a lapdance, would that somehow change how sexy you are? I don't think so. I would think that the two things are completely independent of each other. And since they are independent, why would it matter whether he pays for one or not? You may say "how silly and wasteful to spend money on a lapdance when i could give you a free one (with a happy ending) at home"

And that is something I can identify with, because it's rational. You have wild sexy fun at home for free...why waste money?

Then, you say fidelity has to do with respect. Respect for what specifically? For your feelings? Because you'd be hurt if he was unfaithful? Or maybe it's more abstract, like a categorical imperative or religious thing. Respect for the sanctity of marriage and your journey together as moral and spiritual people committed to living righteously.

For me, personally, I wouldn't feel disrespected if my man got a lapdance at the strip club. I would only feel disrespected if I'd communicated otherwise, and he ignored my feelings on the matter. But it's not really something I have to think much about because that whole scene makes only rare appearances in his life.

Anyways, I appreciate your sharing. I know these are really personal matters, and it clearly fascinates me to examine the thought processes different people have when considering these kind of issues. I have a few of my own that I struggle with, but I'll save that for another thread.

mcintyrekn

So I have low self-esteem because I don't think that my husband should be paying for someone to turn him on? I don't think so. As matter of fact, I think quite the opposite. I'm confident enough to know what I want. Self- esteem has nothing to do with beliefs. I believe that my husband should never pay for a lap dance from some woman, because I am good enough, if not better! My self worth is just fine. And that is exactly why I would want my husband to be faithful. Because I AM worth it. Fidelity has nothing to do with self esteem and everything to do with respect. You want your man to respect you? You respect him, and vice versa. A woman who has self-esteem recognizes that. A woman who values who she is and what she is worth would never let her man fool around on her, and if he does, she drops him. She knows, I know, that I deserve love and respect from a man, and my man knows he deserves the same thing.

I don't disagree with you, but I still find your explanations a bit confusing.

So, you don't think your husband should pay for a lapdance, because you (your sexiness, your lapdances, etc) are good enough, if not better

So if he did pay for a lapdance, would that somehow change how sexy you are? I don't think so. I would think that the two things are completely independent of each other. And since they are independent, why would it matter whether he pays for one or not? You may say "how silly and wasteful to spend money on a lapdance when i could give you a free one (with a happy ending) at home"

And that is something I can identify with, because it's rational. You have wild sexy fun at home for free...why waste money?

Then, you say fidelity has to do with respect. Respect for what specifically? For your feelings? Because you'd be hurt if he was unfaithful? Or maybe it's more abstract, like a categorical imperative or religious thing. Respect for the sanctity of marriage and your journey together as moral and spiritual people committed to living righteously.

For me, personally, I wouldn't feel disrespected if my man got a lapdance at the strip club. I would only feel disrespected if I'd communicated otherwise, and he ignored my feelings on the matter. But it's not really something I have to think much about because that whole scene makes only rare appearances in his life.

Anyways, I appreciate your sharing. I know these are really personal matters, and it clearly fascinates me to examine the thought processes different people have when considering these kind of issues. I have a few of my own that I struggle with, but I'll save that for another thread.

So its not rational to not want your husband to have another woman all over him? How? He is your husband, your time, your emotions, your love and dedication has been spent on him. Not that other woman. What does she deserve from him? Nothing. By allowing another woman to touch him in such a way is to show no respect for your relationship. Who cares about the money? The relationship is what is important.

Me being sexy and the lapdances he receives from another woman are not independent of each other at all. If he thinks I am sexy, he doesn't need to have another woman ontop if him. Just because I think I am sexy enough does not mean his feelings wouldn't change. And by heading to a strip club to see another woman is solidifying that.
You say it is rational if money is involved. Why pay money if you get what you want at home for free? I say why go to another woman at all if you have one that you are supposed to love at home? That is rational.
And why shouldn't I be hurt if he was unfaithful? Wouldn't you be? When you fall in love with someone you are very vulnerable. You put your emotions on the line. Anyone who was in love and had a spouse cheat on them would be hurt and angry. If, not, then they probably weren't in love to begin with. I would be hurt,and then I would drop him, because I deserve better than that.
And what if its not about a religious belief or the categorical imperative? Not about the sanctity of marriage? What about the sanctity of love?
Plain and simple. If you are happy enough in your relationship, you do not need to go to another woman ( or man) to arouse you. If you have a problem you work on it. Do not go elsewhere. Its not difficult, and if you can't salvage it, you end it.

stresco

I dont get strip clubs. Pay to get in. Over pay for lousy drinks. Give skanky girls all your cash. Go home with glitter, lousy perfume and blue balls.... Not for me.

TheBraveryLover

Frequently? Um, I don't think I've ever met a guy who went frequently so I'm not too sure how I'd respond to that. I have met/dated men who go occasionally and have no problem with it. Sometimes I ask to join.

femmerides

I have never been to one and neither has my husband. Most strip clubs in our area don't have the most attractive girls.we have friends that go but we aren't really interested.

