This has nothing to do with food, exercise, or nutrition

heal4444

Thanks. I just want that day when I'm okay to be here NOW. I know that I'm better off without him, for so many reasons. Despite the cheating (he's still with her, BTW, even took her to our house to move his things out), he's horrible with money. I won't go into details there, but I never had any savings when we were together because, despite his fantastic salary, we had no money. None. Ever. Now I know that it was partly because he was spending it on her, but I also know it's because he always maxed out his credit cards and paid everything as late as possible. His credit got worse while mine somehow managed to get better. But I need monthly support from him, or else I'll have to find a second job...which I will do if I have to. I've done it before. But the scary thing is there aren't many second jobs available out there anymore!

Yes, it is scary. Yes, it is difficult. But, no, it is not impossible. There are less second jobs available. I agree. You have to focus on finding just one. Not many. Just one.

You are what you focus on. So, focus on what you want. Not what you don't want. Ask yourself, what is it that I want? And, focus on that.

hgam1

oh hon, my heart goes to you. I tell you what, you have friends in us be it virtual. I read all the replies to you (amazing for me), and they all said it all! ABOVE ALL, remember time heals all wounds and you will get there. Take it a day at a time....trust me one day you'll wake up and say to yourself "WHAT IN GOD'S NAME DID I EVER SEE IN HIM IN THE FIRST PLACE"! It will happen mark my word. ((((lots of hugs)))). xxx

1Corinthians13

Thank you, all of you. Your responses have all made me smile. (even if I do feel like crying at the same time.)

Just 20 minutes to go, and I get to go home!!!

réalta

my thoughts are with you during this stressful time

be gentle with yourself, and take the time to look after yourself

try to go to your therapist, you may not feel like it, but it will help

sorry i dont have some better advice, hugs :flowerforyou:

mom2one

I remember what my mom always told me after all of my many heartbreaks, This too shall pass. You are a beautiful person, you just need to take it one step at a time, and sometimes one second at a time. Take care of yourself......

mommared53

I'm so sorry you're going through this. My heart breaks for you. :brokenheart: I pray God will be with you and help you get through this time in your life. Hang in there. You have a lot of people who care about you. Post any time you need to. :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:

Betty

ivykivy

I just wanted to let you know you are in my thoughts and I will be praying for your financial and emotional healing. Remember the saying "Troubles come to pass not to stay".:flowerforyou:

arewethereyet

Honey, I sent you a PM. I am so sorry you are going thru this crap. I dont know how, but God will use it to his good. I am very proud of the way you are handling yourself-even down to asking for help tonight so you are not alone.

I know you cant see it, but you will make it thru this horrible time and there will be good times ahead.

God bless you and keep you close to His heart.

Jeannie

1Corinthians13

Thanks again to all of you. Today was a good day...in part to all of you. Thank you.

ChubbyBunny

Thanks again to all of you. Today was a good day...in part to all of you. Thank you.

Hello Chiclett!
I am glad you are doing better today.
:flowerforyou:

1Corinthians13

Good morning everyone. I thought I'd give ya'll an update.

We were supposed to go to court tomorrow. Now, I do not have a court date at all. We had to change the venue (go from a court in one county to a court in the county in which we last resided as husband and wife together). Apparently, they couldn't get the change of venue in time for tomorrow. Now, we are just waiting to hear from my husband's lawyer regarding a specific date that he's available.

I'm nervous. Ya'll know about the economy. Well, I don't have much money left. I have a great, secure job with the Federal Government, but I might have to look for a second job if I don't get a court date in February. I do not think I'm too good for another job - I've worked 2 jobs, 7 days a week before, and I'll do it again if I have to. The big problem is that there are not a lot of jobs out there, even parttime ones. I've heard stories of high school kids unable to wait tables even because those are the jobs that all the adults who are losing their day jobs are going after. There's not a whole lot out there.