I read through a lot of the responses and I find them all interesting. I think the self esteem thing is pretty funny. Everyone wants to be loved and adored and be the only person out spouse/partner is attracted to. However, being human, we have these things called hormones...lol. also, chemistry? Ya...that's real. Sometimes you can have it with someone other than you SO. It's our body's way of saying, "hey! You over there. Ya you! Your genetics and my genetics would create a super race! Let's procreate!"


Also, life is too short to not try things once or twice. If your SO wants to go to a strip club, make it a date. If you guys want to try q threesome, try it but have rules laid out and communicate during the entire process.

I've been married only 7 years but one thing I have learned is that trying new things can be a lot of fun and really good, not only for your relationship, but your self esteem as well.

Anyways, bottom line is, if your friend really doesn't like her boyfriend going, she needs to tell him why and give him the chance to explain why he wants to go.

ShapeUpSidney

Plain and simple. If you are happy enough in your relationship, you do not need to go to another woman ( or man) to arouse you. If you have a problem you work on it. Do not go elsewhere. Its not difficult, and if you can't salvage it, you end it.

I don't think people go to strip clubs because they need another man or woman to arouse them. That's not really the point. It's just tacky, hedonistic entertainment. If you don't find it entertaining, I can understand that...but that doesn't mean that everyone else in the joint is getting moist over the show.

Jeff92se

So I have low self-esteem because I don't think that my husband should be paying for someone to turn him on? I don't think so. As matter of fact, I think quite the opposite. I'm confident enough to know what I want. Self- esteem has nothing to do with beliefs. I believe that my husband should never pay for a lap dance from some woman, because I am good enough, if not better! My self worth is just fine. And that is exactly why I would want my husband to be faithful. Because I AM worth it. Fidelity has nothing to do with self esteem and everything to do with respect. You want your man to respect you? You respect him, and vice versa. A woman who has self-esteem recognizes that. A woman who values who she is and what she is worth would never let her man fool around on her, and if he does, she drops him. She knows, I know, that I deserve love and respect from a man, and my man knows he deserves the same thing.

I don't disagree with you, but I still find your explanations a bit confusing.

So, you don't think your husband should pay for a lapdance, because you (your sexiness, your lapdances, etc) are good enough, if not better

So if he did pay for a lapdance, would that somehow change how sexy you are? I don't think so. I would think that the two things are completely independent of each other. And since they are independent, why would it matter whether he pays for one or not? You may say "how silly and wasteful to spend money on a lapdance when i could give you a free one (with a happy ending) at home"

And that is something I can identify with, because it's rational. You have wild sexy fun at home for free...why waste money?

Then, you say fidelity has to do with respect. Respect for what specifically? For your feelings? Because you'd be hurt if he was unfaithful? Or maybe it's more abstract, like a categorical imperative or religious thing. Respect for the sanctity of marriage and your journey together as moral and spiritual people committed to living righteously.

For me, personally, I wouldn't feel disrespected if my man got a lapdance at the strip club. I would only feel disrespected if I'd communicated otherwise, and he ignored my feelings on the matter. But it's not really something I have to think much about because that whole scene makes only rare appearances in his life.

Anyways, I appreciate your sharing. I know these are really personal matters, and it clearly fascinates me to examine the thought processes different people have when considering these kind of issues. I have a few of my own that I struggle with, but I'll save that for another thread.

So its not rational to not want your husband to have another woman all over him? How? He is your husband, your time, your emotions, your love and dedication has been spent on him. Not that other woman. What does she deserve from him? Nothing. By allowing another woman to touch him in such a way is to show no respect for your relationship. Who cares about the money? The relationship is what is important.

Me being sexy and the lapdances he receives from another woman are not independent of each other at all. If he thinks I am sexy, he doesn't need to have another woman ontop if him. Just because I think I am sexy enough does not mean his feelings wouldn't change. And by heading to a strip club to see another woman is solidifying that.
You say it is rational if money is involved. Why pay money if you get what you want at home for free? I say why go to another woman at all if you have one that you are supposed to love at home? That is rational.
And why shouldn't I be hurt if he was unfaithful? Wouldn't you be? When you fall in love with someone you are very vulnerable. You put your emotions on the line. Anyone who was in love and had a spouse cheat on them would be hurt and angry. If, not, then they probably weren't in love to begin with. I would be hurt,and then I would drop him, because I deserve better than that.
And what if its not about a religious belief or the categorical imperative? Not about the sanctity of marriage? What about the sanctity of love?
Plain and simple. If you are happy enough in your relationship, you do not need to go to another woman ( or man) to arouse you. If you have a problem you work on it. Do not go elsewhere. Its not difficult, and if you can't salvage it, you end it.

Paying for a lap dance isn't really subsituting your love, dedication or time. It's business.

femmerides

Plain and simple. If you are happy enough in your relationship, you do not need to go to another woman ( or man) to arouse you. If you have a problem you work on it. Do not go elsewhere. Its not difficult, and if you can't salvage it, you end it.

I don't think people go to strip clubs because they need another man or woman to arouse them. That's not really the point. It's just tacky, hedonistic entertainment. If you don't find it entertaining, I can understand that...but that doesn't mean that everyone else in the joint is getting moist over the show.

i asked my husband about this. he said the only way to really decide how you feel about this, as the significant other, is to figure out what it means to him. and i agree. if you are going to a strip club because it excites you and gets you off or because you don't want to be home with your s/o or you are choosing to go there over your friends/family, then ya, there can be a problem. i wouldn't feel okay with my husband going if he was super into it and chose it over me. now, if my husband were to go now, i don't think i would mind. i know how he feels about strip clubs, and i am very confident of how he feels for me. i know at the end of the day, i am the one he wants to be with. another thing, if he goes to the strip club and all those sexy ladies turn him on, guess what, he will be taking out those fantasies on me.

one thing we did talk about though that i think is important...a strip club should never be chosen over a night out with your s/o. :-) however, that could always BE your date night.

mcintyrekn

So I have low self-esteem because I don't think that my husband should be paying for someone to turn him on? I don't think so. As matter of fact, I think quite the opposite. I'm confident enough to know what I want. Self- esteem has nothing to do with beliefs. I believe that my husband should never pay for a lap dance from some woman, because I am good enough, if not better! My self worth is just fine. And that is exactly why I would want my husband to be faithful. Because I AM worth it. Fidelity has nothing to do with self esteem and everything to do with respect. You want your man to respect you? You respect him, and vice versa. A woman who has self-esteem recognizes that. A woman who values who she is and what she is worth would never let her man fool around on her, and if he does, she drops him. She knows, I know, that I deserve love and respect from a man, and my man knows he deserves the same thing.

I don't disagree with you, but I still find your explanations a bit confusing.

So, you don't think your husband should pay for a lapdance, because you (your sexiness, your lapdances, etc) are good enough, if not better

So if he did pay for a lapdance, would that somehow change how sexy you are? I don't think so. I would think that the two things are completely independent of each other. And since they are independent, why would it matter whether he pays for one or not? You may say "how silly and wasteful to spend money on a lapdance when i could give you a free one (with a happy ending) at home"

And that is something I can identify with, because it's rational. You have wild sexy fun at home for free...why waste money?

Then, you say fidelity has to do with respect. Respect for what specifically? For your feelings? Because you'd be hurt if he was unfaithful? Or maybe it's more abstract, like a categorical imperative or religious thing. Respect for the sanctity of marriage and your journey together as moral and spiritual people committed to living righteously.

For me, personally, I wouldn't feel disrespected if my man got a lapdance at the strip club. I would only feel disrespected if I'd communicated otherwise, and he ignored my feelings on the matter. But it's not really something I have to think much about because that whole scene makes only rare appearances in his life.

Anyways, I appreciate your sharing. I know these are really personal matters, and it clearly fascinates me to examine the thought processes different people have when considering these kind of issues. I have a few of my own that I struggle with, but I'll save that for another thread.

So its not rational to not want your husband to have another woman all over him? How? He is your husband, your time, your emotions, your love and dedication has been spent on him. Not that other woman. What does she deserve from him? Nothing. By allowing another woman to touch him in such a way is to show no respect for your relationship. Who cares about the money? The relationship is what is important.

Me being sexy and the lapdances he receives from another woman are not independent of each other at all. If he thinks I am sexy, he doesn't need to have another woman ontop if him. Just because I think I am sexy enough does not mean his feelings wouldn't change. And by heading to a strip club to see another woman is solidifying that.
You say it is rational if money is involved. Why pay money if you get what you want at home for free? I say why go to another woman at all if you have one that you are supposed to love at home? That is rational.
And why shouldn't I be hurt if he was unfaithful? Wouldn't you be? When you fall in love with someone you are very vulnerable. You put your emotions on the line. Anyone who was in love and had a spouse cheat on them would be hurt and angry. If, not, then they probably weren't in love to begin with. I would be hurt,and then I would drop him, because I deserve better than that.
And what if its not about a religious belief or the categorical imperative? Not about the sanctity of marriage? What about the sanctity of love?
Plain and simple. If you are happy enough in your relationship, you do not need to go to another woman ( or man) to arouse you. If you have a problem you work on it. Do not go elsewhere. Its not difficult, and if you can't salvage it, you end it.

Paying for a lap dance isn't really subsituting your love, dedication or time. It's business.

Yes, Its a business, just like prostitution. A completely unnecessary one.