So please, please for those of you who pray, pray that I'll get a court date soon. I've been praying every day, but it's been almost a week, and nothing.

havingitall

My heart goes out to you.

I have been there with a cheating husband, who I made excuses for as well. He slept with women that he worked with and then got angry with me if I questioned him. After 10 years of marriage and two children, he said he needed time to think. I contacted a lawyer the next day and told him the time to think was before he said "I do"

I was crushed, miserable and thought of doing myself harm. That unfortuantley turned to vindictiveness and *****iness.

4 1/2 years ago, I married a wonderful man. he is everything that my ex-husband was not and he makes me feel cherished, loved and protected.

Although it feels like hell now, it will get better and you will love again

Best of luck to you. Keep your head high and your thoughts positive

1Corinthians13

My heart goes out to you.

I have been there with a cheating husband, who I made excuses for as well. He slept with women that he worked with and then got angry with me if I questioned him. After 10 years of marriage and two children, he said he needed time to think. I contacted a lawyer the next day and told him the time to think was before he said "I do"

I was crushed, miserable and thought of doing myself harm. That unfortuantley turned to vindictiveness and *****iness.

4 1/2 years ago, I married a wonderful man. he is everything that my ex-husband was not and he makes me feel cherished, loved and protected.

Although it feels like hell now, it will get better and you will love again

Best of luck to you. Keep your head high and your thoughts positive

Thank you so much for that encouraging post. You know? This all started back in June. Back then, I was a mess. Crying 10 times a day, sitting in front of my computer screen at work without being able to figure out what I was supposed to do...I would go home and curl up on the couch and cry myself to sleep. I was miserable.

But now...my therapist asked me to rate my pain on a scale of 1 to 10. I have blasts of 10, but mostly, I'm around a 3 now. Finding out that he was having an affair was almost...a relief. Because for so long I didn't understand what was happening, and I just laid around the house clinging to the last shreds of our marriage, hoping for something to change and doing everything I could think of to keep my husband happy. Then I found the proof of the affair...and a weight was lifted. I was at first devastated, and though I'm still hurt...emotionally I'm so much better than I was. Does that make sense?

havingitall

IT makes perfect sense. It wasn't you... it was the way he was treating you. It's hard to give up the dream of the perfect marriage and the happily ever after.

1Corinthians13

Yeah, it is. And I was really and truly under the illusion that we had the perfect marriage. But what I've learned and am learning from all this...more about myself and the kind of person I let myself become when I was in love. I let myself get so wrapped up in him that I forgot who I was. Quite literally. There were times that he would say something, and I'd agree and then think to myself, "Wait a minute...that's not what I think."

Then there were my parents. He hated my family. I never even asked him to visit with me because I knew he wouldn't want to. Now I'm realizing that as my husband, though he didn't like my family (which honestly, is so weird b/c I have a great family - not perfect, but a lot of fun), he should have made that "sacrifice" without me even having to ask! I was his wife! Whether or not he fell in love with my family, the mere fact that he was supposedly in love with me should have had him by my side during family visits.

There are many, many things like that, and I'm realizing I wasn't me when I was with him. I became...well.. HIM.

mcelledge

Hi,
Life is difficult. But God loves us (even your ex) and He will provide strength and comfort. He sometimes allows things in our path to cause us to rely on HIM and not our own minds. Give it upto HIM and allow HIm to work all this out. With Christ's love.

havingitall

OMG I think he is the brother to my ex. Horrible with money, didn't like my family...cheater

If not related, they definately had the same cookie cutter!

You are lucky to be rid of him. Do what you can to be financially independent from him as he will hold the money over your head every chance he can and he will make all money things a huge messy issue. I am still getting child support and can't wait for the day that it stops. Then there is no need to deal with him again.

There are much better men in the world, ones that will treat you the way you deserve.

After we divorced, my ex delared bankruptcy because he blew all his money on crap and alcohol, had a massive heart attack and all kinds of health problems and gained a huge amount of weight. He is unable to do much in his life now and has a miserable existence living with a woman who just wants his money ( what little he has left) . She calls him a pig and treats him badly.

What goes around , come around. I love Karma

havingitall

By the way.. I love your screen name. That has to be the most beautiful passage in the bible.

Remember it's meaning when you are going through your trials

1Corinthians13

Thank you. I love this passage too.

Right after this all started, back in July before I knew the cause, we were both in his sister's wedding. It was torturous to stand there, looking at him, while my sister-in-law said her vows. The pastor read this passage, and I remember closing my eyes with tears streaming down my face PRAYING that my husband was taking the words to heart.

It's ridiculous that throughout that whole wedding and reception, he was texting HER. Sitting right next to me. I didn't notice. Thought it was work. He even got away to call her a couple times. He was standing there thinking about her while I stood there praying for our marriage. Sick.

keiko

Hi Corin, if I was you I would not wait for a court date. If you are starting to run low on money then start looking for that second job. I know you are hoping for support from him but the courts here don't give that out much anymore. Unless the women isn't working and has preschool age kids. Or has been married more than 10 years and hasn't been working or working part time and needs help while she gets a full time job.
I know it's hard. I sold my car that I loved, a '66 mustang to pay off bills. Drove a car that had a leaky gas tank if I filled it to much and looked like crap. But it was paid for.
I hope you get a date soon so you can put this all in the past and move on. It does get better.

Shannon023

Sorry to hear about this. :brokenheart:

Cliche, but time will heal your wounds.

1Corinthians13

Hi Corin, if I was you I would not wait for a court date. If you are starting to run low on money then start looking for that second job. I know you are hoping for support from him but the courts here don't give that out much anymore. Unless the women isn't working and has preschool age kids. Or has been married more than 10 years and hasn't been working or working part time and needs help while she gets a full time job.
I know it's hard. I sold my car that I loved, a '66 mustang to pay off bills. Drove a car that had a leaky gas tank if I filled it to much and looked like crap. But it was paid for.
I hope you get a date soon so you can put this all in the past and move on. It does get better.

I would sell my car but can't because it's new. It's not worth what I owe on it anymore and won't for a couple years.

In my state (don't look at my profile, I lied LOL), it is not a no fault state, and they are very old fashioned and still favor the women, especially when the man has cheated. I dont need a lot to get by. Just a little. But by early next week if I don't have a court date, I will be looking for a second job.

mrhappy

Thank you. I love this passage too.

Right after this all started, back in July before I knew the cause, we were both in his sister's wedding. It was torturous to stand there, looking at him, while my sister-in-law said her vows. The pastor read this passage, and I remember closing my eyes with tears streaming down my face PRAYING that my husband was taking the words to heart.

It's ridiculous that throughout that whole wedding and reception, he was texting HER. Sitting right next to me. I didn't notice. Thought it was work. He even got away to call her a couple times. He was standing there thinking about her while I stood there praying for our marriage. Sick.

You are better off without him! :explode: You did nothing wrong! :mad: You believed in marriage and tried to make it work - your partner was a partner in name only. :devil:

You deserve - and will find! - the right partner for you!!! Take it from one who's been there - don't go looking and NEVER "settle"... :blushing:

Just be yourself, love yourself, and one day when you least expect it, a man who is deserving of you will be there.

Good luck baby!

:glasses:

1Corinthians13

Thanks. It's funny. Everyone reminds me that I did nothing wrong...and at first I wondered what I did. You always hear that it takes two to ruin a marriage just as it took two to build it. But they're wrong, the people who say that. I did nothing to deserve him cheating on me. I was at home, praying and waiting and hoping while he was lying and cheating and spending the money that should have been going to the mortgage on HER. No one deserves to be treated that way.

justdoingit

Don't get mad, get even!! Not that I would ever encourage revenge BUT, when I broke it off with a guy I was completely head over heels for (I found out he was cheating on me), I realized that I had lost myself to please him. I started excercising, dropped those extra pounds, got a better paying job, made new friends (all of my friends were his friends too), read a bunch of books, and eventually (it WAS painfull) came out stronger with a better sense of self.

He ran into me a year later and I looked fabulous and it just so happened that I was on a date with a really great looking guy. He was so visibly upset he had to leave the restaurant. That felt really good and even though I still wasn't over him entirely, I knew he didn't get the better of me and I would be OK.

Today, I am happily married with a great guy, have two amazing little girls, and now when I think of this guy, I say "Thank GOD he was a lying sack of ****. Everything is as it should be.

One day, it will be for you too!!!:flowerforyou:

mrhappy

Thanks. It's funny. Everyone reminds me that I did nothing wrong...and at first I wondered what I did. You always hear that it takes two to ruin a marriage just as it took two to build it. But they're wrong, the people who say that. I did nothing to deserve him cheating on me. I was at home, praying and waiting and hoping while he was lying and cheating and spending the money that should have been going to the mortgage on HER. No one deserves to be treated that way.

I agree with you! Here's something a counselor told us as our marriage was crumbling (no, I am not going to get into the details...)... It takes two people to make a relationship work; it only takes one to destroy it.

I'm just glad you found out now; everything will work out sweetie. We really do get what we expect and deserve in life. Yours will be great!!!

:glasses:

1Corinthians13

Thank you very much.

Last night was rough. I dreamed all night. Some good, some bad, but all about him, and each time I woke up I expected him to be there to assure me it was just a dream, and he'd never leave.

*sigh*

Still awaiting a court date too. Getting more and more nervous.

Fitness_Chick

Thanks. It's funny. Everyone reminds me that I did nothing wrong...and at first I wondered what I did. You always hear that it takes two to ruin a marriage just as it took two to build it. But they're wrong, the people who say that. I did nothing to deserve him cheating on me. I was at home, praying and waiting and hoping while he was lying and cheating and spending the money that should have been going to the mortgage on HER. No one deserves to be treated that way.

Well I'm so glad you've realized that Corin:flowerforyou: I still haven't figured that part out myself...I still blame me and he was the one that had the affair, it's tough when things come at you and you can't quite figure out which thoughts are the right ones. I used to (ok, wonder sometimes if I still do) blame myself figuring if I was this, or that or whatever and I did look awhole lot different than I do now so I never thought it was the way I looked but then I began to question everything I ever did and I too, like you lost myself and I think only now am I getting myself back and iti's been a very long time since that relationship.

So I hear your pain girl, and it confusing when you look back and think about certain time frames like you shared and then the pieces fall together and make much more sense. I think, althought it was terribly painful, finding out the bits and pieces that were actually reality gave a sense of more sanity to the whole thing.

It's funny isn't it how they are off doing something and we sit and wonder if we're losing our minds because suddenly nothing in life makes sense. Wow, I really thought I was the only one that had felt that way. Reading your thoughts has given me a bit more perspective but also made me sad you're having to go through the same thing.

So sorry Hon:flowerforyou:
Please know you can always PM me again anytime you'd like or need too

FC

Phoenix_Rising

I'm just now seeing this thread, for whatever reason.
I read your post and started to get emotional.
I had to stop short reading the responses you got.
You know I'm going through a separation too, and it's hell no matter which side you are on.
I just wanted to thank you for posting this.
I need to read what's been written.
I needed this. Thank you.

Fitness_Chick

I'm just now seeing this thread, for whatever reason.
I read your post and started to get emotional.
I had to stop short reading the responses you got.
You know I'm going through a separation too, and it's hell no matter which side you are on.
I just wanted to thank you for posting this.
I need to read what's been written.
I needed this. Thank you.

Oh Hon , I'm so sorry, I didn't know! :brokenheart: You'll be in my Heart:flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:
FC